Author's Note: This is a fic that has been in the works every since I read the mangas. I have always wondered what Iruka is thinking when it comes to Kakashi being so bold as to tell him "They are no longer your students, but my soldiers." This is what I think is running through his head and what would inevitably happen. I hope you enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Change
By:
JC
Change. Change was never something I liked or agreed upon, but that was not a plausible reason for it to stop. As life moves on, change occurs. We meet people, some we will hate and some we will love, but inevitably, those people will leave. I have had so few people in my life, and they have left me in the same uncaring manner. My parents died before I graduated from the academy. My instructor died soon after I became a Chuunin. My teammates advanced and left me here. I have been left alone countless times, and yet I persist. I am strong. Stronger than many of the ninjas in this village, and yet no one would know that. In my life, there are many secrets; secrets contained within a dark, torn soul. It is funny, really. I put on the happy caretaker look every morning, watching people in their lives, moving day to day without fail. They slip away, no matter how much try to I hold on.
Today was no different. A new set of students enter the classroom, new faces for me to memorize and later lose to the need of advancement. I cannot help the sigh that escapes my lips. Nothing will beat the lot I recently let go. Sasuke, Ino, Shikamaru, Kiba, Shino, Sakura and Hinata…and the most annoying, obnoxious, lovable little imp of them all: Naruto. I do not miss his trouble making in class, but I miss him just the same. Mechanically, I go through the lessons, reciting the same mantra time and again. I do not even bother to think it over this time. My mind, as usual, is elsewhere, wondering briefly how my former students are doing. Maybe, if I am luck, I can find Naruto later and treat him to some ramen. I would like the company.
In a flash, the class ends, the day is finished, and I find myself once more returning to the emptiness that is my home. Not bothering to stay long, as usual, I put my things away and start out to wonder the village. At least I can distract myself. The minutes fly by and I keep walking. It is no surprise that I make my way to the forest where the new guuins train. I hear familiar voices. Naruto! He must be finished by now. I'll wait here and look for an opportunity to make my entrance. Yes, there he is, the clone of myself at that age with the additional fox demon imprisoned within. He looks like crap. Must have had a hard day. Yes, definitely need to treat him tonight. Maybe I should come out now…
"Wow! Kakashi-sensai, that was so awesome!" Naruto explained as the Jounin emerges a few steps behind him. I freeze in place, eyes narrowing on the one-eyed teacher. Oh how I hate him. Cocky bastard thinks he knows everything! I do not deny the envy that accompanies this hatred, particularly when I see how Naruto looks at him. Such admiration in his big, innocent eyes. I cannot bear the sight of it. Damn him! Without a second thought, I whirl around, folding my arms and hoping against hope they did not see me. I am in no mood now. If I take him out, all he will do is tell me how wonderful his new teacher is. Wonderful, right. That damn Jounin is throwing MY students in a test they are not ready for! It will be his fault if Naruto gets hurt, no matter what he says about them being his soldiers or whatnot!
"Iruka-sensai!" Before I know it, Naruto is hanging off my shoulders, arms locked around my neck, feet dangling in the air as he jouvalantly cries for Ramen. I smile at his antics. So, I must have been too slow in my retreat. I should deny his request, but…the begging in his eyes. I cannot refuse him, not when he looks at me like that. Time to put my mask back into place.
Just to annoy him, I ruffle his hair a bit. "All right, Naruto." A twinge of bitterness hits me as I catch Kakashi watching us from the corner of my eye. I cannot help the retort that comes from me. "That is, if Kakshi-sensai is done with you." I try not to smile in a condescending manner. I can only pray the mask does not falter, not in front of him.
He nods lazily, pulling out that perverted book he keeps with him, and waves us off. "No, no, I'm done. You two have fun." For a second, he glances up at us. No, not us, at ME. His one eye, piercing, searching. Shock outweighs the hate I felt moments ago. What is he looking for? Inadvertently, I narrow my eyes, daring him to continue. Then, without warning, Naruto yanks me away, already listing many different dishes he wishes to eat tonight. The smile returns against my current state of mind and all I feel is the all too familiar sinking sensation that accompanies the knowledge that I am about to use up my recent pay check once again. Anything for my student.
