"And you're in pieces

as your world becomes a rainstorm

You've got no shelter

I'm a thousand miles away

You'll survive the day

You say you're leaving…

You say you're leaving?"

--Something Corporate

Sandy comes home a few hours later, alone. He gets Seth from his room and brings him into his office.

"Sit down. Sit down, Seth. There's something I need to show you," Sandy says. Seth sits down across from his father's desk. Sandy unlocks a drawer and pulls out a thick folder, putting it on the desk in front of Seth.

"I hoped that I'd never have to say this to you, but I'm disappointed in you," Sandy sighs. "Ryan is a part of this family whether you like it or not…"

"I know, Dad, God, don't you think I know that? I want Ryan here, I've always wanted him here, even when Mom didn't want him here!" Seth protests. His eyes are red from crying. Sandy tries not to let his son's obviously apologetic demeanor stop him from his mission.

"But I don't think you appreciate where he came from. That's his file, Seth. Take a look at it. I mean, take a good look at it," Sandy urges, opening the file and sitting down on the desk beside the file.

"I don't need to see it," Seth replies. "It's his business."

"Obviously you do need to see it. Tell me what you said to him last night," Sandy says.

"I don't…"

"Tell me what you said to him. Ryan wouldn't tell me but he said that he knew you meant it…" Sandy begins.

"I didn't mean it…I was just mad…" Seth whispers.

"Tell me, Seth," Sandy urges.

"I said that everything was his fault. That everything had been fucked up since he got here. I told him I didn't need him defending me and that…that he wasn't my brother…" Seth whispers.

"God, Seth…"

"I was drunk, I wasn't thinking…" Seth replies. "I dared him to hit me, Dad." Seth meets his father's gaze, guiltily. "I dared him to fucking hit me and when he wouldn't…when he started backing away…I said he didn't have the balls to hit me because it would mess up his deal with you and mom…"

"I want you to sit here and look at that file. That's what's Ryan's going back to if he won't come back. I want you to sit here and look at all the times that child services have been to his house. I want you to see the medical documents from before and after his dad went to jail. I want you to sit here and look at it, Seth…"

Seth won't look at the folder. "I don't need a guilt trip, Dad." He keeps his eyes glued to the floor.

"I'm not here for the guilt," Sandy replies quietly. "I want you to understand why the things you said to Ryan hurt him so much."

"I know, Dad."

"You don't know anything about Ryan, Seth. Not if you could say those things to him. He's a strong kid but I think you might have broke him," Sandy says. He leaves, closing the door behind him.

Seth sighs. He picks up the folder. Seth has always been curious about Ryan's past but his parents always told him that Ryan would tell him when he was ready. Ryan would never mention his past unless Seth asked him a direct question. And Seth was nervous about the look that Ryan would get so he rarely asked direct questions about the Atwood House of Trash. As Seth flips through the pages of police and child services reports, he begins to understand why Ryan gets the look.

The first few pages are police reports of domestic violence calls to Ryan's parents with notations about child neglect. The hospital pages are next and Seth realizes that this isn't Ryan's court file, it's Sandy's personal file on Ryan's past. Seth examines the doctors' notes about healed fractures and breaks on Ryan's x-rays. Questionable scarring. Seth shudders as he sees the pictures taken by the doctors to document cigarette burns and suspicious bruises on his body. Seth doesn't read the guidance counselor notes from Ryan's school, he flips ahead. He notices suddenly that when Ryan turns 10, there are no more medical records except for one dated a month earlier.

A month earlier. Seth realizes that Ryan went to the hospital on the same weekend that he got into trouble at the theater. Seth hadn't known. "Goddammit."

"Seth?" Kirsten steps inside.

"The hospital. Did you take him to the hospital a month ago? Mom?" Seth demands. Kirsten blushes.

"Where did you get that?" Kirsten asks. Sandy steps inside.

"I gave it to him," Sandy replies.

"Mom? Did he have to go to the hospital?" Seth stands up, dropping the file.

Kirsten grabs the folder before Sandy can get to her side.

"What is he talking about, Kirsten?" Sandy asks.

"There's like, nothing medical since, like, he was ten. And then there's something from the same weekend that Ryan got into the fight at the movies…" Seth tells his father.

Sandy takes the folder from Kirsten in disbelief. "Kirsten…"

"He was okay. The doctor said he had cracked a rib and he was really…it was almost like he was embarrassed. The only way I could get him to go was to promise not to tell you," Kirsten says quietly.

"He cracked a rib for me?" Seth asks quietly. "What am I supposed to do? Just tell me what to do, Dad, just don't make me look at that anymore…" Seth starts to cry. "Just tell me what to do…"

Sandy embraces him but he's looking at his wife over Seth's shoulder. Hurt.

"I'm sorry," Kirsten says.

"No secrets, Kirsten. And this does mean something," Sandy whispers. He leads Seth from the room as Kirsten starts to cry.

*****

"Silence brings no peace…"

--Third Eye Blind

Marissa is sitting at home with her father. It's dark outside and no one's heard from Ryan. She came home so she wouldn't miss his call.

The phone rings and Jimmy regards the caller i.d. "Says it's from Luke's house.":

"Luke?" Marissa accepts the phone but doesn't answer it. It rings again. "I don't want to tie up the line…"

"We have call waiting. You can answer it if you want or let the machine get it," Jimmy says quietly.

Marissa pushes the 'on' button and raises the phone to her ear. "Hello?"

"Hey."

"Ryan?"

"Yeah."

"Are you at Luke's?" She asks. Marissa meets her father's curious gaze and nods. Jimmy pulls out his cell phone and dials Kirsten.

"Yeah. He saw me walking around and said I could crash here."

"What's going on, baby?" Marissa asks.

"Did you go by my house?"

"Yeah, Seth called me. He said you didn't come home and then Kirsten said that…she said you didn't want to live with them anymore."

"It's complicated, Marissa."

"Well, uncomplicate it for me. Have you even talked to Seth?"

"Have you?" Ryan replies.

"No, but…"

"No but nothing. We have nothing left to say to each other."

"You're not thinking straight, Ryan, you're not making sense…"

"Listen. Will you listen to me for a second?" Ryan interrupts.

"Yeah," Marissa says.

"I don't want to say goodbye to you, okay?"

"So don't."

"Marissa…I can't go back there…"

"Why? They're your family, Ryan…" Marissa starts. Jimmy is watching her, concerned.

"I won't go through this again. I won't do it. I won't hurt him, Marissa."

"Who? Seth? You didn't hurt him, Ryan, he's fine…"

"Listen. I'm going to be gone for a while but as soon as I get settled…"

"No. No, Ryan. You're at Luke's and I'm coming over right now…"

"I'll be gone. Don't say goodbye, Marissa…"

"Ryan, please, just wait, okay? Please."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Ryan hangs up.

******