Discalimer: It's on the first chapter. LOL!
Author's Note: Ok, I've made Chapter 2. Once again, please excuse typo's, lameness and anything else you find annoying/bad/irritating...blah de blah! I present to you all my idiocracy...(spelling?) ...lunacy and stupidity. I have a lot of it. I confess, this story has a BASIC plot, but no intricate plot. I've also just been reading Douglas Adams "The Ultimate Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy" and if you have read it then you will know why my story has taken such a stupid turn. D Enjoy!
C h a p t e r II - Burra-Gurra and Whatever!
The Tendo Dojo was silent. Autumn leaves swirled across the garden, which was strange...simply because...it wasn't autumn. It was mid-summer, but the sky looked suspiciously grey and cloudy. Maybe it would snow? The tiny Cuckraku, the official but insane weather watcher sat on top of his roof, talking to himself. He was a weather ninja, a ninja who specialized in watching the weather, talking about the weather and basically doing anything related to weather.
There were many innocent civilian's who would unknowingly meet the Cuckraku, and remark politely, "Fine weather, isn't it?" They would then be forced to drink cup after cup of green tea, listening to theses on sunny weather, snowy weather, weather in New York and all sorts of delicious, torturous weather.
But the Cuckraku had nothing to do with the silence of the Tendo Dojo. Kasumi was out shopping for fresh beans to cook, while Akane and Ranma were currently on their way home from school. Soun Tendo and Genma Saotome were playing Chinese checkers with a seventy year old Grand Master downtown, and were, unfortunately losing. (They were on their 72nd game, won 0, lost 72.) Nabiki's whereabouts' were a mystery. Happosai was out collecting more under garments for his collection of lingerie.
Curtains flapped in the breeze, pretty curtains with floral print. Sasuke stopped in his journey towards the Dojo entrance to admire them. Although Kuno and Kodachi didn't know this, Sasuke was a ninja suffering from curtophobia, a suffering in which the person has an incurable attraction towards curtains. In his younger ninja days, or so it is recorded in Sasuke's secret diary, Sasuke was punished for stealing all the Sensei's curtains and hiding them in his secret cubby hole, which wasn't really secret because the whole Dojo knew about it, but it WAS secret to Sasuke because Sasuke didn't know that the whole Dojo knew about it.
Sasuke turned his back on the flirtatious curtain, and sighed. He began to creep towards the Tendo Dojo again. He was on a mission.
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"Who was that boy, Ranma?" Akane asked Ranma, asked they walked home from an eventful 15 minutes after school. In those 15 minutes, Akane had cried, injured a little squirrel, and met a handsome stranger. Ranma, likewise, had eaten seven pizza's, home cooked by Ukyo, twenty-five cookies, home baked by Kodachi, and he had somehow neglected the hot ramen home boiled by Shampoo, who was currently on her way after Ranma, to pour it down his back. Ranma, of course, had no idea of her insane plan.
"Beats me," yawned Ranma, precariously balancing on the railing by the Tokyo sewer, as per usual. "Why do you care, anyway? There's NO way he'd fall for you...you are waaay too uncute!" Ranma physically and mentally braced himself for the onslaught he would now get from Akane.
"Well, at least I'm not as girly as you!" Akane flashed at Ranma. She knew this would cut deep, and sure enough, it did. Ranma hated the fact that when cold water was poured upon him, he turned into a girl. It was humiliating to his manhood, his martial arts and all he stood for.
"Just WHO," cried Ranma, swerving angrily on the railing. "Are you calling girly?"
An old lady poured a pail of cold water to clean the dusty road in front of her house. This old lady was the bane and pain of Ranma's life. She always poured cold water on his plans. Ranma stood there, shivering in clothes 4 sizes too big for him, and squealing in a voice much higher pitched than it had been two minutes ago.
Akane giggled at his rage, and produced a kettle. It was known as "The Emergency Jusenkyo Victim's Kettle Rehab. Therapy, or, Carry A Kettle To Cure The Cold Water Ailment", and the point of it was to carry an emergency kettle of boiling hot water to return the poor cold-wateree to original form, be he man or in Ryoga's case, pig. "You," Akane said, pouring the contents of the kettle over Ranma. "You are girly...or were."
