Chapter 6. The Troubles with Trowa
9:15PM. Lemur City Police Station. Film Development Room.
"Awaken, Oh Thwarted One!" proclaimed a familiar voice. Wufei stood over Quatre's sleeping form in the chair. The Tiny Blonde Boy didn't budge an inch. "I SAID WAKE UP!!!!"
"Oh!!!! WHAT?!?!? Where??!!" Quatre started to babble incoherently. His little arms went flailing around to defend himself. He finally spotted Wufei just staring at him. "Oh, Pilot Chang----" Quatre gave a little grunt, "I didn't see you fare ANY better against Trowa, EITHER---Oh Frisbee-Thrown One!"
"Ch!" Wufei snorted, "Well, YOU were supposed to be the main badass in this survival horror spoof!!! Oh Ass-Kicked One!"
Quatre ignored The Cranky He-Bitch and got up from the desk. "ANYway, we'd better give this station a look around. There might be survivors, weapons, and ammo---"
"Let's not forget the Lanky Bastard that savagely kicked our asses!" Wufei added crudely. "Forget the Chief! If Trowa is running around here, he's probably already handled it. I say we payback Mr. Barton and cap his anorexic ass!"
Quatre snapped, "I am NOT doing that!!! I don't believe Trowa's mind is right—"
Wufei snuffed, "I'll say. What the HELL is he wearing? Did he rob Marilyn Manson's closet or WHAT?!"
Quatre shook his head, "I mean it! I think he's being manipulated…. Or brainwashed."
"I think you like Trowa a little TOO damn much…." Wufei muttered rather loudly. "HELLO!!!??? He tried to kill you!!! US?!?! To hell with that Unibanged Freak! Let's find an escape route and dip!"
After nagging, Wu-Bear headed towards to door.
Quatre lowered his head and sulked, "But-But, I'm…. just worried about his situation. He didn't look… right… I could sense trouble within him…." His voice got lower and he started to wipe his eyes… "He…. He needs... our help…"
Oh great, I made him cry. Better say something encouraging. Something that'll keep him from crying like a weak onna. Wufei paused and admitted, "Look. I'm worried about Trowa, too, Kiddo. But… we need to focus on OUR survival right now.
Quatre lifted his platinum blonde hair and sniffled, "Then, can we help him?"
Wufei was VERY doubtful. If we survive the squeaking onslaught that is: Trowa. "Yeah! We'll knock some sense into him. Maybe we'll make him forget this EVER happen! Don't worry about it. Stay positive!" The Chinese Pilot smiled… barely. Exposing warm… fuzzy… happy… side--- this SUCKS so much!
"Thank you very much, Mr. Chang." The Rookie smiled back.
Wufei turned and headed out the door. He huffed, "Whatever…"
Quatre happily followed after. Wow that Wufei Chang is a swell guy!
9:30PM. 'BURNING' NEWS STATION. Downtown Lemur City.
Duo Maxwell was having a bitch of a time locating the Giggling Mercenary Heero Yuy. Barely dodging the flames of the newstation on the way up the stairs he didn't want to be bothered anymore than he already was. He Mercenary Maxwell was expecting this building to collapse upon both of their heads any minute.
Upon reaching the 4th floor….. he came across the newstation's ad upon the bulletin board. It read:
Lemur City's 69 Action News
We Cover BOTH Ends.
Duo snickered, "This has GOT to be a joke…. That's friggin' crazy…. *snort* …* sniff*-----KYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" Duo busted out laughing. The station number wasn't killing him---but that damn motto… "We cover both…… BOTH…. Ends!!! Oh Gawd!!!! I'm gonna die!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
It was a hysterical moment indeed…. Until….
"Cowabungaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!" Appearing out of NO-FUCKING-WHERE, Heero pounces upon Duo's back and starts pounding the back of his head with a boot. The impact knocked Duo through the manager (of 69 Action News) "Holy SHIT!!! Dawg!!! There's a hairy snake on your back!!!"
