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Chapter five Snape's belief.
Severus stalked around his room; filled with nervous energy, what right did Dumbledore have to walk around in his mind, to analyze him, to criticize him! "None! I am my own man! I am free to make my own decisions" but even as he said it Severus recognized that it was a long time since he had been completely free to decide anything. He had been influenced by others most of his life, first by his father and tutor later by The Dark Lord and Dumbledore and now mostly by his own guilty conscience!
How could Dumbledore make comparisons between him and the sainted Harry Potter! Severus suddenly recalled the memory of a terrified Harry hiding in a cupboard from his domineering Uncle, then Harry fleeing up a tree to escape a vicious dog, yes maybe their childhoods did have certain similarities but their reactions had been wildly different.
Severus had studied hard trying to excel at all his subjects to win his fathers approval and when that had failed he had joined the death-eaters, believing that his father would want him to support The Dark Lords ideals.
Harry became disobedient and disrespectful, believing himself persecuted unfairly. He had developed a hero complex believing it his duty to save all those around him! Perhaps given the prophesy made before his birth, this was natural, Severus shuddered to think what that child would be like now that he was aware of the prophesy!
Potter had already shown some awareness of it when he had boldly confronted Malfoy in the entrance hall earlier, showing no regard to the fact that he was breaking school rules in plain sight of everyone. Severus sighed heavily, he disapproved of rule breaking, rules were made for a reason!
Severus pulled out the bottle of whiskey and sat down grunting quietly "I don't care if you can see me Dumbledore"
Ginny Weasley had been injured along with Potter at the ministry; in fact several of the students had been lucky to survive. He had seen them in the hospital wing earlier that day. Yet none of their injuries had affected Severus as much as Ginny's superficial one, not that he cared about the child. But she bore a striking resemblance to her long gone Aunt.
Regina, all of this madness had begun with Regina. A woman he had not seen in nearly eighteen years, a woman who Ginny probably had no idea existed. No one knew, only Dumbledore and Arthur Weasley knew what Severus had done.
What type of man would he be now if not for her? Would he have stayed loyal to The Dark Lord? Given his disgust with their measures he was not sure. And that was perhaps the most frightening admission of all. Had he not loved Regina, he may have actually become as blood thirsty as his former friends, making excuses for his actions, reasoning that their victims deserved to die, they were after all Mud-bloods and traitors.
But Severus could no longer hide behind his childhood conditioning. He was a grown man, able to use his own life experience to form his opinions, had he not seen just as many remarkable muggle born students pass through Hogwarts as pure bloods. True some of them were barely able to perform the most rudimentary spells. An image of the Creevy brothers formed in his mind, yet closely followed by that was the image of Hermione Granger, a cleverer which he had yet to meet. She had saved Neville Longbottom, a pure blood, from blowing them all to kingdom come on many occasions, though he suspected that Neville's forgetfulness was the result of memory charms cast on him as a child, after he had been witness to the atrocities committed on his parents.
These thoughts took him full circle, back to Potter, a half-blood who would one day save them all. Severus recalled the last time he saw Potter's parents alive. They had been with the Longbottom's.
One evening the death-eaters kidnapped several wizards from the ministry, they were to be questioned, then given 24 hours to decide which side they wanted to support, if they chose Voldemort, they were initiated without further torture, if they declined they were killed.
Severus had witnessed several of these meetings, yet he noticed that the death-eaters were becoming increasingly blood thirsty and cruel; during the 24 hour wait he was able to contact Dumbledore. The next night as the ministry wizards stood surrounded by hundreds of death-eaters, awaiting their fate, the air filled with shouts and cry's as Dumbledore's supporters along with Aurors from the ministry broke through the ranks of the death- eater casting spells and charms to rescue their colleagues.
The difference between the two groups was the Aurors reluctance to use killing curses. Severus could see they were seriously outnumbered yet they managed to reach the center of the circle surrounding the prisoners.
