50 Ways in Which Cornelius Fudge Meets an Untimely Demise

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any character, place or object belonging to the Harry Potterverse. Or any reference to other literary characters, movie, tv or book. I just like killing off Fudge.

Author's Note: This is the original list I created for Fudge's Untimely Demise that I posted at FictionAlley about 4 or 5 months ago. It is from this list that the chapters are based upon.

Hey there. Well, one day I was bored. No, sorry, I was really bored, as you are when you are learning something, so a very evil idea popped into my head - what are ways that Minister for Magic, Cornelius Fudge, the character you love to hate could meet his ultimate doom? So, here's what I've come up with, hope you all like them!

1. He is killed by Voldemort because he didn't believe the Dark Lord had returned. The twat.

2. He is attacked by a mad hippogriff.

3. He is murdered by the Bulgarian Minister for Magic for not remembering his name.

4. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley reveal 'what Fudge is' and he is sentenced to a Dementor's Kiss. (A/N Well, I think Fudge is a Death Eater, so that's what I reckon the Weasley's were on about)

5. The Dementor who kissed Crouch Jr. went on a kissing frenzy (Guess who got kissed).

6. He forgets to jump a missing step at Hogwarts and falls to his doom.

7. He meets Fluffy. Need I say more?

8. He meets the Basilisk and is forced to spend eternity sharing the bathroom with Myrtle. (A/N I know the Basilisk's dead, but I still thought this was funny. Anyways, what's not to say that there's another Basilisk hanging around?)

9. He splinches himself while Apparating and is hacked to death by God-fearing Muggles.

10. He is put on the stake for practising witchcraft.

11. He is murdered as a part of a Muggle government conspiracy to detect and clone magic DNA.

12. He is run over by a passing broom manufacturing company truck when he ventures into Muggle London.

13. Filch caught him wandering around the school after lights out and gave him is own form of punishment (torture anyone?).

14. He is decapitated as a part of a 'Rid the World of Lime Green Bowler Hats' demonstration.

15. He meets Sirius Black. (A/N Revenge for not believing his innocence. Highly unlikely to happen, I know, but a girl can dream!)

16. He catches a glimpse of a Grim. (Thanks Lib!)

17. He has his fortune told by Professor Trelawney (can anyone guess what she predicted?) and it comes true.

18. He is hit by a rogue bludger. Repeatedly.

19. Scores of Harry Potter fans trample him in a rampage after reading Goblet of Fire.

20. The Man in Black puts iocaine in his red currant rum in a duel on wits, which of course Fudge fails. (A/N Lol. Blatantly stolen from The Princess Bride, one of my other favourite stories)

21. He tried to get into a secret vault at Gringotts… and was found years later in one of the goblins' ten-yearly checks.

22. Hagrid accidentally steps on him. ('I didn't see `im!')

23. Lupin forgets to take the Wolfsbane Potion again and has to hide in the Shrieking Shack, and Sirius leads him to the Whomping Willow (a la Snape).

24. Stampedes of Anti-Fudge fans jump into the books and tie him up to the Whomping Willow.

25. Moody (Crouch Jr.) used him in his demonstration of the Unforgivable curses (DIE Fudge DIE!)

26. He met the Wicked Witch in Hansel and Gretel (A/N Fudge/fudge/gingerbread house. Sorry, I couldn't help myself!)

27. He's made to compete in the Triwizard Tournament… and doesn't quite make it past the dragons. Barbeque Fudge, anyone?

28. He choked on a crumpet that Tom from The Leaky Cauldron served him. (PoA)

29. Someone planted a tattoo Dark Mark on his left forearm when he's asleep…

30. He is hexed by millions of disgruntled Harry Potter fans.

31. By being the complete git he is.

32. He is eaten by Aragog. Or one of his children.

33. Mr. Weasley's car runs him over. Again. And again. And again.

34. Dumbledore refuses to fix up anymore MoM problems.

35. He realised that Voldemort IS back and is admitted to St. Mungo's for shock and a botched up Memory Charm he tried to perform on himself.

36. He is pushed off the Astronomy Tower.

37. He is a politician. Need I say more?

38. He died from saliva poisoning from an over-excited Fang.

39. He got lost in Dumbledore's beard (or Hagrid's hair, if it comes to that).

40. He met Tyler Durden ('Fight Club')... Some imaginary friends can be deadly

41. A gaggle of Cornish Pixies are sicced upon him.

42. He gets a hold of the Harry Potter books, reads them, and upon venturing into Muggle London, is stoned by Harry Potter-loving Muggles.

43. 50 tons of Harry Potter books falls on him.

44.  He reads the Harry Potter books and goes into hiding for fear of being hurt by masses of Fudge-haters.

45. He is denied acceptance to the Competent Politicians Guild. (But then again, who would be?)

46. He is chased by anyone with even a little fashion sense. Who in the world goes around wearing a pinstriped suit, scarlet tie, long black cloak, pointed purple boots and a lime green bowler hat to top it off?

47. He faces Voldemort with one of Fred and George's wands.

48. He enters Snape's office and finds out the hard way that Snape is a vampire.

49. Who cares? Whatever it will be, we will all dance with joy over his grave.

50. J.K. decides to kill him off.

Tootles!