Chapter Twenty-Five

Question of Sanity

"What do you mean you have some?" Mandria demanded, instantly getting hushed by Alex. "Are you completely mental? Why didn't you tell us before?"

"I haven't had a chance what with Xavier poking around all the time and Father appearing around every corner like he has been," Alex said, looking nervously towards the other side of the room where Xavier was intently watching the goings on in the sparring ring. "Just before Yule, after my brothers and sister and I found out about what was at stake, we found a picture in the paper of one of the stolen items so my sister could paint it and well… some of the diamonds were embedded in a locket with the painting of a woman inside it, so we went into this cave somewhere and stole a set of diamonds back."

"What?" Rose said in shock, thinking perhaps Mandria was right about Alex going mad after all.

"It was decided that I would be the one to hold it because Hogwarts was safer than the Weasleys, and because we were afraid they'd be in more danger," Alex explained. "Well, what did you expect us to do, nothing? Sorry, but if the world's going to end, I'd rather have a bit of warning about it first, even if it does mean getting in the line of fire."

"Does Dumbledore know?" Rose asked.

"No, of course not! We made Andrew swear he wouldn't tell."

"Your parents are going to kill you," Mandria decided.

"You're not going to tell, are you?" Alex pleaded. "Please don't. Really, I sleep a lot better at night knowing I have them."

"Snape and Gaffney!" Jennifer called out, and reluctantly Alex left her friends, getting her wand from off the wall.

It actually took longer to convince Ted to get into the ring than it did for Alex to lay him flat against the mat with his wand halfway across the floor. But Alex looked up in surprise as her mother barked at her when she tried to leave the ring. "Haven't you forgotten something?"

"Huh?" Alex said.

"Alex, where's your good sportsmanship? Help him up and shake his hand!" Jennifer said. Alex, who had never been made to do that in Snape's ring, hurried over apologetically and helped Ted up. Handing him back his wand, the boy gave her a timid smile in return.

"Wow, I guess she can be nice in the ring, after all," Mary murmured as they came out. Hearing the comment, Jennifer squinted over at her husband and made a note to keep a closer eye on his ring from then on.

Right now it was Conner Donovan and Xavier Platt going at it, and Alex couldn't resist stopping to watch. Conner was pulling out every spell he could think of; quite the aggressive sparrer. But through all the nasty attacks Xavier stayed collected, blocking any spell that got close and dodging those that he couldn't block.

"He's trying to wear him out," Stewart said beside her. "I wish Conner would slow down a bit. He reminds me of my brother, always trying to prove himself."

Alex looked at Stewart thoughtfully and back to the ring, finding that she agreed with him. Conner did seem to be taking a lot of risks just to prove himself, and here was no exception. It was also obvious that his efforts weren't going to pay off, despite the fact that Xavier seemed to be losing a bit of ground under the onslaught. The moment Conner hesitated, Xavier switched to the offensive, blasting him with the simple disarm spell that left him sprawled on his back. A round of applause went up as Snape lazily called the match in Xavier's favor and it appeared on the scoreboard, Xavier hopping out of the ring after a half-hearted handshake and no attempt to help him up. Stewart sighed, and went over to meet Conner as he pulled himself out of the ring.

"Good match," Alex told Xavier as he worked his way through his friends and over to her.

"Well, I took a few bruises, but I knew I'd have him in the end… of course, I learned how to work that Disarm spell by watching you do it," he said in a low voice, winking at her before heading to the Slytherin benches. Alex shook her head, knowing full well he could control that spell quite well before she even got to Hogwarts, brushing aside the complement. Finally she headed back to her friends, who were huddled together whispering.

"What are you talking about?" Alex asked, sitting down beside them. "I hope it's not about me."

"Of course it's about you," Mandria said with annoyance. "This isn't exactly the brightest thing you've ever done…"

"But, we've decided to support you," Rose finished with a nod. "Friends need to stick together, after all."

"Sure, if the world's going to end anyhow, I'd much rather know about it," Mandria decided.

"Rose Bailey!" Madame Brittle called impatiently from the back ring, hands on her hips. "I've never met a Seeker that moved this slow before!"

A few chuckles came out from the other students and Rose leapt to her feet and ran to grab her wand, Madame Brittle still shaking her head slightly as she headed over to the ring.

Jennifer paused to glance over at Severus, who was squinting at the three girls suspiciously. How she hated not knowing what was going on! How on earth did other parents survive it? Sighing softly, she turned her attention back to the match.

