Disclaimer; I don't own any of this, it all belongs to J.K. thanks for
reading it, I hope you enjoy it, and maybe you can give it a review??
Please!
Thanks for the reviews guy's it leaves you with a "warm fuzzy feeling" to know people have read something I wrote and enjoyed it, cheers!!!
A/N due to a small timeline error (Dumbledore was already gone when Harry looks into the pensive) I have moved the time on to the end of term when Dumbledore returns, thanks.
Chapter four Snape's rage
After the incident at the ministry, where once again Potter had caused havoc, and once again he had escaped seemingly blameless, Severus came across several students in the entrance hall, sensing trouble Severus hurried up the last few steps. To find Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle surrounding Potter, who had his wand aimed at Malfoy.
Looking in Potters eyes Severus saw hatred reflected there, "bloody typical, I run around like an idiot alerting the order of Potter's disappearance, saving his life once again and does he thank me? No the self- righteous little toad blames me for the loss of his good-for-nothing Godfather!" thought Severus, aloud he asked for an explanation, Potter with more than his usual arrogance was in the process of answering when Professor McGonagall appeared in the entrance hall.
Severus registered a small feeling of relief as he noted her release from St. Mungo's, glad to see her recovered from that idiot woman Umbridge's attack. However his relief didn't last long as she undermined his reproach of Potter and rewarded him instead! "And people say I favor my own students, she's just rewarded Potter for breaking most of the school rules and threatening other students!" thought Severus.
As the students scurried away on Professor McGonagall's instructions Severus fumed silently. Over the next few days several students from Slytherin manufactured excuses to speak to him privately. Many of their parents' death-eaters. They were looking for assurances that their parents were safe.
The irony of this was not lost on Severus, these children were coming to him, a spy for Dumbledore, the very man who was trying to destroy their parents, and he would mutter platitude's to them, "everything will work out", "your parents' are well aware of the dangers," yet as he looked into their eye's the feeling of guilt intensified.
These children were innocent; they no more deserved to lose their parents than Potter had deserved to lose his! How many of them, through misguided loyalty or parental pressure would be dragged into the coming war? Severus knew the weight of parental pressure, he himself had spent a great deal of his life trying to prove himself to his father, even now that his father had gone, he still found himself hearing that voice questioning his choices.
Severus sat through the evening meals, detached from the students' antics, aware of Dumbledore's presence, a constant reminder of his life's choices. After one such evening, before Severus could escape to his quarters and his Fire-whiskey, Dumbledore caught him and ushered him towards his office, where they could speak privately.
"This cannot continue Severus" said the headmaster quietly. Severus feigning ignorance answered "Headmaster?"
"You did not cause the death of Sirius Black anymore than you caused the deaths of Lily and James Potter, in fact your actions saved Harry and the rest of the student who went to the ministry" was the reply.
"I know. Black's arrogance caused his own death, as his fear caused the Potter's" spat Severus. "You know that is not true" replied Dumbledore patently.
"Damn it, I am not a student anymore, please do not tell me what I think" raged Severus.
"I am well aware of your position; I apologize if I offended you. Guilt is a heavy burden Severus, you should not carry other peoples as well as your own, otherwise you will stumble and fall" the headmaster answered, not sounding the least bit sorry.
Severus looked away as he said quietly, "I know the fault lies ultimately with The Dark Lord, however I was once one of his loyal followers, I still bow to his commands, I still watch helplessly as he plans murder and mayhem, and I am impotent to stop him. How many times have I knelt before him wishing for the strength to utter the curse that would kill him, yet after all he has done, I can't find the courage!"
"You know it is not that simple, Severus. You are not the one destined for that. Yet you risk your life constantly to save others, there are precious few wizards who have the courage to face Voldemort, you and Harry have a lot more in common than you wish to admit. You could understand him better than anyone else!" replied Dumbledore.
Severus felt the rage build inside him "I suppose it is my fault that stubborn child did not learn Occlumency"
"No, I believe that to be my fault" replied Dumbledore. "Though I would point out that he is not James, therefore does not have to be your enemy. Surely in the face of a real enemy we could forgive and forget school room differences?"
"SCHOOL ROOM DIFFERENCES! They tried to kill me! How does one forget that?" yelled Severus.
"Harry has never tried to kill you Severus. James and Sirius are both dead. Harry is no more responsible for his parent's action than you are for yours!" Dumbledore reasoned.
Severus knew it was pointless to try and argue with the headmaster so he waited in silence hoping to be dismissed.
"I know you do not accept praise for your actions Severus however your bravery is recognized and appreciated by many. I would ask you to ponder that the next time you feel the urge to punish yourself with too much Fire- whiskey" Dumbledore smiled at him and added "I can see you wish to go, please just think on what I have said, you have more than paid for the choices you made as a young man!"
And so Severus was dismissed, he made his way back to the privacy of his dungeon, though perhaps privacy was the wrong word, Dumbledore seemed capable of seeing through the walls of the whole castle!
