Kill the Pain! (Part 3)
#
It's been a month now. A month since we came to Sunnydale. Came back, in your case. Came back to your friends and family, trying to fit in with them again despite everything that has happened.
It's not working, of course. I knew it wouldn't.
They don't understand. Don't understand why you are in so much pain over losing him. After all, he was just a murderer, right? Just a monster that needed killing and so you did it. Killed him. End of the story, go on with your life.
That is what they want you to do. That is what you are trying to do. At least on the surface. Only on the surface.
"You haven't told them about me?" I ask you as we go on patrol.
You shake your head, dark hair flying in the wind. I know that your friends are disturbed by the changes in you. Your new hair color, your new sense of dress, your new attitude toward the slaying. You no longer allow them to accompany you on patrol. You don't need them. You have me.
"They are so ... frustrating," you say.
"Why?" I know the answer, of course, but I want to hear you say it.
"They ... they want me to pretend that nothing happened. That what I did doesn't matter. That he didn't matter. They want the old Buffy back. The one that laughed so much, the one that was constantly wise cracking and running her mouth, even during the slaying. The one that dressed at the height of fashion and had happy blonde hair."
I touch your shoulder and you slip your hand over mine.
"They don't understand that you are no longer that person."
Your mother and Giles tried to enroll you back into school, but you wanted none of it. No pretense at having a normal life. No distraction from the only thing that can kill the pain. The pain is all around you now. Everything reminds you of him and what you did.
No need for your friends to know about me quite yet. They will meet me soon enough, when the time is right.
"What about that guy Red tried to hook you up with?"
You groan, remembering. Willow has made it her personal project to get you back to your old self. Step one: A nice, normal boyfriend. I have seen the loser she picked out and I wonder how Willow can consider herself your best friend when she knows so little about your taste.
"Scott Hope?" you ask me and sigh. "He's nice, normal, and ..."
"Boring as hell?" That actually manages to bring a smile to your lips. Now and then you do smile again, but not very often. Most of the times it is when we go slaying. When you drive a stake into a Vampire's heart and kill the pain for a brief moment.
"That about sums it up. Somehow, though, he seems to have gotten the impression that I am interested in him. Every time I see him he behaves as if we went to several dates already."
I smile.
"He can't compare," I state.
"Not even close. You know ... he feels ... wrong. And not just because he isn't, you know, isn't him. It's more. When ... when he touched me today it was ... wrong. He felt so warm. So alive."
"What was it like?" I ask her. "Your night with Angel?"
You shake your head, not wanting the memories. My patience wins out, though. You can't win against me, B! You should know that. Or you will.
"It was wonderful. He was so cold, so wonderfully cool. When we touched I wanted to wrap myself into that cool flesh, climb inside him and make him warm with my own heat."
I urge you to continue. Live the memories, B! They are all you have left. Live them and the pain will come back with twice the force when you remember that he's gone.
"Feeling him inside me," you continue, "that wonderful silky coldness sliding into me, it was the greatest feeling in the world. I wanted it to last forever."
"It didn't, though," I remind you. You fall silent and I can see you wrap the pain around yourself like a shroud again. Soon you will realize that the only way to escape it is to give in to me. Give me all you are.
Patrol takes a bit longer tonight, as there is a killer loose around High School, killing students. Not a Vampire, or so we think, but something else. Whatever it is, though, we will find and kill it. That is what we do, the Chosen Two. We kill. Kill the pain.
"I went to the mansion yesterday," you tell me.
"Hard?"
"Very. But I couldn't put it off indefinitely. I had to go there. I ... I left the ring he gave me. Left it on the floor."
You close your eyes, eyes that are brimming with tears. I drape my arm around your shoulders, keeping you safe.
"I know how difficult that must have been," I tell her, "but letting go of him is part of getting your life back, B. You can't live in the shadow of a ghost."
Ditching the ring will not lessen the pain, though. It will only make it easier to rid yourself of your old life. There is so little of it left already and soon, when you finally realize that your friends and family don't know you, have never really known you, we will bury the last remains of Buffy Summers, High School girl.
Then you will be mine forever.
There is movement in the underbrush; something big and inhuman is near. We can both sense it, that tingle inside our head that means 'Vampire'! We don't need words to communicate, not when it comes to fighting. Dressed alike, armed alike, moving alike, when fighting we are truly one.
Our prey is close and I don't think it knows we are here. It is moving toward the school grounds. Maybe our student killer? Or just another Vampire looking for the liquid lunch? Doesn't matter. Monsters, all of them. Catalysts for B's transformation, killing a piece of the pain, of her old life, with every Vampire she dusts.
The moon comes out overhead and we see a reflection of light, a shimmer of paleness just ahead of us. Moonlight illuminating a creature of milky white flesh, covered in dirt and bruises. Looks like someone or something put this one through the wringer already.
We will finish the job.
The creature tenses and twists around, having sensed us. Moonlight falls into the shadows and we can see its face.
No! This can't be happening!
B almost faints and I find myself more than a little rattled myself. This is impossible! Not now! Not when I'm so close!
"Angel," B whispers.
The big A is back from Hell! Fuck, this could put a serious cramp into my plans.
