Two and a half hellish hours later it was over.
Faith was deadly white from blood loss and very weak.
Cordelia had cleaned her up and wrapped the foetus in clean towels and kept it out of her view.
When she was satisfied that she was clean and comfortable she sat down on the bed in her own room and picked up the phone.
She dialled the hotel's number with trembling fingers.
Angel picked up. "Hi baby." She whispered.
"Cor? Hi honey, are you okay?" He sounded concerned. "Is Faith okay?"
She nodded, swallowing tears, and then answered. "I'm okay. I need you to put Wes on, is he still there?"
"Yeah, do you want to talk?"
"No, not yet, just let me talk to Wes okay? I love you."
"I love you too. I'll go get him for you."
She waited while she heard the phone being picked up again and Wes's calm voice was heard. "Wes?"
Without meaning to she broke down in tears at his voice. "Cordelia? Are you alright? What's wrong? Are you in trouble?"
She shook her head and then realised he couldn't see her. "Yeah, I'm fine. It's Faith."
"F-Faith? Is she..? Is she okay?"
"No." She took a deep breath. "We were in the cemetery fighting a group of vamps. I turned and she was on the floor. I brought her home and called Angel. When I got off the phone she was on the bed crying and bleeding. That was about three hours ago. she was pregnant Wes. She lost it."
Wes was stunned into silence.
"She didn't tell you because she wasn't sure what you would feel." She continued. "I think she'll want you here. She's asleep now but I think she'd like you to be here when she wakes up."
"I can do that." His voice was quiet and withdrawn.
"You'll set off now? Get Angel to drive your car, you're in no fit state." She told him.
"Okay." He hung up, leaving her listening to the dialling tone.
Cordelia put the phone back in its cradle then dropped her head in her hands and cried.
When she went back into her room she saw her clothes and body were covered in blood.
She started to pull her shirt over her head but she could hear Faith crying so she decided that making sure she was alright was more important.
She went back into Faith's room and her heart lurched as she saw Faith curled up in a ball sobbing into the blankets she was clutching under her chin.
She sat down next to her and pushed her damp hair out of her eyes.
"Are you in any pain?" She asked.
She nodded.
"I can get you some painkillers." She offered.
"No, I can handle it." She told her and then broke down in tears again. "I'm good with pain."
"Good in your line of work." Cordelia smiled lightly.
She shrugged. "I guess."
They sat in silence for a few moments.
"Do you want to get some sleep? I could leave you."
"No!" She interrupted. "I don't want to be on my own."
She nodded and smiled. "It's okay, I can stay."
She leant back against the wall and gradually Faith's head made its way onto her lap.
Cordelia stroked her hair gently. "It will be okay eventually Faith, I promise."
"I just feel so empty."
Angel drove like a madman all the way to Sunnydale with Wes anxiously looking at his watch every couple of minutes.
They made it in a little over two hours and Wes was out of the car the moment it pulled up outside the mansion.
They found the door locked so they were forced to knock and wait.
Cordelia, hearing them, untangled herself from Faith's, now sleeping, form.
She hurried down the stairs and flung the door open.
"How is she?" Wes instantly asked, his eyes travelling to Cordelia's blood covered body.
She took a deep breath. "She's sleeping now."
She reached out to hug him. "Was it very awful?"
She nodded, meeting Angel's eyes over Wes's shoulder.
"I want to go see her." He told her, pulling back.
She nodded. "She's in the room on the end."
He nodded and headed for the stairs.
Angel came through the door and shut it behind him. "Is she really okay?"
She shrugged, folding her arms across her blood covered shirt. "I don't know."
Angel reached out to touch her cheek and then it was all too much for her, she broke down in tears as Angel's arms came around her body.
Wes stepped into the room and felt tears prick his eyes. She was normally so strong and confident, but now she looked so small and scared.
He went over to the bed and noted how pale she looked.
He sat down and stroked her hand. "God Faith, you should have told me."
Her eyes fluttered open at the sound of his voice. "Wes?"
He nodded and smiled. "Yes."
"Cordelia called you huh?"
He nodded again. "I am so sorry Faith."
"You didn't do anything."
"I'm sorry for what happened." He clarified. "You should have told me."
"I'm sorry." She whispered.
