Barely six-freaking-hours later cheery old Gandalf woke them all up and told them he had chosen the passage leading to the right. 'Well, that sounds spiffing Gandalf, taa very much,' Luthien muttered darkly to Elanor as they walked for nearly 8 hours in the dark with a mere two halts, 'Let's just set on up the good ol' righty… for it is so fast and old and oh my, the air is sweet!'

They were oh so tired by the time they got to the huge empty hall. Although, Luthien definitely perked up at the thought of another night of sleeping beside her husband-to-be-except-that-he-didn't-know-it-yet-which-is-only-a-minor-detail, and practically skipped to the corner they would huddle up in (as 'twas a wee bit chilly), and she and Elanor and most of the company fell asleep to the rantings of mithril, complements of Gandalf and Gimli.

Luthien was delighted to find the sun falling on her face from a shaft high up when she awoke next morning. She had planned on gazing at her All for as long as possible whilst he slept…but her plans were foiled. Luthien had just silently risen from her bed when Legolas stirred and his eyes came into focus. He smiled at her and her anger drifted away. He had a killer smile.

She smiled back at him.

She, too, had a smile of killerness.

Then bloody Gimli woke up and wrecked the moment.

Bloody dwarves.

'At last!' he cried with a chuckle, waking everyone up except Frodo, 'Finally She has found her way into the great dwarf city once more!'

'Long I have missed Her, though we have been in the darkness only two days,' Luthien said smiling up at the pale gleam of light, 'my heart rejoices for her happy light.'

Then Legolas said something beautiful and dreamy and smoochable and oh-so-hot… and the hobbits said something about food…but that didn't matter – Luthien could survive off Legolas' words if she wanted too (though sausages were an appealing thought) and now that she could see his face…happyhappyjoyjoy! Why, Legolas Greenleaf was even more beautiful than she remembered him and had been happily imagining him in the dark.

Elanor noted how sad it was when Gimli doubted Balin had ever come there, poor old Gims. But she comforted herself in the breakfast that was hastily disappearing from the pans. Whatever happened to chivalry, eh? The phrase, "Ladies first" mustn't have been invented yet, she reflected. Oh well, at least I have my Pippin and food. That's all a hobbit lass could want. Bloody Diamond…she thought bitterly, he's all mine! My love, my all… my preciousss.

'Elanor?'

She looked up at her friend's bemused face. 'Oui?'

'Erm, well…you can stop doing that automatic robot thing you're doing now.'

Elanor pulled a 'you're hurting my brain with your confusingness' face and so Luthien explained patiently, 'you know, the possessive thing you do when you get around food and your hand goes up to mouth, down to food, up to mouth, down to food – without any time to swallow or, I don't know, give anyone else a chance to eat.' Luthien's face was quite calm with elfish control but she'd said this last part very dangerously.

Elanor got the hint. She sat back and let the others have food and eyed their meals enviously.

Off to the north door under the northern arch they went. They found themselves in a wide corridor and saw light coming through a doorway to the right.

'This is it,' Luthien whispered to Elanor.

Elanor gulped in reply.

Luthien continued, 'Soon I shall see my Silvan Prince kick some orcievonschmorkular buttocks!'

Elanor stared up at her and blinked.

'Oh,' Luthien remembered the danger that approached, 'yeah. Gulp.'

They entered the chamber. It was oh-so bright for their precious night-vision eyes. No one seemed to have noticed there were many things of deadness in the room because it was so dusty. 'Sky…' Luthien said, looking up.

"Bodies…' Elanor reminded her in the same awed voice.

And then they discovered Balin's tomb. There was a moments silence in which everyone felt very sorry for Gimli and his cousin Balin. Then they began to look through the wreck and the book of records was discovered. Gandalf read out the very encouraging words in the final entry (I.e. we cannot get out…drums in the deep…they are coming.). Elanor shivered.

Everyone was suddenly very afraid, and, just as they were about to mosey on back to the hall, a booming great BOOM went…boom.

'Shit!' Luthien squeaked. No one noticed though, they all sprang towards the door in alarm, while a stupid great horn was blown somewhere in the hall, answered by more horn blasts and harsh cries.

Elanor cowered behind her tall elf friend as they heard the orcs running towards the place they were now situated in. Quite the pickle.

'They are coming!' cried Legolas.

'We cannot get out,' said Gimli.

'My socks!' wailed Elanor. She had just remembered that Gandalf had been carrying them in his pack, as hers was full and that she needed to rescue them before he…you know, ellfae into arknessdae.