TO BE CONTINUED
#
It's been a month now. A month since we came to Sunnydale. Came back, in your case. Came back to your friends and family, trying to fit in with them again despite everything that has happened.
It's not working, of course. I knew it wouldn't.
They don't understand. Don't understand why you are in so much pain over losing him. After all, he was just a murderer, right? Just a monster that needed killing and so you did it. Killed him. End of the story, go on with your life.
That is what they want you to do. That is what you are trying to do. At least on the surface. Only on the surface.
"You haven't told them about me?" I ask you as we go on patrol.
You shake your head, dark hair flying in the wind. I know that your friends are disturbed by the changes in you. Your new hair color, your new sense of dress, your new attitude toward the slaying. You no longer allow them to accompany you on patrol. You don't need them. You have me.
"They are so ... frustrating," you say.
"Why?" I know the answer, of course, but I want to hear you say it.
"They ... they want me to pretend that nothing happened. That what I did doesn't matter. That he didn't matter. They want the old Buffy back. The one that laughed so much, the one that was constantly wise cracking and running her mouth, even during the slaying. The one that dressed at the height of fashion and had happy blonde hair."
I touch your shoulder and you slip your hand over mine.
"They don't understand that you are no longer that person."
Your mother and Giles tried to enroll you back into school, but you wanted none of it. No pretense at having a normal life. No distraction from the only thing that can kill the pain. The pain is all around you now. Everything reminds you of him and what you did.
No need for your friends to know about me quite yet. They will meet me soon enough, when the time is right.
"What about that guy Red tried to hook you up with?"
You groan, remembering. Willow has made it her personal project to get you back to your old self. Step one: A nice, normal boyfriend. I have seen the loser she picked out and I wonder how Willow can consider herself your best friend when she knows so little about your taste.
"Scott Hope?" you ask me and sigh. "He's nice, normal, and ..."
"Boring as hell?" That actually manages to bring a smile to your lips. Now and then you do smile again, but not very often. Most of the times it is when we go slaying. When you drive a stake into a Vampire's heart and kill the pain for a brief moment.
"That about sums it up. Somehow, though, he seems to have gotten the impression that I am interested in him. Every time I see him he behaves as if we went to several dates already."
I smile.
"He can't compare," I state.
"Not even close. You know ... he feels ... wrong. And not just because he isn't, you know, isn't him. It's more. When ... when he touched me today it was ... wrong. He felt so warm. So alive."
"What was it like?" I ask her. "Your night with Angel?"
You shake your head, not wanting the memories. My patience wins out, though. You can't win against me, B! You should know that. Or you will.
"It was wonderful. He was so cold, so wonderfully cool. When we touched I wanted to wrap myself into that cool flesh, climb inside him and make him warm with my own heat."
I urge you to continue. Live the memories, B! They are all you have left. Live them and the pain will come back with twice the force when you remember that he's gone.
"Feeling him inside me," you continue, "that wonderful silky coldness sliding into me, it was the greatest feeling in the world. I wanted it to last forever."
"It didn't, though," I remind you. You fall silent and I can see you wrap the pain around yourself like a shroud again. Soon you will realize that the only way to escape it is to give in to me. Give me all you are.
Patrol takes a bit longer tonight, as there is a killer loose around High School, killing students. Not a Vampire, or so we think, but something else. Whatever it is, though, we will find and kill it. That is what we do, the Chosen Two. We kill. Kill the pain.
"I went to the mansion yesterday," you tell me.
"Hard?"
"Very. But I couldn't put it off indefinitely. I had to go there. I ... I left the ring he gave me. Left it on the floor."
You close your eyes, eyes that are brimming with tears. I drape my arm around your shoulders, keeping you safe.
"I know how difficult that must have been," I tell her, "but letting go of him is part of getting your life back, B. You can't live in the shadow of a ghost."
Ditching the ring will not lessen the pain, though. It will only make it easier to rid yourself of your old life. There is so little of it left already and soon, when you finally realize that your friends and family don't know you, have never really known you, we will bury the last remains of Buffy Summers, High School girl.
Then you will be mine forever.
There is movement in the underbrush; something big and inhuman is near. We can both sense it, that tingle inside our head that means 'Vampire'! We don't need words to communicate, not when it comes to fighting. Dressed alike, armed alike, moving alike, when fighting we are truly one.
Our prey is close and I don't think it knows we are here. It is moving toward the school grounds. Maybe our student killer? Or just another Vampire looking for the liquid lunch? Doesn't matter. Monsters, all of them. Catalysts for B's transformation, killing a piece of the pain, of her old life, with every Vampire she dusts.
The moon comes out overhead and we see a reflection of light, a shimmer of paleness just ahead of us. Moonlight illuminating a creature of milky white flesh, covered in dirt and bruises. Looks like someone or something put this one through the wringer already.
We will finish the job.
The creature tenses and twists around, having sensed us. Moonlight falls into the shadows and we can see its face.
No! This can't be happening!
B almost faints and I find myself more than a little rattled myself. This is impossible! Not now! Not when I'm so close!
"Angel," B whispers.
The big A is back from Hell! Fuck, this could put a serious cramp into my plans.
TO BE CONTINUED