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DISCLAIMER: Everything and anything Lord of the Rings related belongs to the biggest genius that ever lived, J.R.R Tolkien. Not me.
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RIDDLES IN THE DARK
I cannot sleep. My head insists that I am only troubled because Mr Frodo and I are very close to Mordor now. Every waking moment is a reminder that you and Mr Frodo are walking into shadow, and may never walk out of it alive. But I have been aware of this ever since Gandalf died. When he fell in Moria, it dawned on me that if the very wise and powerful inhabitants of Middle-Earth can die at the hands of evil, then I too, am not invincible. I have come to accept this, and so it cannot be the reason why I am troubled.
My head persists in supplying other possible reasons. Perhaps you are troubled because you know that every step you and Mr Frodo take diminishes whatever trace of fragile hope you hold onto. I cannot deny this, for it is certainly true. Everywhere I glance, there is only ruin and decay. I no longer wake up to gardens of blossoming life, but to weeds and dead stumps of what once might have been a tree. Sometimes, there is no sign of life at all. The total disregard for all that is good and green in this world pains me more than anything.
Of course, I do not let Mr Frodo know I am running out of hope, but even if I did, I doubt it would really matter. His hope faded a long time ago. The only reason he continues to journey onwards into darkness is because he looks at me and sees a symbol of strength. He has told me this a couple of times, and for this reason, I cannot let him down. And studying the stars, of which thousands dot my vision, and millions scatter the expanse of the heavens, I find myself somewhat assured that there is still hope. Not wanting to discuss the matter with my scrutinising mind any further, I conclude that if even a glimmer of hope remains within me, then it cannot be the reason I am troubled
Logic is quickly losing the debate. In a last desperate attempt to convince me that a definite reason is what is worrying me, my thoughts turn to the creature which I notice has just returned from one of his supposed hunting trips. You know he's lying when he says he's been hunting. What could he possibly hunt? He's up to no good, Samwise Gamgee, and still... I dismiss that thought there and then. It has already struck a chord within me that I do not want to confront any further.
"The Preciousss will be oursss soon. Yesss, soon, my Preciousss, soon, we'll have you."
Samwise Gamgee! How much longer do you plan to ignore the truth?! No longer wishing to debate with my head or listen to Gollum's babbles, I turn over and will myself to go to sleep. Instinctively, so as not to alert Gollum to the fact that I have heard him lusting over the Ring, I emit a small sigh, so as to suggest I am asleep, only to realise I should not have thought of the Ring. You admitted it Sam, he lusts over the Ring. He wants it and he will get it somehow, you know this. You know he cannot be trusted so why do you not do anything?! I turn over again, not caring anymore if Gollum becomes suspicious. Besides, he will probably only think I am having a nightmare. Stupid creature. Stupid, he is not Sam. He plans to outsmart you, and you don't even know how. No, that is not stupid, YOU are stupid Sam, for not doing anything about it! I turn over yet again, increasingly uncomfortable. I would not hesitate to do something about Gollum, if I could, but someone stands in my way, and I dare not question him.
It is no use. I finally turn my attention to the warning in my heart which I have been so desperately trying to ignore. Gollum has always troubled me. Ever since Mr Frodo and I came across Gollum on the rocks of Emyn Muil, my instinct has been not to trust him. I have always been convinced that he is wicked, and only after the Ring. He has not done anything to disprove my suspicions. If anything, his actions and behaviour have only made me distrust him even more. But that is not what is worrying you, Sam, is it? I turn around yet again, to lie flat on my back. I need to see the stars and reaffirm my hope. But they seem somewhat blurred.
The time has come to confront that warning which plagues my heart. It's Mr Frodo, isn't it, Sam? Mr Frodo. Indeed, my heart warns me about Mr Frodo. It warns me that he is oblivious to Gollum's true nature and that he does not see what Gollum's true intentions are. It warns me that he is in danger because he trusts the creature. It warns me that I have to do something. But what? I know it is up to me, but I have neither wisdom, nor power, and I certainly do not have the wit or strength to confront Gollum and coerce out of him that he is indeed after the Ring. And so, I am afraid. Mr Frodo once told me, in a moment of despair, that he knew what he had to do, but he was simply afraid to do it. For once, I know how he feels.
