Fox: We're back. Actually, I'm back. My co-commentator Turkey Mulder has
gone to - erm - assist in Snake finding his beloved Meryl. Can we go back
to the action?
Production Manager: There's no point. When he detonated that stun grenade, all our cameras went offline. Plus an old lady had her cataracts removed.
Fox: There's one thing I don't get. Why doesn't a stun grenade affect Snake?
Manager: Look, this isn't my real job, okay? I'm only here part time.
Turk: Part time? What the fu -
Fox: Turk! Is that you, buddy?
Turk: It sure is. I'm about halfway through the maze, about to take a right turn -
Fox: Why don't you just go through the hole Snake left?
Turk: I can't. I've got a Solid Snake.
Fox: You don't seriously think you've got a chance with Meryl, do you? What would your wife say?
Turk: She'd say go for it. I haven't seen her since she ran off with that MTV guy.
Fox: That explains a lot. Any sign of Snake yet?
Turk: No, but I think I can hear banging in the air vent.
Fox: He must think you're a blind, deaf, partially sighted Genome Soldier.
Turk: I'm planting a claymore on the exit to the vent system.
Fox: No! You'll kill him!
Girl's voice: For Christ's sake, where did everyone go?
Turk: I'm coming, babe! Just step over this corpse -
Fisher: urghh - get you - Sssnakce -
Turk: I think I've found her!
Fox: Just get her out of there and back to Campbell.
Turk: You do know his name is Roy, right?
(Loud explosion from the direction of the air vents)
Fox: Snake? Snake! Sssssnnnnnnnaaaaaaaakkkkkkkkeeeeeeee!!!!!!!
Turk: Hah, that nerd won't be stealing my chick. Now where's that Asian porn?
Girl's voice: Did you say "nerd?"
Fox: Get out of there, Turk! That sweet girly voice isn't Meryl at all! It's -
Raiden: That's right! It's me, the true hero of Metal Gear games!
Fox: Oh right. Never mind.
Snake (Bruised and bloody): Ughr - Raiden - what the f -
Turk: Snake? But you're dead!
Snake: I know you are, but what am I?
(Small pistol sound. Turk drops dead)
Raiden: You bastard! He said he was going to do me!
Snake: You're not Meryl, you fucked up tit.
Raiden: My mom says I can be whatever I want to if I put my mind to it.
Fox: Jesus -
Snake: Look, nobody wants to play as you but don't take it out on me.
Raiden: Shut up! I'll get you for this Snake! You ruined my career! I was the main character for three quarters of the game but you still pulled more girls in one night than I ever could in a lifetime.
Snake: You're gay. And married.
Raiden: That's not the point! You're just jealous!
Fisher: Akk - ark - so - long, Snake - urk
(Fisher pushes a small button on his stealth suit. The centre of the maze closes and locks up)
Fisher: Urgh - oxygenless room, Snake. I - win!
Mills Lane: Fisher is the winner!
Fox: What a fucked up first episode. Don't forget to tune in next time!
Editor's note: If you want this to be a continuous series, give me a "hell yeah" in your review. And don't mention that his name is Roy Campbell....
Production Manager: There's no point. When he detonated that stun grenade, all our cameras went offline. Plus an old lady had her cataracts removed.
Fox: There's one thing I don't get. Why doesn't a stun grenade affect Snake?
Manager: Look, this isn't my real job, okay? I'm only here part time.
Turk: Part time? What the fu -
Fox: Turk! Is that you, buddy?
Turk: It sure is. I'm about halfway through the maze, about to take a right turn -
Fox: Why don't you just go through the hole Snake left?
Turk: I can't. I've got a Solid Snake.
Fox: You don't seriously think you've got a chance with Meryl, do you? What would your wife say?
Turk: She'd say go for it. I haven't seen her since she ran off with that MTV guy.
Fox: That explains a lot. Any sign of Snake yet?
Turk: No, but I think I can hear banging in the air vent.
Fox: He must think you're a blind, deaf, partially sighted Genome Soldier.
Turk: I'm planting a claymore on the exit to the vent system.
Fox: No! You'll kill him!
Girl's voice: For Christ's sake, where did everyone go?
Turk: I'm coming, babe! Just step over this corpse -
Fisher: urghh - get you - Sssnakce -
Turk: I think I've found her!
Fox: Just get her out of there and back to Campbell.
Turk: You do know his name is Roy, right?
(Loud explosion from the direction of the air vents)
Fox: Snake? Snake! Sssssnnnnnnnaaaaaaaakkkkkkkkeeeeeeee!!!!!!!
Turk: Hah, that nerd won't be stealing my chick. Now where's that Asian porn?
Girl's voice: Did you say "nerd?"
Fox: Get out of there, Turk! That sweet girly voice isn't Meryl at all! It's -
Raiden: That's right! It's me, the true hero of Metal Gear games!
Fox: Oh right. Never mind.
Snake (Bruised and bloody): Ughr - Raiden - what the f -
Turk: Snake? But you're dead!
Snake: I know you are, but what am I?
(Small pistol sound. Turk drops dead)
Raiden: You bastard! He said he was going to do me!
Snake: You're not Meryl, you fucked up tit.
Raiden: My mom says I can be whatever I want to if I put my mind to it.
Fox: Jesus -
Snake: Look, nobody wants to play as you but don't take it out on me.
Raiden: Shut up! I'll get you for this Snake! You ruined my career! I was the main character for three quarters of the game but you still pulled more girls in one night than I ever could in a lifetime.
Snake: You're gay. And married.
Raiden: That's not the point! You're just jealous!
Fisher: Akk - ark - so - long, Snake - urk
(Fisher pushes a small button on his stealth suit. The centre of the maze closes and locks up)
Fisher: Urgh - oxygenless room, Snake. I - win!
Mills Lane: Fisher is the winner!
Fox: What a fucked up first episode. Don't forget to tune in next time!
Editor's note: If you want this to be a continuous series, give me a "hell yeah" in your review. And don't mention that his name is Roy Campbell....