"Shadow"
By: Otaku Tess
CHAPTER TWO
omoide
"Yarrg..." I grumbled, opening my eyes, as I realized I'd fallen asleep in my clothes again.
I yawned, stretched, and wiped my face, groggily, then reached over to my night stand to prod around for my glasses. When I'd found them and put them on I climbed out of bed. The crisp Alaskan sun shown through my window, I shielded my eyes as I looked out. Not much to look at, same as every morning. An old chain length fence not far from the window, an expanse of snow, and eventually a very uninviting ocean.
I paused, noticing that some birds were perched on the fence, big black ones. "Hmm... Ravens." I commented to myself, as I started to turn away from the window, when something a little unusual caught my eye. I turned back quickly, and shielded my eyes against the glare of the glass.
All down the fence were ravens! Lined up as far as the fence ran, their dark shinny feathers glistening occasionally from the sun, hundreds of opal eyes staring out vaguely towards nowhere in particular. "Bad omen..." I muttered to myself, wondering if maybe I was becoming a little superstitious. -- But before I could give it much more thought my stomach reminded me I hadn't eaten most of the day before.
"Breakfast..." I muttered, looking at my clock. 9:30 on a Saturday, the mess hall would most likely be reasonably empty.
I took a shower and changed clothes, then picked up my coat off the sofa, and headed down to the mess hall.
On the way I noticed there were quite a few men in uniforms wandering around the area. They didn't appear to be patrolling or anything, so I paused to stop one that was passing by near me.
"Hey, 'scuse me..." I said, tapping the man nervously.
"Yeah, waddaya want?" He snapped.
"Oh, er..." I fixed my glasses, "Sorry... I was just wondering ... uhm... What's going on?"
"Hell if I know." He spat, and turned to leave.
"Wait! Is this because of the testing that President Baker is coming for?" I persisted.
"I already said I didn't know." He said, hastily. I don't think he'd even listened to my question.
"But--"
"Hey. I've got places to be..." He sneered, "Now, I'm outta here -- God... Stupid Alaska. Damn locals." He grumbled, as he headed off. "I'm gonna catch pneumonia, I can feel it..."
I frowned. "But--!" I called again, but he seemed pretty determined not to let me stop him this time. "Shoot." With that I made my way to the mess hall, making my mind up not to let the next person I asked get away so easily.
When I arrived in the mess hall it was no where near as empty as I had assumed it would be... In fact is was darn near packed with soldiers! They were dressed in the same uniform as the man I had stopped only moments before. I just prayed these guys would be a little nicer than that other one.
"Hey...?" I started, gesturing to a man passing by me with a tray. "--Heh. Frosted flakes." I commented cheerfully, noticing the food on his tray, he didn't look amused, I cleared my throat, "--Do you know what's going on here?"
"Yeah. We were brought in to help with the testing of Metal Gear. You're an engineer here, right?" He said, gesturing to the name card that was pinned to my coat.
"Oh, ah -- yeah." I nodded.
"Your president didn't tell you anything?"
"Oh, Baker? No -- he didn't mention anything like this..." I blinked, "I mean, I knew about the testing, of course, but--"
"I'm not surprised. This is supposed to be kept quiet. That's why we're here, with a group called Fox-Hound."
"Fox-hound?" I paused to adjust my glasses.
"A special government unit. To help keep things hush-hush." He chuckled, and headed towards an empty table.
"But... -- wouldn't it be less conspicuous to have FEWER people here?" I called.
He tilted his head back to call to me, still walking, "That's what I thought... But hey. I'm just doing my job. But, trust me, if things get too out of hand, I'm outta here..."
I sighed. Oh well. At least I'm not the only one who doesn't know what the heck is going on. And with that thought, I headed to the kitchen to get some food -- Frosted Flakes, actually.
After that I headed back across the snow to my room. On the roof of a building were perched the same black birds from the fence. They seemed to fill the air, their feathers and eyes flashed wickedly in the sun. "How.... Bizarre....!" I shuddered, attempting to shrug it off as I hurried inside.
Once inside, I felt a lot better as soon I was out of the piercing gaze of those ravens. It's silly... -- but I couldn't help but feel that they were watching me, that they knew me somehow... They're just birds, but they made me feel uneasy. Like ... their eyes bore into my soul... -- I shuddered again, opening the door to my own room.
I walked in, determined to ignore the birds. "Probably nothing. They're just birds. Heh... I think I am becoming superstitious." I chuckled, taking off my coat and draping it over the couch.
I made my way into my bedroom, not quite certain what I would do with the rest of the day.