"It's okay." He smiled and dropped a kiss on her forehead. "God, when Cordy called I was so scared for you. She said it was really bad."
She nodded and a tear slipped down her cheek. "It was."
"How long have you known?" He asked.
"A few weeks." She admitted.
"I wish you'd told me."
She nodded. "I'm sorry."
"Don't worry about that now." He shushed her. "There's plenty of time to talk. You look really pale, you should sleep."
She nodded again. "Stay?"
"Of course."
Angel guided Cordelia into their room and insisted on getting her out of the bloody clothes and into the bath.
He ran the bath first and then pulled her ruined shirt over her head, leaving her bare except from the stained white bra.
"God, look at you." He murmured, unbuttoning her jeans and slipping them off her.
"Faith was worse." She told him, taking off her bra and thong.
He held her hand as she stepped into the tub and sat down.
He pulled up a chair and sat next to her. "Are you okay?"
"Me? I'm fine, it's not like I've been through what she has."
"Yeah, but you've been through something too."
"I guess." She murmured. "She was so scared you know? You don't think that Faith can be scared, she's always so strong. But tonight she was so scared. I was too. There was so much blood and the baby was so tiny, not really a baby at all. I didn't know what do, I just kept talking to her and encouraging her but I wasn't sure that that was enough. She wouldn't let me take her to the hospital so I guess it must have been."
He picked up a sponge and began to wash the dried blood off her skin. "You know Faith, she does what she wants. If she'd wanted to go to hospital she would have."
"You know she was scared of what Wes would think? She thought he'd be mad at her."
"I could see Wes as a dad."
"That's what I kept telling her." She whispered.
He touched her arm. "You're shivering. You cold?"
She shook her head.
"Lean forward and I'll wash your back then you can get out."
She leant forwards and wrapped her arms around her knees, resting her chin on them.
He began to soap her back gently, washing away the sweat that had formed.
"You're tense." He told her. "But I guess that's understandable."
"I don't know it I could have done what she did." She told him, cocking her head to the side so she could look at him. "She knew she was losing the baby and she still struggled through it. I don't think I could have done that."
"You might not think you would have but you would." He smiled and stroked her wet hair. "You're stronger than you think."
"I'm not so sure."
"Come on, let's get you out of the tub, you're cold." He put an arm around her and lifted her up.
"It feels good to get the blood off, I was all sticky." She told him as he enveloped her in a towel.
He started rubbing her skin to dry her off and then wrapped her in her thick robe. He touched her cheek gently with his fingertips. "You've got a pretty good shiner there."
"I forgot to duck." She shrugged.
"It's okay, it'll be gone soon." He put an arm around her and began walking her into the bathroom.
"All I keep thinking is poor Faith. And Wes." She murmured as he sat her in front of the mirror.
Angel picked up her hair brush and began untangling her hair. "It's understandable. It's a horrible thing for anyone to go through."
"It was horrible." She admitted and then yawned.
He looked at his watch. "It's five o clock, the sun will be up soon."
"I haven't been bed yet." She told him.
"Let me finish with your hair and then we'll get you in bed." He promised.
"I should check if Faith needs anything."
"Wes'll let you know if she needs anything. Or he'll get it. Right now you need to look after yourself. Get some sleep."
He put the brush down on the dressing table and held out his hand for her to hold, which she did. He pulled her up and led her to the bed where he un- tucked the covers and then re-tucked them when she was inside.
He kissed her forehead. "Get some sleep."
"Where are you going?" She asked.
"I'll go and bury the body." He told her grimly.
"Thanks." She told him. "I didn't fancy doing it."
"Where did you leave it?"
"I wrapped it in towels and left it in the kitchen." She told him and then started to cry. "God, how bad does that sound? I wrapped Faith's baby in towels and left it alone in the kitchen."
He sat down on the bed and took her in his arms. "Shh honey, you'll make yourself ill."
"But a baby should be held and loved and fed, not left in a kitchen."
"But it died Cordelia; there was nothing you could do to save it. You did what had to be done. And no, you shouldn't leave a baby on it's own but it isn't alive. It's wrong and unfair and cruel but maybe it wasn't the right time for it to live. You looked after it by wrapping it up and keeping it warm and I'm sure that wherever its soul is now it's glad that you did that."
His words sank in and she realised that he was right. "It doesn't make it fair though."