Everyone drew their weapons and Gandalf unsuccessfully tried to trick the goblins into believing that he was Lord of Moria. They could hear heavy feet thundering down the corridor and good old Borors (Boromir) threw himself against the open door, heaved it to and wedged it with swords and stuff while the rest of the company plus two rushed to the other side of the chamber in retreat.

When the goblins and co. rudely burst in and attempted to kill everyone, the fellowship fought back phenomenally and even Elanor and Luthien got in on the act. That seemed to surprise the little buggas a lot.

When they'd spotted the pretty little hobbit and beautiful she-elf they decided they'd keep them and that would be the end of that. They weren't counting on this hobbit and elf to have seen and studied many Xena reruns –actually they wouldn't really be in the know about good old Warrior Princess- but aside from that, they were quite the naïve uglies. Picking up on the must-capture-pretty-maidens thing, the two frightened friends disturbingly flirted and beckoned the orcs to them and then…beat the crap out of them. Well, actually, Elanor kind of hacked at them with her eyes closed while Luthien got in touch with her deadly-elf killing-machine side. Ok, so she hadn't quite mastered the bow yet, she told herself, chucking the useless thing aside and grabbing a scimitar, and lets continue with the killing, shall we? Having just gruesomely slain an orc who'd cut her dress with his stupid spear as he'd lunged at her, Luthien finally caught sight of her elf warrior.

She was as gobsmacked as an elf could be and stared at her All as he skilfully excellently swiftly and deadly shot at the orcs, before her little friend snapped her out of it and pulled her behind Balin's tomb -just as an orc arrow whistled through the air and hit the wall where Luthien had been standing a second before. 'I don't think they like us anymore,' Elanor said to her pal in mock-sadness.

Amidst her shock and fear Luthien noted with a flutter of her heart that Legolas shot the orc who had fired at her. Sure, he was shooting a lot of orcs, but he had shot that orc because it had dared to attempt to kill the really hot elf maiden who he wanted to marry and make queen of Mirkwood and-

Luthien thoughts were again interrupted as Aragorn awesomely beheaded an orc who'd been creeping up on them and told her to make for the stairs. She nodded but when she and Elanor attempted to head for the door, they found their way somewhat blocked by a ugly huge orc-chieftain who dodged the company's defence and speared Frodo. Ugly bastard.

All was well though, coz Aragorn cut his head off good, and all the orcs wussed out and ran off.

Aragorn ran off with Frodo in his arms and Merry and Pippin and the rest of them followed (Legolas had to drag poor old Gimli away -such a champ) while Luthien and Elanor hobbled after them, eager to get away from the on-coming danger.

Boromir heaved the eastern door to, the second Luthien and Elanor dashed inside, but it unfortunately could not be fastened.

Then everyone realised happily that Frodo was alive. The clue to this was that he spoke to them and told them he was alive.

Gandalf told them all to bugger off though and so they begrudgingly swept down the steps into darkness.

Elanor wondered to herself when the wizard would be flying down the stairs to meet them any time soon. An awesome stab of white light at the top of the stair told her it was now.

Gandalf lead them on and on in the dark and it was scary and depressing because they all felt trapped and there was no light and the leader had almost been destroyed.

Luthien could hear Frodo's heavy breathing next to her and felt sorry for the short sweet little strong-willed hobbit. After an hour of running and jogging and dillydallying, they began to feel that there was a good chance of escape.

And then it got hot and Gandalf needed a rest. Poor old guy, he was helped to a seat by Gimli and told them what had happened at the top of the stairs. Luthien wanted to hug him. Nooooooooo! He couldn't fall into darkness! He just couldn't! She had to remind herself that he would be returning as Mr. The White so it was all for the best.

Mean while, Elanor was thankful for the rest. She flopped down beside the other hobbits and massaged her feet, while doing so she hoped Pippin would notice how very lovely they were.

And then they were off.

Finally they were able to see because the orcs appeared to have lit a great fire, which flickered and glowed on the walls away down the passage before them. Luthien snuck a look at Legolas. He had his sharp eyes narrowed as he peered about the place for signs of the enemy. Such a champ. They came to a low archway, under which Gandalf went, before he quickly stepped back and told them they had reached the First Deep.

They sped across the smooth floor of the hall, Elanor squealing when she heard the many feet hurrying behind and shrill calls. Boromir found it quite amusing though. Stupid orcs, they were on the wrong side, their dumb plan hadn't worked: the fire had cut them off from the fellowship, not captured them.

They had reached the bridge and this was the part where Gandalf halted and told Gimli to lead the way. Luthien and Elanor seemed to have made a silent agreement and were just about to insist against this when many arrows whistled through the air and crappily hit the floor because orcs suck.