I wasn't much in the mood for anime right now. "Hmm... What to do..?" I muttered, entering my room and sitting down on my disheveled bed. I looked around the room quizzically for a moment. Then I noticed my photo album sitting beside me, half covered by my blanket. I had left it on by bed last night.
"Hmm..." I paused, reaching down and drawing it slowly onto my lap. I hadn't looked through the whole book for a long time. When I did open it, I seldom got past those happy pictures of my fourth birthday.
I took a deep breath, and slowly pulled the album open, glancing down at it.
My birthday pictures. I sighed and turned the page cautiously, knowing full well what I would see there.
I swallowed, and looked down at the page... The pictures of my past before me in full color.
The first was a picture of me, my dad, and my Mom. It had been professionally done and was the only one of its kind in the whole album.
My eyes wandered to the picture below it.
It was me wearing a black suit, holding a candle and sitting in a little chair, no more than 5 years old. How vividly I remembered that. That candle burning in my hand. I couldn't help but be drawn to its flame...
It danced and shimmered and I couldn't take my eyes off of it. I couldn't let it go out. I wouldn't let it go out. It was all I could do to to keep myself from my reality. The flame was my hope, bright and shining like the candles on a birthday cake...
I don't know how long I stared at that flame, watching it as it flickered and dimmed with every movement. Fearing every breeze... But still, the flame flickered on. Not so much due to my watchful eyes...-- I knew that a strong enough breeze or a quick enough movement would send the flame into oblivion, and I would be able to do little else but watch, helplessly.
"Son... Come on. Let's go home..." Came a far away voice that, as far as I was concerned, didn't even matter. Not in comparison to the assumed warmth of the flame that wasn't even close enough to feel, yet I didn't dare draw it closer for fear of losing it.
"Hal..." The voice came again, like a person calling down a mine shaft, "Let's go."
Then the flame was gone. My world was cast in shadows. And my was reality dropped on top of me like load of bricks.
I snapped my head towards my father in utter shock. He had leaned down beside me and blown out the candle, just like that! He didn't even know... -- Slowly I looked back to the candle, its wick dark and smoking, not so much as a glowing ember left.
"Mom's gone..." I sniffled weakly, and wrapped my arms around my father. He picked me up and carried me out as I cried onto his shoulder, still clinging resolutely to the candle. It wasn't until I fell asleep late that night that the candle finally slipped from my grasp.
Out of my life, now ... except for memories...
A tear trickled down my face, bringing me back to the present. I couldn't be sure if it was because the memory had shaken me, or if my eyes were just dry from staring blankly at the picture -- Maybe it was both... I couldn't tell.
"Urg..." I sniffled, whipping the tear away, "Who would.... take a picture at a funeral...?" My face twisted into a grimace for a moment. I took a deep breath, trying to recompose myself.
I hastily shut the book again after a moment, deciding I wouldn't look in the album anymore today.
I didn't need my memories to keep me company...
I needed...
"--My fish!" I sighed, remembering them. I glanced over at them. "Do ya wanna be fed early today?" I smiled, pausing for a response.
The fish didn't respond. They never do.
I smiled again, "I'll take that as a 'Yes'." I picked up the fish food and pinched some in. They swam to the top to pick the food off the silvery surface of the water, just as they always did.
"Maybe I should have gotten a parrot or something..." I commented dryly to my fish. "I mean, you guys are nice and all. But hey, at least a bird can talk. Heh. --A dog, maybe ... though he wouldn't be able to go outside, not with the wolf-dogs here. -- But sometimes I take care of them, so I guess that's sorta like having a dog...? Er... Well, I guess you and the wolves are all the pets I need, eh?" I paused again for a response.
They didn't respond. They never do.
And for a moment I wished with all my heart that my fish would respond, that they would talk to me. I need to know... "Do you guys even know you keep me company? Do I keep you company? Would you care if I didn't come back?" I felt my face contort into a grimace again, I forced back my tears, leaning towards my fish, "I wish you could answer! ... I want ... something to need me." I sniffed, standing slowly.
I stood in silence for a moment, just trying to breath. "Sorry." I said tersely, looking to my fish. They didn't respond. I bit my lip, and left the room.
I made a beeline for my anime shelf, grabbed the happiest, funniest anime I owned, and stuck it in the DVD player.
Maybe next I would watch a Monty Python movie or something? Star Wars, maybe? ...
Anything!
I needed something happy to get my mind off of it.
I need to get my mind off my ... Memories...
NOTES: Kind of a filler chapter... I feel like a rushed the beginning a little... But I wanted to get to the flashback... So yeah! ^_^ *ahem* Next ch. will be much longer! Weee~!