"I know that. But look what happens in life, nothing is really fair."
"I guess."
He lowered her back onto the bed and wiped the tears off her face. "Now, get some sleep. I'll be back before the sun rises."
She nodded but her eyes were already closing. "I love you." She whispered and then she fell asleep.
It was lunch time when she woke and she silently cursed Angel for not waking her earlier. His spot next to her on the bed was empty so she got out of the bed and straightened her robe.
She went downstairs first, rather than go in Faith's room. Angel and Wes were sat at the table in the kitchen.
She smiled and sat down at the spare seat. She put a hand on Wes's arm. "How is she?"
"She's sleeping now, finally."
"Is she dealing?" She accepted the coffee Angel shoved across the table to her.
"She spent most of the time just crying or staring into space but we talked a little and she finally fell asleep."
"Did you sleep?"
He shook her head.
"Maybe you should try." She suggested. "We're both awake to keep checking on her."
"Thank you Cordelia, but I don't think I could even if I wanted to." He smiled gently but it was mostly out of politeness, it didn't meet his eyes.
"Okay." She smiled. "I'd better call Willow and tell her I'll be stopping here today."
"It's okay, I already called." Angel told her and placed a hand on her knee under the table. "I didn't give any details but she knows you won't be coming around today."
She nodded. "Thanks. How about some food Wes? You hungry?"
"It's okay Cordelia; you don't have to bribe me into feeling better with inedible food." He told her, not unkindly. "Besides, Angel made me eggs just before you got up."
She nodded. "I just feel pretty useless. There's nothing I can do."
"Cordy, if you hadn't have done what you did yesterday Faith might not be here today. I know that you tried to get her to a hospital but Faith is stubborn, she wouldn't have gone. If you hadn't taken care of her then she would have died. You've done quite enough and when I feel like I can talk about this without crying then I will thank you properly." He squeezed her hand and then left the kitchen. His footsteps could be heard climbing the stairs.
She felt Angel touch her shoulder. "Are you okay?"
She nodded. "Yeah, I feel better knowing that I'm not just sitting here useless."
"You could never be useless. You remember what Fred called you, she called you the heart. We wouldn't survive without you holding us together." He told her softly.
"You have to say that, you're my husband." She smiled and leaned into his chest. "But feel free to keep going."
He laughed and kissed her forehead. "Do you fancy some eggs? I could make some more."
She nodded. "That would be nice."
Faith lifted her head from the pillow stiffly and looked around the darkened room. Wes was asleep next to her, his chest moving up and down.
She climbed out of bed, wincing at the pain she still felt.
She opened the bedroom door and went into the bathroom opposite.
"God, look at me." She told her reflection in the mirror.
Her hair was a tangled mess and her face was deathly white. Her eyes had red rimmed and bloodshot.
She turned on the shower and waited while the water warmed up before she climbed in. the water felt good on her clammy skin.
The stickiness left on her thighs soon disappeared as she cleaned the blood off her with Cordelia's scented soap.
She let the water rain down on her face, cleaning away the sweat and tear stains.
When she was satisfied she was clean again she turned off the taps and stepped out, wrapping her body in a towel.
Looking in the mirror again she saw she looked a little better. The hot water had put a little colour on her cheeks and removed the tear tracks.
She opened the bathroom door and stumbled straight into Cordelia.
"Hey." Cordelia smiled. "How are you feeling?"
"Not as sore, still as dead inside." She told her.
Cordelia nodded. "That's understandable. Do you want something to drink or something to eat?"
She shook her head. "No, I'm fine."
"Okay, if you do need anything though, please call me." She half begged.
Faith smiled. "Cordelia, you can't possible do more than you already have."
"I feel useless." She admitted.
"Don't, you were unbelievable last night. If you hadn't been there then I don't know what I'd have done. Probably died. And I really want to thank you because I know it was an awful thing that happened but I'm glad you got me through it."
"Faith, you know I'm always here for you? You're my best friend. If there is anything you need please ask me." She told her and squeezed her hand.
"I will, I promise." She kept hold of her hand. "You know what I really would like? To get out of here. I need some fresh air but I don't really want to go out on my own."
"Sure, we could take a walk to the coffee shop?" She suggested.
She nodded. "That would be great."
"Okay, I could meet you downstairs in five minutes?"