"!??!?!" Duo tossed Heero off. He shouted, "WHAT the FUCK is wrong with you!?!? That's my braid!!! DON'T touch my braid!!!" He also noticed Heero's attire…. or lack there of. "Uhm… where are your clothes, dude?!"
Duo gawked at the peculiar sight of Heero the 'Perfect High' Yuy wearing NOTHING but his bikini briefs and a sole boot on his foot. The other boot was in his hand. Heero, now, bright blue and hazed, eyes stared back at Duo in total stupefaction. His messy brown hair was even MORE out of place. Much to Duo's horror Heero started to dance…
What have I done?!?! Duo could only imagine what else a high Heero was capable of doing. Oh my gawd he thinks he's a stripper….
Then it happened. Heero began to sing, but not JUST ANY ole song:
"It's-getting-hot-in-here… So-take-off-all-yo'-clothes!" Heero sanged.
Duo was BEYOND baffled. The baka thinks he's Nelly. What the FUCK was in the HERBS??!
Heero started dancing… (uhm…) seductively (…if that's what you call it….) swaying his skinny hips much to Duo's horror. Then he went soprano, "I-am… getting-SO-hot…. I'm-gonna-take-my-clothes-off!"
Heero began to remove the undies…
Duo tackled him, trying to avoid a mental scar. "Christ's sakes!!! Heero!!!! This is NOT that type of story going on here!!! Quit it---you nudist freak!!!" Duo grabbed Heero's hands and fought fiercely to keep Heero's underwear on.
The two boys went to rolling all over the executive's floor. One fought to keep the other's bikini drawers on. The other fought to get naked and dance like an exhibitionist fool.
The "Hey!!! You are NOT supposed to touch me!!! Gawd damnit No means NO!!!" Heero the Soon-to-be-Nudist went into a spastic laughing fit once again, singing the rapper's smash hit all along. "I-think-my-butt-getting'-big! HEY!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!! It's getting hot in---KYAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! THIS IS FUCKING GREAT!!!! "
"SHUT….. UP!!!!" Duo shouted. He straddled the whacked out Heero, pinning the boy's hands to his sides. "DUDE!!!! That's the LAST time I give your goofy ass…. 'healing' herbs. Have you forgotten about the mammoth mutant that tried to kill us?!?! Your stupid antics are gonna get us discovered and KILLED!!!"
"Oh?!" Heero stopped struggling. He snorted and went back to hysterics. "Hahahahahahaha! Woo-Ha!" Breaking one of his hands free from Duo's grip he pointed past his shoulders and announced, "What another person?? This is gonna cost extra!!!"
OH my gawd he thinks he's a prostitute—Duo froze. Wait a minute who is he talking to??! Duo turned around and screamed. "OHHHH!!!! SHIT!!!"
It was the ARCHFIEND. He was standing in the doorway looking a tad confused at the sight of Duo on top of a half naked Heero. But then many people would.
Heero yelled, "Shit?!?! Well, I'm not into that kinda thing but that will cost extra, too!"
Ewe, man! "Shut up and Get Up!!!" Duo snatched Heero off the floor and ran towards the office window. He took out of his backpack ANOTHER can of Satanic Pete's Billowing Nuclear Brimstone Chili (DON'T FORGET with goat meat and lard!). Duo shook it--- causing it to smoke and overheat.
The ARCHFIEND staggered back. Oh shit Satanic Pete!!!! MY NEMESIS!!! Keep away!!! "GrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRROAR!!"
Duo nodded, "Yeah!!! According to Heero---This is some lethal stuff!!!! Catch!!!" He tossed the can at the ARCHFIEND and jumped through the window, snagging Heero along for the ride.
Luckily, the boys landed inside a dumpster filled with lots of print out and copy paper. The ARCHFIEND was not as lucky with the can of heated doom landing in front of him.
Ka-BLOOOO-OOOWEEE!!!
The explosion caused for the rest of the burning new station to collapse to the ground. Good thing the lid on the dumpster closed shut before a piece of the roof crushed them!
