Chapter 2
~ One Month Ago ~
After three months of hearing about the wonderful dates and details you only ever dreamed about. No wonder she's ill. Sara pulled herself up unsteadily from the couch and stumbled to the front door. She opened it to reveal Jessie and her happy face. Upon seeing her friend, she felt even more ill.
"God Sara!" Jessie's smile faded quickly and set to concern. "You look awful."
Sara leaned against the door. "Thanks."
Jessie smiled slightly. "So, I guess this means no shopping for a new dress?" Sara shook her head mutely, instantly regretting the added motion and the slight nauseous feeling. Jessie sighed and looked at her watch. "I better get going. I'll be late for my date tonight. You get well now, you here?"
"I will. Have a nice night." She still didn't see a reason to say anything, not even after all this time. Jessie deserved some happiness and if she found it, she wasn't going to stop her. Jessie left her to collapse back on the couch and instantly fall asleep.
Everyone had seen the change in their boss. Catherine, Warrick and Nick were still unconvinced about Jessie. They didn't know her and were well aware that she was Sara's friend. When the subject was approached, they would look across at her to see some kind of reaction, but she gave nothing but support. It wasn't her business, but that still didn't stop the rest of the team looking at her.
Why would they be looking for a reaction? They must know she never had a chance, she knew it. She knew he didn't feel anything and never would. It was like she was back in school and had the hots for the boy a year above, but her friends would also have the hots for the same boy and you'd know that you'd never have a chance because of your track record on relationships. Your friends knew what they wanted and how to go about getting it. It was no different apart from the lack of friends. At least she could do something about losing her crushes to her friends, but even over time, she'd lose.
She knew what it was like to feel jealously, hate, anger, but she knew when to quit. The first time you see that same look you give, that says you just found the right one, but you see it in his eyes and he's looking at someone else that's more than she is. Someone beautiful, pretty, confident. she knows its no use causing others pain and hurt if nothing was going to come of it. She wasn't going to hurt her friends because she fell in love with a man that wouldn't even talk to her, eat with her or barely work with her.
The house phone jerked her awake from her living nightmare. Covered in a cold sweat, headache, aches and tiredness, she reached blindly for the phone and numbly pulled it to her ear. "Hello?" She mumbled throatily and groggily.
"Sara? Hey honey, you don't sound so good."
Catherine's voice was no surprise as it was two hours into shift and this was her third night off. Trying to settle the growing nausea in her throat, she swallowed hard. "Hey Catherine, sorry. I fell asleep before I could ring in."
"That's ok. You sound like you need a doctor kiddo."
Sighing tiredly, she sat up the best she could without triggering the urge to be sick. "I wouldn't want anyone to get ill because of me. I'll be fine. Is it busy?"
"A little. I was calling to get you down to Henderson, but if you're ill I don't see how much help you'll be."
Grasping the glass of water, she sipped it slowly and felt slightly better. "Give me an hour." She rasped into the phone.
"Hey, you are kidding? You just said you didn't want to spread that. No, you get some rest and give me a ring if you need anything."
"I'm fine, just some plague I picked up. It'll go. Where about are you?" She pushed herself up and was struck with the feeling of going to be sick. "I gotta go bond with the toilet Cath." She hung up at the sound of Catherine's concerned mothering voice and only managed to catch the last two words 'something over', but it didn't register as she reacquainted herself with the bathroom.
Laying her head on the pillow she had previously placed by the bathtub a few hours earlier, she fell into a heated and uncomfortable sleep. The thoughts of Jessie's dates and the details she was so kind to share was bad enough to hear about, but when you witness it, it feels like someone rubbing way too much salt into the open wound. Only last week she saw Jessie and Grissom kissing outside her friend's apartment. She's driven over to see Jessie after a bad case, but after seeing she had company, she felt it best to deal with the images and nightmares herself, like so many times over the years.
You use wishes when you're a little kid and when you grow up, you still use them and even if you don't believe, it's nice to say the words now and then. She'd wished many times that he'd see her for who she is, see her as a woman, a friend, someone worthy of something other than the pain she's living with. Since she witnessed the kiss, she lost her little belief in wishes and fate. She thought it would pass if she ignored it, but obviously she was witnessing something more than just a few dates.
Gasping for a breath, she sat up and leaned her head against the cold tiles on the wall. She hated being ill and even though it rarely happened; it always seemed to make up for the times she was well. The headaches were twice as painful, the aches were more than heavy and she was always sick. She hated being ill and she couldn't take anything without leaving the apartment, but she didn't like to get others ill. It was best to wait it out and take what little was in the cupboard to tied her over and get plenty of sleep and fluids.
Managing to get to her feet, she washed her face and brushed her teeth. She needed to eat something, but wasn't looking forward to sleeping in the bathroom all day and night. As she past the couch, she pulled a heavy duvet around her suddenly cold frame and sat on the floor in front of the coffee table and turned the TV on, but muted it. She needed to see something to take her mind off her dreams and clouded feelings. She ate two dry crackers and washed them down with some orange juice. She leaned her head back against the couch and dozed off. She'd been waiting to just sleep and not feel, see or dream anything.
While she slept she did feel her body lose all weight, like she was floating. It didn't even wake her it was such a warm feeling and saw no reason to question it. It was the only peace she had had in a long time. No nightmares and no dreams.
