Ohayou/Konnichiwa/Konbanwa, minasan!  This is my first fic.  Please review and be honest; if you think this sux, tell me! *Braces herself behind her handy-dandy flame-blocking shield of mercy*

Disclaimer: I own Yu-Gi-Oh AND Monty Python.  And today is OPPOSITE DAY!! ^-^

This is a Yu-Gi-Oh/Monty Python and the Holy Grail parody with the YGO charas casting as the MP charas.  If you haven't seen Monty Python, I pity you from the depths of my heart, and suggest you see it before reading this or you will think I've completely lost it.  If you have, you have a pretty good idea of what to expect.  Heheh.  Enjoy!

Please note: DK=Author, and I'll show the names like this:

[Original Name]([Dub Name])/[MP Character]

ALSO: I have separated the yamis and hikaris into separate bodies for story purposes.

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[We begin our story on a foggy moor on the isle of Great Britain, approximately, uhh, let's say 800 years ago (or 2800 years ago, according to the dubbers of Yu-Gi-Oh, who seem to have this problem of pushing back important numbers/dates in the plot 2000 years….grrr….anyway… clopping sounds can be heard in the mist; the outlines of two figures are seen]

Yami/King Arthur: his usual fierce WE CAN WIN THIS DESPITE THE FACT THAT WE HAVE 50 LIFE POINTS LEFT look in his face

 Dark Magician/Patsy: clopping two coconut halves together, looking nonplussed, hovering behind Yami

[Suddenly a castle wall looms in front of them.  A guard is on it]

Rishid (Odion)/Guard 1: Um…halt…looks at script Who goes there…

DK: WITH FEELING!  Lightning flashes

Rishid: sweatdrop HALT!!  WHO GOES THERE?!

DK: smiles sweetly Much better.

Yami: It is I, the Pharaoh, son of, of…argg, stupid memory loss…of another pharaoh guy, um, I come from my palace I'm-pretty-sure-I-had-in-Egypt…King of All Games, Defeater of all megalomaniacal mental cases who threaten this world, sovereign of all Egypt, and now England!

Rishid: Pray tell how did you become ruler of England?

Yami: Uh...sweatdrop…plot hole?

Rishid: Ah.  Well then, what do you want?

Yami: My trusty servant, um, Patsy DM's eye twitches and I have ridden the length and breadth of this land in search of other duelists who would join me at my court in a castle I just recently won here from a Shadow Game.  I must speak with your lord and master.

Rishid: What?  Ridden on a horse? peers down at the two

Yami: Um, duh?

Rishid: You do realize that you're using two coconut halves and banging them together simply to mimic the sound of a horse's hooves?

 Yami: sweatdrop Um, a certain evil Yami who likes bloody, raw meat sort of ate our valiant steeds.

Rishid: Er ……Where'd you get the coconuts, then?

Yami: looks at script Um…we…found them?

Rishid: Found them?  But we're up north!  Coconuts are found in tropical areas!

Yami: I brought them with me from Egypt.

Rishid: You couldn't have gotten past customs with those.

Yami: Geez, he's good…er, I mean, the swallow may fly south with the sun, or the house marten seek warmer climbs in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land!

Rishid: So you're suggesting coconuts migrate, then?

Yami: They could be carried!

DM: stony silence

Rishid: trying to control laughter What?  Swallows carrying coconuts?  Impossible!

Yami: resolutely It could grip it by the husk!

DM: …

Rishid: It's not a question of where he grips it.  A five-ounce bird cannot carry a one-pound coconut.  Look, to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings 493 (or 2493, in the dub) times a minute, right?

Yami: p.o.ed Shut up, fool!

Shadi/Guard 2: appears It could be carried by an African swallow.

Rishid: I suppose, but my point is that it couldn't be carried by a European swallow.

Shadi: Ah yes, then what you say is true, my friend.

Rishid: Anyway, African swallows are non-migratory.

Yami: extremely p.o.ed WILL YOU JUST ASK YOUR LORD IF HE WILL JOIN ME AT MY COURT IN THE CASTLE I JUST RECENTLY WON HERE FROM A SHADOW GAME??!!

DM: …

Shadi: to Rishid But suppose two swallows were carrying it?

Rishid: deep thinking If somehow a string could be attached to the dorsal feathers…

Yami: many popping veins ^-^;; AAAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

DM: Holds up a cue card that says "Perhaps we should leave now, master?"

Yami: pant, pant Perhaps you are right.  Come, Patsy!

[They ride off into the mist, leaving the two annoyingly philosophical Egyptians to their discussion]

[In a very muddy, dirty, medieval village, a mortician is collecting the bodies of the dead on a cart, already piled high with unfortunates]

Shizuka (Serenity)/Mortician: Um, bring out your dead?  bangs cowbell  Bring out your dead…EWWW THIS IS SICK!!!!  WHY MEEE?!!

DK: Because you need to toughen up.  You're always "Joey, save me!" and "Joey, he's gonna win, right?" and it GETS ON MY NERVES!!  Deal w/ it, chica.  sticks out tongue

Shizuka: Sniff…sniff…but I love my brother Joey and we will always be there for each other!!  starts to go into "moving speech" mode

DK: -_-x Get on with it… foreboding thunder

Shizuka: Eeep!!  Okay, okay!! hastily clangs cowbell

Honda (Tristan)/Townsperson: Heh, at least I get to do this…  Yo, one over here!  Oh, hi, Shizuka!  Blush

Otogi (Duke)/Not Quite Dead Dude: slung over Honda's shoulder, facing backwards I'M NOT DEAD YET!!!!  Ohhh, hey Shizuka!!  Blush Um, actually, I'm not feeling that good, so you could just take me now, heheheheh….

Shizuka: Umm, okay…get on the cart, then… sweatdrop

Honda: WAIT!!  YOU FEEL FINE!!!  Drops Otogi I'm the one who's dying!  See?  wallows in mud on ground, groaning pitifully

Otogi: NO!!  Take me now, oh beautiful angel of Death!!  Wallows on ground, trying to outdo Honda in the way of pitifulness

Honda: But I'm DEADER than he is!

Shizuka: Um, is "deader" a word?

Otogi+Honda: It is if you say, oh Goddess of Perfection! Both covered in mud, sparkly eyes

Shizuka: runs away w/ cart, scared Joey? JOEY??  OH JOEY SAAAVE MEEE!!

[The two boys, still sitting in the mud, now notice Yami and Patsy- er, I mean Dark Magician riding past majestically, most likely the only things in town not covered in dirt]

Otogi: Who's that?

Honda: Oh, this Pharaoh guy who just moved from Egypt.

Otogi: Pharaoh, is he?  How can you tell?

Honda: He's ridiculously clean.

Otogi: Ah. 

[Both watch as he rides away]

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…Well, how was it?  I really just chose Rishid and Shadi randomly as the guards.  And yes Shizuka really does annoy me greatly.  I promise it'll get better as the story goes along, I'm just following the plot of the movie.  Read on to Chapter 2 and don't forget to review!

Oh my sweet Kharl that was corny…