9:50PM. Lemur City Police Station. 2nd Floor. Preventer's Area.
Quatre and Wufie (yes, I MEANT to type that) had just left the Preventer's Headquarters. And BOY was it a pigsty, only because a couple of the Preventers used the place as their dirty clothes hamper and trash can.
The only perks of being in that oversized hamster cage was the discovery of a flamethrower. Wufei quickly snatched that bitch up and was through dealing with the dump.
Quatre went to his desk, which was not even set up yet. He was so new to the force. He was beginning to feel all nostalgic, thinking about the old gang…. He opened his drawer and discovered an old pastime…
"Oooooooooh!!!! COOOOOOO-kies!!!" Quatre cooed. He snatched the shortbreads up and gobbled them down. He eventually got up and headed towards Captain Zechs' desk.
He spotted a group photo of the Preventers. They were posed in front of the helicopter. Everyone was looking all hardcore and big pimpin'; guns aimed at the camera.
Quatre could fondly remember the photographer pissing his pants afterwards when they all shouted BANG---rather than cheese.
Unlike Quatre.
He was smiling, cookies in both hands—TOTALLY out of sync with the picture. Ah! Those were the good ole times. Quatre snagged the photo and stuffed it in his back pocket.
A short while later….
Quatre strolled out of the Preventer's HQ, meeting Wufei in the hallway.
Wufei noticed his solemn expression, "What??! You didn't find any weapons?"
Quatre nodded, "It's not that, it's that----"
Suddenly the sound of a window breaking echoed from the next room.
Wufei readied his flamer thrower. "What or who do you think THAT could be?"
"Maybe… a cat…?" The Blonde hoped.
"Riiiiight…… a 6'2", hairless, tail-less, green-eyed cat, with a Unibang, that's BEGGING to be roasted!!!" Wufei rushed off. "I'll get that son-of-a-bitch!!!"
"Oh gawd NO!!!! You said we'd knock some sense into him!!!! Mr. Chang!!!!" Quatre shouted out. He ran after him in protest. "Don't hurt our friend!!!"
Wufei trotted down the stairs and looked at the windows in front of him. Neither of them were broken. Quatre cautiously followed after him, creeping down the stairs. There was no zombie OR Trowa in sight!! Wufei looked towards the Photo Development room—no one in sight. Besides, there are NO windows in there. Wufei continued towards the Detectives Office further down the hallway. Quatre walked behind him.
Without warning, Trowa jumped through the window across form the staircase. He landed right behind him (Crash!-SQUEAK!). He stood up and flailed his slender arms in rage and roared:
(Here it goes…)
"…"
Quatre and Wufei screamed… like onnas and went to running towards the Detective's Office. When they busted through the doors, the WHOLE damn place was flooded with zombie officers. Wufei didn't play—He let the flames fly!
Quatre took out his Magnum and started capping.
"Where… the hell did these mothafuckers come from?!?!?" Wufei cursed. "Injustice!!!"
His powerful weapon not only set a few dozen zombies in flames, but he also lit up the room---setting the bitch on fire. The Lemur City Police Station was now on fire!!!!
(Gee, thanx, NUMBNUTS!)
"Mr. Chang--- change weaponry!!! You've done ENOUGH!!!" Quatre yelled, punching his shoulder.
Wu nodded. He took out his sword and went to slicing and dicing things. Quatre followed him… at a very far distance.
Quatre and Wufei were now fighting their way through flames, zombies…. And now: FLAMING ZOMBIES!!!!
(Author's note: No, seriously. They were flaming. They're covered with fire and STILL walking around trying to eat the boys----DOH!!!! That didn't help… Ah!!! Forget it!!!)
Suddenly, Trowa came smashing through the door and pummeled a zombie, just because it was in his way. He tossed the re-dead zombie at Quatre and Wufei. They dodged the projectile.
Quatre jumped upon the long desk in the middle of the office and ran across there to avoid Trowa.
