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Chapter nine Snape's visitors
The summer sun poured in the windows of the hospital wing. Severus had lost count of how long he had been a prisoner there. He had been enjoying the chance to relax his battered body, his mind seemed to be more rested than it had been for years, and he suspected that Madam Pomfrey had been slipping him some dreamless sleep potion along with the rest of his medication, probably on Dumbledore's suggestion.
Severus actually managed to sit up in bed and pushing his hair out of his face, he became aware of others in the room with him. Granger had apparently arrived; she was sleeping in the embrace of Weasley, both in the chairs beside Potter's bed. This surprised Severus who knew that Madam Pomfrey did not usually permit bed-side vigils. Perhaps Potter was injured more severely than he had realised.
Madam Pomfrey bustled in with his morning draught; she pulled the screen round him and checked under his bandages, clicking her tongue in disapproval as she did.
"Well, how is it? Will I be permitted to return to my quarters?" asked Severus, half expecting a negative reply.
"Another few days at least Professor, I think," replied the matron.
Severus sighed, he disliked feeling inadequate. And he knew the summons would be coming soon, The Dark Lord was not a patient man, Pettigrew had failed to bring him Potter, now Severus would have to explain why he too had failed, hopefully this time the punishment would be minimal. For all his bravado, Severus knew that physically and mentally he was reaching his limit for torture.
When Madam Pomfrey removed the screens again and placed a breakfast tray on his table he noted that Granger and Weasley were now awake and they had been joined by Tonks and Lupin. They were whispering to each other and Severus guessed that Tonks and Lupin were probably taking their leave on their way to their duties.
Trying to ignore them he turned his attention to his breakfast. He was startled when he looked up to find Remus Lupin standing beside his bed, "How are you Severus?" he asked.
"Well how do you think I am?" replied Severus sardonically. 'How can he even look me in the eye, he almost ate me at school!' thought Severus.
"Uh sorry to disturb you, I just hope your feeling better. I'll leave you in peace now." Lupin turned to leave.
With a sigh Severus relented, asking "how is Potter?"
"Not good, he inhaled a lot of smoke in the fire and damaged his lungs, it will take some time for him to breath normally again." Lupin replied.
"Well, no doubt he will recover quickly, he seems to escape most dangerous situations with the minimum of after effects" said Severus shortly.
Severus could see Lupin wanted to answer, yet was holding back, not wishing to upset him, perhaps. Though why he would care, Severus didn't have a clue. Lupin started to walk away and then turned back to ask "Is that what you think, really? You think that Harry escapes unharmed from every difficulty. That he does not feel the same pains of loss and humiliation, that somehow he is protected from feeling like any other normal teenage boy? Severus I'm surprised that you of all people could think that." Lupin actually looked angry which was unusual; he normally kept his face so impassive. But he added "You're wrong, Harry lives with more guilt and remorse than almost anyone I have met, and like some other people most of the guilt is imagined, it is crippeling him! Think about that Severus before you stand in judgement!"
Severus had no answer and he watched Lupin storm back up the ward, pause for a few moments at Harry's bed-side then leave the ward. He thought about Lupin's little speech, was Lupin trying to tell him not to feel guilty anymore, what a bloody cheek, Lupin was the one who should feel guilty, Lupin was the werewolf that almost ate him!
Lupin could not possibly understand what ran through Severus Snape's mind! 'And as for his speech about Potter, I have never said the boy incapable of normal feeling!' but even as the thought came into Severus' mind, he recognised that more than once he had assumed that all the hurt and the dangers Potter had faced somehow 'rolled of him like water from a ducks back', Severus felt the guilt crawl in his stomach, "Christ! Another reason to feel guilty, just what I need!"
Severus pushed his tray away suddenly having lost his appetite. He noticed a shadow across his bed and looked up to find Hermione Granger standing a few feet from his bed, it amused him that she stayed just out of his reach, as though afraid.
