Chapter 3. The ARCHFIEND Cometh!!!!
7:05 Inside the Café Chitterling. Lemur City.
Heero searched around the restaurant. His gun was ready to unload upon ANYTHING undead. MEANWHILE Duo was busy in the pantry area trying to open cans of food with his bare hands…and only set of teeth---
"OW!!!!" Duo whined, throwing the can over the counter into the guest area. "Damn that tin contraption!!!"
Heero turned around, upon hearing Duo, just in time to catch the can. He read the can label: Satanic Pete's Billowing Nuclear Brimstone Chili (now with goat meat and lard!). "....dear gawd...." Heero cringed. "Duo, do you know what this IS?!" he asked, a tad startled.
Duo emerged from the pantry and shouted, "Yeah! It's food!!"
"Oh, really?" The Blue-Eyed Wonder continued to read the ingredients. It read like some voodoo grocery list. He, then, found himself even more horrified when he read the warning label:
Do not keep in the reach of children AND adults.
Do not open OR keep can near heat, cold or room temperatures.
Keep away from open air.
Do not place can on metal, glass, plastic, or wooden surfaces.
Do not inhale smoke that emerges from can upon opening.
Stay away from the flames that emerge from the can upon opening.
Always wear protective eye and face gear in order to prevent retinal and nasal damage from fumes… etc.
"What the….FUCK?!?!" Heero uttered to himself. "Is this edible?"
"Don't be a snob, man, it's FOOD!!!" Duo yelled while digging around for a utensil.
"More like itching, burning, agonizing, intestinal death. Duo----this can is…. Hot??" Heero placed the burning can upon the dining table next to a candle and glass fixture.
The candle started to melt and the glass began to crack….
"Hn?!?" Heero backed away. "Is there a fire extinguisher? I think this can's going to detonate. No really."
Duo ignored Heero for his tummy growling, "There's GOT to be a can opener SOMEWHERE!!!"
Heero ran over to Duo, who was still in search of a can opener. "Hn… I'd give you MINE, but it was in my backpack, you so kindly decided to replace."
Duo turned around and glared at Heero. He grumbled, "You lie!!!"
Heero leaned against the counter and smirked, "Along with some rations that DID not need a can opener…"
"Grrrr!!!! RUB IT IN, WHY DONTCHA!?" Duo felt like an ass now. He turned around and walked off… possibly towards pantry again.
Heero continued to smirk until he heard an even deeper growl from the pantry area:
"GRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRROOOOOOAR!!!!"
"Oh shit!" Duo yelled scampering from the pantry. "Let's get the fuck out of here!!!"
He zoomed past Heero and left out the door. Leaving him to deal with…. The ARCHFIEND!!!!
Heero backed away from the lumbering beast.
A HUGE, freakishly-UGLY bald, humanoid garbed in black stomped out of the pantry. It stood about 9 feet tall, but moved like it wasn't a thing. Half its face was stitched on leaving this beady yellow- glowing eye to glare at Heero, a mere 4 feet below. His MAMMOTH arms simply shoved shelves and parts of the walls aside as he stalked towards the Perfectly Terrified Soldier. His mouth, or the gaping razor-teeth filled hole on his face, opened to release an ominous roar that deafened Heero's ears.
(Author's note: Heero can sit in the cockpit of an exploding Gundam---but he can't tolerate loud noises-----WTF am I writing?!??! OOC indeed!!!)
"Hn!!!" He groaned covering his ears…. Therefore dropping his weapon of choice. He staggered back and tried to shake the ringing out of his ears----
The ARCHFIEND burst into speed, heading towards Heero.
"Huh?!?!?" Heero gasped. He didn't see the running part, he just noticed the ARCHFIEND now in front of him by mere inches!!!! "Oh SHIT---"
Heero managed to dodge the first swing, and countered with his own. He punched the ARCHFIEND DEAD in his gut…… "Hn??!"
It DID NOT PHASE IT!!!!
BULLSHIT! GAWDAMMIT!!! That's crazy! It worked before! I know it! Heero rationalized. WTF?!?!