Severus, however, was not about to give in so easily. He had seen a look in his daughter's eye that he had too often seen in Jennifer's when she was about to get in over her head in something, and had years of practice of what to do when he saw it. So it wasn't long after the tedious first night of the tournament finally came to an end that Severus excused himself and shadowed his daughter to her rooms, checking each painting carefully as he passed. It was as he was turning to head back that an apparition drifted into view at the end of the hall, looking at him with a glum but thoughtful gaze.

"Aren't you in the wrong hallway?" Icarus Ravenclaw asked. "Slytherin is downstairs, isn't it?"

"Since when did the mascot turn into a hall monitor?" Severus said quietly, not bothering to stop. Icarus, not in the least bit offended, hovered beside him companionably.

"Well, I'm also a professor, and as a professor that doesn't have to sleep, I like to use my time to keep an eye on things. Wasn't that what you were doing? Keeping an eye on things?" Icarus asked, pausing a moment for an answer that didn't come. "You don't trust her very much, do you?"

"No," Severus said, pausing a moment to look behind him irritably. "She's hiding something, I can feel it."

"Well, if you're right, I suppose she must not trust you very much either," Icarus said.

"Don't you have anything better to do than follow me around stating the obvious?" Severus asked, stopping before they got to the stairwell where he was sure a bunch of nosy pictures were waiting to hear anything he might say.

"I'm not sure it is all that obvious," Icarus persisted. "It's been bothering you lately, hasn't it? First Jennifer keeping the fact she couldn't read the children from you, then the children themselves, and even your uncle, although perhaps that seems more understandable."

"Icarus, it's late. I hardly have time to stand here all night and listen to you try to psychoanalyze me, so if you don't mind…"

"Time! Yes, now we're getting to the heart of the matter, aren't we, although that word seems to keep cropping up of late. You don't have time to listen to anyone, do you? Oh, you may spend a day a week with them, and weasel in hours every day for Jennifer, but how much of that time is spent listening?" Icarus asked.

"How ever did Sirius manage to stay sane in that prison with you around?" Severus retorted, heading down the hall and up the stairs. But ignoring the ghost did little good to dissuade him, and Icarus floated calmly up behind Severus.

"I only wish there were something I could tell you about Alex," Icarus continued. "But everything is still so fuzzy right now. I worry about her too, you know. She reminds me a lot of my own daughter." Icarus faltered slightly, and Severus slowed a bit. "I suppose I've never told you about her, have I? She had been a Ravenclaw too. She was afraid of me, I think… she knew so little about me, since I spent too much time beneath this castle getting involved in things I probably shouldn't have gotten involved in. But I loved her… my two boys, my wife, I loved them all." It was then that Severus stopped, unable to bring himself to turn around.

"Why, Icarus? You were a Potions Master. There were other ways you could have attempted to stop Voldemort's existence other than death," Severus said.

"Ah, I wondered when someone would actually get around to asking me that," Icarus said, floating forward a bit. "I don't suppose my practiced answer that it seemed more thorough at the time would sit well with you, either. Ghosts can have a rather morbid sense of humor, you know. Insanity, perhaps, would be the simplest reason."

"If that were the only reason you killed yourself, you would not be so coherent as a ghost," Severus reasoned.

"Do you think so?" Icarus said with interest. "No one else would have questioned my insanity for a moment back then, not even myself. Living in all times… remembering the future as well as the past… it does something to you after a while as you experience things first in the future, then the present, then the past instead of the 'natural' way around. I would be the first to admit that I did not gain my sanity until after my death, when everything I remember, whether it's in my descendants future or not, is still remembrances of the past now. I have no new memories to replace them. Ironic, I suppose, that the one the shred of sanity I did have left when I was alive was because of the fact that I could see my own death." Severus squinted at him, not quite understanding. "Time can be an overwhelming thing, Severus, if you see too much of it. Seeing the end of my cursed memory was rather comforting; even when seeing my descendants futures... even knowing that one of them would be so terrible… I saw through Tom's eyes as well, you know."

"What was it that you were trying to stop, Icarus? Him, or just your memory of him?" Severus asked.

"That's a good question," Icarus said thoughtfully. "And one I don't know the answer to. Perhaps I killed my family to save my wife and children anguish. For some reason that part I can't remember all that well. But I do know that they didn't die the way I saw them die. All of my life I saw them die tortured, horrible deaths because of something I had done, not knowing how it came to pass. And although I knew I couldn't change their fate completely, I was able to ensure that they would have painless deaths through my potions. Wouldn't you have done the same?"

"Of course not! I would have fought it. I'd have done everything I could to stop it."

"Now you sound like Jennifer," Icarus said with amusement. "But believe me, if you had my curse of seeing their deaths over and over again in your memories, you might have felt differently."

