Disclaimer: I own none of it, NONE of it!!!!
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The building was very...plain. white walls, a normal amount of windows, but you couldn't see in thanks to heavy curtains. Relatively normal cars in the parking lot, etc.
"Do you think they have Coke here?" asked Frodo eagerly
"I hope its not in one of those machines, because they are really complicated. I've never seen one of these dollars before, they must be pretty hard to come by" said Aragorn.
"I will find you a Coke, Master Frodo!" cried Sam gleefully, as he pushed open the door of the van.
"Sam, this is a very strange and dangerous place, you must be careful. I suggest you quest not for Coke but for one of these dollars, and then Aragorn will be able to get into the machine" said Frodo
A short match of blowing kisses ensued, cut short by Boromir slamming the door in disgust. Sam could be seen out the window trotting off some sort of path that was very straight, grey and hard. *concrete sidewalks*
"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go take a yoga lesson!" said Legolas enthusiastically.
"I'm waiting for Gimli to finish" grumbled Merry. Gimli was braiding the hobbit's beard just like his own. The dwarf had already finished with Pippin's.
"Done!" said the dwarf
"Good, let's get this over with" mumbled Aragorn.
"Positive attitudes, try to remember that everybody" said Legolas as he herded everybody out of the hippie van and over to the front entrance.
A bell tinkled loudly when Legolas pulled the door open, and a woman with shocking red hair bustled up. She had big peace symbol hoop earrings, purple-blue-green tie die pants and orange-red-yellow tie die shirt. As Gimli later put it, "A match made in hell"
"Hey, man. You guys musta felt the vibes from the street or something, man. I told Ricky this place sent out some awesome vibes, but he's not the type to listen to his woman. Heh heh"
"Right, my woman doesn't listen either....err....I mean I listen too....or I don't listen either....or....." said Aragorn confusedly, trying to be friendly
"Dude man, don't hurt yourself" said the woman, "Well why don't you dudes come on in, my next session is just starting. You're so gonna totally dig the vibes in this place"
As she led them into the main session room, the Fellowship gasped. It was huge (but the ceiling wasn't all that high), and the paint job looked like someone had come in with big buckets and splattered it everywhere.
"Yup, Ricky and I did this ourselves. Pull up a mat, guys"
She gestured towards a mountainous pile of brightly colored mats. Frodo gasped. "Its like a mini-replica of Mount Doom"
"But tie-dyed" said Gandalf
"Any chance they would have a Coke here?" asked Frodo
"I doubt it. But maybe a dollar"
"But that's what Sam is questing for!"
"So. I'm just glad to have that bloody lunatic off of our backs. I don't know how you put up with him for all that time. No wonder you thought Gollum's ideas sounded reasonable" said Gandalf
Frodo looked hurt, and withdrew into a corner.
Meanwhile, Merry and Pippin had come up with a new game. They called it Siamese Twins. The game: tying the ends of their beards together and thusly being stuck together.
"Hey man, all I can say is it's a world for everybody. Twins really rock out if you ask me. But once we start the session, ya'll might have trouble with the hidden dragon pose" said the lady (whose name was Lacey)
"What about the crouching tiger pose?" said Pippin
"MUAHA-HA-HAHAHAHA!" cried Merry. The two ran of laughing like...well......hobbits....insane hobbits.
Boromir had quickly become bored with discussing Mount Doom (Aragorn and Gandalf were comparing the mat pile to the real thing), so he was spilling his not-so-secret plan to Lacey.
"You see, all I have to do is get the One Ring from that short hobbit-guy, take it back to Gondor, and then RULE THE WORLD! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Hey man, that sounds like a great plan, but ahh.......where's Gondor?"
"You've never been? Neither has the hobbit-guy. It's my country, back in Middle Earth. You probably haven't heard of it. But promise me you won't tell anybody, not any of the others, about my secret plan. Because if anyone finds out then my plan will be ruined" said Boromir
"Uhhh.....sure, man, whatever you say" said Lacey
"Gandalf says it would undo all the work he has put into defeating Sauron, but Legolas, Gimli and Aragorn said they weren't worried, because it'll never work anyways. Isn't that mean if them?"
"Hey, I thought nobody knew about this 'secret' plan. So how can Legolas, Gimli and the rest of them be talking about it?" asked Lacey
"Oh yeah.....well.......i did tell some people. Let's see...only Gandalf, Legolas, Gimli, Aragorn, Merry, Pippin, Sam, Elrond, Denethor, Faramir, Eowyn, Galadriel, Haldir, Gollum and maybe a few others. Gollum said it was a good plan and he would be my Vice Ruler of the World. Hey wait, my plan isn't a secret anymore.............damn!"
Lacey left a very confused-looking Boromir. "Okay, dudes, pull up a mat if you haven't already, and we'll start this session" she said.