Somehow though, I must deal with Gollum. Whatever Mr Frodo may think, Gollum is a problem, a wicked, conniving problem, and he does not care for Mr Frodo. I know in my heart that he will betray him as soon as he gets the chance. That gives you even more reason to act quickly. Since Mr Frodo draws closer to destroying the Ring, it is certain that Gollum will not stay true to his "Master" for much longer. But the question of how to deal with him still remains. Trying to convince Mr Frodo will not work. I know that much. It did not work while he was strong, so it certainly will not work now that he is both physically and emotionally exhausted. Besides, it would be unfair to burden him more than he already is. But I cannot simply tell Gollum to go away. Nor can I kill him. He is already so suspicious of me, and would probably kill me first. Your ideas are going nowhere, Sam. I realise that my eyes are beginning to grow heavy.
One thing however, is clear. Mr Frodo is my friend and I love him. It is my duty as a friend to look out for him, to protect him, especially since he can no longer protect himself. And if you don't act and something does happen to Mr Frodo, then it will be your fault. I cannot let anything happen to Mr Frodo, I would never forgive myself. I sigh, and am filled with sorrow. This is what Mr Frodo's internal battle must feel like everyday. He believes that if he fails, and the world falls into shadow, it will be his fault. I look towards Mr Frodo, who for once, lies sleeping. Perhaps this is why he is always so sad and tired. He knows he cannot fail. I tell him everyday that we will not fail. He smiles sadly, but I think, in his heart, he clings to my words. So why does he not believe you about Gollum? My eyes, which had been drooping, jerk wide awake.
This is what has been troubling you, Sam. Mr Frodo does not believe you about Gollum. It finally hits me. I finally realise, with a mixed feeling of emotions, that indeed, it is the fact that Mr Frodo and I disagree on something which has really been troubling me all along. Not the Quest or Mordor. Even Gollum seems insignificant when compared with this sudden realisation. Mr Frodo and I have been friends for many long years now, and in that time, we have always understood each other. That is not to say we have never disagreed on something. We have. But on the few occasions that it did happen, we always seemed to understand why we disagreed with each other. Which is what makes this time so different to all those other times, because I realise that, for the first time ever, I do not understand why Mr Frodo disagrees with me. What makes matters worse is that we cannot afford to disagree over something as important as Gollum's loyalty.
I know Mr Frodo feels afraid that the Ring will do to him what it did to Gollum. I know that he needs to believe that Gollum can come back. I know he feels pity for the creature because Gollum once shared the same burden as he does now. I can understand the fact that Mr Frodo feels that he and Gollum have something in common. But I cannot understand why he trusts him. Why he lets him wander off in the middle of the night. Why he allows him to lead us when I am certain that Gollum has no intention of ever parting with the Ring. I know that, before he met Gollum, Mr Frodo pitied the fact that Bilbo did not kill him when he had the chance. So why does he always defend the creature now? I know I am in no position to make Mr Frodo see his reasoning is wrong. I am not the one who carries the Ring. I am only his gardener. But I do know that Mr Frodo is not Gollum.
I begin to loathe the creature more than ever. He is the reason why Mr Frodo disagrees with me. He is the reason why I do not understand Mr Frodo for the first time in my life. He is the reason why the world is threatened by eternal darkness. Why did he have to find the Ring? Why did he have to burden Mr Frodo? If ever my mind wanted reasons for why my heart is troubled, then Gollum is the answer to all the riddles. I look at him, and then at Mr Frodo. Both are silent. But I have another reason to loathe the creature, and if there is any reason that I can justify my detestation for him, then it is this one. I hate what he has done to Mr Frodo. I hate what he has made Mr Frodo believe about himself. I hate that Mr Frodo likens himself to this creature.
"Sam? Are you alright?" Mr Frodo asks groggily. "Or are you just muttering in your sleep again?" he adds in a rather cheerful voice.
I realise that I must have been thinking too loudly, and kick myself for waking Mr Frodo up.
"I'm fine, Mr Frodo. Sorry for waking you. Go back to sleep, everything is fine," I reply.
"It's alright, Sam. It will be dawn soon, and I am rested enough," Mr Frodo says, once again, sounding cheerful.