Since Heero's attack was NOTHING the ARCHFIEND decided to make the next brutal move. He grabbed Heero by the fucking waist and lifted him off the ground. "ONE!" He roared----- blasting Heero in the face with some monstrous halitosis. He began to squeeze the boy's insides.
"Oh….. Gawd…..I-I- can't...LOOSE-----ungh!!!" Heero had NEVER found himself so helpless in all his life. He was too small to reach the creature, and possibly smash that ONE frigging eye. This BIG fucker was playing around with him and there was NOTHING Heero Yuy could do?!?!?
RE-Enter: Duo Maxwell…
Duo stormed back in the restaurant. He figured Heero would've already dealt with the freak by now----EH, WRONG!!! Seeing his newfound friend in danger, Duo had no choice but to put his soldier training in to action:
"Booyah-yah BITCH!!!!!!" The Braided Wild Thing shouted just before he picked up a dining chair and smashed it into the ARCHFIEND's leg.
The ARCHFIEND didn't care about such simple things and threw Heero into Duo. SMASH!!!! Both boys went flying through the restaurant doors. They slid into the empty street.
Heero was still pretty messed up from nearly being squeezed like a tube of toothpaste, he actually just laid there groaning in pain. Duo tried to move him, but it only seemed to hurt Heero even more.
"Fuck!!" Duo cursed. He lightly shook him. "Heero??!? Heero?!?!"
"….____________" Heero had lost consciousness.
"TWO!!" The ARCHFIEND was roaring mad and stomping towards the both of them. Duo was all alone. The Soldier of Death WANTED to run and hide, but couldn't leave his injured, NOW unconscious new alley behind. He knew it was up to him to fuck this mutant freak up!
Duo stood up and whipped out his AK-47. "You done messed up now! DIE!!!!" He emptied the powerful weapon upon the ARCHFIEND. The wide spray of bullets totally decimated the front of the restaurant. ALL of it hit the ARCHFIEND, which basically pissed it off. The beast kept stomping towards Duo growling!!! "Oh my damn!!!" Duo uttered in shock.
"TWO!!!" The ARCHFIEND roared as he punched the weapon out of Duo hands. He grabbed at the boy's head. Duo jumped back, he got the DAMN braid and hauled the Long–Haired Baka up.
"AAAAAAAAAAAYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYAAAAAAAAAAAYAAAH!!!!" Duo hollered, kicking and struggling for dear life. "DON'T TOUCH MY FUCKING HAIR!!!!!" He snatched out a combat knife, from his belt and stabbed the ARCHFIEND in the hand, like, a dozen times before, blue blood spurted everywhere and the beast yelled in ire. The ARCHFIEND slammed Duo into the ground next to Heero.
"I WON'T MAKE THIS KILL EASY—ASSHOLE!!!" Duo growled before lunging after the ARCHFIEND, slamming his whole body into its lower area---knife in hand. "DIE!!!! DIE!! DIE!!" Duo screamed as he speared the knife in the ARCHFIEND'S gut.
Both the ARCHFIEND and Duo went crashing through the bullet-riddled walls of the restaurant. The creature landed on his back----with Duo on top of him---KNIFE still lodged into its gut. Between the weight of Duo and the fall, that knife was pretty lodged into the ARCHFIEND, and after a few strained roars it stopped moving….
Duo climbed off of the ARCHFIEND and looked in amazement. "Whoa shit!!! I killed it!!!?" He walked over to its head and took a closer look (true horror movie idiocy). Its eye was closed. Blue stuff was still oozing out of its deep wound. "Oh man!!! This thing is OOGLY!"
"TWO!!" The ARCHFIEND DID NOT appreciate rude comments and made sure to let Duo become aware of this. Launching a huge fist up into the air, he served Duo an uppercut in the stomach, sending him flying through the air and back out into the street… next to Heero.
"I……..I……didn't……like that…..at……. all____________" Duo passed out, next to a now fully awake Heero.
