Nothing is ours. The end.

Lucy loves Legolas.

That is all. (but there are spoilers for books 2 and 3. Bwahahaha.)

'Bloody hell, I am bored. Bor-ed. Bored. I'm bored,' Lucy said brightly to her friend.

'Hmm. I agree,' said Sarah-jane in a lazy fashion.

And so it was.

Lucy was struck with a sudden inspiration as she stared at the very large paster than took up half her wall. The four hobbits, two men, dwarf, elf, and wizard stared back at her and she thought for a moment that Frodo had winked at her. This triggered her odd little brain to be suddenly inspired. A brilliant completely-un-boring plan began to form in her thoughtful head and she burst out laughing at her own ingeniousness. 'I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T- ohh, I mean, S-M-A-R-T!'

Her best friend looked at her incredulously.

'I'm in LOVE!' She explained as if this was extremely obvious.

'Oh,' S-j answered knowingly. She faltered. 'Who are you in love with?'

'My Silvan prince, of course, mon petite grenouille!'

'Hmm…slowly backing away…'

'Why, LEGOLAS, you daft frog. Do you not see his beauty? His long shiny hair? His BODY?' Lucy sighed happily and for a moment could not speak, as she was dreaming of she and Legolas doing unspeakable things.

'Yes. Well. He is, um, in a book,'

Lucy looked up. 'What are you trying to say?' She asked dangerously.

'Nothing!' Said Sarah-jane hurriedly. 'Just that- well, if he's in a book and we are not in a book, then we'd better get into a book.' She frowned for a moment, as after all the idea of "getting into a book" was slightly far fetched to say the least.

Lucy, however, did not think so. 'YES! Well done, my precious! Come. There is work to be done.'

For the next few weeks, the two friends spent much of their time in the library's restricted section- or they would have been had their library had a restricted section, but that's not the point.

Lucy slammed down her book in frustration. 'There's nothing!' She cried. 'No one will tell us how to get into a book.'

Sarah-jane soothed her. 'Don't worry. We shall find it.'

Lucy scowled. 'If Gumby could do it, we can do it,' she declared.

'That's the spirit,' Sarah-jane said cheerfully.

They sat in silence for a moment, chewing their pens.

'I've got it!' Lucy shrieked, causing Sarah-jane to fall off her chair in fright. Lucy did not notice, and continued ranting. 'If we dress up as Gumby and Pokey, maybe the books'll get confused and let us in and- and-' she lowered her voice for dramatic emphasis- 'we'll be in middle-earth.'

'Oooh,' Sarah-jane whispered from her landing place on the floor.

------

'Just put on the damn leggings.'

Sarah-jane pouted, holding in her hands a pair of bright red leggings that matched the top she was wearing. 'I refuse to wear these.'

Lucy sighed in exasperation. 'I'm wearing these!' She indicated to the green track pants and top she was wearing.

'But they're not red and they're not tight and you don't have a tail pinned to your bum!'

'You're POKEY! He's a donkey! He's meant to have a tail! You can't be Pokey if you're not red and you don't have a tail.'

'How come I have to be the donkey?' Sarah-jane asked sulkily.

'Because you are shorter than me. Now hurry up. I want my elf.'

After much bother, they were as Pokey-ish and Gumby-ish as any 14 and 15 year old girl could hope to be in public. Just then, Sarah-jane made a strange frustrated grumble noise. 'Oh poo! I've got a run in my stockings.'

'Erm…you aren't wearing stockings, my dear insane friend,' Lucy said nervously.

'Yes, but I've always wanted to say that.'

Lucy abruptly changed the subject to the most important of them all:

Tricking books into thinking they were the real Pokey + Gumby.

'So.' Said Sarah-jane, fiddling with her non-existent stockings.

Lucy was deep in thought. 'Maybe you should neigh,' she suggested.

She scowled at her friend. 'Why don't we introduce ourselves, or something? You say "I am Gumby. This here is Pokey." And then we jump in.'

'You know, that might just work,' Lucy said enthusiastically. 'Whose copy of The Lord of the Rings should we use?'

'Um.'

'Mine is in better shape than yours. If we use yours there might be big dark spaces where it fell apart or something.'

'Does it really work like that?' Sarah-jane asked, interested.

Lucy shrugged. 'Dunno. This is my first time, remember.'

'Ok. Now I have a very important question to ask before we jump in to see my Pippin.'

'Oh, hurry up then,' Lucy said as if it were a pain to be kept away from her love much longer.

'Well, how will we get out again?'

'Pardon me?'

'How will we get out again,' she said slowly so that her friend would be sure to understand. 'Out of the book, Lucy.'

