~*Harry Potter and the Second War*~
So I just read Order of the Phoenix, and I felt like poking fun at it. Not something you can attack me for, you mock of an Inquisitorial Squad, since I wrote SPOILER clearly across the front of this and if you had any sense then you wouldn't have clicked on it... I know these chapters are kinda small but I don't care, I'm doing this mostly for my own amusement, so if you don't feel mildly amused, then just review the story and flame it for all its worth. I poured gasoline on it for the occasion...
REVISED: I noticed a few things that needed adding, soooooo here we are. A bit longer, you should see.
Funny Part of Book Five: "ARE YOU MAD, MAD-EYE?" –– Tonks, Order of the Phoenix p 57
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Chapter 1- Message From Beyond
Far away, above a small, uniform house in Little Whinging, the sun was starting to rise in the sky. And with the first rays of daylight, there was also the sound of pen against paper, an X crossing off another day on a wall calendar, greeting with the unmistakenable hoot of an owl.
The street was Privet Drive, and all its houses were apparently built in the same ugly square architectural design as the rest of the town. Nobody stirred in any but a certain person in Number Four, a boy who had just turned sixteen that day.
"Sssh, Hedwig!" hissed the skinny, bespectacled boy angrily. "Uncle Vernon's bound to get up any minute, and ––"
He didn't manage to finish his sentence. Almost two dozen owls were swooping through the bedroom's open window and perching silently on every available space, packages and letters tied to their legs. The boy stared at them with wide green eyes, startled. He had practically forgotten his birthday in his despairing over staying at Privet Drive for most of the summer.
The boy's name was Harry Potter, a wizard-in-training, and an orphan adopted by his aunt, uncle, and cousin only for his protection. He was going into his sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, a renowned school of magic for over a thousand years.
"Bloody great of them to finally write to me," Harry Potter mumbled, as he untied the packages from his best friends first. These were the first letters from them all summer, and he was rather ticked off because he hadn't been able to talk to anyone lately. He left them on his bed and carried on to relieve another owl of its burden, making sarcastic remarks the whole time. His baggy hand-me-down clothing fluttered loosely as a breeze blew in the window.
Once all the owls flew back, with hastily scrawled thank-yous tied to their legs, Harry surveyed the pile of presents he had received. Tentatively he picked up the one from Tonks and neatly pulled the wrapping paper off of it. A letter fell out.
Dear Harry,
Hope those Muggles don't ruin your holiday. I thought you
might like this, since you asked me about my "talent" last year.
Don't get your hopes down about staying at the Muggle's place,
because there may be a change of plans, if you catch my drift.
Tonks
Harry looked up from the letter and figured out what the Metamorphmagus had sent him; An Amateurs Guide to Stealth and Concealment by Gregory Sneak. It was a big, thick book full of ways to alter your appearance temporarily, and even included a page (bookmarked, no doubt by Tonks herself) on helpful magical techniques to disguise scars.
He munched on a bit of cake, which his resourceful friend Hermione had sent him, as he watched the owls depart. His aunt, uncle, and cousin hadn't heard a thing, which he was very grateful for. At least he had Mad-Eye looking out for him, or so he thought.
An enormous package from Hogwarts came by barn owl, including his booklist and O.W.L.s. A letter addressed to him, also from the package, read:
Dear Mr. Potter,
Enclosed are:
· Your personal O.W.L. results
· Your sixth-year booklist
· Your N.E.W.T. preparatory class schedule
· An individual letter each from your Head of House and the Headmaster of Hogwarts
The Hogwarts staff congratulates you on passing your O.W.L.s and will see you shortly on the night of September 1st.
Minerva McGonagall
Deputy Headmistress
He sat down next to his pile of presents stacked on his bed and shuffled through his Hogwarts things. He fount his O.W.L.s and read his grades.
O.W.L. Exam Results for: X___Harry Potter___
Charms ~ Outstanding
Astronomy ~ Acceptable
Potions ~ Outstanding
Divination ~ Poor
Transfiguration ~ Outstanding
Herbology ~ Exceeds Expectations
Defense Against the Dark Arts ~ Outstanding
History of Magic ~ Dreadful
Care of Magical Creatures ~ Exceeds Expectations
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Total O.W.L.s ~ 14
He gawked at the results. He had fourteen O.W.L.s! He even passed all of the required classes to become an Auror with at least "Outstanding". He had N.E.W.T. preparatory classes in all six passed subjects, and the ones he didn't pass were, inexplicably, dropped. He couldn't wait to tell Sirius, but. . . . Sirius was gone.
The rest of the presents were also books, or food. As he crumpled up all the wrapping and hid it under his bed, he noticed a large, beady-eyed black owl waiting outside the window. He spotted a scroll tied to its leg, which made echoing mimics of the whispering noises from the veiled archway in the Department of Mysteries as it fluttered in the wind. He felt almost compelled to take the note.
The owl waited silently, its eyes boring holes through Harry. Nervously he unraveled it.
Harry – Bellatrix didn't kill me, as you may have suspected. I cannot reveal my location.
If you survived the Death Eater ambush, please write back, but don't reveal anything
because your letter could be intercepted.
Padfoot
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Well that's just one really really well-planned cliff hanger. I hope you like it, and don't forget, you can give me any kind of review, so long as you review it. You do know I'm a trained Legilimens, right? I can tell if you didn't review... muahahaha!
I love spoiling it for everyone :D
REVISED: Yes, well, how about that. I added the O.W.L.s (surprise, surprise) and everything, but you'll see why the not-passed classes are dropped in a few chapters. Why? Because I feel like it.
SUPER DUPER REVISED: And now the O.W.L.s went from 6 to 14. Happy now?
ULTRA MEGA SUPER DUPER UNBELIEVABLE REVISED: Well it looks like Outstanding is a higher grade than Exceeds Expectations... oops. Well, now its fixed. The right classes have the right grades, ok? Gooooood.