Severus had pushed his way through the crowd, his target, James Potter, Severus could deflect suspicion by appearing eager to fight and at the same time exact some measure of revenge for the 7 years of torment at this mans hand. As long as he did no permanent damage, Dumbledore would not question his decision.
Realizing that they were seriously outnumbered, the Aurors had grabbed the hostages and several death-eaters, and disappeared. The death-eaters were confused no-one could apperate or disapperate from the chambers of the Dark Lord, he had set protective charms to insure it, they had to apperate outside the building then enter of foot. Yet just as Severus reached James, James had shouted, "NOW LILY", Lily had grabbed the nearest death-eater with one hand and held out a feather in her other hand which James had grabbed and in a flash they had disappeared.
The Dark Lord had been incensed, "DUMBLEDORE!" he roared, the remaining death-eaters had stumbled into their usual circle, several gaps were apparent, those who had been taken by the Auror's, and on the ground several Auror's and Order members lay dead or dying.
"How is it possible that they know where to find us?" hissed the Dark Lord, "there is a traitor among you, he will be found and dealt with!" There was a buzz of denials which he ignored as he signaled for a small group of them to follow him. Severus stood amongst the hierarchy and waited, grateful to his childhood tutor for teaching him occlumency at such a young age, without which his fear of discovery would have deafened The Dark Lord.
"We must act quickly, even though they captured only a few of our number, they will even now be celebrating this as a victory, hope is a powerful weapon, we can not allow them to wield" said The Dark Lord quietly, "find me The Potter's, they have three times thwarted me and I will not stand for a fourth. It is too close to that prophesy for my comfort"
Severus had no idea what prophesy he referred to, yet there was something vulnerable about the master's voice, something that had never before been apparent. "Severus you attended school with them, perhaps you should lead the search." Severus nodded his compliance and left, ostensibly to begin his search; in reality he went to warn Dumbledore, he would risk his life to save his enemy.
Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed it.
Chapter five Snape's belief.
Severus stalked around his room; filled with nervous energy, what right did Dumbledore have to walk around in his mind, to analyze him, to criticize him! "None! I am my own man! I am free to make my own decisions" but even as he said it Severus recognized that it was a long time since he had been completely free to decide anything. He had been influenced by others most of his life, first by his father and tutor later by The Dark Lord and Dumbledore and now mostly by his own guilty conscience!
How could Dumbledore make comparisons between him and the sainted Harry Potter! Severus suddenly recalled the memory of a terrified Harry hiding in a cupboard from his domineering Uncle, then Harry fleeing up a tree to escape a vicious dog, yes maybe their childhoods did have certain similarities but their reactions had been wildly different.
Severus had studied hard trying to excel at all his subjects to win his fathers approval and when that had failed he had joined the death-eaters, believing that his father would want him to support The Dark Lords ideals.
Harry became disobedient and disrespectful, believing himself persecuted unfairly. He had developed a hero complex believing it his duty to save all those around him! Perhaps given the prophesy made before his birth, this was natural, Severus shuddered to think what that child would be like now that he was aware of the prophesy!
Potter had already shown some awareness of it when he had boldly confronted Malfoy in the entrance hall earlier, showing no regard to the fact that he was breaking school rules in plain sight of everyone. Severus sighed heavily, he disapproved of rule breaking, rules were made for a reason!
Severus pulled out the bottle of whiskey and sat down grunting quietly "I don't care if you can see me Dumbledore"
Ginny Weasley had been injured along with Potter at the ministry; in fact several of the students had been lucky to survive. He had seen them in the hospital wing earlier that day. Yet none of their injuries had affected Severus as much as Ginny's superficial one, not that he cared about the child. But she bore a striking resemblance to her long gone Aunt.
Regina, all of this madness had begun with Regina. A woman he had not seen in nearly eighteen years, a woman who Ginny probably had no idea existed. No one knew, only Dumbledore and Arthur Weasley knew what Severus had done.
