Hey All,
I wrote this at the end of season three and, for some reason, it didn't ever get published. So, yeah, enjoy.
Are You Happy?
Are you happy?
The question on the standardish test poked and prodded at Buffy, she didn't want to answer it because the answer was no. Most definitely not.
The one person who she thought understood her betrayed her. Her father figure had betrayed her. Her lover couldn't touch her. Her friends were preoccupied with their own completely valid concerns. She was slowly realizing that the bright future that awaited all her friends was not in her future. She was going to be a slayer until she died, alone and lonely.
No, she marked without hesitation.
Are you happy?
Xander laughed nervously as he glanced down at the paper. "Am I happy," he mused. His knee jerk reaction was to say no, say he hated his life. But the only problem was that he couldn't think of why he hated his life.
There was of course Cordelia. He did hate her. Or did he love her. He wasn't sure. He hated how she treated him, but he realized he had earned it. He couldn't blame Cordy, he could ridicule her, but not blame her. He didn't really hate her. SO, maybe he hated his friends. No, he loved Buffy and Will, he liked Giles and Oz, he even didn't really hate Angel, that much. Ok so maybe he hated what he and his friends continually did. But the thing was, he didn't really. Yha sure, he almost died every week, but he knew why, at least. Most of the people in Sunnydale didn't have a clue what was going on. He wouldn't want to stop what he was doing. No, he didn't hate being part of the slayers club. So what did he hate. Well, he hated the fact that he had lost his virginity to Faith, the devil spawn slayer. He hated that he was normal, which made him a freak among his group of friends. He hated that he was a senior and that all of it was going to end. He hated that Will was going to go to Harvard, and Oz was going to be some computer genius guy, and Buffy was off to slay those vamps that haunted northwestern. But what was he going to do? Bum around Sunnydale until the odds caught up with him and he turned out to be little more than a happy meal on legs.
Xander marked yes, yes he was happy. He wouldn't bet on staying happy for more than six months, but for the time being he was. That seemed to be all the question was asking.
Are you happy?
Willow smiled as she looked down at the question. Yes, well mostly. Yha, sure she was constantly in danger and one of her friends had recently betrayed them. And, yha, she knew that both Buffy and Xander were unhappy, which made Willow unhappy. And, Ok, her parents ignored her.
But she was learning how to be a witch, and she was actually doing a lot good with those skills. And she had Oz, the most wonderful person she could imagine. And the relationship had already had a crisis and Oz had forgiven her, and being forgiven was the most wonderful felling in the world. And her future was nothing but bright, it might be littered with choices, but all the choices were good choices. She marked yes without hesitation.
Are you happy?
Oz looked down at the standardized question. It was simple, yes or no.
Yes.
Are you happy?
Cordelia looked down at the standardized test and marked yes. What kind of question was that supposed to be. Only losers like Xander and his little Scooby--squad would ever admit that they were unhappy. People like Cordelia, people who were beautiful and popular couldn't be sad, they had the world in their hand. Sure, she didn't have Xander, but that was gain, she repeated to herself. He was a youthful indiscretion that she regretted, even while she was in it. A fling, she was slumming. All perfectly acceptable expiations. And the only reason that she insulated him so much was that he deserved it, being a loser. She wasn't being petty, or cruel or trying to get revenge. She just was being fair and honest, and loud about it.
And maybe she wasn't as rich as she had been, or wasn't rich at all. Maybe she had to work for spending money, which she had to pinch because she needed a prom dress and the closer the prom got the more she realized she wasn't going to get it. That was just this year, next year held an even worse future for her. She wouldn't be able to go to collage she would have to work to earn money, and save and live like a poor person. It almost seemed like it would be better if she was killed by some vampire or Demon or monster thingy.
Cordy hand to hold back a sob. But she couldn't cry it would smear her make up.
Her answer remained yes.
Giles did not like being a high school librarian. He was commonly handed menial task that were atrocious merely because it was commonly believed that he had noting to do in the library so he could assume any amount of responsibility. That simply was not true. Granted a great portion of his day was spent doing research for "extra-curricular activities" that most librarians didn't do. But even if he didn't have those particular things taking up his time, he still had better things to do than sort through and score psychological examinations of all the seniors. He wasn't even licensed to do that sort of thing. Nevertheless, it did give him an opportunity to examine the psyches of the few seniors with whom he was very familiar.
Naturally he dug through the papers and found Buffy's first. All things considered he thought she had a good mental status. The test score showed high self-esteem, high intelligence and good self image. She did seem to have little confidence in the competence of others, but all things considered he thought she had reason to doubt those things. However the last question surprised him. She wasn't happy. Giles was shocked. Thinking about it, she had very little reason to be happy, this year had been horrible for her, and he was partly to blame for that. He could have been more understanding when it came to Angel, and he should have told her about the Watchers test. He would have to make it up to her somehow. Buffy was such an irrepressible spirit, such a resilient sole. The world should stop if she was sad.