"Yeah."
Faith was deadly white from blood loss and very weak.
Cordelia had cleaned her up and wrapped the foetus in clean towels and kept it out of her view.
When she was satisfied that she was clean and comfortable she sat down on the bed in her own room and picked up the phone.
She dialled the hotel's number with trembling fingers.
Angel picked up. "Hi baby." She whispered.
"Cor? Hi honey, are you okay?" He sounded concerned. "Is Faith okay?"
She nodded, swallowing tears, and then answered. "I'm okay. I need you to put Wes on, is he still there?"
"Yeah, do you want to talk?"
"No, not yet, just let me talk to Wes okay? I love you."
"I love you too. I'll go get him for you."
She waited while she heard the phone being picked up again and Wes's calm voice was heard. "Wes?"
Without meaning to she broke down in tears at his voice. "Cordelia? Are you alright? What's wrong? Are you in trouble?"
She shook her head and then realised he couldn't see her. "Yeah, I'm fine. It's Faith."
"F-Faith? Is she..? Is she okay?"
"No." She took a deep breath. "We were in the cemetery fighting a group of vamps. I turned and she was on the floor. I brought her home and called Angel. When I got off the phone she was on the bed crying and bleeding. That was about three hours ago. she was pregnant Wes. She lost it."
Wes was stunned into silence.
"She didn't tell you because she wasn't sure what you would feel." She continued. "I think she'll want you here. She's asleep now but I think she'd like you to be here when she wakes up."
"I can do that." His voice was quiet and withdrawn.
"You'll set off now? Get Angel to drive your car, you're in no fit state." She told him.
"Okay." He hung up, leaving her listening to the dialling tone.
Cordelia put the phone back in its cradle then dropped her head in her hands and cried.
When she went back into her room she saw her clothes and body were covered in blood.
She started to pull her shirt over her head but she could hear Faith crying so she decided that making sure she was alright was more important.
She went back into Faith's room and her heart lurched as she saw Faith curled up in a ball sobbing into the blankets she was clutching under her chin.
She sat down next to her and pushed her damp hair out of her eyes.
"Are you in any pain?" She asked.
She nodded.
"I can get you some painkillers." She offered.
"No, I can handle it." She told her and then broke down in tears again. "I'm good with pain."
"Good in your line of work." Cordelia smiled lightly.
She shrugged. "I guess."
They sat in silence for a few moments.
"Do you want to get some sleep? I could leave you."
"No!" She interrupted. "I don't want to be on my own."
She nodded and smiled. "It's okay, I can stay."
She leant back against the wall and gradually Faith's head made its way onto her lap.
Cordelia stroked her hair gently. "It will be okay eventually Faith, I promise."
"I just feel so empty."
Angel drove like a madman all the way to Sunnydale with Wes anxiously looking at his watch every couple of minutes.
They made it in a little over two hours and Wes was out of the car the moment it pulled up outside the mansion.
They found the door locked so they were forced to knock and wait.
Cordelia, hearing them, untangled herself from Faith's, now sleeping, form.
She hurried down the stairs and flung the door open.
"How is she?" Wes instantly asked, his eyes travelling to Cordelia's blood covered body.
She took a deep breath. "She's sleeping now."
She reached out to hug him. "Was it very awful?"
She nodded, meeting Angel's eyes over Wes's shoulder.
"I want to go see her." He told her, pulling back.
She nodded. "She's in the room on the end."
He nodded and headed for the stairs.
Angel came through the door and shut it behind him. "Is she really okay?"
She shrugged, folding her arms across her blood covered shirt. "I don't know."
Angel reached out to touch her cheek and then it was all too much for her, she broke down in tears as Angel's arms came around her body.
Wes stepped into the room and felt tears prick his eyes. She was normally so strong and confident, but now she looked so small and scared.
He went over to the bed and noted how pale she looked.
He sat down and stroked her hand. "God Faith, you should have told me."
Her eyes fluttered open at the sound of his voice. "Wes?"
He nodded and smiled. "Yes."
"Cordelia called you huh?"
He nodded again. "I am so sorry Faith."
"You didn't do anything."
"I'm sorry for what happened." He clarified. "You should have told me."
"I'm sorry." She whispered.
"It's okay." He smiled and dropped a kiss on her forehead. "God, when Cordy called I was so scared for you. She said it was really bad."