"What is it?" he snapped.
She flinched at his tone but still managed to say, "Thank you Professor Snape, Professor Dumbledore told me how you saved my family and I from Voldemort."
"I did nothing but my job! No go away and leave me alone," Severus replied. Thinking how he liked to shout at her, it was amusing to see her flinch in time to his voice. It also had the compensation of making her a better student, he had discovered, the more you reprimanded her, the better her work became, as she tried to prove his perceived criticism's wrong. If only all his students could be so easy to deal with.
He blinked and realised that she was still standing there. "Well?" he snarled. "I.uh.just wanted to say, that I hope you get better soon," she took a deep breath and rushed on "And just that if you needed something, maybe to read or something, I could go and get it for you, Sir."
Severus stared at her for several moments before he replied, "no thank you Miss Granger." He even stopped himself from saying he would not allow any student into his private quarters for any reason, even if it was to get him a book. He almost laughed at the look of relief on her face when Potter suddenly coughed, waking up, giving her the excuse to run back to his bed- side.
Madam Pomfrey ordered the room empty so her patients could rest. Severus lay staring at the ceiling hoping she would let them back soon, at least their endless chatter would be preferable to his musings. He was now alone with Potter, who had been awake for a long enough time to convince his visitors that he would make a full recovery, eat some lunch and then go back to sleep.
Severus looked at him, recalling how he had felt when he found Potter in the pensive, Severus had momentarily found himself transferred back to that insecure 16 year old Snape, he had allowed his emotions to show, something he rarely did. Dumbledore assumed that he hated Potter, because of James Potter, maybe that's how it had started nearly 6 years ago, but in those 6 years Potter had given him ample reason to hate him personally!
"Regardless of his destiny, he has always been an overconfident little toad," huffed Severus quietly. Had he known the thoughts weighing on Harry's mind at that very moment, maybe his opinion would have been slightly different, for the boy who lived had awoken to find himself still alive and most definitely felt unworthy of that privilege.
Chapter nine Snape's visitors
The summer sun poured in the windows of the hospital wing. Severus had lost count of how long he had been a prisoner there. He had been enjoying the chance to relax his battered body, his mind seemed to be more rested than it had been for years, and he suspected that Madam Pomfrey had been slipping him some dreamless sleep potion along with the rest of his medication, probably on Dumbledore's suggestion.
Severus actually managed to sit up in bed and pushing his hair out of his face, he became aware of others in the room with him. Granger had apparently arrived; she was sleeping in the embrace of Weasley, both in the chairs beside Potter's bed. This surprised Severus who knew that Madam Pomfrey did not usually permit bed-side vigils. Perhaps Potter was injured more severely than he had realised.
Madam Pomfrey bustled in with his morning draught; she pulled the screen round him and checked under his bandages, clicking her tongue in disapproval as she did.
"Well, how is it? Will I be permitted to return to my quarters?" asked Severus, half expecting a negative reply.
"Another few days at least Professor, I think," replied the matron.
Severus sighed, he disliked feeling inadequate. And he knew the summons would be coming soon, The Dark Lord was not a patient man, Pettigrew had failed to bring him Potter, now Severus would have to explain why he too had failed, hopefully this time the punishment would be minimal. For all his bravado, Severus knew that physically and mentally he was reaching his limit for torture.
When Madam Pomfrey removed the screens again and placed a breakfast tray on his table he noted that Granger and Weasley were now awake and they had been joined by Tonks and Lupin. They were whispering to each other and Severus guessed that Tonks and Lupin were probably taking their leave on their way to their duties.
Trying to ignore them he turned his attention to his breakfast. He was startled when he looked up to find Remus Lupin standing beside his bed, "How are you Severus?" he asked.
"Well how do you think I am?" replied Severus sardonically. 'How can he even look me in the eye, he almost ate me at school!' thought Severus.
"Uh sorry to disturb you, I just hope your feeling better. I'll leave you in peace now." Lupin turned to leave.