What type of man would he be now if not for her? Would he have stayed loyal to The Dark Lord? Given his disgust with their measures he was not sure. And that was perhaps the most frightening admission of all. Had he not loved Regina, he may have actually become as blood thirsty as his former friends, making excuses for his actions, reasoning that their victims deserved to die, they were after all Mud-bloods and traitors.
But Severus could no longer hide behind his childhood conditioning. He was a grown man, able to use his own life experience to form his opinions, had he not seen just as many remarkable muggle born students pass through Hogwarts as pure bloods. True some of them were barely able to perform the most rudimentary spells. An image of the Creevy brothers formed in his mind, yet closely followed by that was the image of Hermione Granger, a cleverer which he had yet to meet. She had saved Neville Longbottom, a pure blood, from blowing them all to kingdom come on many occasions, though he suspected that Neville's forgetfulness was the result of memory charms cast on him as a child, after he had been witness to the atrocities committed on his parents.
These thoughts took him full circle, back to Potter, a half-blood who would one day save them all. Severus recalled the last time he saw Potter's parents alive. They had been with the Longbottom's.
One evening the death-eaters kidnapped several wizards from the ministry, they were to be questioned, then given 24 hours to decide which side they wanted to support, if they chose Voldemort, they were initiated without further torture, if they declined they were killed.
Severus had witnessed several of these meetings, yet he noticed that the death-eaters were becoming increasingly blood thirsty and cruel; during the 24 hour wait he was able to contact Dumbledore. The next night as the ministry wizards stood surrounded by hundreds of death-eaters, awaiting their fate, the air filled with shouts and cry's as Dumbledore's supporters along with Aurors from the ministry broke through the ranks of the death- eater casting spells and charms to rescue their colleagues.
The difference between the two groups was the Aurors reluctance to use killing curses. Severus could see they were seriously outnumbered yet they managed to reach the center of the circle surrounding the prisoners.
Severus had pushed his way through the crowd, his target, James Potter, Severus could deflect suspicion by appearing eager to fight and at the same time exact some measure of revenge for the 7 years of torment at this mans hand. As long as he did no permanent damage, Dumbledore would not question his decision.
Realizing that they were seriously outnumbered, the Aurors had grabbed the hostages and several death-eaters, and disappeared. The death-eaters were confused no-one could apperate or disapperate from the chambers of the Dark Lord, he had set protective charms to insure it, they had to apperate outside the building then enter of foot. Yet just as Severus reached James, James had shouted, "NOW LILY", Lily had grabbed the nearest death-eater with one hand and held out a feather in her other hand which James had grabbed and in a flash they had disappeared.
The Dark Lord had been incensed, "DUMBLEDORE!" he roared, the remaining death-eaters had stumbled into their usual circle, several gaps were apparent, those who had been taken by the Auror's, and on the ground several Auror's and Order members lay dead or dying.
"How is it possible that they know where to find us?" hissed the Dark Lord, "there is a traitor among you, he will be found and dealt with!" There was a buzz of denials which he ignored as he signaled for a small group of them to follow him. Severus stood amongst the hierarchy and waited, grateful to his childhood tutor for teaching him occlumency at such a young age, without which his fear of discovery would have deafened The Dark Lord.
"We must act quickly, even though they captured only a few of our number, they will even now be celebrating this as a victory, hope is a powerful weapon, we can not allow them to wield" said The Dark Lord quietly, "find me The Potter's, they have three times thwarted me and I will not stand for a fourth. It is too close to that prophesy for my comfort"
Severus had no idea what prophesy he referred to, yet there was something vulnerable about the master's voice, something that had never before been apparent. "Severus you attended school with them, perhaps you should lead the search." Severus nodded his compliance and left, ostensibly to begin his search; in reality he went to warn Dumbledore, he would risk his life to save his enemy.