"Stupid old ghoul," muttered Ranma at the old lady, who blinked at him, confused at the change which had taken place in less than two minutes. She rubbed her eyes, wondering how the boy became a girl and then became a boy, again! She slowly returned to her house. In fifteen minutes time, she would set of for the Psychiatrist's, to have her head examined, but once again, Ranma wasn't to know that.
Tomorrow, the old lady would undergo a brain surgery, and come out of it with a telepathic mind, but yet AGAIN, Ranma's wasn't supposed to know that. Well, no one knew if he was supposed to know that, they just knew he didn't.
"Hurry up, Ranma," called Akane. "Kasumi's dee-licious lunch would be stone- cold by now!"
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Sasuke crawled into the Tendo home, and made straight for the kitchen. Master Kuno had instructed him, and he always followed Master Kuno's instructions, to pour the magical contents of the Burra-Gurra bottle into every dish of food he saw in Ranma's home.
The Burra-Gurra bottle contained some dangerously damgerous Burra-Gurra powder, which, when taken internally, caused the taker to fall in love with the first person of the same sex he or she laid his eyes upon. It was this fate which Kuno had diabolically planned for Ranma. By putting the powder into every dish, obviously, Kuno would affect a lot of other people as well, including Akane, but Akane would not eat the dishes due to the birthday of her best friend's cousin's grandfather, for she would attend his birthday party in precisely half an hour, when a hurried telephone call would force poor Akane out of the house, and leave Ranma to eat all the food up himself.
Shampoo, who had been industriously chasing after Ranma, had taken a fall on the road, and was busy pouring the hot ramen reserved for Ranma over Mousse instead, who had caused her to fall.
Sasuke poured tiny amounts of the powder into both the dishes of Octopus balls, desperately wanting to taste some Octopus balls a la Kasumi for himself, but not daring to. It was too risky. What, and Sasuke shuddered at the thought, if he fell in love with that awful Ranma Saotome? Or worse, that disgusting Ryoga Hibiki?
Sasuke took out the carefully scrawled note from his cap, and gently placed it under the Octopus balls. Ranma would no doubt see it when he finished his delicious lunch. LUNCH! Sasuke sadly remembered how the garden slugs always served for his lunch. Not that it was unusual...after all, this was Japan, and food, glorious food, was at the peak of it's diversity. Why, hadn't Sasuke seen Kuno's next-door neighbor, Mr. Miyaki eat snails in the corner of his garden? But that was probably because Mrs. Miyaki shut him out of the house again, poor fellow. Sasuke sighed a sad sigh for Mr. Miyaki.
Suddenly, Sasuke's sharp ninja ears detected voices outside. It was time to go. As Sasuke sped to the back door, a strange thought entered his head. "To infinity, and beyond!" Sasuke wondered what that meant, and he determined to ask the garden toad for his opinion.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------
Ranma eyed the huge plate of Octopus balls upon the table. This lot wasn't going to last very long. "Hurry up, Akane! I might just finish the Octopus balls by myself!" called Ranma, for Akane was glued by the ear to the phone, and Ranma definitely didn't like the look of glee upon her face as she put down the phone at last.
"Be my guest," she said to him.
He fainted.
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When Ranma woke up from his faint, precisely 17 minutes later, Akane was gone. A note, however, was left by his plate. Ranma picked up the note with trembling fingers. Akane had once again shocked him, by actually REFUSING Kasumi's fine, rare lunch. It was unheard of, it was preposterous.
"Dear Ranma [the note read], It is Ayumi's grandfather's birthday. He likes Orange Green Tea, and since Kasumi is the only one in Tokyo who actually makes Orange Green Tea, I am the guest of honour. Isn't that cool? It proves I am more attractive than you, anyway. You probably don't know who Ayumi is - I don't know myself. All I know is that she likes eating snow cones on the beach, and that she is Misora's cousin. Misora, in case you REALLY didn't know, is my best friend. It shows how much interest you take in you fiancée! But, I'm not going to marry you. ARGH, you make me so mad, Ranma. I hate you. B the way, put the kettle to boil, my emergency kettle is out of hot water."
Ranma read this note with mixed feelings. His first thought was, "I like Orange Green Tea!" and his second, "I'm better built than you, Akane! TO BOOT!" and the third and fourth were "You're not my fiancée by choice!" and "Mua hahahahaha! I have the Octopus balls all to myself!" respectively.