Legolas turned and set an arrow to his bow – this was it! This was the part Luthien had been waiting for since they'd flown down those stupid dark steps. She wanted to see her elf in action. Sadly, just as she was about to hum the Action Man tune as his theme song, his hand fell and the arrow slipped to the ground. He cried out in dismay and fear. He'd spotted the Balrog. 'Ai! ai!' he wailed, 'A Balrog! A Balrog is come!'

The enemy was advancing on the company ferociously.

Luthien cried something in elvish and found herself rooted to the spot in fear.

Elanor reacted in pretty much the same way, minus the elf-talk.

Boromir blew his horn (no pun intended) but the orcs and shadow-man halted only for a second before rushing ever closer.

Gandalf yelled at them to run, and, by golly, they did. But they couldn't leave him standing alone (Aragorn and Boromir held their ground behind Gandalf at the end of the bridge) and so halted just within the doorway at the hall's end.

Elanor covered her eyes and whimpered as the Balrog towered before their Istari, and Luthien flinched as a ringing clash sounded from the swing of their swords.

Then, as the two Gumby and Pokey impersonators had read with much grief and dismay many times before, Boromir and Aragorn tried in vain to fight along side Gandalf but he smote the bridge with his staff and then –then- he cried out, 'Fly, you fools!' and fell from sight.

It all went dark and no one moved. All they could do was stare into the pit in horror. Aragorn and Boromir came flying back and Aragorn lead the stumbling group up the great stairs beyond the door. They ran along a wide echoing passage weeping, absently aware of the drumbeats rolling behind them. They kept running as the light of the sun grew before them, into a hall and through its huge broken doors they swiftly fled. As they reached the Great Gates a guard of orcs tried to block their way but Aragorn killed their captain swiftly and the rest of them ran away, whilst the fellowship ignored them and swept out of the Gates and down the huge old steps.

Finally they were under the sky and could feel the wind on their faces at last. Finally Luthien could check herself in the mirror. Hopefully elfieboy would be too traumatised to notice the dirt.

At last they were in Dimril Dale and their grief overcame them.

Everyone was incomplete shock and despair, for Gandalf the Grey had fallen into darkness and they were unaware that he would be coming back…well everyone except for Elanor and Luthien. They weren't despairing about a little thing like The Best Istari Ever falling into Balrog Land. They were sad however. Everyone else was sad and that always makes a person sad (unless they're a sociopath) and also their loves were sad so, obviously, they were not jumping for joy and singing 'In Dreams' at the tops of their voices.

Luthien was particularly upset when she eventually noticed the very large cut in her dress (courtesy of the orc) and stroked her grey travelling dress maudlinly.

Elanor looked over at her and was temporarily cheered up – the cut ran all the way up to her thigh. Then, she remembered the forever-lost toe-socks and began to sob again.

Not happy times, my friends, happy times these were not. No indeedly.

Frodo stood alone and silent, as did all the warriors of the company, the rest of the hobbits were cast upon the ground in grief.

Eventually Aragorn decided they should head off because of the gathering angry swarms of orcs factor, and he called upon Legolas and Boromir to help the grief-stricken companions to their feet.

Luthien contemplated whether she should be the brave strong elf maiden or be too shocked by the circumstances to move. In the movie Legolas held Merry's hand when he attempted to carry out Aragorn's order because Merry had been too traumatised and both of them were out of it, so...

Her Prince came over to her. She so wanted him to propose. Right then and there. At least it would cheer everyone up… but no.

Alas, she had made up her mind. Sad traumatised elf it is, she said internally. A single tear rolled down her cheek (the cheek that faced Legolas) and she continued to absently stare down at her dress. He seemed to buy this and sat down beside her. In her excitement Luthien almost squealed with delight at his gesture, luckily, she remembered in time and so winked at Elanor. She was truly a much better winker than her hobbit pal.

'Luthien, we must move on. I know that your heart is filled with much sorrow and the grief is still too near for myself to console you, (-there is no grief too near, no Istari too fallen- she thought to herself defiantly) but we must now travel in great haste lest we hinder here and be captured.'

'You speak truly. I find it difficult to calm my mind just now, after all that has happened, but we shall carry on as you say, as our time for grievance is short in this place.'

Legolas nodded his head understandingly, his face kind, though full of hidden sadness. Luthien wished desperately to give him a great big cuddly bear hug.

But that might not go down well with elves. She hadn't tried it before.

Nearby Elanor was still grief-stricken over the loss of her beloved stripy toe socks. She sniffled, wiping her nose with the apron on her hobbit dress, and cuddled up miserably to Pippin. He made a strange gurgle noise.