Reluctantly, he set her file aside, deciding to let the facts mull in his head while he scored the rest of the test.
He knew the majority of the people whose test he scored and so found scoring their psychological profiles a fairly amusing past time. About twelve in he fell across Cordelia's and found that she had a nearly perfect score, as in she had no hang ups, no quirks, in short the perfect life and the perfect psyche. "She is a good tester," He mused, remembering that she had once been very insistent on that point. She had lied, probably as much to herself as to the test. No one as mentally balanced as she appeared to be continually felt the need to put down those who she had once considered her friends.
The next he came across Xander's and was not at all surprised that his mental examination likened his mental state to that of a block of Swiss cheese. Xander tested poorly to the same extent that Cordelia tested well. The boy came off looking like the poster child for maladjustment when the fact was he had adjusted very well considering his circumstances. Very few boys have to go through demon slaying and puberty at the same time. Giles made sure to make a few understandable, yet important mistakes, which he estimated would save the young man at least a hundred hours of un-needed (well perhaps only marginally needed) therapy.
About half way through his pile Giles found Oz's test and was very startled to discover that he had tested completely normal, totally average. That would be the last word Giles would have used to describe Oz. He marked it twice to make sure he hadn't made any mistakes. He hadn't. "Odd," He mused as he set the paper aside. That was a word he would readily use to describe the young man.
Finally, somewhere close to the end he found Willow's test. It was a little confusing at first, a lot of seeming contradictions, yet in the end everything came out painting the picture of a very content, well adjusted young woman. It was the only on of the standardized test that came out even close to what Giles already knew about these particular students. He finished the pile and went to make himself some tea. While he was in his office, taking advantage of God's-gift-to-Englishman, the electric tea pot, the bell rang and before he knew it Buffy followed by Willow, Xander and Oz burst into the library. "Kay, Giles," Buffy said, not sounding like the depressed teen she was supposed to be. "What's the plan for tonight?"
"Hay what are these?" Xander asked right on the tail of Buffy's question.
"They look like the tests they had us take during home room," Oz said astutely.
"Those crazy test?"
"They weren't crazy test," Giles said as he speed towards the waylaid papers. "They are psychological examinations."
"Were you scoring them?" Willow asked.
"As a matter of fact, yes I was."
"How'd I do?" Xander asked looking at the papers like a fox looking at a hen house. "Or better yet how'd Cordy do?"
"I can't tell you, it's confidential."
"You don't have to tell me everything, just a little something to use for blackmail."
Giles ignored him totally.
"Can't you at least tell us how we did?" Buffy asked, making a little pouting face that was somewhat less than crushing.
"No, actually, I'm not licensed to tell you anything."
"Are you licensed to grade the test?" Willow asked
"Not technically no, but it would appear that besides substitute teaching classes when the real teachers suddenly become ill and chaperoning field trips no one else has the desire to go on my job description also includes scoring psychological profiles."
"Is that entirely legal?" Willow asked.
"No, but I've already lost one job this year, I'm not about to lose another by questing the powers that be. No matter how much they whine and snivel."
"I heard that," Principal Snyder said as he walked into the library. "I hope that you weren't talking about me."
"What would you do if I was?" Giles asked, with just enough of the Ripper in his voice to keep Snyder from answering.
"What are you children doing here?" Snyder demanded.
The four teens passed around a quick glance and finally Buffy ventured "Hanging out."
"This is a Library!" Snyder said in his sharp screechy voice. "You expect me to believe that trouble makers like you are just hanging out here?"
Buffy was silent for a moment, finally she said. "You know, you're right. What kind of high-school students are we? Hanging around in a library when there is a whole world of alcohol and drugs and sex and countless other forbidden pleasures that I can't even think of out there, ripe for the picking." Buffy looked at her friends with a wry smile. "I think I'll go get a false I.D. and hang out at a bar." She walked past Snyder grinning all the way.
The three remaining teens waited a second than Xander followed her. "There's this Strip club I've been meaning to go to for a while," he explained as he walked out the door.
For an awkward second Willow was standing between the two teachers nervously, and Oz was standing besides her. "You know," she said turning to her boy friend when she couldn't stand the weirdness any longer. "I think we should go home."
Oz nodded, but for some reason, probably for principal Snyder's sake, she felt the need to clarify that statement. "That is I think we should go home together, but to different homes."
"I think they got the idea," Oz said kindly.
"Than we should . . . ah . . ."
"Go," Snyder prompted.
"Right," Willow said as she scurried out of the room with Oz on her tail.
The librarian and the principal were alone in the Library in utter silence for a moment. Than without a word Snyder grabbed the scored test and walked out without saying a word.
Giles watched the door swing shut behind the principal before muttering "Miserable little weasel" and taking a sip of his tea.
The End