So Ranma put aside his feelings in the China cabinet for a while, and began devouring his lunch. There was a ...strange taste about the dish...which Ranma couldn't quite put his finger on. In the end, he decided he was still thirsting for the Orange Green Tea, and swallowed his lunch in less than 4.5 bites. Ranma sighed. Sure, an old granddaddy's birthday party was more important than lunch with him...Ranma Saotome, for Akane. She would surely regret this someday.
And what was all that crap about her being his fiancée? And she hated him? Ranma felt kinda depressed. He picked his plate, and went to put it in the sink. That was when he noticed the note fluttering down from the table. Ranma slowly picked it up. Not another weird note?
"Hah, Ranma [the note read], With 3002 years of Chinese history, the Burra-Gurra Powder has unusual powers, which causes the eater to fall in love with someone of the same sex. The very first person you lay your eyes on. Finally, Akane will be free to date with me...
'The innocent flower of the night, Shall date with those of greater might... I, Tatewaki Kuno, accept your wish to date with me, my dearest Akane!'
--Kuno.
P.S. Greetings to the pigtailed-girl! I shall date with you day after tomorrow!"
Ranma glared at the note with annoyance. Unknown to Ranma, Kuno was at the moment drinking Orange Green Tea at his second cousins' house, but perhaps it was lucky Ranma didn't know that. Ranma was now definitely confused, because he didn't know what the hell Kuno was talking about. Ranma didn't even know Kuno was aware of a land called China - he'd always thought the only places Kuno knew about were Japan and The Land Where Kuno Ruled And Dated [Almost] All.
At that moment of frustration in Ranma's life, the doorbell rang. Ranma dropped the note and ran to the door. If it was Kuno, he'd smack him. If it were Ryoga, he'd kick him. If it was anybody else...
Ranma pulled open the door. "What d'ya wa-!"
The handsome boy from after school stood there. "Excuse me," he asked politely. "Is this the Tendo Dojo?"
Ranma gazed at him.
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Author's note: Kill me for writing such a foolish epistle. I dunno what got into me! Anyway, R&R, and LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER! Surely you peeps can guess what happens next? That evil Tatewaki Kuno....I'm such a moron. Sorry...this chapter was REALLY weird...forgive me.
Author's Note: Ok, I've made Chapter 2. Once again, please excuse typo's, lameness and anything else you find annoying/bad/irritating...blah de blah! I present to you all my idiocracy...(spelling?) ...lunacy and stupidity. I have a lot of it. I confess, this story has a BASIC plot, but no intricate plot. I've also just been reading Douglas Adams "The Ultimate Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy" and if you have read it then you will know why my story has taken such a stupid turn. D Enjoy!
C h a p t e r II - Burra-Gurra and Whatever!
The Tendo Dojo was silent. Autumn leaves swirled across the garden, which was strange...simply because...it wasn't autumn. It was mid-summer, but the sky looked suspiciously grey and cloudy. Maybe it would snow? The tiny Cuckraku, the official but insane weather watcher sat on top of his roof, talking to himself. He was a weather ninja, a ninja who specialized in watching the weather, talking about the weather and basically doing anything related to weather.
There were many innocent civilian's who would unknowingly meet the Cuckraku, and remark politely, "Fine weather, isn't it?" They would then be forced to drink cup after cup of green tea, listening to theses on sunny weather, snowy weather, weather in New York and all sorts of delicious, torturous weather.
But the Cuckraku had nothing to do with the silence of the Tendo Dojo. Kasumi was out shopping for fresh beans to cook, while Akane and Ranma were currently on their way home from school. Soun Tendo and Genma Saotome were playing Chinese checkers with a seventy year old Grand Master downtown, and were, unfortunately losing. (They were on their 72nd game, won 0, lost 72.) Nabiki's whereabouts' were a mystery. Happosai was out collecting more under garments for his collection of lingerie.
Curtains flapped in the breeze, pretty curtains with floral print. Sasuke stopped in his journey towards the Dojo entrance to admire them. Although Kuno and Kodachi didn't know this, Sasuke was a ninja suffering from curtophobia, a suffering in which the person has an incurable attraction towards curtains. In his younger ninja days, or so it is recorded in Sasuke's secret diary, Sasuke was punished for stealing all the Sensei's curtains and hiding them in his secret cubby hole, which wasn't really secret because the whole Dojo knew about it, but it WAS secret to Sasuke because Sasuke didn't know that the whole Dojo knew about it.