After everyone had pulled up a mat and sat down, and Merry and Pippin had negotiated how to sit down as Siamese Twins, Lacey was ready to begin.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She dimmed the lights down to just a few glowing oil lamps, and pulled all of the curtains shut. The lamps gave off a lot of heat, and it soon felt like a sauna.
"Since none of you know the chants, I'll skip straight to the stretches. First, you need to sit down with your legs out in front of you and touch your toes"
Gimli, Merry, Pippin and Gandalf groaned loudly, but everyone else reached their toes with ease.
Lacey stood behind Gandalf and put her hands on his back, pressing down. An earsplitting crack could be heard, and when everyone opened their eyes Lacey was back at her mat, and Gandalf was touching his toes.
"Ahhhhhh, it makes the age just melt away"
"Like butter? Mmmmmmmmm, I'm hungry....."
"Hey Pippin, you're drooling on my leg! Yuck!" cried Merry
"Dudes, yoga is supposed to be quiet and relaxing. Chill out" said Lacey
There was silence as everyone went through a series of stretches. Gimli seemed hopeless, and Merry and Pippin keep tripping over their beard.
"The first pose is the Dog at a Fire Hydrant pose. Please assume my position"
Lacey somehow was positioned like a dog, on all fours. One back leg was raised in the act of...well, you know. Legolas had copied Lacey in seconds, with Aragorn and Boromir not far behind. Gimli did okay, Gandalf had some trouble with his (white) robe. Naturally, Merry and Pippin became entangled in each others' beards. This pretty much set the pace for the entire session.
Next came the Fluttering Butterfly pose, which was only mastered completely by Legolas. Burning Moon and Sleeping Monkey poses were relatively uneventful.
But at Basking Hippo pose, Merry and Pippin both fell to the ground, unconscious.
"Hmmm.....i think they might be claustrophobic" diagnosed Boromir.
"Yeah, that would make a lot of sense.....if this were a small enclosed space with a lot of people, smart one!" said Aragorn sarcastically.
"Maybe I was burning a little too much incense for their delicate hobbit noses" commented Lacey
"Yeah, really"
Lacey had at least 10 incense sticks burning in the room, each one was a different smell. Gimli hit the floor next.
"Dude, they're insane. Oh well, at least we won't have to listen to them constantly groaning and bumping into each other. And Gimli just wasn't made for yoga" said Lacey. She ran around the room and put out about 1/2 of the incense sticks.
The survivors resumed their yoga.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did ya like it? I hope you did! It was shorter than the last one, but I felt it was getting boring. I was running out of humor. Next chapter coming soon!
PLEASE REVIEW!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The building was very...plain. white walls, a normal amount of windows, but you couldn't see in thanks to heavy curtains. Relatively normal cars in the parking lot, etc.
"Do you think they have Coke here?" asked Frodo eagerly
"I hope its not in one of those machines, because they are really complicated. I've never seen one of these dollars before, they must be pretty hard to come by" said Aragorn.
"I will find you a Coke, Master Frodo!" cried Sam gleefully, as he pushed open the door of the van.
"Sam, this is a very strange and dangerous place, you must be careful. I suggest you quest not for Coke but for one of these dollars, and then Aragorn will be able to get into the machine" said Frodo
A short match of blowing kisses ensued, cut short by Boromir slamming the door in disgust. Sam could be seen out the window trotting off some sort of path that was very straight, grey and hard. *concrete sidewalks*
"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go take a yoga lesson!" said Legolas enthusiastically.
"I'm waiting for Gimli to finish" grumbled Merry. Gimli was braiding the hobbit's beard just like his own. The dwarf had already finished with Pippin's.
"Done!" said the dwarf
"Good, let's get this over with" mumbled Aragorn.
"Positive attitudes, try to remember that everybody" said Legolas as he herded everybody out of the hippie van and over to the front entrance.
A bell tinkled loudly when Legolas pulled the door open, and a woman with shocking red hair bustled up. She had big peace symbol hoop earrings, purple-blue-green tie die pants and orange-red-yellow tie die shirt. As Gimli later put it, "A match made in hell"
"Hey, man. You guys musta felt the vibes from the street or something, man. I told Ricky this place sent out some awesome vibes, but he's not the type to listen to his woman. Heh heh"
"Right, my woman doesn't listen either....err....I mean I listen too....or I don't listen either....or....." said Aragorn confusedly, trying to be friendly
"Dude man, don't hurt yourself" said the woman, "Well why don't you dudes come on in, my next session is just starting. You're so gonna totally dig the vibes in this place"
As she led them into the main session room, the Fellowship gasped. It was huge (but the ceiling wasn't all that high), and the paint job looked like someone had come in with big buckets and splattered it everywhere.
"Yup, Ricky and I did this ourselves. Pull up a mat, guys"
She gestured towards a mountainous pile of brightly colored mats. Frodo gasped. "Its like a mini-replica of Mount Doom"
"But tie-dyed" said Gandalf
"Any chance they would have a Coke here?" asked Frodo
"I doubt it. But maybe a dollar"
"But that's what Sam is questing for!"
