Zelgadis sat on the ground in the shade of a building with his head in his arms. The chimera had been sitting motionless for several hours and the sun was beginning to set. Xellos's words from that morning still echoed in his mind. Mingled with that was Amelia's voice asking for his promise. Between the two of them, he felt as if he might go mad. He supposed that he should get moving if he wanted to reach the palace before dark, but somehow, seeing Phil and Emily didn't seem as important as it had that morning.

Xellos's mocking voice came back to Zelgadis for the hundredth time that day. "You're in Seyruun to see Lina's brat and wallow in the past for another couple years."

Zelgadis sighed. The priest had been right of course. Why was he here anyway? They didn't need to be burdened with his troubles and besides that, he didn't think he could stand the sadness of watching more of his friends growing old before his eyes. He nodded and stood. "Better just to move on." Glancing at the palace one last time, the chimera adjusted his hood and stepped out into the street, intending to find the quickest way out of town. He bumped into something hard and staggered back.

"Careful there, friend!"

Zelgadis was saved from an embarrassing fall when a strong hand steadied him. He glared up at the man and snarled. "Why don't you watch where you're going?" His eyes widened when he got a good look at the man.

The man was almost a foot taller than Zelgadis and was fairly muscular. He looked like he was in his mid twenties and wore a sky blue outfit with a sword on his belt. He had a handsome face framed by long blond hair and light blue eyes. He was smiling warmly.

"Gourry?! Is that you?" Zelgadis took a step towards the man, hardly daring to believe what his eyes were telling him.

The man looked at Zelgadis quizzically. "Yeah, that's right. Do I know you?"

Zelgadis flung back his hood, revealing his face. "Don't you remember me?" He thought for a moment. "Actually, I guess you probably wouldn't." He was pleasantly surprised to see a look of recognition dawn on Gourry's face.

Gourry laughed. "Uncle Zel!" He squeezed Zelgadis in a monstrous bear hug, managing to make the chimera even bluer in the face than he was usually. "It's been so long!"

Zelgadis struggled to comprehend what Gourry was saying. "Uncle Zel?" He gasped for breath as the realization hit him. This wasn't Gourry Gabriev. This was Gourry Seyruun, Phil and Emily's son. That insight wasn't going to do him much good if Gourry didn't loosen his grip soon. "Gourry?"

Gourry looked at Zelgadis. "Yeah?"

Zelgadis forced out a single word. "Air!"

"Oh, sorry!" Gourry released his hold on Zelgadis, who promptly collapsed.

Zelgadis grinned at Gourry, his depressing thoughts temporarily forgotten. "That's some grip you have!" He picked himself up off the ground and looked the man over. "And you've gotten so big since last time I saw you. You look just like your grandfather."

Gourry chuckled and rolled his eyes. "That's what mom says. I don't know if it's supposed to be a compliment or an insult."

"Gourry, why are you wasting time with a beggar?" A man dressed in a dark blue outfit with a black cloak stepped out of the crowd and stood next to Gourry. He glanced at Zelgadis distastefully.

Zelgadis returned his glare. He spoke icily. "Hello, Christopher. I see you still haven't learned any manners."

Standing next to Gourry, one wouldn't have guessed that Christopher was his younger brother. He was only as tall as Gourry's shoulders and wasn't nearly as handsome. He had cold blue eyes and short dark hair.

Zelgadis had never really liked Christopher. Oh, he had loved him as much as any of his friends' children, but there was something dark about the boy. He had always been cold and somewhat aloof.

Gourry grinned at his brother. "Beggar? You're kidding, right Chris?" He punched Christopher on the arm lightly, eliciting a glare from the younger man. He gestured to Zelgadis. "You remember Uncle Zel, don't you?"

Christopher turned his cold glare back to Zelgadis. "Oh. Of course." He glanced at Zelgadis's ragged clothes distastefully. "Forgive the remark. Apparently, your wardrobe has seen better days."

Gourry nodded. "Yeah. What happened to your clothes?" An excited look crossed his face. "You fought some bandits, didn't you? Or was it a monster? Or actually, I'll bet it was. . ."

Zelgadis listened to Gourry with a grin on his face. Despite what had happened earlier in the day, he found that it was impossible to stay depressed in Gourry's company. The man's happiness and enthusiasm were infectious.