She nodded and a tear slipped down her cheek. "It was."
"How long have you known?" He asked.
"A few weeks." She admitted.
"I wish you'd told me."
She nodded. "I'm sorry."
"Don't worry about that now." He shushed her. "There's plenty of time to talk. You look really pale, you should sleep."
She nodded again. "Stay?"
"Of course."
Angel guided Cordelia into their room and insisted on getting her out of the bloody clothes and into the bath.
He ran the bath first and then pulled her ruined shirt over her head, leaving her bare except from the stained white bra.
"God, look at you." He murmured, unbuttoning her jeans and slipping them off her.
"Faith was worse." She told him, taking off her bra and thong.
He held her hand as she stepped into the tub and sat down.
He pulled up a chair and sat next to her. "Are you okay?"
"Me? I'm fine, it's not like I've been through what she has."
"Yeah, but you've been through something too."
"I guess." She murmured. "She was so scared you know? You don't think that Faith can be scared, she's always so strong. But tonight she was so scared. I was too. There was so much blood and the baby was so tiny, not really a baby at all. I didn't know what do, I just kept talking to her and encouraging her but I wasn't sure that that was enough. She wouldn't let me take her to the hospital so I guess it must have been."
He picked up a sponge and began to wash the dried blood off her skin. "You know Faith, she does what she wants. If she'd wanted to go to hospital she would have."
"You know she was scared of what Wes would think? She thought he'd be mad at her."
"I could see Wes as a dad."
"That's what I kept telling her." She whispered.
He touched her arm. "You're shivering. You cold?"
She shook her head.
"Lean forward and I'll wash your back then you can get out."
She leant forwards and wrapped her arms around her knees, resting her chin on them.
He began to soap her back gently, washing away the sweat that had formed.
"You're tense." He told her. "But I guess that's understandable."
"I don't know it I could have done what she did." She told him, cocking her head to the side so she could look at him. "She knew she was losing the baby and she still struggled through it. I don't think I could have done that."
"You might not think you would have but you would." He smiled and stroked her wet hair. "You're stronger than you think."
"I'm not so sure."
"Come on, let's get you out of the tub, you're cold." He put an arm around her and lifted her up.
"It feels good to get the blood off, I was all sticky." She told him as he enveloped her in a towel.
He started rubbing her skin to dry her off and then wrapped her in her thick robe. He touched her cheek gently with his fingertips. "You've got a pretty good shiner there."
"I forgot to duck." She shrugged.
"It's okay, it'll be gone soon." He put an arm around her and began walking her into the bathroom.
"All I keep thinking is poor Faith. And Wes." She murmured as he sat her in front of the mirror.
Angel picked up her hair brush and began untangling her hair. "It's understandable. It's a horrible thing for anyone to go through."
"It was horrible." She admitted and then yawned.
He looked at his watch. "It's five o clock, the sun will be up soon."
"I haven't been bed yet." She told him.
"Let me finish with your hair and then we'll get you in bed." He promised.
"I should check if Faith needs anything."
"Wes'll let you know if she needs anything. Or he'll get it. Right now you need to look after yourself. Get some sleep."
He put the brush down on the dressing table and held out his hand for her to hold, which she did. He pulled her up and led her to the bed where he un- tucked the covers and then re-tucked them when she was inside.
He kissed her forehead. "Get some sleep."
"Where are you going?" She asked.
"I'll go and bury the body." He told her grimly.
"Thanks." She told him. "I didn't fancy doing it."
"Where did you leave it?"
"I wrapped it in towels and left it in the kitchen." She told him and then started to cry. "God, how bad does that sound? I wrapped Faith's baby in towels and left it alone in the kitchen."
He sat down on the bed and took her in his arms. "Shh honey, you'll make yourself ill."
"But a baby should be held and loved and fed, not left in a kitchen."
"But it died Cordelia; there was nothing you could do to save it. You did what had to be done. And no, you shouldn't leave a baby on it's own but it isn't alive. It's wrong and unfair and cruel but maybe it wasn't the right time for it to live. You looked after it by wrapping it up and keeping it warm and I'm sure that wherever its soul is now it's glad that you did that."
His words sank in and she realised that he was right. "It doesn't make it fair though."
