"I'm willing to break myself

to shake this hell from everything I touch

I'm willing to bleed for days

More reds and grays

So you don't hurt so much…"

--Something Corporate

Sandy walks outside an hour later and spots Ryan smoking a cigarette. "I thought you quit."

"I did." Ryan doesn't look up.

"Things change, you said," Sandy says, sensing Ryan's unusual mood.

"Yeah. They do." Ryan meets Sandy's gaze. "I hit your son."

"What?" Sandy asks slowly.

"I hit Seth last night,' Ryan states.

Sandy doesn't reply immediately, processing the statement. "You want to tell me what happened?"

"It doesn't matter. I hit him. That's the facts. That and the fact that I am not a part of your family. I never will be. It's not working." Ryan's voice is barely a whisper.

"Ryan…" Sandy starts.

"Things change, right? We have no control. I can't control myself and I'm not safe for Seth…" Ryan interrupts.

"Ryan, you and Seth had a fight. People argue…"

"I hit him. I made him bleed and…" Ryan turns away, tossing his cigarette into the street. "It was more than an argument. We were drunk and…god, Sandy…he's like the best friend I've ever had and to hear him…the things he said to me…I can't be here anymore."

"Ryan. You're letting things get out of hand, you don't need to…" Sandy speaks softly but his mind is running out of control.

"Can you find my mom? At least give me her number?" Ryan asks.

"Come upstairs so we can talk about this…" Sandy says.

"I don't want to talk about this. I won't stay with you, Sandy. Not after this. I could've hurt him…I won't do this to you guys. I won't do this. I can't. You have to…I have to leave." Ryan's voice is serious. He meets Sandy's gaze steadily. "If you won't help me then I'll skip town. At least with Dawn, or a group home…I might get to stick closer to Marissa…and Seth if he ever wants to talk to me again."

Sandy is silent.

"Sandy?" Ryan asks after a long pause.

"I won't let you walk away from us, Ryan. I thought you trusted me. I thought you trusted Kirsten…" Sandy says finally.

"I do. That's why I'm here. I'm telling you that this isn't going to work. I'm not running away. I'm not lying to you. I'm coming to you because I'm in over my head," Ryan replies.

Sandy sees that Ryan isn't going to change his mind. "Come upstairs, Ryan. I'll make some calls. It's Saturday so you understand that nothing's going to happen until Monday…"

"I won't go back with you. I won't go back to that house," Ryan says quietly.

"Then what are we going to do?" Sandy asks. Ryan doesn't reply. His eyes are dark with uncertainty.

"I'll come see you on Monday…" Ryan says quietly.

"No. You're coming upstairs with me now. If you insist on not coming home, then I'll put you up in a hotel. Okay?"

Ryan nods slowly. He follows Sandy into the building.

*****

Seth walks into his house and hangs his jacket in the closet. He finds his mother in the kitchen.

"Oh my god, Seth…what happened?" Kirsten is at his side immediately, examining his bruised face.

"Long story," Seth replies.

"Are you okay?" Kirsten questions.

"Where's Ryan?" Seth asks in return.

"He's not here, who did this to you?" Kirsten asks.

"He did," Seth whispers.

"He hit you? Seth, what happened?" Kirsten gasps.

"It wasn't his fault…"

"He hit you, Seth, how is that not his fault?"

"We were both drunk and I said some things…" Seth replies thoughtfully.

"You didn't deserve to be hit for it, Seth. What happened?"

"I was talking shit to him. I shoved him. I remember that he kept…he kept taking steps back from me and I wouldn't stop talking. I told him to hit me, Mom. I dared him to hit me. So he did. Knocked me silly. Then he said that…he said that we were done."

"Done? What were you fighting about?" Kirsten asks as she hands him an icepack and presses it against his bruised face.

"I don't know, I was…I had a fight with Summer and I was angry. I was about to get my ass kicked when he pulled me down the beach. I just snapped. I don't know…" Seth mutters.

"And you haven't seen him since…" Kirsten replies.

"I'd apologize, Mom, but I can't find him. He hasn't even called Marissa," Seth says.

"I think you both need to apologize. I will not tolerate fighting…" Kirsten begins but she's interrupted by the phone. She answers it immediately.

"Kirsten Cohen."

"Kirsten. Is Seth home?" Sandy's voice is low.

"Yeah, with a black eye…"

"I heard. Ryan's with me at the office. He won't be coming home with me," Sandy says. Kirsten hears the emotion underneath her husband's words. She knows that Sandy is upset.

"Why not? We need to talk about this…"

"He won't stay with us anymore. He wants to leave," Sandy replies.

"What? Sandy, what are you talking about?"

"I can't talk any sense into him, Kirsten," He whispers before returning to a normal voice. "I'm going to get him a hotel room for the weekend. He won't come home with me. I'm trying to find Dawn for him."

"Is he there with you? Let me talk to him," Kirsten orders, pale. Seth notices the change in her demeanor and is on alert.

"He's here but he doesn't want to talk to anyone. I wondered if you could get some of his clothes together and meet me at the office," Sandy says.

"No. I won't support this, Sandy. I'm not walking away from him," Kirsten replies.