'Why ever would anyone want to leave?' Lucy said incredulously.

'Well, hmmm, I don't know…maybe because we were BORN IN REALITY?!!'

'You have a point and it is duly noted,' Lucy said dismissively.

If not for the ever present pining Sarah-jane had for Pippin, she probably would have backed out of the whole Gumby - Lord of the Rings thing. Instead, she tried again to reason with Lucy and to get her out of her Legolas daze. The task before her would not be easy.

'Our families will wonder where we are and even our not-quite-as-obsessed with Lord of the Rings friends will be slightly worried concerning our whereabouts.'

'Oh, they'll get over it,' Lucy said airily, her thoughts still focused upon a certain elf.

'You think?' Sarah-jane asked doubtfully.

'Oh, of course. We'll send them a postcard from Rivendell or something.'

'Well. I s'pose so.'

'Good girl. Now run along and fetch the book.' Lucy picked up a mirror nearby and touched up on the green face paint Sarah-jane had recently applied [rather thickly] to her face.

Sarah-jane reappeared a moment later holding a slightly battered copy of The Lord of the Rings.

'What will we be?' She asked, handing it to Lucy.

'What d'you mean?' Lucy said absently, stroking the cover of the book with love.

'Well we have to be something don't we? We can't be human.'

'Yes, humans suck.'

'Except Faramir and Aragorn,' Sarah-jane remembered. 'And Boromir. Although he did sort of die…' she trailed off.

'We shall save him!' Lucy yelled loudly.

'We shall?'

'Why of course.'

'Yes. Anyway. Will we be hobbits or elves?'

Lucy gave her a look. 'Obviously I will be an elf.'

'Obviously.'

'It would be hard to kiss Legolas if I was half his height, you see.'

Sarah-jane nodded. 'Can I be a hobbit then?'

'A hobbit?'

'Yes. It would be hard to kiss Pippin if I was twice his height. The bending down business is tiring, I assume.'

Lucy shrugged. 'If you wish.'

'Will we have different names?'

'Yes. I shall be…Luthien.'

Sarah-jane blinked. 'Wasn't she the most beautiful elf?'

'Yeah.'

'Well then…how come-'

'How come what?' Lucy asked menacingly. Sarah-jane seemed to change her mind

'Oh…nothing. It's very fitting.'

'I thought so,' Lucy said smugly.

'And I shall name myself…Elanor, after Sam's daughter. Oh, and the pretty flower.'

'Yes, yes, very good. Very fitting also.' Lucy said somewhat un-enthusiastically.

'It starts with E,' Sarah-jane informed her.

'Well done. I love Legolas.' Lucy suddenly appeared to have forgotten something. (Ie; she shrieked and dashed off.)

Sarah-jane aka Pokey aka Elanor sat alone for several minutes, with thoughts of Pippin and sugarplums dancing through her head until Lucy came back, gasping and clutching (gently) a stack of pictures.

'I almost forgot.'

Sarah-jane waited patiently.

'How could I forget?' Lucy wailed.

Still her friend was silent.

'Aren't you going to ask what I forgot?'

Oh, yes. What did you forget, oh Luthien most beautiful of Elves?'

'Very good, minion. My Legolas pictures!' She exclaimed with a gasp.

Sarah-jane glanced at the pile doubtfully. 'Are you sure you'll need those? Won't you be seeing him?'

'But what if we don't meet him straight away?'

'Then you shall have to go without. We must have room for all the essentials.'

'What could possibly be more essential than pictures of Legolas?'

'Food.'

'You really are a hobbit,' Lucy muttered grumpily. 'Nevertheless,' she continued clearly, 'I will do this painful thing you ask of me. For few have the immense pleasure, the holy goodness, the clever cunning, and the strong love shared between my darling and I to not let such a silly thing as books and reality come between them. I'm Lucy Marker. This is my story. "They kissed. The end."'

'That was a pretty short story.'

'Oh blah, blah, blah. Now hup-two. I am becoming impatient. My love is waiting.' She placed the book delicately up against the wall. 'How do we get into this thing?'

'We jump,' Sarah-jane said confidently.

'Right then. Who goes first, me or you? Actually,' she continued, without waiting for an answer, 'you can go first. In case something goes wrong.'

Sarah-jane made a sound that could possibly be taken for a growl, re-adjusted her tail, poked her tongue out at Lucy and jumped.

'Did it work?' Lucy called into the book. She was not answered and Sarah-jane was nowhere to be seen.

'Right then, Lucy, it's up to you. You can do it. Yes you can. Deeeep breaths, now. One- two- three-' She jumped, and the room was completely empty. (Apart from the book.)

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