Gourry thought for a moment. "Or, you know what? I'll bet you fought a dark lord. That's it, isn't it?"

Zelgadis laughed out loud. He shook his head. "Gourry, slow down! Give me a second to answer!" Seeing that the younger man had stopped talking, he spoke. "I'm afraid nothing quite that exciting happened. I've actually had a pretty boring journey."

Gourry shrugged. "It doesn't really matter what you did, Uncle Zel. I still want to hear all about it." He put an arm around Zelgadis's neck. "What do you say we go home and get some dinner? I'm starved."

Zelgadis sighed. "Well actually, I was just passing through. I don't really have time to visit. Maybe next time, though?" He had decided that he didn't want to see Emily and Phil at all. If he were to visit them, he knew that he would end up staying for weeks. If he stayed for a couple weeks, they'd want him to stay for a couple months, and then a couple years. They would insist on it.

Gourry frowned. "Passing through?' But, it's been so long. And mom and dad have missed you." He thought for a moment and grinned slyly. "You know, if mom found out that you were in town and didn't stop by for a visit, she'd probably kick your butt."

Zelgadis forced a smile. "Yeah, you're probably right. I don't suppose you'd keep our meeting a secret, would you?"

Gourry shook his head. "I couldn't do something like that. Mom would never forgive me if she found out."

Damn it. Zelgadis gritted his teeth. Why did everything have to be so difficult? "Well, I guess I could stop by for a while. Only for dinner though, okay?"

"You're traveling alone, I notice." Christopher snorted. "Did you abandon my grandmother somewhere?"

Zelgadis frowned. "No, she passed away a little while ago." He found it immensely satisfying to see Christopher looking a little uncomfortable.

Christopher coughed and mumbled a couple words of sympathy. "Sorry to hear it." He nodded towards the palace. "Shall we?"

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A couple of hours later, Zelgadis found himself sitting in the same study that he had met with Edward in thirty seven years ago.

Christopher and Gourry had excused themselves after seeing that Zelgadis was comfortable. It turned out that they had just returned from a diplomatic mission and they were eager to get settled in and relax for a bit before dinner.

Zelgadis hadn't minded the solitude. He wasn't the most social creature and he relished the opportunity to escape from Gourry's incessant questions about his travels. The truth of the matter was that he didn't really remember any specifics about his travels between Amelia's grave and Seyruun. It almost felt like he had been sleepwalking the entire way. Going to Seyruun just felt right. There was no real logic behind it.

He sighed and shook his head. Better not to think about it. To take his mind off matters, he looked around the room. It was the same, but at the same time entirely different. Edward and Phil's tastes were worlds apart from each other. A much smaller and simpler table had replaced the ostentatious desk that had taken up a large portion of the room before. The walls, which had been covered by magical trinkets and artifacts, were now lined with bookcases.

"Hmm." Zelgadis stood and walked over to the bookcase. It would be interesting to see if Phil had any new reading material for him to peruse while he waited. He ran down a list of magical tomes that Lina would have given her right arm to be able to read. He grinned as he reached one particular tome. "He didn't." Pulling the book from the shelf he realized that it was true. He read the title. "A Study of Astral Magic, by Phillionel il de Seyruun II." He opened the book and began to read. "You finally finished it, huh?"

"That's right. I never forgot what you said."

Zelgadis turned towards the door to see King Phillionel II enter the room. He tapped the cover of the book. "Finally made your mark in the sand, huh?"

Phil chuckled. "A small mark at best." He embraced Zelgadis warmly before gesturing to a couple chairs in the corner of the room. He sat down with a sigh of relief. "I'm sorry you had to wait so long. You wouldn't believe the pressures of running a kingdom."

Zelgadis nodded as he took a seat. "I can only imagine." He chuckled dryly. "And you needn't worry about making me wait. I have all the time in the world."

Phil sighed and shook his head. "Oh, you're in one of those moods, huh? Gourry told me about my mother." He paused for a moment. "Was she happy at the end?"

Zelgadis closed his eyes and remembered the sound of Amelia's coughing. Light at first, but deeper and more violent as her illness gradually claimed her. He remembered her telling him that she was scared of dying alone. He opened his eyes and looked at Phil. "I think she was."

