Turk: Christ, that was a buggered up mess.
Fox: Didn't understand a word of it.
Turk: I mean, I followed the main part but the ending, that skull raped me bad.
Fox: Let's not rent it again.
Turk: Shit, are we on?
Fox: Welcome back to Video Game Deathmatch. During the break -
Turk: We were playing Metal Gear Solid 2.
Fox: - Ahem, during the break we received news from our nuclear disposal team -
Turk: They really came in handy in that Fatman VS Stillman fight a few episodes back.
Fox: - that they had managed to stop the distract camera left on Sam Fisher's locker room wall from emitting toxic fart-like odours.
Turk: Did they get the note that bastard left?
Fox: They sure did. It said that if Snake could defeat Fisher he might be able to spend a few last love-filled moments with Meryl before they both die.
Turk: What? That's terrible -
Fox: I know. Killing both Snake and Meryl. He can't be allowed to get away with this.
Turk: - "Last love filled moments." She's my girl now, goddamn it!
Fox: Anyway, that issue will be sorted out in tonight's main event. But for now, Gordon Freeman from Half Life joins us in the commentary box for our next fight: Metroid's Samus Aran VS Halo's Master Chief. Nice to have you here with us Gordon.
Freeman: Glad to be here.
Turk: Waitaminute, you can talk?
Freeman: Sure can. You don't become a nuclear technician without learning a word or two billion. Heh heh, I hardly ever get to use that one -
Turk: Well, how come you never said a word in Half Life despite everyone always talking to you?
Freeman: Valve cut it out. In those days it was considered offensive to have your main character speak.
Turk: And these days we get to control that blonde guy in Metal Gear Solid 2 in the nick and not one tabloid kicks up a fuss.
Fox: The good old days, eh Turk?
Turk: Yeah! Hah! I wish someone would censor that guy's voice!
Fox: What, he's not a girl? Hah! Anyway, Gordon, you sure know a few things about first person shooters. How do you think this next fight is going to go down?
Freeman: It's gonna be one hell of a battle. I think that Samus' armouring may give her the edge if she wears her Prime suit instead of her Fusion one, but she can't compete with Master Chief's massive array of futuristic weaponry.
Turk: Just to make things interesting though, we've hidden all of Samus' powerups underneath the ring. However, like shoulder cannons and the Playstation Portable, Master Chief's armour is compatible with these collectibles.
Fox: I just don't know how to call it, Turk.
Freeman: Hey, Turkey, why don't you go get the Diet Coke and popcorn? I'll cover for ya.
Turk: I'll be right back!
Fox: Samus Aran is expected down in the ring any minute now against the man she believes ripped her off. However, Bungie's counter argument was that Metroid ripped off Alien anyway and Retro Studios lost the court case.
Freeman: Anyone who's not a video games fan will have just had no idea what you were talking about Chicken.
Fox: I know. It's sad isn't it? Waitaminute, is that her now?
Freeman: Where's that guy with my popcorn?
(Creepy Metroid music tingles in the background. Samus Aran, fully armed, spacejumps from the Garden's ceiling and lands in the ring)
Freeman: I hope Master Chief wins this so that her armour falls off. I completed all her games just to get that picture of her in her underwear.
Fox: And now, Master Chief will make his entrance -
(A small spaceship lands on the entrance ramp. The catch opens with an eerie hum. Master Chief steps out, much to the pleasure of Bill Gates who is sitting front row centre. Shigeru Myamoto does not look pleased.)
Mills Lane: Now, I want a nice clean brutal hardcore shooting brawl. I will be hiding in the crowd in awe. NOW LET'S GET IT ON!
Fox: And the match of the century has started!
(The bell dings. Samus Aran charges up her laser cannon and fires. Master Chief explodes into a mass of bleeding polygons.)
Turk: (drops the popcorn) What the fuck just happened?
Freeman: We got ripped off.
Fox: Shit, this crowd is getting restless. Cut to a commercial!
