Title: A Man Who…: Home Sweet Home
Author: DC Luder
Disclaimer: FM, DS, MS, WS belong to them crazy CC and Co. out in LA.
Summary: Paging Dr. Scully-Baker!
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I sat stoically, staring intently at my feet as Skinner watched me. He was shocked, that was for sure. I was as well; the last thing on my mind had been to confess to him that Mulder was involved in this whole mess more than anyone knew.
For years, I had kept everything to myself, even from my mother. After I had finally accepted that Mulder had died, I knew had to move on, that he would have wanted me to keep on living my own life. But in reality, my life was over, the life that I had lived only existed because of Mulder. I then had to take on the daunting task of renewing myself. And carrying Mulder's child inside of me made the work all the more difficult.
I had moved north, to a small quiet town, leaving the big city life far behind. No one knew me, or knew what I had once been. To them, I was the sweet doctor who would always lend a helping hand when needed. I was the woman who was always at church on Sunday and was present at every charitable event put on by the hospital as well as the school. I was Dr. Dana Scully, and then shortly after, Dr. Dana Scully-Baker.
They didn't know I was from Georgetown, Maryland and had worked at the FBI. There I had been someone who shot down countless thugs, chased conspirators and had run alongside the best of them. They didn't know that had lost my sister as a result of my work or that I had faced death and danced with cancer. I wasn't the Ice Queen of Quantico or Spooky's hot partner. I wasn't Special Agent Dana Scully.
And here, six years later, after my own resurrection, everything was coming back to haunt me.
I had always trusted Skinner, not only as a superior but as a human being as well. He knew right from wrong and would stop at nothing to defend himself and those around him. When I had left DC, I told him I would keep in touch. From the look in his eye that day, I could tell he thought we would never see each other again.
And I hadn't doubted it either.
My mother had toyed with the idea of meeting him socially for years, after several brief meetings that always revolved around either myself or Mulder being in danger or injured. She would call regularly to speak with her grandson and then would chat with me about how I should come visit her for a weekend to myself.
Skinner must have told her that Mulder had returned. Hadn't he? Or perhaps she had been in the dark just as I had been. She had always been fond of Mulder, most notably of his devotion to me. I remembered calling her the day Mulder had been taken, entrusting my greatest fears with her. She had been hurt as well, by his "passing" and had always been there to comfort me in the first few months. She had accepted things and had gone on with the present. Moving day to day with hardly a passing thought that he might still be alive…
I finally looked up and met his eyes, was about to voice my previous thoughts and was interrupted by a timer sounding in the kitchen. I gasped, rose quickly and moved directly towards the sound. I retrieved two potholders from a drawer near the sink and proceeded to remove the lasagna from the oven.
When I turned to set it on the counter, Skinner stood in the doorway, his face solemn and unmoving. The "why-do-you-think-that-you're-getting-off-that-easy" look I recalled from countless meetings in his spacious office where Mulder was forced to defend his actions or his outrageous expense reports. Usually the latter.
I sighed and set the steaming dish down.
"Walter, I---."
He cut me off, "Dana, does he know?"
He didn't need to clarify who "he" was. Mulder. I had so desperately wanted to tell him, especially after seeing him and Will practically bond at breakfast. It was uncanny how well they hit it off, joking about my poor dog's name and Mulder letting Will pay for the meal… But then again, Mulder had always been good with children, let alone his own son. A natural father. More so than Dave?
I bit my lip and faced away from Skinner, feeling the sudden flash of heat and sting of tears. Such thoughts were horrible, and quaked my soul to the core. I had given my vow of honor and love to Dave and had been happy with him and had so much in common. He tended to Will as if he were his own offspring and never failed to keep us happy and healthy. He was a devoted man whom I loved dearly.
I shook my head and heard Skinner sigh, "Dana, he needs to know. With him thinking Will is another man's child, it's only going to tear him apart."
After turning to face him, I replied, "And if I do tell him then what? Walter, I can't separate Will from Dave, who is the only man he sees as his father. How could I possibly explain that to him? I can't have a life split down the middle with Dave on one side, Mulder on the other and Will and me in the middle! We can't do that!"
The tears I had been fighting had brimmed over and spilled recklessly down my cheeks. I had never felt comfortable crying in front of anyone, but I didn't care at the moment. He stood quietly and stared at me, his face solemn and vague. No reply came from his direction.
I took a breath and wiped my face, "It's not fair for Will to have his life turned upside down. He's six years old, he doesn't need to have everything he knows changed in the blink of an eye."
"It's also not fair to let Mulder miss out on his only link left to a life that he's lost forever." He spoke quietly, with a hint of emotion in his voice, "Dana, I'm not asking you to give up custody of your child. I'm not asking for you to leave your life behind," he paused and turned towards the door, "All I'm asking is that you give him a chance. That boy upstairs is his only family left, and he doesn't even know it."
My breath failed as Skinner walked out of the kitchen and silently made his way to the door. It took a full minute for me to sink to the floor, silent sobs shaking my shoulders. My hands cupped my face and became wet with salty tears. I sat on the linoleum floor, my legs up and pressed against my torso as I cried.
I cried for Mulder, and for all that he had missed out on in his life. For his lost childhood, lost time as he faced Lord knows what during his abduction and lost moments with his son.
I cried for Will, never knowing the truth about his father. For never being told who he really was and how much he looked like dad.
I cried shamelessly for myself, for not being there for Mulder when he needed me. After all he had sacrificed for me, I had let him down.
I cried for Walter, for all that he had done for me and for Mulder over the years. Such a generous man asking for nothing in return.
No, he had asked for something.
I heard the front door open and Dave announce that he was home and that dinner smelled great. I heard his steps as he crossed the hall, set his briefcase down and hung his coat. He then called out my name, than Will's, paused and made his way into the kitchen. Once he saw me on the floor, he was at my side in a flash, wrapping his arms around me, asking what was wrong.
That only made me cry harder.
As he rocked me and tried to soothe my pain, I cried for Dave. He had been nothing but wonderful to me for six years and was an honest and noble man who loved his family.
And I had to break his heart.
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"I made this!"
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