Phil smiled a little. "I'm glad." He was about to continue when he was interrupted by a crash outside the door.

The muffled protests of a guard could be heard briefly. "Your Highness, please! The king is in an important meeting right now! If you'd just wait a moment. . ."

Another very familiar voice cut the protesting guard off. "I've waited seven years and I'm not going to wait another moment! Now get out of the way before I kick your butt!"

Phil grinned at Zelgadis. "Looks like you're in for it now. She sounds pretty mad. I'd help, but. . ." He shrugged. ". . .better you than me."

Zelgadis muttered, "Thanks a lot." He quickly glanced around the room. There had to be something to bar the door with. He realized that it was pretty hopeless when the door slammed open to reveal a very irate Emily. He tried to stave off his impending doom with what he hoped was an incredibly charming smile. "Hello Emily."

Emily stomped across the room and grabbed the front of Zelgadis's cloak. "Don't you 'Hello Emily' me!" She shook the chimera until he was seeing stars. "What's the big idea of not visiting for so long?" She shoved him and brushed away a tear. "I missed you, you big jerk!"

Phil was struggling to conceal his amusement at the situation. He failed miserably and his laughter brought Emily's ire down on his head as well.

"You find something amusing, Phil?" Emily was eyeing her husband dangerously.

Phil put his hands up defensively. "No, love. Not at all." He snickered. "Well, yes." He nodded at Zelgadis. "Maybe that's why he doesn't visit more often." He started laughing again.

Emily looked down at the chimera. He was flat on his back after she had shoved his chair over. She quickly moved over to help him up. "Oh, I'm sorry Zel!"

Zelgadis rubbed the back of his head as Emily helped him to his feet. "I see you're as stubborn as ever." He grinned. "Even Lina never treated me like this."

Emily smirked and rolled up her sleeves. "You're not trying to start a fight are you?"

Zelgadis quickly shook his head. "Not at all. I'm not suicidal you know." He looked at her for a moment. She looked so much like Lina it was frightening. He opened his arms cautiously. "Sorry I've been gone so long."

Emily glared at Zelgadis for a moment before hugging him. "It's alright. I'm sure you had your reasons." She smiled at him. "Just don't be a stranger, okay? We all missed you a bunch." She looked him over, noticing for the first time that his clothes were in pretty shabby shape. "What happened to you?" Before he could answer, she shook her head. "Never mind, I'll have a room made up for you so you can get cleaned up before dinner."

Zelgadis opened his mouth to protest.

Emily's glare cut Zelgadis off before he could start. "And don't you even try to tell me that you're leaving." She poked him in the chest as she spoke. "I'll have you put under house arrest if I have to!"

Zelgadis looked over at Phil with a hopeless expression on his face.

Phil shook his head. "Don't look at me. I only work here. She's the one in charge."

Zelgadis sighed and nodded. "Okay, I'll stay. Just for a few days though. I have places to go." It was a lie, but he really didn't want to be roped into staying for very long. But, why shouldn't he? He knew that everyone here enjoyed his company. Nobody in the palace stared at him and whispered behind his back. He knew that he couldn't though. They were all going to end up like Amelia. Did he want to see that again? And again? He was startled out of his thoughts by a noise.

"Zel! Zel!" Emily was snapping her fingers in front of his face.

Zelgadis blinked and looked at her. "What?"

Emily grinned. "No brooding in the palace!" She grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the study. "Come on. I'll take you to your room."

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Zelgadis sat on the bed staring at the portrait on the wall with a thoughtful expression on his face. It was a painting of Zelgadis and Amelia.

Years ago, Amelia had asked Zelgadis to pose for a painting with her, and since he had never been able to bring himself to refuse any of her requests, he had allowed it. Looking at the painting now, he wished that he hadn't.

Amelia was as lovely as Zelgadis had ever remembered her. She looked as if she could have stepped out of the painting and into the room. The artist had been highly skilled. However, when Zelgadis looked at his own likeness, he wasn't nearly as pleased. He thought that some of his features had been exaggerated. The length of his ears, the angles of his face, the coldness of his expression. It felt as if the artist had, consciously or subconsciously, tried to make him look more. . .

"Monstrous?"

