When it came down to it, she wasn't angry. She was filled with the sadness and regret of her previous form. She was made of the feelings that manifested too quickly, and in the wrong time and place. She wasn't hatred, she was sadness and betrayal.
She still loved him. How could she not? In some twisted way, he was her reason to be. Without him, she would not exist, but it was more than just a feeling of gratitude. She had loved him in a lifetime before, and she would always love him, even if other feelings clouded that.
There was a point in their relationship where they were extremely happy. It was only over the period of a day, but if that feeling could be bottled up, it would take the form of Kagome. That moment, the height of their relationship, had been frozen in time, and shaped into the young maiden from the future.
It didn't make her happy, but how could it make her mad? She saw the way Inu-Yasha protected her, and it reminded her of the times he'd fly ahead of her, his ears back and his claws forward. Like a dog protecting its mistress. But with Kagome, it was a demon protecting his mate. She harbored no illusions on their relationship, unlike the hanyou himself.
But she would not admit that Kagome was better for Inu-Yasha than she was.
She thought of her as second best. It had been easier to hold that dream when Kagome's skills weren't as developed. When her hold on Inu-Yasha was more subtle. It was easier to pretend when her lies seemed like the truth.
Kagome was second best for her, not Inu-Yasha. Through Kagome, she could see herself at peace. She could be whole again, both in soul, mind, and her love. But nothing compares to the real thing - she knew that better than anyone.
She knew everything that happened in her last life. She didn't remember it, she knew it. She had not lived those thoughts, so how could they be memories? But she felt everything. Those emotions were just as much hers as the original Kikyou's, weren't they?
She knew though, that her emotions were nothing compared to what her image was feeling, and trying to express. Only a partial amount of everything Kikyou felt was inside of her - the rest of her love for Inu-Yasha lay in Kagome's heart.
Kikyou did not die because she didn't trust Inu-Yasha. She died because she loved him too much. She'd spent her life denied the pleasures that other people enjoyed. She had not known love in the way that even little children knew it. She had a genuine love for humanity, but nothing like what she felt for Inu-Yasha.
It scared her.
To feel something as strongly as that, it was hard. Things she'd enjoyed were taken away from her. All she had was her position as a miko. She drove herself insane wondering when that wonderful feeling Inu-Yasha gave her would go away.
So she asked him to become human.
To pledge himself to her like that, it was the only way she could believe that he'd be with her forever. It was the only way she could tame her insecurities.
When Naraku attacked, disguised as Inu-Yasha, Kikyou simply thought the time had come for something else to be taken away from her. Her happiness was over.
Those were now Kagome's feelings, just as Kikyou's soul was now Kagome's . . .and . . . Inu-Yasha. . . she carried the name and image of a beautiful priestess, but she was nothing but that.
A/N: Wasn't that fun? :D I'm mad at myself, because now I actually like that undone bitch, so if anyone has some nice good old fashioned bashing fiction, please, send it my way. *twitches* But still, if you think about it that way, it's hard not to feel sorry for her. Kagome and undead Kikyou both share being Kikyou, without actually being her. And maybe Kikyou has her identity crisis days just like Kagome. ;
Aaanyyhoo, if you can guess what song this is based off of, I'll give you a cookie (or write/finish a fanfic for you? I dunno).