Kill the Pain! (Part 7)

#

I don't like this. I don't like this at all. How come everyone is chummy with Angel again? That wasn't part of the plan. So far you are resisting their affections, B, but I know you. Sooner or later you're gonna go all melty inside and everything I've worked for will go to shit.

Fuck. I need a new plan. A good plan. Fast.

Sitting in the Bronze during my few free hours and I've nothing better to do then getting plastered. Slayer stamina isn't making that easy, either. Metabolism burns the alcohol so fast I've got to really hit it to get drunk. Still, no great ideas popping into my head so far.

Someone is singing awfully loud around here, overpowering the crappy music coming over the speakers. Can't hold a single note, whoever he is. And with a nerve-wrecking British accent to boot. British accent? I look up from my glass and smile as I see the solution to our problems, B.

I walk over to the man sitting at the bar, trying to sit actually, and slap him on the back.

"Hi, Spike!"

The Vampire turns around and almost falls off his stool when he sees me. He stinks of alcohol like somebody tried to preserve him inside it. Boy, is he plastered. For a moment it looks like he doesn't recognize me, then his eyes widen.

"Bloody hell, I really didn't need to see you," he mutters.

"Don't you like me anymore?" I ask him, pouting mockingly. "After all we've shared."

He looks me up and down, smiling. "I like the new outfit, by the way. It's you. Very slutty."

I give him a slight push and he tumbles off the stool, cursing all the way to the floor. I lean on the bar and order two drinks.

"Get up and drink with me, Spike!"

He climbs back on his stool and takes the drink, giving me a dirty look.

"Okay, what's with the bonding thing, slut? Last time we met..."

"Much has changed since then. Call me slut again and you're dust. My name is Faith!"

He raises a dark eyebrow. "Faith, yeah? Okay, Faith it is. Now, what do you want? Can't you let me drown my sorrows in peace? I'm not killing anyone except some innocent beers right now."

"Sorrows?" I ask him, raising my own eyebrow. "What happened, Spike?"

He gulps down the beer in one swoop and slams it back on the counter, calling for another.

"Want to hear the story? Here it is. Vampire wants his girlfriend back from Big Poof. Vampire joins forces with Slayer. Slayer and Vampire kick Big Poof's ass. Vampire gets girlfriend and leaves town. Girlfriend is angry with Vampire for joining forces with Slayer against Big Poof. Girlfriend leaves. End of story."

Drusilla ditched him? Fuck, this is too much. I almost topple over from laughter and everyone in the Bronze is staring at me. Let them! This is too funny, really.

"Glad to see someone's bloody happy here," Spike grumbles, eagerly receiving his new beer.

"Fuck, Spike, you're really pathetic."

He growls at me, but today he is all bark and no bite.

"No, I mean, really. So Drusilla ditched you. What are you, a wimp? That is exactly why she left you, I'd say. You've turned into a wimp. Look at you! Coming to Sunnydale to get plastered instead of doing what she wants you to do."

"And what would that bloody be, Faith?" He says my name with a healthy dose of sarcasm. Let him, I don't care.

"Why, find her, tie her up, and torture her until she loves you again. That's what Vampires do, right? Drusilla, now she's a vamp's vamp and nutty to boot. You, though, what are you? Come on, Spike! You always wanted to be the Big Bad! Now show your nut job ho that you're still her Big Bad!"

For a moment he just glares at me, but then his brow furrows in thought.

"You know, you might actually be right. Maybe I did go about this entire thing all wrong."

"Wimpy," I agree with him.

He starts laughing and jumps off his stool, nearly losing his balance.

"I'm not a wimp," he proclaims to the entire Bronze. "I'm Spike! William the friggin' Bloody! I'm a bloody animal and I will show her."

He stumbles, leaning against the bar, and smiles at me.

"Thank you! I don't know why you did that, but I don't care one way or other. I could kiss you."

I give him a smile. "If you want to return the favor, there is something else you could do for me."

"Just name it, luv!"

#

I wake up, feeling worn out and tired. I'm not sure why, but I don't sleep all that well as of late. Too much going on, I think. Too much stuff to clutter up my brain. Sometimes I think it'd be better not to get up anymore. Just stay in bed until everything is right with the world once more.

Not that easy, of course. Never that easy.

I can't deal with this. Suddenly everyone is trying to be all chummy with me again. I know that they all still resent Angel's presence, resent that I hid him from them, resent my changed looks and attitude. But now they're all trying to be understanding and stuff.

Some days I don't know whether to love or hate them for it. No, make that all days. I have no idea what to do.

I had some long talks with Angel. That helped some, but only some. He says he still loves me, even though we can't be together anymore. He says he doesn't blame me for what I did to him, said it needed to be done and that he's proud I was strong enough to do it.

God, even he behaves like everything is supposed to all right in the world again. Can't he see, can't they see that nothing is all right? Hasn't been in a long time.

Or is it?

I'm not even sure why I feel so miserable anymore. I'm out of school, but that isn't a bad thing at all, is it? My friends want to be friends again. My lover is alive - well, not really, but you know what I mean - and more or less well. Sure, we can't be together anymore, or can we? I mean, sure, no sex, but somehow that doesn't seem so important when he's around.

Faith, where are you? You are the only one I can always talk to. You can help me sort this stuff out.

The phone on my bedside rings and I can hear Cordelia's panicked voice on the other end almost before I pick it up.

"Slow down, Cordy! What happened? ... What? ... Kidnapped? ... Who did ... Spike? Spike is in town? ... Damn. Yes, I'm on my way ... Do me a favor and call Angel, okay? ... Yes, if Spike is involved I know Angel will want to know about it. ... I will get them home safely, I promise."

Willow and Xander are gone. Kidnapped. Spike. He left a note calling me out for a final battle or my friends will die. He promised he'd never return to Sunnydale, but I guess expecting him to live up to that was pretty much wishful thinking on my part.

I hope Willow and Xander are safe. I hope today will be the last I see of Spike.

Faith! I could really use you right now, you know? Where are you?


TO BE CONTINUED