The Perfectly Fine Soldier sat up just as the ARCHFIEND started to get up. Heero snatched the bloodied combat knife out of Duo's limp hand and threw the weapon into the can of Satanic Pete's Chili which happen to be sitting upon the now enflamed table RIGHT behind the ARCHFIEND. The second the blade touched the volatile can, it exploded!
KA-BLOOO-OOOO-OOOO-WEEE!!! The impact of the explosion sent the ARCHFIEND flying across the street over Heero and Duo and through a building on the other side.
The Messy Haired Psycho staggered to his feet and groaned in sheer agony, "Hn…… (ow!) Mission….. Uhhhhhh…….__________" Heero collapsed and passed out again.
7:45PM. Lemur City Police Station. Downtown Lemur City.
Quatre finally arrived at his destination. The Former Whiney One was really looking forward to finding the Chief---and kicking his bloody ass for all it was worth. It was because of him that the city was reduced to a zombie playground. The Blonde Cutie looked around the front of the police station only to see dozens of his fallen comrades. He uttered a few words of luck to them in the afterlife before he decided to carry on….
"UUUUUuuuuuuuuUUUUUuuuuuRGH!!!" Sounded a zombie cop RIGHT behind him.
It seems like they had other plans that didn't deal with an afterlife.
"I suppose this is the way it has to be, my friends…." Quatre sighed in sadness…. Just before turning around and spin kicking the zombie in the face—knocking his head off. "Please forgive me." He concluded as he ripped the now headless zombie's arm off and smacked another oncoming ghoul in the head.
As the unfortunate dead guy staggered backwards, The Pacifist (ha!!) ran up its chest, leaped off its head----breaking it neck---and air kick another zombie cop in the face. He landed upon a zombified police dog, crushing it entirely under his reinforced Nikes.
Quatre gasped as he stared upon the bloody mess under his feet, "Oh no, Blitzen!!! The Police Dog ----HIYAAAAAH!!!!" The Blonde Badass shot his palm upward, snapping a traipsing zombie's neck.
Suddenly Donner, the Other Lemur City Police Dog ran out from around the corner snarled at Quatre. He took out his Magnum and got ready to shot. Donner got ready to leap into the air and------
Died like a bitch, when Wufei jumped out behind Donner and slashed her in half with his sword. The two halves landed on opposite sides of the Preventers with a bloody thud!
Plop!
(Okay….. so I was wrong---shut-up!!)
"Onna bitch!!!" Wufei snapped and he put his weapon away… somewhere (?!?!). He turned back to Quatre and asked, "Are you alright, kid?"
"Yes….. I can take care of myself, now. Thanks." Quatre assured his superior.
"So glad to hear it. Because I have NO intentions on saving your ass through this fanfic."
"… (Fanfic, what the devil is that?)" Quatre was puzzled.
"Uh…..Never mind----Let's go."
They both headed towards the Police Station when suddenly----
SQUEAK-Ah!!!!
(WTF?!!!)
Something or someone decided to make a grand appearance... with a most CURIOUS sound. The Former Preventers quickly turned around and found themselves face to face with…..
"Trowa?!?!?!!?!??!?!?!" The both exclaimed.
There was Trowa Barton, Preventers Demolitionist. He was quiet, which wasn't odd. It was the fact that he was dressed in all black form-fitting, shiny, vinyl (hence the squeak) outfit, that made Quatre and Wufei think otherwise. This outfit was OFF DA CHAIN: it was laced up with straps and buckles from the collar, to the very end of the thigh-high, shiny boots which appeared to be steel-tipped and possibly steel-toed as well, (for hi-quality ass-kicking). His shiny black gloves were garbed with diamond and Gundanium knuckles….
Despite Trowa's new and quite creepy (more like kinky) appearance, his Unibang seemed the same along with his facial expression (utterly blank). But his eye… the one NOT cloaked with his hair looked all-weird. It was golden… ZERO System Golden.
Before Quatre could sense what Trowa's malfunction could be---The Lanky Boy began to stalk towards them… lightly squeaking the whole way….
(squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak….)
"Uh….. Trowa…?" Quatre called out. "W-what's wrong, Friend Trowa……?"
Wufei staggered back, "This…. does NOT look good."