Sasuke turned his back on the flirtatious curtain, and sighed. He began to creep towards the Tendo Dojo again. He was on a mission.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -
"Who was that boy, Ranma?" Akane asked Ranma, asked they walked home from an eventful 15 minutes after school. In those 15 minutes, Akane had cried, injured a little squirrel, and met a handsome stranger. Ranma, likewise, had eaten seven pizza's, home cooked by Ukyo, twenty-five cookies, home baked by Kodachi, and he had somehow neglected the hot ramen home boiled by Shampoo, who was currently on her way after Ranma, to pour it down his back. Ranma, of course, had no idea of her insane plan.
"Beats me," yawned Ranma, precariously balancing on the railing by the Tokyo sewer, as per usual. "Why do you care, anyway? There's NO way he'd fall for you...you are waaay too uncute!" Ranma physically and mentally braced himself for the onslaught he would now get from Akane.
"Well, at least I'm not as girly as you!" Akane flashed at Ranma. She knew this would cut deep, and sure enough, it did. Ranma hated the fact that when cold water was poured upon him, he turned into a girl. It was humiliating to his manhood, his martial arts and all he stood for.
"Just WHO," cried Ranma, swerving angrily on the railing. "Are you calling girly?"
An old lady poured a pail of cold water to clean the dusty road in front of her house. This old lady was the bane and pain of Ranma's life. She always poured cold water on his plans. Ranma stood there, shivering in clothes 4 sizes too big for him, and squealing in a voice much higher pitched than it had been two minutes ago.
Akane giggled at his rage, and produced a kettle. It was known as "The Emergency Jusenkyo Victim's Kettle Rehab. Therapy, or, Carry A Kettle To Cure The Cold Water Ailment", and the point of it was to carry an emergency kettle of boiling hot water to return the poor cold-wateree to original form, be he man or in Ryoga's case, pig. "You," Akane said, pouring the contents of the kettle over Ranma. "You are girly...or were."
"Stupid old ghoul," muttered Ranma at the old lady, who blinked at him, confused at the change which had taken place in less than two minutes. She rubbed her eyes, wondering how the boy became a girl and then became a boy, again! She slowly returned to her house. In fifteen minutes time, she would set of for the Psychiatrist's, to have her head examined, but once again, Ranma wasn't to know that.
Tomorrow, the old lady would undergo a brain surgery, and come out of it with a telepathic mind, but yet AGAIN, Ranma's wasn't supposed to know that. Well, no one knew if he was supposed to know that, they just knew he didn't.
"Hurry up, Ranma," called Akane. "Kasumi's dee-licious lunch would be stone- cold by now!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------
Sasuke crawled into the Tendo home, and made straight for the kitchen. Master Kuno had instructed him, and he always followed Master Kuno's instructions, to pour the magical contents of the Burra-Gurra bottle into every dish of food he saw in Ranma's home.
The Burra-Gurra bottle contained some dangerously damgerous Burra-Gurra powder, which, when taken internally, caused the taker to fall in love with the first person of the same sex he or she laid his eyes upon. It was this fate which Kuno had diabolically planned for Ranma. By putting the powder into every dish, obviously, Kuno would affect a lot of other people as well, including Akane, but Akane would not eat the dishes due to the birthday of her best friend's cousin's grandfather, for she would attend his birthday party in precisely half an hour, when a hurried telephone call would force poor Akane out of the house, and leave Ranma to eat all the food up himself.
Shampoo, who had been industriously chasing after Ranma, had taken a fall on the road, and was busy pouring the hot ramen reserved for Ranma over Mousse instead, who had caused her to fall.
Sasuke poured tiny amounts of the powder into both the dishes of Octopus balls, desperately wanting to taste some Octopus balls a la Kasumi for himself, but not daring to. It was too risky. What, and Sasuke shuddered at the thought, if he fell in love with that awful Ranma Saotome? Or worse, that disgusting Ryoga Hibiki?
Sasuke took out the carefully scrawled note from his cap, and gently placed it under the Octopus balls. Ranma would no doubt see it when he finished his delicious lunch. LUNCH! Sasuke sadly remembered how the garden slugs always served for his lunch. Not that it was unusual...after all, this was Japan, and food, glorious food, was at the peak of it's diversity. Why, hadn't Sasuke seen Kuno's next-door neighbor, Mr. Miyaki eat snails in the corner of his garden? But that was probably because Mrs. Miyaki shut him out of the house again, poor fellow. Sasuke sighed a sad sigh for Mr. Miyaki.