~ One Month Ago ~
After three months of hearing about the wonderful dates and details you only ever dreamed about. No wonder she's ill. Sara pulled herself up unsteadily from the couch and stumbled to the front door. She opened it to reveal Jessie and her happy face. Upon seeing her friend, she felt even more ill.
"God Sara!" Jessie's smile faded quickly and set to concern. "You look awful."
Sara leaned against the door. "Thanks."
Jessie smiled slightly. "So, I guess this means no shopping for a new dress?" Sara shook her head mutely, instantly regretting the added motion and the slight nauseous feeling. Jessie sighed and looked at her watch. "I better get going. I'll be late for my date tonight. You get well now, you here?"
"I will. Have a nice night." She still didn't see a reason to say anything, not even after all this time. Jessie deserved some happiness and if she found it, she wasn't going to stop her. Jessie left her to collapse back on the couch and instantly fall asleep.
Everyone had seen the change in their boss. Catherine, Warrick and Nick were still unconvinced about Jessie. They didn't know her and were well aware that she was Sara's friend. When the subject was approached, they would look across at her to see some kind of reaction, but she gave nothing but support. It wasn't her business, but that still didn't stop the rest of the team looking at her.
Why would they be looking for a reaction? They must know she never had a chance, she knew it. She knew he didn't feel anything and never would. It was like she was back in school and had the hots for the boy a year above, but her friends would also have the hots for the same boy and you'd know that you'd never have a chance because of your track record on relationships. Your friends knew what they wanted and how to go about getting it. It was no different apart from the lack of friends. At least she could do something about losing her crushes to her friends, but even over time, she'd lose.
She knew what it was like to feel jealously, hate, anger, but she knew when to quit. The first time you see that same look you give, that says you just found the right one, but you see it in his eyes and he's looking at someone else that's more than she is. Someone beautiful, pretty, confident. she knows its no use causing others pain and hurt if nothing was going to come of it. She wasn't going to hurt her friends because she fell in love with a man that wouldn't even talk to her, eat with her or barely work with her.
The house phone jerked her awake from her living nightmare. Covered in a cold sweat, headache, aches and tiredness, she reached blindly for the phone and numbly pulled it to her ear. "Hello?" She mumbled throatily and groggily.
"Sara? Hey honey, you don't sound so good."
Catherine's voice was no surprise as it was two hours into shift and this was her third night off. Trying to settle the growing nausea in her throat, she swallowed hard. "Hey Catherine, sorry. I fell asleep before I could ring in."
"That's ok. You sound like you need a doctor kiddo."
Sighing tiredly, she sat up the best she could without triggering the urge to be sick. "I wouldn't want anyone to get ill because of me. I'll be fine. Is it busy?"
"A little. I was calling to get you down to Henderson, but if you're ill I don't see how much help you'll be."
Grasping the glass of water, she sipped it slowly and felt slightly better. "Give me an hour." She rasped into the phone.
"Hey, you are kidding? You just said you didn't want to spread that. No, you get some rest and give me a ring if you need anything."
"I'm fine, just some plague I picked up. It'll go. Where about are you?" She pushed herself up and was struck with the feeling of going to be sick. "I gotta go bond with the toilet Cath." She hung up at the sound of Catherine's concerned mothering voice and only managed to catch the last two words 'something over', but it didn't register as she reacquainted herself with the bathroom.
Laying her head on the pillow she had previously placed by the bathtub a few hours earlier, she fell into a heated and uncomfortable sleep. The thoughts of Jessie's dates and the details she was so kind to share was bad enough to hear about, but when you witness it, it feels like someone rubbing way too much salt into the open wound. Only last week she saw Jessie and Grissom kissing outside her friend's apartment. She's driven over to see Jessie after a bad case, but after seeing she had company, she felt it best to deal with the images and nightmares herself, like so many times over the years.
You use wishes when you're a little kid and when you grow up, you still use them and even if you don't believe, it's nice to say the words now and then. She'd wished many times that he'd see her for who she is, see her as a woman, a friend, someone worthy of something other than the pain she's living with. Since she witnessed the kiss, she lost her little belief in wishes and fate. She thought it would pass if she ignored it, but obviously she was witnessing something more than just a few dates.
Gasping for a breath, she sat up and leaned her head against the cold tiles on the wall. She hated being ill and even though it rarely happened; it always seemed to make up for the times she was well. The headaches were twice as painful, the aches were more than heavy and she was always sick. She hated being ill and she couldn't take anything without leaving the apartment, but she didn't like to get others ill. It was best to wait it out and take what little was in the cupboard to tied her over and get plenty of sleep and fluids.
Managing to get to her feet, she washed her face and brushed her teeth. She needed to eat something, but wasn't looking forward to sleeping in the bathroom all day and night. As she past the couch, she pulled a heavy duvet around her suddenly cold frame and sat on the floor in front of the coffee table and turned the TV on, but muted it. She needed to see something to take her mind off her dreams and clouded feelings. She ate two dry crackers and washed them down with some orange juice. She leaned her head back against the couch and dozed off. She'd been waiting to just sleep and not feel, see or dream anything.
While she slept she did feel her body lose all weight, like she was floating. It didn't even wake her it was such a warm feeling and saw no reason to question it. It was the only peace she had had in a long time. No nightmares and no dreams.