* * * * *
Wind. Thank the Maker for the wind. It swirls around me as I run, as if calling me to join it in its care-free dance of freedom. I wish, I only wish. Let me leave all the pain behind, for once in my short life, let me be at peace. I do not want to hide anymore, but that seems to be my only consolation. I hide behind this mask, a mask of porcelain and silk, painted ribbons of red and blue, black slits left for eyes and two small holes for breath. I used to wear this with honor as I was sent out on my own missions, living a life of secrecy until it was all taken away with one forbidden seal. Now here I am, hiding from the past as I run, hiding from the pain that plagues my soul as I run. I am a Hunter-nin, but no one knows that. It matters not. I am no longer able to perform my duties. That is a secret I will never relate.
I was correct. I had to endure countless titles of praise for that no good, perverted, jitsu stealing Kakashi! Naruto could talk of nothing else. Oh how great that ex-assassin is. Everyone knows of the great Sharingard Kakashi, honored ninja taught by the Fourth himself. It makes me sick. Is it Fate that took my one consolation away from me and gave it to him? It had to be him…
The wind dies away now as I stop. Interesting. This field is a fitting place for me now. This was a common practice ground for me when I was training to become a chuunin. It was the one time I did not train alone. My teammates were with me. It was our unbreakable teamwork that got us through the exams without fail. All three of us passed that year. Soon after, the Third sent me to train as a Hunter-nin. I never saw my teammates after that.
Enough with memories of the past. It feels good to hold the familiar leather-bound hilt of my father's sword. He was a Hunter-nin as well. Apparently, it is a family trait. Sadly, it must end with me, for I do not foresee marriage in my future. I am too bound to my stubborn will to allow that sort of change in my life. I am sorry father. Now, I allow my mind to slip away as my body moves into positions trained to instinct. One, two, one, two, three, slow and easy, deadly and quick. One hit kills is all you have time for in this line of work. Quick and easy, mercifully take the life of one who, more often than not, does not deserve it. No sound as the blade cuts through the air. A deadly dance that relaxes my nerves for a few moments, that is what I cling to now as my salvation. When I lose this part of myself, then, maybe, I will leave. Maybe the Hokage will send a Hunter-nin after me. Huh…am I that important? Maybe it will be an ANBU, or better yet, a chuunin fresh out of the ranks. It should not be easy to kill the nothing teacher from the academy.
Such bitter thoughts. Loneliness sparks them, my mind entertains them, and so I give into the dance inside my heart. Now die! I finish, whirling around once to slice my prey in half as I land on one knee. Panting breaths cause an unwanted humidity beneath my mask as I glare at the back of my eyelids. Will the wind not come to cool me this night? Has it, too, abandoned me?
A rustling to my right. A shift in the air. I spin, blade coming up, my hand feeling the slightest of vibrations as the kunai is knocked away. So, I am to be attacked in the night. I open my eyes, feeling the need to lose it all in battle. I stand, turning to the right and glaring into the night. Come out, assassin, I dare you. He heeds my silent warning. Out from the brush comes a man in tight blue with a red scarf at his neck and a porcelain wolf-mask covering his face. An ANBU. One not taking me seriously, for he is not wearing the usual chest guard. Armed with two arm bands and a short sword, he stands before me, waiting. For what?
I will not be the first to move. The moon peaks out from behind the clouds for a moment, illuminating my secret field, and that is when I see it. Silver hair. Anger boils in me. There is only one with that color; how dare he face me here. The moon hides again, as if feeling me rage. Sword shifting to attack position, I grasp my chakra and charge. I will prove to you, assassin, who is the better of us. I will prove it here and now, once and for all!
In battle, everything blurs together. Instinct takes over, and all one can hope for is that their training paid off. In a battle such as this, there is no time to think, only time to act. Move for move, I attack or dodge. Nothing impressive, there is no time. As he gives me little time to attack, I give him little time to form a jitsu. I cannot allow that, particularly when I cannot use mine to the extent I need. Minutes fly by, turning into hours. Sweat pours over me, my body aches with fatigue, still I will not stop. Have I been injured? I do not know. I do know that I have yet to injure him. I do not smell the blood. Blood…I want to spill it here.
I do not know how, but suddenly, we separated. Standing, staring, weighing, and judging: neither of us move an inch. He was breathing heavily, clothes darkening from sweat. So, the assassin is not invincible. Good. Something in me tells me this will be the last move. First one to attack will initiate it. The muscles in his right shoulder tense, and he shifts his weight. Within moments, I am moving, barely feeling the cold chill as his short sword flies by my face. With all the power that is in me, I charge. My sword comes up, cutting into his upper body. The force of the moment pushes us both back. We land, him on his back, me on top, my knees pinning his arms to his side, my blade pressed to his throat. It is over. I have won.