Meanwhile Wufei slung an oncoming zombie into Trowa. With one powerful swing The Green Eyed Giant knocked the top half of the zombie's body clean across the floor. Wufei was impressed, and scared shitless at the same time. He quickly climbed upon the desk and scampered off.
Trowa flipped in the air and landed upon the desk…
Author's note: In case I forgot to mention: The desk is like the only THING not FLAMING right now…. No seriously…. It's not covered with flames or zombies and of course flaming zombies…. Ah!!! I give up!!!)
The Would-Be-ARCHFIEND followed after them. Quatre stopped running. Wufei ran past him and headed towards the exiting door.
"What are you DOING?!?"
Quatre took a deep breath and explained, "I MUST help him."
"Oh-kay…" Wufei gawked at the Strange Blonde.
Trowa stopped running. He glared at Quatre and reached behind his body, searching for something. Oh there it is: A MASSIVE HARPOON GUN….
"Huh….?!?!?"
Wufei just bolted out the door, "Fuck this…"
Quatre did the same—just before a HUGE harpoon lance went piercing through a wall right behind him.
"I…. Thought you said…. YOU were gonna help him!?!" Wufei huffed, running out the Police Station.
Quatre managed to catch up with him, just as terrified and admitted between breaths, "I'll do it…. when he looses the ….massive weapon!!!"
Just as the two boys ran past the LPD gates, another OVERSIZED harpoon went stabbing through the ground behind them. The boys took looked back and saw Trowa running full speed towards them---shooting the damn harpoon gun at them.
(squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak---
KA-CHOK!!!!)
Wufei and Quatre went hauling ass down the devastated streets of Lemur City. Sadist Funtime Trowa was close behind—amazingly—still firing that HUGE harpoon gun. This was very odd, because he seems to be loading and firing the same DAMN harpoon!!!
"DAMN that infinite ammo!!!" Wufei cursed as he went flying down the back alleyway.
"Infinite ammo?!?!" Quatre huffed, following his superior.
KA-CHOK!!!! The SAME FUCKING harpoon went flying by… barely missing Quatre's head.
It pierced through a wall right in front of Wufei. He barely missed running into it. Instead he jumped to the side and crashed into a pile of garbage cans. Quatre ran into one of the flying trashcans and fell to the ground.
"…" Wickedly Cruel Trowa grinned as he got ready to fire another (LIES!!! The SAME) harpoon. "???"
Oh damn! Something wasn't working!!! Trowa tried to reload his harpoon, but the harpoon DID NOT return!!! Trowa looked up to spot his prey(s?) and growled.
Wufei and Quatre had grabbed the harpoon!! The magical infinite harpoon!!!
(Author's note: don't look at me---it's the drugs!!)
"Be needin' THIS, asshole?!" Wu-Wu smirked as he and Quatre held the harpoon in their hands. "I knew I wasn't going nutty!!! Using Infinite ammo---CHEATING BASTARD!!!"
Veeeery Naughty Trowa pouted, "Hmph!" Still holding his now useless heavy weapon… "…"
"We've defeated him!" Quatre sighed, "Now we can talk some sense into him!"
"WE?" Wufei hissed, "Well, actually I was thinking about piercing this fucker through Trowa----"
The Noble of the Medical Field tugged the harpoon away and argued, "NO!!! I won't let you!!! We need to talk this out!!" Quatre called out to Trowa, "Oh Dear Friend Trowa!!! Snap out of it!!! I BEG OF YOU!!! We-mustn't—heeeey!!!"
The Grumpy Dragon snatched the large harpoon from Quatre and shouted, "GAWDDAMNIT, YOU STUPID-STUPID ONNA-BOY!!! I am sick-and-tired of being sick-and-FUCKING-tired of your sympathy towards S&M Party Trowa---LET'S KILL THIS BITCH ALREADY!!! GIVE ME THE FUCKING HARPOON!!!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo!!!"
"…" Trowa blinked. Suddenly a very vicious smiled grew across his face. He lifted the harpoon gun over his head and threw it towards Quatre and Wufei.