With a sigh Severus relented, asking "how is Potter?"
"Not good, he inhaled a lot of smoke in the fire and damaged his lungs, it will take some time for him to breath normally again." Lupin replied.
"Well, no doubt he will recover quickly, he seems to escape most dangerous situations with the minimum of after effects" said Severus shortly.
Severus could see Lupin wanted to answer, yet was holding back, not wishing to upset him, perhaps. Though why he would care, Severus didn't have a clue. Lupin started to walk away and then turned back to ask "Is that what you think, really? You think that Harry escapes unharmed from every difficulty. That he does not feel the same pains of loss and humiliation, that somehow he is protected from feeling like any other normal teenage boy? Severus I'm surprised that you of all people could think that." Lupin actually looked angry which was unusual; he normally kept his face so impassive. But he added "You're wrong, Harry lives with more guilt and remorse than almost anyone I have met, and like some other people most of the guilt is imagined, it is crippeling him! Think about that Severus before you stand in judgement!"
Severus had no answer and he watched Lupin storm back up the ward, pause for a few moments at Harry's bed-side then leave the ward. He thought about Lupin's little speech, was Lupin trying to tell him not to feel guilty anymore, what a bloody cheek, Lupin was the one who should feel guilty, Lupin was the werewolf that almost ate him!
Lupin could not possibly understand what ran through Severus Snape's mind! 'And as for his speech about Potter, I have never said the boy incapable of normal feeling!' but even as the thought came into Severus' mind, he recognised that more than once he had assumed that all the hurt and the dangers Potter had faced somehow 'rolled of him like water from a ducks back', Severus felt the guilt crawl in his stomach, "Christ! Another reason to feel guilty, just what I need!"
Severus pushed his tray away suddenly having lost his appetite. He noticed a shadow across his bed and looked up to find Hermione Granger standing a few feet from his bed, it amused him that she stayed just out of his reach, as though afraid.
"What is it?" he snapped.
She flinched at his tone but still managed to say, "Thank you Professor Snape, Professor Dumbledore told me how you saved my family and I from Voldemort."
"I did nothing but my job! No go away and leave me alone," Severus replied. Thinking how he liked to shout at her, it was amusing to see her flinch in time to his voice. It also had the compensation of making her a better student, he had discovered, the more you reprimanded her, the better her work became, as she tried to prove his perceived criticism's wrong. If only all his students could be so easy to deal with.
He blinked and realised that she was still standing there. "Well?" he snarled. "I.uh.just wanted to say, that I hope you get better soon," she took a deep breath and rushed on "And just that if you needed something, maybe to read or something, I could go and get it for you, Sir."
Severus stared at her for several moments before he replied, "no thank you Miss Granger." He even stopped himself from saying he would not allow any student into his private quarters for any reason, even if it was to get him a book. He almost laughed at the look of relief on her face when Potter suddenly coughed, waking up, giving her the excuse to run back to his bed- side.
Madam Pomfrey ordered the room empty so her patients could rest. Severus lay staring at the ceiling hoping she would let them back soon, at least their endless chatter would be preferable to his musings. He was now alone with Potter, who had been awake for a long enough time to convince his visitors that he would make a full recovery, eat some lunch and then go back to sleep.
Severus looked at him, recalling how he had felt when he found Potter in the pensive, Severus had momentarily found himself transferred back to that insecure 16 year old Snape, he had allowed his emotions to show, something he rarely did. Dumbledore assumed that he hated Potter, because of James Potter, maybe that's how it had started nearly 6 years ago, but in those 6 years Potter had given him ample reason to hate him personally!
"Regardless of his destiny, he has always been an overconfident little toad," huffed Severus quietly. Had he known the thoughts weighing on Harry's mind at that very moment, maybe his opinion would have been slightly different, for the boy who lived had awoken to find himself still alive and most definitely felt unworthy of that privilege.