Thanks for the reviews guy's it leaves you with a "warm fuzzy feeling" to know people have read something I wrote and enjoyed it, cheers!!!
A/N due to a small timeline error (Dumbledore was already gone when Harry looks into the pensive) I have moved the time on to the end of term when Dumbledore returns, thanks.
Chapter four Snape's rage
After the incident at the ministry, where once again Potter had caused havoc, and once again he had escaped seemingly blameless, Severus came across several students in the entrance hall, sensing trouble Severus hurried up the last few steps. To find Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle surrounding Potter, who had his wand aimed at Malfoy.
Looking in Potters eyes Severus saw hatred reflected there, "bloody typical, I run around like an idiot alerting the order of Potter's disappearance, saving his life once again and does he thank me? No the self- righteous little toad blames me for the loss of his good-for-nothing Godfather!" thought Severus, aloud he asked for an explanation, Potter with more than his usual arrogance was in the process of answering when Professor McGonagall appeared in the entrance hall.
Severus registered a small feeling of relief as he noted her release from St. Mungo's, glad to see her recovered from that idiot woman Umbridge's attack. However his relief didn't last long as she undermined his reproach of Potter and rewarded him instead! "And people say I favor my own students, she's just rewarded Potter for breaking most of the school rules and threatening other students!" thought Severus.
As the students scurried away on Professor McGonagall's instructions Severus fumed silently. Over the next few days several students from Slytherin manufactured excuses to speak to him privately. Many of their parents' death-eaters. They were looking for assurances that their parents were safe.
The irony of this was not lost on Severus, these children were coming to him, a spy for Dumbledore, the very man who was trying to destroy their parents, and he would mutter platitude's to them, "everything will work out", "your parents' are well aware of the dangers," yet as he looked into their eye's the feeling of guilt intensified.
These children were innocent; they no more deserved to lose their parents than Potter had deserved to lose his! How many of them, through misguided loyalty or parental pressure would be dragged into the coming war? Severus knew the weight of parental pressure, he himself had spent a great deal of his life trying to prove himself to his father, even now that his father had gone, he still found himself hearing that voice questioning his choices.
Severus sat through the evening meals, detached from the students' antics, aware of Dumbledore's presence, a constant reminder of his life's choices. After one such evening, before Severus could escape to his quarters and his Fire-whiskey, Dumbledore caught him and ushered him towards his office, where they could speak privately.
"This cannot continue Severus" said the headmaster quietly. Severus feigning ignorance answered "Headmaster?"
"You did not cause the death of Sirius Black anymore than you caused the deaths of Lily and James Potter, in fact your actions saved Harry and the rest of the student who went to the ministry" was the reply.
"I know. Black's arrogance caused his own death, as his fear caused the Potter's" spat Severus. "You know that is not true" replied Dumbledore patently.
"Damn it, I am not a student anymore, please do not tell me what I think" raged Severus.
"I am well aware of your position; I apologize if I offended you. Guilt is a heavy burden Severus, you should not carry other peoples as well as your own, otherwise you will stumble and fall" the headmaster answered, not sounding the least bit sorry.
Severus looked away as he said quietly, "I know the fault lies ultimately with The Dark Lord, however I was once one of his loyal followers, I still bow to his commands, I still watch helplessly as he plans murder and mayhem, and I am impotent to stop him. How many times have I knelt before him wishing for the strength to utter the curse that would kill him, yet after all he has done, I can't find the courage!"
"You know it is not that simple, Severus. You are not the one destined for that. Yet you risk your life constantly to save others, there are precious few wizards who have the courage to face Voldemort, you and Harry have a lot more in common than you wish to admit. You could understand him better than anyone else!" replied Dumbledore.
Severus felt the rage build inside him "I suppose it is my fault that stubborn child did not learn Occlumency"
"No, I believe that to be my fault" replied Dumbledore. "Though I would point out that he is not James, therefore does not have to be your enemy. Surely in the face of a real enemy we could forgive and forget school room differences?"
"SCHOOL ROOM DIFFERENCES! They tried to kill me! How does one forget that?" yelled Severus.
"Harry has never tried to kill you Severus. James and Sirius are both dead. Harry is no more responsible for his parent's action than you are for yours!" Dumbledore reasoned.
Severus knew it was pointless to try and argue with the headmaster so he waited in silence hoping to be dismissed.
"I know you do not accept praise for your actions Severus however your bravery is recognized and appreciated by many. I would ask you to ponder that the next time you feel the urge to punish yourself with too much Fire- whiskey" Dumbledore smiled at him and added "I can see you wish to go, please just think on what I have said, you have more than paid for the choices you made as a young man!"
And so Severus was dismissed, he made his way back to the privacy of his dungeon, though perhaps privacy was the wrong word, Dumbledore seemed capable of seeing through the walls of the whole castle!