Fox: Didn't understand a word of it.
Turk: I mean, I followed the main part but the ending, that skull raped me bad.
Fox: Let's not rent it again.
Turk: Shit, are we on?
Fox: Welcome back to Video Game Deathmatch. During the break -
Turk: We were playing Metal Gear Solid 2.
Fox: - Ahem, during the break we received news from our nuclear disposal team -
Turk: They really came in handy in that Fatman VS Stillman fight a few episodes back.
Fox: - that they had managed to stop the distract camera left on Sam Fisher's locker room wall from emitting toxic fart-like odours.
Turk: Did they get the note that bastard left?
Fox: They sure did. It said that if Snake could defeat Fisher he might be able to spend a few last love-filled moments with Meryl before they both die.
Turk: What? That's terrible -
Fox: I know. Killing both Snake and Meryl. He can't be allowed to get away with this.
Turk: - "Last love filled moments." She's my girl now, goddamn it!
Fox: Anyway, that issue will be sorted out in tonight's main event. But for now, Gordon Freeman from Half Life joins us in the commentary box for our next fight: Metroid's Samus Aran VS Halo's Master Chief. Nice to have you here with us Gordon.
Freeman: Glad to be here.
Turk: Waitaminute, you can talk?
Freeman: Sure can. You don't become a nuclear technician without learning a word or two billion. Heh heh, I hardly ever get to use that one -
Turk: Well, how come you never said a word in Half Life despite everyone always talking to you?
Freeman: Valve cut it out. In those days it was considered offensive to have your main character speak.
Turk: And these days we get to control that blonde guy in Metal Gear Solid 2 in the nick and not one tabloid kicks up a fuss.
Fox: The good old days, eh Turk?
Turk: Yeah! Hah! I wish someone would censor that guy's voice!
Fox: What, he's not a girl? Hah! Anyway, Gordon, you sure know a few things about first person shooters. How do you think this next fight is going to go down?
Freeman: It's gonna be one hell of a battle. I think that Samus' armouring may give her the edge if she wears her Prime suit instead of her Fusion one, but she can't compete with Master Chief's massive array of futuristic weaponry.
Turk: Just to make things interesting though, we've hidden all of Samus' powerups underneath the ring. However, like shoulder cannons and the Playstation Portable, Master Chief's armour is compatible with these collectibles.
Fox: I just don't know how to call it, Turk.
Freeman: Hey, Turkey, why don't you go get the Diet Coke and popcorn? I'll cover for ya.
Turk: I'll be right back!
Fox: Samus Aran is expected down in the ring any minute now against the man she believes ripped her off. However, Bungie's counter argument was that Metroid ripped off Alien anyway and Retro Studios lost the court case.
Freeman: Anyone who's not a video games fan will have just had no idea what you were talking about Chicken.
Fox: I know. It's sad isn't it? Waitaminute, is that her now?
Freeman: Where's that guy with my popcorn?
(Creepy Metroid music tingles in the background. Samus Aran, fully armed, spacejumps from the Garden's ceiling and lands in the ring)
Freeman: I hope Master Chief wins this so that her armour falls off. I completed all her games just to get that picture of her in her underwear.
Fox: And now, Master Chief will make his entrance -
(A small spaceship lands on the entrance ramp. The catch opens with an eerie hum. Master Chief steps out, much to the pleasure of Bill Gates who is sitting front row centre. Shigeru Myamoto does not look pleased.)
Mills Lane: Now, I want a nice clean brutal hardcore shooting brawl. I will be hiding in the crowd in awe. NOW LET'S GET IT ON!
Fox: And the match of the century has started!
(The bell dings. Samus Aran charges up her laser cannon and fires. Master Chief explodes into a mass of bleeding polygons.)
Turk: (drops the popcorn) What the fuck just happened?
Freeman: We got ripped off.
Fox: Shit, this crowd is getting restless. Cut to a commercial!