Elanor gurgled back, and felt somewhat more content. But why oh why oh why did she have to lose those socks? She had loved them almost as much as she loved her love! Although, she thought, peeking a little glance at Pippin, who was still weeping, he was SO lovely and even toe socks could not match his loveliness.

'They were green and blue,' she hiccupped.

Pippin just sighed, as one does sadly after they cry, and he sat up rubbing his eyes.

'And then there were the pink and orange ones,' she continued miserably.

Pippin blinked.

'They just fitted so perfectly, you know? It was as though they were made for me, and for only me-' she realised suddenly that Pippin was staring at her in a peculiar manner. 'And poor Gandalf. Gee, I'm going to miss him.'

The fellowship began climbing over the rocks away from the Mines of Moria, on their way to Lothlorien, where Galadriel aka Cate Blanchett would be awaiting them. Except, of course, not really.

As they walked Gimli crapped on and on and on about stuff (mainly crap), all of them in a somewhat sombre mood. They had no Gandalf to guide them or point his stick at things. They were all going to miss that stick.

Ahead of them, in the distance, a haze of gold was visible. Legolas mentioned something about the woods of Lothlorien, and spoke of the golden leaves there and tra la la, what a pretty elf place.

Luthien felt excitement stirring inside her. A whole winter in the woods with her elf. Certainly plenty of time for them to become properly acquainted. Perhaps…her mind wandered, the subject varying between moonlight rendezvousing, candlelit suppers, and sweet passion fruits.

Elanor thought wistfully of food.

After some time (time which was filled with endless walking) Legolas turned around ('ahhh,' thought Luthien) and realised that Sam, Frodo and Elanor were far behind the others, trundling along at a much slower pace. Frodo and Sam had been injured while back in Moria; Elanor was over-hungry. Aragorn and Boromir, lovely guys, picked up the two male hobbits and carried them. Luthien came over to Elanor, who looked up at her elf friend forlornly and muttered something about breakfast and patty-cakes.

'You had more breakfast than anyone else here,' Luthien said sternly. 'You should be up there, prancing about with Legolas. Except, of course, that I should be up there with him, seeing as he is my love and all. And you wouldn't prance as nicely as him either. But in any case, you most certainly should not be back here, acting like you haven't had a meal in weeks and need a piggy back.'

Elanor's eyes widened and she continued to gaze at Luthien sadly.

'No.' Luthien said crossly. 'I too am hungry. I saw you take that extra piece of bread this morning when you thought I wasn't looking.'

Elanor looked a little disappointed.

'So in actual fact it should be you carrying me.'

Elanor blinked.

'Come along then. Let me get on your back.'

'Nooooo…you will squash me. I am only a wee little hobbit and my poor (little) hobbit back wouldn't be able to take the strain.'

'You stole my bread.'

'I have a larger appetite!'

"Fine. This is stupid. We shall both have to walk. No one on anybody else's back.' Suddenly, Luthien was struck with a thought, 'Actually, I should be on Legolas' back. Hmmm…that would be the bestest piggy back ride in the world! Now, I remember the time I swooned-'

'Fake swooned,' Elanor interjected, rolling her eyes.

'-in Rivendell and MY LOVELY ELFIE BOY carried me!' she continued, sighing happily, 'He carried me.'

It stuck them then that everyone was waiting for them to catch up. 'Oh yeah. Right.' Luthien said and they jogged over to the waiting and depressed company.

They soon came to somewhere they could rest beside a stream and Gimli and Merry and Pippin went to fetch water and made a fire while Aragorn tended to Frodo and Sam. Luthien and Legolas wandered to the water's edge and looked out to where the woods of Lothlorien lay.

Luthien really wanted to say 'oh, isn't it pretty? I've always wanted to come here and see all the lovely golden leaves.'

This would have been a perfectly acceptable thing to say and an excellent conversation starter. Instead, however, she said 'oooh…nice…' in an awestruck voice. 'My GOD!' She thought to herself miserably. 'Why? Why must I talk so not smartly when my dear is here?'

'It is a beautiful place,' Legolas commented.

'Yes.'

Elanor wandered over. 'Oh! Isn't it pretty? I've always wanted to come here and see all the lovely golden leaves.'

'Exactly,' Luthien said through gritted teeth, wishing she had said that. Legolas smiled down at Elanor, and Luthien scowled inwardly. He should have been smiling down at her. She had to do something. And fast, before Elanor could say something else and completely spoil the moment.