"Then why did you marry her at all, or have children for that matter, if you knew what it was going to come to?" Severus snapped.

"Come now, Severus, you've always been the realist. You're mortal. You know that Jennifer will die someday and so will any children that you have, even if you don't experience it because you're dead yourself. Why did you marry her?" Icarus asked, still sounding amused. "I may have been insane, but not enough to pass up the brief chance of happiness that she and I were meant to have together."

"Why do I stop and listen to ghosts? I should know better by now," Severus muttered to himself, turning back around.

"Yes, you should," Icarus agreed emphatically. "We are such a morbid bunch, aren't we? Why did you stop and talk to me? Not just because I was pestering you, I'd wager."

"Perhaps because I thought I might learn something useful for a change," Severus said, getting to the door.

"And did you?" Icarus asked.

"Yes, I learned you were insane when you were alive," Severus said curtly, going inside.

"And it took you ten years to decide that," Icarus said, pausing by the door. "Thank you for at least giving me the benefit of the doubt. But why is it that you're more willing to listen to an insane dead person than your family?"

Severus shut the door in the ghost's face then turned to lean on it, closing his eyes for a moment to try to clear his thoughts. Exhaling softly he tossed aside his cloak and quietly opened the bedroom door where Jennifer sat, reading in bed, her lips pursed slightly as if trying to understand something she had read. She still looked incredibly young for him, no different then she had looked the summer after Alicia was born. He stood there for a long time before she finally noticed him, jumping from being startled and losing her grip on her book.

"Why must you do that?" Jennifer said with exasperation, blushing slightly at her own reaction as she found her place and put her book aside.

"What, am I not allowed to admire my own wife from time to time?" Severus asked, closing the door behind himself and getting undressed.

"Is something wrong?" Jennifer asked, trying to catch a glimpse of his face.

"And why is it that you assume something's wrong any time I pause to admire you?" Severus challenged.

"Because I know you," Jennifer said. "What took you so long getting back?"

"Icarus latched on to me."

"Yes, that definitely explains that," Jennifer agreed, slipping farther under the covers. "He's gotten positively impossible lately."

"Yes, I would tend to agree with you," Severus said, sitting on the bed. "Perhaps he has good reason to be, however, considering the nature of our new adversary."

"I'm not sure we know everything about her nature," Jennifer sighed. "Why is she so intent on destroying us?"

"Not us, everything," Severus said, but then suddenly grew more thoughtful, glancing over at her. "Perhaps Icarus was of help after all. We spoke of his death, his questionable sanity, and one of the remarks he made was that the only peace of mind he had was seeing his own death."

"Oh, sure, that would put me at ease," Jennifer said sarcastically.

"Consider for a moment, however, that you're in his position… cursed to see the infinite… something so finite as one's own life ending would keep one from going completely insane," Severus said, laying beside her.

"Icarus is insane."

"Was insane, yes," Severus said. "As a ghost he's been quite reasonable, but that's besides the point. There are levels of insanity just as there are levels of sanity. I would even say that Merlin himself isn't completely sane, warped by his own visions of time as Icarus was, but neither of them are as affected as strongly as Ciardoth. So I wonder, what if she doesn't see her own death?"

"Doesn't see it?"

"Icarus was mostly human, Merlin had human blood in him… their mortality kept them sane. But what if you were immortal, perhaps not only from another world but a different time stream, and your mind constantly showed you the infinite with no promise of relief in sight? I think that is probably what drove her insane to the extent that she is."

"So what you're saying is that ultimately she's attempting to destroy herself?" Jennifer asked.

"As well as destroy everything else she has ever witnessed, by destroying time itself. The only thing other than destruction that she appears to be consumed with is causing as much pain as possible to those she feels are her enemies before she destroys them… namely the one who has been working against her by hiding the diamonds. But it is her lack of self-preservation that makes her all the more dangerous. Voldemort had a great will to survive and to seek power… Ciardoth seeks only destruction."

"Do you think this Rigs is even alive?" Jennifer asked. Severus thought a moment and then nodded.

"Yes. I believe my sister is right on her idea about how Ciardoth thinks. Rigs, if that's who it is trying to stop her, will be the last person she strikes."

"If we only knew who that was," Jennifer sighed.

"Well, at least we've eliminated Marcus," Severus said, settling in. "It's Tassels and Panning we have to deal with now."

"You think they'll cooperate? You know how goblins can be," Jennifer said.

"Yes," Severus mused. "I suppose I ought to check our bank account before we go." Jennifer didn't feel very heartened by that remark.