Zelgadis whirled around. Just for an instant, he thought that he saw the grinning horror that was Xellos seated behind him. He shook his head and looked again. There was nothing there except for an overstuffed pillow. Great. Now he was seeing things. He buried his face in his hands and sighed. "What's wrong with me?"

There was a knock at the door.

Zelgadis didn't even look up. "Come in." He heard the door open and footsteps approach the bed.

"Uncle Zelgadis, is something wrong?"

Zelgadis looked up to see a teen-aged girl standing beside the bed. She was wearing a simple rose-colored dress that matched her crimson eyes. Her red hair was tied up with a black ribbon. She had a pretty smile that she was favoring Zelgadis with at the moment.

Zelgadis forced himself to return her smile. "Hello Claire." Emily's youngest child had been a little girl that he could carry on his shoulders the last time he had seen her, but now she was almost as tall as he was. She had grown up. He felt sick to his stomach. Time was flying by and all he could do was watch. He noticed that she was looking at him with a concerned expression on her face. How long had he been sitting there? "I'm sorry, I was thinking about something else. I suppose it's time for dinner, huh?" He stood and stretched. "Shall we go?"

Claire still looked a little concerned. "If you're not feeling well, I can bring some soup up."

"No, that's alright." Zelgadis thought for a second. He didn't want her worrying about him. A distraction was in order. He smiled at Claire. "I just can't believe it. I leave for a couple years and the cute little girl I remember turned into a beauty."

Claire blushed a bit and spoke shyly. "I'm not that pretty."

"Sure you are. I'll bet all the boys are crazy about you. Am I right?" Thank goodness it was working. Claire was becoming so flustered at Zelgadis's teasing that by the time they got down to dinner she had forgotten all about his strange behavior in the bedroom.

"Ah, there's the guest of honor!" Phil called out to Zelgadis over the din of the dining room. "I saved you a seat."

Zelgadis took a seat next to Phil and surveyed his surroundings. It was like something out of a nightmare. Dinner had been served and Lina's descendants were hungry. At the far end of the table, Gourry and Christopher were locked in an intense duel over a particularly succulent piece of chicken. Gouren and Lana, Phil's younger siblings, watched the melee with amused expressions on their faces. Across the table, Emily and Claire chatted happily, occasionally ducking a random piece of thrown silverware as if it were second nature.

Zelgadis shook his head and looked at Phil incredulously. "How do you put up with it?"

Phil grinned. "It used to bother me, but you learn to deal with it over time." He ducked a stray knife and grimaced. "You either learn to deal with it or you lose an eye." He called down to the other end of the table. "Chris! Gourry! Let's not have any more incidents like the one with the Zelfielian ambassador, okay?"

Christopher scowled. "Yes father." He looked up just in time to see the remains of his chicken disappear into Gourry's mouth. "Damn it, Gourry!" He slammed his fist down on the table in frustration.

Gourry shrugged and grinned. "Hey, you snooze you lose, bro. Sorry."

Christopher glared at his older brother and muttered a couple curses under his breath.

"Hey!" Emily called down to Christopher. "Give it a rest. It's only food, you know."

Zelgadis watched this exchange with interest. Christopher reminded him a lot of himself in his youth. Angry and cold, but with a lot of potential. He had taught the boy some magic in his childhood and was surprised at how easily he had learned his lessons. If he learned some patience, he could be a master sorcerer.

"You could show him. Tell him about Cruso."

Zelgadis gasped.

Sitting across the table, Emily had been replaced by Xellos. He grinned and began to shovel food into his mouth. "Tell him. Teach him to kill. Teach him to love it."

"No!" Zelgadis slammed his fist down on the table causing everyone to stop what they were doing and stare at him.

"Zel? Are you okay?" Emily looked at him with a concerned expression on her face. Xellos was nowhere to be seen.

Zelgadis closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Now he was talking to himself. "I'm sorry." He glanced around the table. Everyone was still looking at him. Staring at him. "I feel a little ill. I think I'll retire for the evening." Before anything else could be said, he bolted from the table towards his room.

Emily looked after him with a worried expression on her face. "Zel?"

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Zelgadis was back in his chamber, haphazardly stuffing his belongings into his satchel. If he was going mad, he definitely wasn't going to do it in front of his friends. Better to figure things out on his own. "Damn you Xellos! What did you do to me?" Worried that the priest might actually answer him, Zelgadis closed his bag and ran out the door. He thought that he heard footsteps running after him, but he didn't look back. He didn't want to know what might be there.