"Kirsten. He's…I'll call you back." Sandy hangs up abruptly.

"What is it? Where's Ryan? What's going on?" Seth asks immediately.

"Seth. Go to your room. Keep ice on your eye and go to your room," Kirsten says quietly.

"No. Not until you tell me what is going on," Seth replies seriously.

"Go upstairs, Seth. I don't know anything. Your father needs me and…" Kirsten begins.

"He's at the office with Dad? Is he still mad? Mom…"

"Seth. Go upstairs. I mean it." Kirsten gathers her things to head over to Sandy's office. She has to stop this before it gets out of hand.

*****

"If I built you a city,

would you let me?

Would you tear it down?"

--Something Corporate

Sandy hangs up the phone with Kirsten as Ryan gets up and goes to the door. "Hey! Wait a second…"
Ryan freezes. He turns around, his eyes lowered. He is shaking.

"Sit down. Come on, Ryan. I've got you in my office. Talk to me."

Ryan reluctantly sits down.

"What's going on with you. What's going on in your head? Tell me. Tell me something," Sandy urges.

"Look at me, you fucking piece of trash," Ryan mutters.

"What?" Sandy asks slowly, making sure he heard the words correctly.

"That's what Seth said to me. That's what's going on in my head." Ryan doesn't meet Sandy's stricken gaze. "That's what he said last night."

"Ryan, I'm sorry…" Sandy is startled by the harsh words.

"But he's not. He meant it." Ryan looks up for a beat. "I know he did. He thinks I'm trash."

"That's not true, Ryan…"

"You made me look at you the other day. When I got in trouble for fighting at the movies. You told me to look at you when you were talking to me…" Ryan starts. "And it's like…" He pauses.

"Go on, Ryan…"

"The last thing my father said to me before he went in…was the same thing Seth said to me last night. He stood me up against the wall and he said 'look at me, boy. Look me in my face'. See, my dad would always freak if you looked his eyes, he'd freak and here he was making me look him in the face. So I looked at him. And he said I was a piece of street trash. He said I was nothing to him. Worthless. That I had brought him nothing but bad luck and it was my fault he got busted. And he punched me in the face. He didn't stop hitting me until I stopped moving." Ryan's eyes are distant. "To hear Seth say the same thing to me…I snapped, Sandy."

Sandy doesn't reply immediately, stricken.

"I'm going to go, Sandy. The hotel, don't worry about it. I'll call you on Monday…" Ryan starts to get up.

"No. Wait. Please, Ryan. Sit down. Please. You can't run away from this. Okay? Sit down." Sandy keeps his voice calm.

Ryan doesn't relax but he doesn't get up. His blue eyes are dark and pained.

"You made a mistake," Sandy states.

"I made a lot of mistakes. I thought…I believed you, Sandy…when you said I was different…when you said that I was smart and that I could fit in here…but it's not true. It's not true, Sandy," Ryan says quietly.

"Ryan, it was one fight…" Sandy starts.

"Yeah. It was one fight but he said everything that needed to be said. Whether he remembers it or not, he said it all last night. I'm done. I can't do this anymore, Sandy, I can't," Ryan says. His face is calm but he's shaking.

"You're upset. Where'd you sleep last night, Ryan?" Sandy asks slowly.

"You're not listening," Ryan replies. "I can't be your responsibility anymore. I can't."

"You are my responsibility, Ryan. I signed on for the long haul, I'm not just giving up on you just because you had a fight with my son," Sandy says.

"I hit your son. I hit him, Sandy. I hit Seth," Ryan states, as if in disbelief. "There's nothing else to be done."

Ryan rushes from the room before Sandy can stop him.

*****

Seth calls Summer and Marissa from his cell phone and they are both at his door at lunchtime. Kirsten opens the door with a phone to her ear. Summer goes upstairs to find Seth but Kirsten holds Marissa's arm, keeping her in the kitchen.

"Okay, Sandy. I'll call you back." Kirsten turns to Marissa. "Have you heard from Ryan?"

"Not since last night. Summer and I were inside when the fight happened and he said that he was leaving and that he would call me…" Marissa replies. "What's going on?"

"Ryan's upset. Seth's upset. Do you have any idea of where Ryan would go?" Kirsten asks.

"No, Kirsten, I don't…what's going on?" Marissa demands. Seth and Summer join them in the kitchen.

"I'd like to know, too, Mom. Please," Seth says.

"Ryan…he doesn't want to live with us anymore…" Kirsten sighs. "He went to see Sandy about finding his mother and he…he bolted."

"God…" Seth staggers as he loses all color in his skin. "What?"

"Kirsten…what are you talking about?" Marissa demands.

"You can't be serious. Over this? Over Cohen's big mouth? Don't you think he's overreacting?" Summer asks, putting an arm around Seth.

"He's upset. He's not thinking straight. Sandy's out looking for him but if any of you hear from him, let us know. Okay?" Both girls nod. Seth is silent. "I'll be back in a few hours." Kirsten grabs her keys and leaves.

"Seth…" Summer whispers.

"Go. Get away from me." Seth rushes upstairs leaving the girls dumbfounded.