His mask cracks and shatters, the pieces falling away to reveal mismatched eyes of night and blood. As it does, the tie to mine snaps; my mask falls to the ground next to us. I glare, hatred, jealousy, hurt, anger all passing through my unguarded gaze as I keep my sword in place. Acknowledge it, Kakashi! Acknowledge that I beat you!
He looks up at me, his eyes the same damnable calm. What does he think I am? One of his students? How dare he look at me like that! I have won, acknowledge it!
"Are you satisfied?" Those words catch me off guard, the tone soft, quiet, almost…caring, like my father's after I throw a fit.
Anger takes over once more. I let out an enraged cry, strangled by shortened breaths, as I pulled my sword back and hit him in the face with the hilt before standing, retrieving my fallen mask in the process. After all of this, he still makes me feel inferior. Damn him! I suddenly feel so foolish. I turn, hiding once more. I will not let him see the hurt in my eyes. I won…but what does it prove. I will never be seen like him in Naruto's eyes. Let me leave silently, at least to save my dignity.
Without fail, he disobeys me again. "I am not trying to take Naruto from you, Iruka." I freeze in place, back stiffening unwillingly and my eyes sliding closed against the burning sensation akin to the coming of tears. Damn him…
"And yet…" My voice is trembling now. In the end, I am still weaker. "You succeed."
"No, I have not." He is lying to me now. Why? I do not want your pity. I can sense him coming forward. I do not move, I dare not. Weight on my shoulder proceeds the heat that filters through to my skin. Pity or comfort? What are you doing? His tone is still soft, but it is not belittling, not this time. "He never tells you, does he?" Tell me what? I want to ask, but I refrain. I get the feeling he will tell me. "Naruto is growing stronger so that you can be proud of him."
My eyes jerk open. He must be lying. I turn, sharply, coming face to face with the one person I thought I hated. He smiles that irritating lazy smile as he continues. "I can only teach him so much, but to motivate him as your acknowledgement does…that is something I cannot do." I stare at him, at a loss of what to say. He only pats my shoulder again. "Good battle, Iruka. We should do it again sometime." With that, he turns to leave.
I watch him go, unsure of what to think. Slowly, I feel the anger melt away and a smile creep onto my face. I accomplished something he could not. Something that will keep Naruto connected to me. For the first time, I find something that goes against the traits of life. I have to ask, though. I have to know. "I won't lose him?" Kakashi turns back, one eyebrow raised. I persist. "I won't lose him…to you or anyone else!" It changed mid-sentence from a question to a confirmation, even the hint of a challenge in my voice.
Kakashi nods once, his eyes saying he accepts my challenge. "You said it first, Iruka." In a puff of smoke, the former ANBU vanished.
The wind picks up now, emerging from wherever it had been hiding now that this battle is over. It chills the warm blood slowly trickling down my face. Distractedly, I reach up to wipe it away. Will this leave a scar in the morning? Probably. Naruto will notice, I am sure. Now…how to explain it to him? I doubt he will believe me if I tell him about this. For the moment, that thought makes me smile. Let him think what he wants for now. The wind is calling. I want to stay, but this time, I do not want to hide.
* * * * *
"Iruka-sensai, how did you get that cut?!?!" As predicted, he notices.
I smile down at him, my eyes catching Kakashi's for just a moment. This time, I do not feel the hatred born from jealousy I had before. I only smile a knowing smile, one that holds yet another secret, one shared between us, and turn back to my Naruto, my only family, and ruffle his hair, causing him to scowl. "I was attacked by an ANBU last night."
"LIAR!" Naruto accused, turning on Kakashi. "You've been teaching him your habits, haven't you!" Kakashi only shrugs but does not move to defend himself. Naruto growls and charges, trying to tackle his instructor. "I won't let you be a bad influence on Iruka-sensai!" Kakashi easily sidesteps the incoming attack, resulting in Naruto falling flat on his face.
Kakashi squats next to his student and ruffles his already messed up hair. Naruto protests loudly, placing his hands over his hair and scowling at the Jounin. I cannot help but laugh at the two as they begin to bicker. Maybe…maybe this change is not so bad. Shaking my head, I start for the two. "Naruto, come on. Let's get some food."
Predictable movement number two. The young boy jumps to his feet, Kakashi completely forgotten, and runs to me, exclaiming over and over again his love for Ramen. I smile and lead the boy away. I inquire as to his training, and, as he begins on yet another exaggerated tale of how he beat Sasuke, I glance back at Kakashi. He simply smiles, shaking his head, and takes that cursed book back out. Well, some things may change but others remain the same.