"So. I'm just glad to have that bloody lunatic off of our backs. I don't know how you put up with him for all that time. No wonder you thought Gollum's ideas sounded reasonable" said Gandalf
Frodo looked hurt, and withdrew into a corner.
Meanwhile, Merry and Pippin had come up with a new game. They called it Siamese Twins. The game: tying the ends of their beards together and thusly being stuck together.
"Hey man, all I can say is it's a world for everybody. Twins really rock out if you ask me. But once we start the session, ya'll might have trouble with the hidden dragon pose" said the lady (whose name was Lacey)
"What about the crouching tiger pose?" said Pippin
"MUAHA-HA-HAHAHAHA!" cried Merry. The two ran of laughing like...well......hobbits....insane hobbits.
Boromir had quickly become bored with discussing Mount Doom (Aragorn and Gandalf were comparing the mat pile to the real thing), so he was spilling his not-so-secret plan to Lacey.
"You see, all I have to do is get the One Ring from that short hobbit-guy, take it back to Gondor, and then RULE THE WORLD! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Hey man, that sounds like a great plan, but ahh.......where's Gondor?"
"You've never been? Neither has the hobbit-guy. It's my country, back in Middle Earth. You probably haven't heard of it. But promise me you won't tell anybody, not any of the others, about my secret plan. Because if anyone finds out then my plan will be ruined" said Boromir
"Uhhh.....sure, man, whatever you say" said Lacey
"Gandalf says it would undo all the work he has put into defeating Sauron, but Legolas, Gimli and Aragorn said they weren't worried, because it'll never work anyways. Isn't that mean if them?"
"Hey, I thought nobody knew about this 'secret' plan. So how can Legolas, Gimli and the rest of them be talking about it?" asked Lacey
"Oh yeah.....well.......i did tell some people. Let's see...only Gandalf, Legolas, Gimli, Aragorn, Merry, Pippin, Sam, Elrond, Denethor, Faramir, Eowyn, Galadriel, Haldir, Gollum and maybe a few others. Gollum said it was a good plan and he would be my Vice Ruler of the World. Hey wait, my plan isn't a secret anymore.............damn!"
Lacey left a very confused-looking Boromir. "Okay, dudes, pull up a mat if you haven't already, and we'll start this session" she said.
After everyone had pulled up a mat and sat down, and Merry and Pippin had negotiated how to sit down as Siamese Twins, Lacey was ready to begin.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She dimmed the lights down to just a few glowing oil lamps, and pulled all of the curtains shut. The lamps gave off a lot of heat, and it soon felt like a sauna.
"Since none of you know the chants, I'll skip straight to the stretches. First, you need to sit down with your legs out in front of you and touch your toes"
Gimli, Merry, Pippin and Gandalf groaned loudly, but everyone else reached their toes with ease.
Lacey stood behind Gandalf and put her hands on his back, pressing down. An earsplitting crack could be heard, and when everyone opened their eyes Lacey was back at her mat, and Gandalf was touching his toes.
"Ahhhhhh, it makes the age just melt away"
"Like butter? Mmmmmmmmm, I'm hungry....."
"Hey Pippin, you're drooling on my leg! Yuck!" cried Merry
"Dudes, yoga is supposed to be quiet and relaxing. Chill out" said Lacey
There was silence as everyone went through a series of stretches. Gimli seemed hopeless, and Merry and Pippin keep tripping over their beard.
"The first pose is the Dog at a Fire Hydrant pose. Please assume my position"
Lacey somehow was positioned like a dog, on all fours. One back leg was raised in the act of...well, you know. Legolas had copied Lacey in seconds, with Aragorn and Boromir not far behind. Gimli did okay, Gandalf had some trouble with his (white) robe. Naturally, Merry and Pippin became entangled in each others' beards. This pretty much set the pace for the entire session.
Next came the Fluttering Butterfly pose, which was only mastered completely by Legolas. Burning Moon and Sleeping Monkey poses were relatively uneventful.
But at Basking Hippo pose, Merry and Pippin both fell to the ground, unconscious.
"Hmmm.....i think they might be claustrophobic" diagnosed Boromir.
"Yeah, that would make a lot of sense.....if this were a small enclosed space with a lot of people, smart one!" said Aragorn sarcastically.
"Maybe I was burning a little too much incense for their delicate hobbit noses" commented Lacey
"Yeah, really"
Lacey had at least 10 incense sticks burning in the room, each one was a different smell. Gimli hit the floor next.
"Dude, they're insane. Oh well, at least we won't have to listen to them constantly groaning and bumping into each other. And Gimli just wasn't made for yoga" said Lacey. She ran around the room and put out about 1/2 of the incense sticks.
The survivors resumed their yoga.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did ya like it? I hope you did! It was shorter than the last one, but I felt it was getting boring. I was running out of humor. Next chapter coming soon!
PLEASE REVIEW!