"I know that. But look what happens in life, nothing is really fair."
"I guess."
He lowered her back onto the bed and wiped the tears off her face. "Now, get some sleep. I'll be back before the sun rises."
She nodded but her eyes were already closing. "I love you." She whispered and then she fell asleep.
It was lunch time when she woke and she silently cursed Angel for not waking her earlier. His spot next to her on the bed was empty so she got out of the bed and straightened her robe.
She went downstairs first, rather than go in Faith's room. Angel and Wes were sat at the table in the kitchen.
She smiled and sat down at the spare seat. She put a hand on Wes's arm. "How is she?"
"She's sleeping now, finally."
"Is she dealing?" She accepted the coffee Angel shoved across the table to her.
"She spent most of the time just crying or staring into space but we talked a little and she finally fell asleep."
"Did you sleep?"
He shook her head.
"Maybe you should try." She suggested. "We're both awake to keep checking on her."
"Thank you Cordelia, but I don't think I could even if I wanted to." He smiled gently but it was mostly out of politeness, it didn't meet his eyes.
"Okay." She smiled. "I'd better call Willow and tell her I'll be stopping here today."
"It's okay, I already called." Angel told her and placed a hand on her knee under the table. "I didn't give any details but she knows you won't be coming around today."
She nodded. "Thanks. How about some food Wes? You hungry?"
"It's okay Cordelia; you don't have to bribe me into feeling better with inedible food." He told her, not unkindly. "Besides, Angel made me eggs just before you got up."
She nodded. "I just feel pretty useless. There's nothing I can do."
"Cordy, if you hadn't have done what you did yesterday Faith might not be here today. I know that you tried to get her to a hospital but Faith is stubborn, she wouldn't have gone. If you hadn't taken care of her then she would have died. You've done quite enough and when I feel like I can talk about this without crying then I will thank you properly." He squeezed her hand and then left the kitchen. His footsteps could be heard climbing the stairs.
She felt Angel touch her shoulder. "Are you okay?"
She nodded. "Yeah, I feel better knowing that I'm not just sitting here useless."
"You could never be useless. You remember what Fred called you, she called you the heart. We wouldn't survive without you holding us together." He told her softly.
"You have to say that, you're my husband." She smiled and leaned into his chest. "But feel free to keep going."
He laughed and kissed her forehead. "Do you fancy some eggs? I could make some more."
She nodded. "That would be nice."
Faith lifted her head from the pillow stiffly and looked around the darkened room. Wes was asleep next to her, his chest moving up and down.
She climbed out of bed, wincing at the pain she still felt.
She opened the bedroom door and went into the bathroom opposite.
"God, look at me." She told her reflection in the mirror.
Her hair was a tangled mess and her face was deathly white. Her eyes had red rimmed and bloodshot.
She turned on the shower and waited while the water warmed up before she climbed in. the water felt good on her clammy skin.
The stickiness left on her thighs soon disappeared as she cleaned the blood off her with Cordelia's scented soap.
She let the water rain down on her face, cleaning away the sweat and tear stains.
When she was satisfied she was clean again she turned off the taps and stepped out, wrapping her body in a towel.
Looking in the mirror again she saw she looked a little better. The hot water had put a little colour on her cheeks and removed the tear tracks.
She opened the bathroom door and stumbled straight into Cordelia.
"Hey." Cordelia smiled. "How are you feeling?"
"Not as sore, still as dead inside." She told her.
Cordelia nodded. "That's understandable. Do you want something to drink or something to eat?"
She shook her head. "No, I'm fine."
"Okay, if you do need anything though, please call me." She half begged.
Faith smiled. "Cordelia, you can't possible do more than you already have."
"I feel useless." She admitted.
"Don't, you were unbelievable last night. If you hadn't been there then I don't know what I'd have done. Probably died. And I really want to thank you because I know it was an awful thing that happened but I'm glad you got me through it."
"Faith, you know I'm always here for you? You're my best friend. If there is anything you need please ask me." She told her and squeezed her hand.
"I will, I promise." She kept hold of her hand. "You know what I really would like? To get out of here. I need some fresh air but I don't really want to go out on my own."
"Sure, we could take a walk to the coffee shop?" She suggested.
She nodded. "That would be great."
"Okay, I could meet you downstairs in five minutes?"
"Yeah."