Snowfall
PG
I don't own L&O or any of the characters. I promise I'll return them when I'm done!
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"That's like suggesting we ban cars because a couple of people decide to get drunk and then get behind the wheel…"
Those words echoed in my head for hours after Serena said them. While I knew what she was trying to say, I couldn't hear her after those words. Did she really have to use that example?
But with Arthur right there, I couldn't do what I wanted to do… Smack her across the face. But I couldn't. And so I didn't do anything. Just continued with the conversation we were having.
Maybe I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she really didn't know. Hard to believe given the office grapevine, but... Surely she noticed my mood shifted that afternoon. You'd think she would have asked someone about it. Maybe I should have told her. But I didn't…
So now I'm sitting here in an all-too-familiar place. When I saw the white marble headstone I broke down in tears. And now I sit here, talking to a piece of stone as if it's her. As if Claire was right here talking to me.
"I'm so sorry, babe. I should have said something. If not right then, later. In the office. I keep trying to explain her words away. But her words aren't what's eating away at me. It's that I didn't say anything.
"Not long ago, I was ready to risk my career to put a drunk driver away for life. Oh, I backed down, but I crossed so many lines on that one. And with each one I could hear you right there in my ear. Asking what the hell I was doing. If I was crazy. Oh sure, Jamie asked me the same things, but it wasn't the same coming from her.
"How did I go from that to totally ignoring a statement like Serena made? To letting it slide right by with no reaction? Am I really getting that much distance between me and that night? Between me and your memory? I can't let that happen, babe. I just can't."
I look up as the lights of the security car flashed around a curve. I know it's time to leave, but I don't want to. I reach over and trace her name with my finger. As I stand to leave, big, fluffy snowflakes start to fall. Maybe it's just random chance, but as I walk home I feel that Claire's with me, letting me know she understands.
Finito.