Suddenly, Sasuke's sharp ninja ears detected voices outside. It was time to go. As Sasuke sped to the back door, a strange thought entered his head. "To infinity, and beyond!" Sasuke wondered what that meant, and he determined to ask the garden toad for his opinion.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------
Ranma eyed the huge plate of Octopus balls upon the table. This lot wasn't going to last very long. "Hurry up, Akane! I might just finish the Octopus balls by myself!" called Ranma, for Akane was glued by the ear to the phone, and Ranma definitely didn't like the look of glee upon her face as she put down the phone at last.
"Be my guest," she said to him.
He fainted.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------
When Ranma woke up from his faint, precisely 17 minutes later, Akane was gone. A note, however, was left by his plate. Ranma picked up the note with trembling fingers. Akane had once again shocked him, by actually REFUSING Kasumi's fine, rare lunch. It was unheard of, it was preposterous.
"Dear Ranma [the note read], It is Ayumi's grandfather's birthday. He likes Orange Green Tea, and since Kasumi is the only one in Tokyo who actually makes Orange Green Tea, I am the guest of honour. Isn't that cool? It proves I am more attractive than you, anyway. You probably don't know who Ayumi is - I don't know myself. All I know is that she likes eating snow cones on the beach, and that she is Misora's cousin. Misora, in case you REALLY didn't know, is my best friend. It shows how much interest you take in you fiancée! But, I'm not going to marry you. ARGH, you make me so mad, Ranma. I hate you. B the way, put the kettle to boil, my emergency kettle is out of hot water."
Ranma read this note with mixed feelings. His first thought was, "I like Orange Green Tea!" and his second, "I'm better built than you, Akane! TO BOOT!" and the third and fourth were "You're not my fiancée by choice!" and "Mua hahahahaha! I have the Octopus balls all to myself!" respectively.
So Ranma put aside his feelings in the China cabinet for a while, and began devouring his lunch. There was a ...strange taste about the dish...which Ranma couldn't quite put his finger on. In the end, he decided he was still thirsting for the Orange Green Tea, and swallowed his lunch in less than 4.5 bites. Ranma sighed. Sure, an old granddaddy's birthday party was more important than lunch with him...Ranma Saotome, for Akane. She would surely regret this someday.
And what was all that crap about her being his fiancée? And she hated him? Ranma felt kinda depressed. He picked his plate, and went to put it in the sink. That was when he noticed the note fluttering down from the table. Ranma slowly picked it up. Not another weird note?
"Hah, Ranma [the note read], With 3002 years of Chinese history, the Burra-Gurra Powder has unusual powers, which causes the eater to fall in love with someone of the same sex. The very first person you lay your eyes on. Finally, Akane will be free to date with me...
'The innocent flower of the night, Shall date with those of greater might... I, Tatewaki Kuno, accept your wish to date with me, my dearest Akane!'
--Kuno.
P.S. Greetings to the pigtailed-girl! I shall date with you day after tomorrow!"
Ranma glared at the note with annoyance. Unknown to Ranma, Kuno was at the moment drinking Orange Green Tea at his second cousins' house, but perhaps it was lucky Ranma didn't know that. Ranma was now definitely confused, because he didn't know what the hell Kuno was talking about. Ranma didn't even know Kuno was aware of a land called China - he'd always thought the only places Kuno knew about were Japan and The Land Where Kuno Ruled And Dated [Almost] All.
At that moment of frustration in Ranma's life, the doorbell rang. Ranma dropped the note and ran to the door. If it was Kuno, he'd smack him. If it were Ryoga, he'd kick him. If it was anybody else...
Ranma pulled open the door. "What d'ya wa-!"
The handsome boy from after school stood there. "Excuse me," he asked politely. "Is this the Tendo Dojo?"
Ranma gazed at him.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------
Author's note: Kill me for writing such a foolish epistle. I dunno what got into me! Anyway, R&R, and LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER! Surely you peeps can guess what happens next? That evil Tatewaki Kuno....I'm such a moron. Sorry...this chapter was REALLY weird...forgive me.