Indeed, the stars are fading. Their unblemished and pure presence in the lightening sky remind me that some lights cannot be reached or extinguished by the Dark Lord. But it is not the stars responsible for the smile forming on my face. Mr Frodo is happy, and that is all that matters. I think I know the source of his happiness too.
"You had a dream about the Shire, didn't you, Mr Frodo?" I ask, rather sure of the answer.
Mr Frodo turns to look at me. "Indeed I did, Sam. It was wonderful. It truly is amazing the effect memories can have on you. I was young again and Bilbo and I were out in the garden watching the sunset. You were there too, Sam, watering the grass, remarking about the first star that had appeared in the East. You love your stars, don't you, Sam?"
"Oh, I do, Mr Frodo, I do," I reply, smiling.
"How about you, Sam? Did you have a nice dream too?" Mr Frodo asks.
I realise that I did not sleep at all. "No, Mr Frodo, I did not dream tonight." I do not say anymore, I do not want Mr Frodo fussing that I did not receive any sleep, for I know that if he knew, he would. You have to keep your strength up, Sam, he would say. But I know that it is he who is the exhausted one, the one who needs sleep and strength and I would happily give up many of the previous dreams that I have had so that Mr Frodo might get some more rest. Besides, I do not even feel really tired anymore. I know there have been many nights where Mr Frodo has not slept at all either, and if he has journeyed on, then so will I today.
To my dismay, Gollum's voice interrupts us. "Gollum sees that hobbitsss are awake. Yesss, we must leave, hobbitsss. Today, we starts the journey up the Stairs, Preciousss."
"Then we'll be off. No time to lose. Coming, Sam?" Mr Frodo enquires.
"I suppose," I answer. I gaze at Gollum, who is eyeing me with the usual glint in his eye. I cannot help but wonder, if Mr Frodo heard me muttering to myself, whether Gollum heard me as well. But there is no time to ponder anymore. The fiery, red sky of Mordor is once again ablaze, and our journey continues. My heart feels somewhat lighter, now that I know what it is that was troubling me. The worry is still there, that there is something that I do not understand about Mr Frodo. I hope I did not mention that in my mutterings, because to lose Mr Frodo's friendship would mean certain death. To lose Mr Frodo would mean certain death. And with this niggling thought, we set out for these Stairs that Gollum has been talking about, yet another worry added to the list of many others that plague my mind.
We walk silently through Mordor. Opening our mouths for purposes other than breathing only exposes us to the poisonous fumes which float in the air. Indeed, every breath that I take while walking through the pits of shadow is an indication of the evil that awaits us. I look at Mr Frodo. His cheerfulness is gone. Instead, the consequences of accepting the Quest are painstakingly clear. But we both know there is no turning back. Our only hope lies in making it to Mount Doom and destroying the Ring. But as our guide disappears once again, I understand just how hard that task will be to accomplish.
"Hurry, hobbitsss. We are close now, Preciousss," Gollum calls from somewhere up ahead.
I can only hope that Gollum slips up soon, and Mr Frodo comes to see him for who he really is. At least then, my task will be done, my heart will be but a bit lighter, and I can help Mr Frodo end all the troubles that plague the hearts of the inhabitants of Middle-Earth.
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: AHHH! There was a documentary about Frodo and Sam's friendship that was on TV WHILE I WAS WRITING THIS AND I DIDN'T KNOW SO I ONLY SAW THE LAST FIVE MINUTES! And there were sneak peaks of ROTK too! (does the *ahhhhh* scream that Gollum does while in Faramir's captivity) Anyway, I have not written any LOTR related fanfiction in such a long time, so I hope that this is still good and that I have managed to convey the beauty of Frodo and Sam's friendship. Many things inspired me to start again. The LOTR soundtracks, parts of TTT and the trailer for ROTK. The main thing, however, was the only thing that Frodo and Sam ever seemed to differ in opinion on- Gollum, which became the basis of this story, as you now know. I originally planned to do a poem, but on realising that there was far too much to include in a poem, and not wanting to miss anything out, I wrote this one-shot fic instead. It turned out a bit long, as you now know as well. However, I don't want my author's note to turn into a story of its own so enough babbling for now. Look out for more LOTR fanfic from me in the future (hopefully) but in the meantime, please review. Greatly appreciated :)
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