Title: A Man Who…: The Truth Is Out There

Author: DC Luder

Disclaimer: FM, DS, MS, WS belong to them crazy CC and Co. out in LA.

Summary: Mulder sums everything up for us.

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By 5:30, I had driven past her house forty-one times that day.

My disaster of a meeting with Dave hadn't made matters any better, only more reasons to keep his guard up against me. I should have controlled myself, but I couldn't. I felt nothing but pure rage as he sat there, smug grin on his face, surrounded by his diplomas and his pictures of my Scully…

After the forty-third time, I parked up the street and then sat in the driver's seat for a few minutes after cutting the engine. Hands still on the steering wheel, I stared at my reflection in the rear view mirror.

My eyes were wide, with dilated pupils. The hair was beyond roused and I tempted to tame it by running a hand through it. My jaw was pebbled with stubble and my Adam's apple jumped in rhythm with my breathing.

What had become of me?

I reached over for the glove compartment door, unlatched and retrieved a pill bottle. I scanned the prescription label. Zoloft. We had switched shortly after I had started on Prozac because it worsened my insomnia. I hadn't taken one since I had started my trip to see Scully. Almost four days. I popped out two tablets and threw them back into my throat.

Good as time as any to start back up again.

I returned the vial to the glove compartment and then looked at myself once more in the mirror. I looked calmer, but not by much.

Finally, I opened the car door and made my way up to her house. Taking my time, I scanned the flowerbed in front of the Baker home. Scully had always loved flowers, but living in the city, she was limited as to what she could store in vases. The lawn was well kept, not a stray leaf or twig in site. Scully's doing? She was always neat and precise. But then again, so many doctors were.

I found myself at the door, my finger pressing the doorbell.

I dropped my hand and waited for the door to open. Just like the other night, when I stood there, roses in my hand and a smile on my face. So much had happened in such a short time. I prepared to ring again when the door opened.

To Dr. Dave Baker.

I must have given him a startled look because he stepped back and stared at me oddly. I tried to calm my features, but as I did so, I noticed his were tense. But not out of anger. His face looked sad and there was a small moisture spot on his shirt. A shoulder that had been cried on?

"Mr. Mulder," he stated, more a declaration for himself rather than a greeting.

"Dr. Baker, I'm sorry for showing up unexpected--."

He cut me off, "No, that's not a problem, it's just that…" He looked towards the living room, "Well, I suppose you should be here if anyone, please, come in."

He opened the door and stepped aside and I moved through the doorway. While he closed it, I stood next to him, studying his features more carefully. Something was most definitely wrong.

He led us to the living room where I was startled by the sight before me. Scully, tear-stained sat on the couch with Will in her arms. Her eyes were closed and she hadn't seen me but the boy had. A look of fear and pain came over his face and I was puzzled beyond reason. That morning we had a nice breakfast, joked about Scully's dog and had a good time together. Now he looked terrified by my presence.

"Dana, Mulder's here," Dave announced.

Scully looked up and opened her mouth briefly before speaking, "Mulder, what are you doing here?"

I had no clue but I had to come up with something aside from stalking her, "I wanted to talk to you. I think we need to clear some things up."

She nodded, chewed her lower lip and then glanced at Dave. He made his way from the wall to the couch in three long strides, picked his son up and then made his way out of the room. The boy had tears on his face as well, but he seemed not quite as upset with my being there, now that he was in his father's arms.

Once they had left, I took a seat next to her and touched her shoulder, "Scully what's going on, did someone, uh, die?"

"What? Oh no, nothing like that, just some… A family discussion."

I was taken aback by this, because I thought it quite odd that any discussion in the Baker family would involve shedding tears by two out of its three members. "Is everything all right? Will looked terrified of me."

She cringed and then looked up at me, straight on. "Mulder," she looked focused, but then her eyes moved away, "Skinner came and visited me today."

"Did something happen to your mother? Scully you can tell me anything," I squeezed her shoulder gently.

She shook her head and wiped her eyes, "No, it has nothing to do with Mom. Did you know he was in town?"

"Not until thirty minutes ago, he called my cell, asked if I had plans for dinner. I actually think he came up here to rein me in and drag me back to DC."

"Pressing matters?"

"Hardly, probably worried I'm getting myself into trouble."

"You? Never," she offered a quiet smile. Finally, a sign of Scully. "He always looked out for you. For the both of us."

Before I could reply any of my countless quirks I reserved just for her, she asked, "Why didn't you tell me about your depression?"

I sat back and allowed my hand to fall from her, confused at first, but then I grew suddenly paranoid about what Skinner had told her in his visit to her. Had he disclosed everything? He had no right to tell her, it had been mine, not his.

My responsibility to tell her…

"Scully, I'm sorry. I should have… It just didn't seem right to unload all of my problems onto you after finding you again. It seemed unfair to give you any more burden to bear for me."

"Mulder, you know that's not true." Her eyes were clear and begged for more.

"It's really under control. My depression and my stress disorder. When I stay active I'm fine, keep the mind focused on anything but my own problems. Like always, you know. It's just then when I found out about," I paused and glanced at a family portrait that hung from the wall. She followed my gaze and sighed. I broke the quiet, "It was hard enough accepting that you had left everything behind, but then that you had actually moved on, had a family. It was unbearable. The whole time I was in recovery, even when they still had me captive, I focused on one thing to get me through it alive."

She whispered, "Me."

I nodded, "I know it's unfair to do this to you, but I had to know you were happy, for my own sanity or whatever is left of it."

"I am happy Mulder." I cringed and she must have noticed for her hand reached for mine and squeezed it, "I am happy with Dave and Will and my life. I'm happy with this house and my work and with everything."

"I'm sorry, Scully, for---."

She touched my lips with her fingers and silenced me, "But I'm miserable without you. I have been, don't think I didn't suffer every day you were missing. Everyone gave up but me and Skinner, but after all those months… Mulder I thought deep down that if you were still alive out there that you would have come home to me by then. And since you hadn't, I felt that was the proof that I had lost you."

Her hand moved and caressed my cheek, over scars that had long since healed, "Now that I know you're alive, everything's been altered. Shifted just so. And I don't know if I want it to go back to the way it was."

"Scully, I can't let you give this up. Your family, your work, your life, just as you said. I can go it alone, I know you're happy now, that's what I came for."

She glanced in the direction that her husband had left and then took a deep breath.

"I'll be fine, you've got them, I've got Skinner. Plus, I'm sure Mama Scully will check in on me every once and awhile. Especially if Skinman plays his cards right," I winked at her and her smile returned

That lasted too briefly for my taste.

Her face went solemn and both her hands grasped mine as her eyes studied them carefully. She laced her fingers with mine and then locked her eyes on me, steady, sure and very much Scully. She spoke smoothly, in that even, yet emotional tone that I hadn't heard since the last time I saw her before Skinner and I had left for Oregon.

"I have something to tell you."

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"I made this!"

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