'An elven maid there was of old,

A shining star by day:

Her mantle white was hemmed with gold,

Her shoes of silver-grey.

A star was bound upon her brows,

A light was on her hair

As sun upon the golden boughs

In Lorien the fair.'

Luthien finished her song and felt quite proud of herself for remembering that much. She waited (not very patiently) for Legolas' praise.

Elanor clapped delightedly. 'Ooh, well done! I said if you practised enough you might remember a little bit!'

Luthien continued to smile, but her foot found its way to where Elanor's bare hairy hobbit foot was placed, and squashed it rather forcefully down.

Elanor squeaked, pulled her foot away, and mumbled something about food. She scampered off.

'There is more,' Luthien said quietly, maintaining her composure. 'But it is very long and sad. Elanor (is an idiot and I am going to KILL her) likes to tease, for she herself cannot recite poetry.'

'That is a pity,' Legolas said. Elves do, after all, love poetry.

'Yes.' But back to me and my talent….

'I too know of that song. I wish to sing a little of it later when we come to rest beside where the bridge of Nimrodel once stood.'

'Perhaps I could accompany you?' Luthien asked hopefully.

'That would be most pleasant.'

Elanor, who was hiding in the bushes watching, muttered 'oh…yuck…pleasant I think not.'

Aragorn called everyone to him to share the wonders of Frodo's mithril. Luthien and Legolas started off, while Elanor attempted to climb out of her little hidey-hole. As Aragorn said many Aragorny things, Elanor continued to try and get out of her very little hobbit hole, which was made up of some rather prickly plants that had caught on her poor dress.

Luthien realised, when Aragorn had finished, that Elanor was nowhere to be seen. This was most unusual, considering that Pippin was nearby and it was almost time for a snack. She frowned thoughtfully, and strained her ears for some sound of Elanor. A growl of the stomach would be sufficient for her elf ears, which were ultra sensitive to noise.

Near where she and Legolas had been talking she heard a loud squeak of pain. She walked over curiously and peered into a thick clump of bushes.

Elanor stared out at her. 'I'm stuck,' she said unnecessarily.

Luthien sighed. 'How are you going to cope when you go off with Merry and Pippin and I am not with you? Hmm?' She grasped Elanor's hand and dragged her out. 'No more hiding in bushes.'

'Yes master.'

'Come, come, we're eating now.'

Elanor perked up and dashed away eagerly.

Once the company had satisfied their hunger (all, except, maybe, Elanor) they went to hiding the traces of their fire and climbing out of the dell.

They walked along the road in the dark, Gimli and Frodo at the rear, walking slowly, whilst Aragorn lead the others on.

Luthien looked about to see where Legolas was, but sadly, he was walking up at the front of the fellowship, and was far too caught up in thoughts of Lothlorien to be thinking about marrying her. She turned to Elanor, who was walking alongside her. 'You know, our wedding is going to be really, really beautiful.'

'I was unaware we were getting married,' Elanor said.

'Erk! No! Legolas and I, you dim-witted hobbit,' Luthien whispered disgustedly. Not disgustedly about Legolas though.

'Shame. I mean…no…tired.'

'Moving on. I decided that we're going to have violets, and I am going to wear the absolute most fantasmorical dress you ever did see.'

'A hobbit dress!' Elanor exclaimed enthusiastically.

'A lovely, silken elf dress,' Luthien continued dreamily as though her friend had not spoken. 'Of a creamy white colour, with blue trimmings. Kind of shiny and shimmery, with a watery, liquidy feel to it. Like Harry's invisibility cloak.'

'But…then people won't be able to see you,' Elanor said slowly.

Luthien could not be bothered even answering this. 'Oh! Garck! We don't have our Harry Potter books!'

'Anus Potter and the Philosopher's Anus,' Elanor snickered.

'Wuthering Anus,' Luthien sniggered. 'But oh! What will we do if the fifth book comes out while we're HERE?'

Elanor stared helplessly at her.

'No. Must think of Legolas. I have my love, what more could I want?'

'Harry,' Elanor said sadly.

'Shut up. We are being appreciative of what we have.'

'Tralala,' Elanor said obeyingly.

'Lothorien!' cried Legolas, 'Lothlorien! We have come to the eaves of the Golden Wood. Alas that it is winter!'

'Yay!' squealed Elanor.

'Be it winter or nay, my heart is glad to come to this place at last, and speak with the Lady of Lorien.' Luthien said happily, she really didn't care about meeting Galadriel, all she wanted was to cuddle up with Mr. Greenleaf in the on-coming winter nights.

Now, it is time for you to review. *makes orc face*

Come along, minions! Chop chop!