When he reached the courtyard, he paused for a moment to catch his breath. Cautiously glancing over his shoulder, he was relieved to see nothing but the palace. Another vision. That's all it was. Xellos was back in his alley, eating his rats and spreading his poison to those who would listen.

"You're really leaving, aren't you?"

Zelgadis quickly looked up to see Emily sitting on a low hanging branch of a large tree. "How did you know?"

Emily sighed and jumped to the ground. "Your little display at dinner was one thing. That and I've known you for almost forty years. I know how you think Zel."

Zelgadis shook his head, the image of Xellos still fresh in his mind. He snapped at Emily. "You don't know anything about me! So, don't pretend otherwise." He tried to focus on his anger and ignore the hurt expression on her face.

Emily spoke quietly. "I know that you're hurting, Zel. Amelia's gone and you think you're alone in the world. I felt the same way when I lost mom and dad." She put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "I wasn't alone though. You, Amelia, and Phil were there for me. You're not alone either. We all love you. Why won't you stay with us?"

Zelgadis felt his anger melt away. He sighed heavily. "I don't belong here. I'm sorry."

Emily sounded angry. "And why not? Why won't you let yourself be happy? What have you done that's so terrible? You weren't responsible for what happened to my dad! Or, for Amelia marrying that jerk Edward! You are not the cause of the miseries of everyone around you!"

Zelgadis looked at her. In his heart he felt a bit of stupid hope. Maybe, he could stay and be happy. Maybe he didn't have to leave. Suddenly, an image of Xellos came to him. No. He couldn't stay. Not until he discovered what he really was. Not until he found his purpose. "I'm sorry Emily. I can't think of anything else to say." He turned away from her and began to walk.

She called after him. "Zel, wait a second."

Zelgadis stopped and turned back to face her. "Yes?"

"I wanted to give this to you. As a reminder, you know?" Emily held out a locket on a silver chain.

Zelgadis took it and opened it. He suddenly felt as if he had been punched in the stomach. On one side, was a family portrait of Gourry, Lina, and Emily. On the other side, a picture of Amelia smiled at him. He whispered her name as his eyes blurred with tears.

Emily hugged him tightly. "Mom gave that to me when I was five. Take care of it until I see you again, okay?"

Zelgadis nodded and desperately clung to Emily for a few moments. Sniffing, he spoke. "I promise I'll come back someday."

Emily was crying. "I know you will Zel." She smiled. "After you figure things out, right?"

"Yeah." Zelgadis and Emily looked at each other for a few moments before he turned to leave. "Goodbye Emily and thank you."

"Have a safe journey Zel. We'll be waiting for you."

Zelgadis walked out of the palace grounds and into the night.

And the years passed. . .

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Next chapter: Loss and discovery

Notes: *sniff, sniff* That last little bit between Zel and Emily got to me. I read back over the chapter and realized that there was no action at all in it. That's scary. I hope that nobody has been bored to tears by this story. I like the chapter though. It was fun fleshing out Emily's children a bit.

Now for the reviews!

CT, Filia & Val are alive and well. I don't think they're going to show up in this story though.

Dolphin, I know it's pretty unslayers like. That's what I was really worried about. But I guess people are enjoying it anyway. *sighs in relief* Thanks for the "brilliant" remark. It made my day!

Hikari, I'm glad you liked my characterization of Xellos. I thought that it might be too weird for the story, but it really seemed to click when I wrote it out. BTW, how's your next chapter coming? I wrote you the other day. Did you get the message?

Raven, "dark but tender", huh? I like that. And it's not going to get any easier for Zel either.

Dynast, I may be mistaken (hell, I probably am), but I thought that all the golden dragons attacked the ancient dragon temple near the end of Try. Don't expect to see any guilt in Xellos. His body may be human, but his spirit is still utterly evil.

Stara, I was thinking the exact same thing about Xellos and Gollum. Strangely enough, I only thought of that after I wrote it out and read it. While writing, I just thought that Xellos would look different as a human. Without his false human identity, his appearance finally mirrored the evil in his soul.

Thanks for the help beta reading and the review Anita! It was a big help!

Well, until next time!