Kill the Pain! (Part 14)

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Why does my head hurt so much? I feel like I got stone cold drunk, only I don't remember drinking. There is a pounding somewhere in the back of my brain and it feels like my head's gonna jump off my neck any moment now.

For some reason I can't clutch my head with my hands.

I can feel cold metal press against my wrists, a hard stone floor beneath me. Was I asleep? I can't remember going to sleep. My brain hurts. I manage to open my eyes and recognize the place.

Angel's mansion. I have barely opened my eyes when the memories start pouring in. Akathler. The sword. Angel tumbling into away from me into Hell. Keeping him chained here while he recovered. Chained? I'm chained to the wall. Chained in the very same place I kept Angel.

What is going on here?

"Rough day at the office, B?"

I look to the side and there you are. Sitting right beside me, chained to the wall just like I am, but with a smug smile on your face.

"Faith? What is going on here? What happened? How did we end up here?"

"Having trouble remembering, B? Fancy that."

Before I can figure out what you're talking about the door to the living room opens and the gang comes marching in. Angel, Giles, Wesley, Willow, Xander, Oz, Cordelia. All of them. My first impulse is to feel relieved that they're here, but then I realize that none of them is making a move to unchain me.

"She's awake," Angel just says, looking at me.

"Buffy?" Willow asks, her voice sounding uncertain.

"No, I'm Drusilla! What the Hell is going on here? Did you chain me up like this? It's not funny!"

"I think it is," you remark. I glare at you, only then realizing that no one is even looking your way. They're all staring at me.

"Buffy," Giles sighs. "I wish this wasn't necessary, but ..."

"But what? Giles, is this another one of the Council's stupid tests? Didn't you put me through enough?"

"The Council does not know about any of this yet," Wesley says, looking somber. "If they did, I'm not sure how they would react."

"Why are you all looking at me like that?" I scream at them. "I didn't do anything. Faith is the one who killed that guy in the alley and she is sitting right here! Why aren't you questioning her?"

They all keep looking at me. Why are they behaving as if you're not even here? I can see you shaking your head, stifling a laugh.

"What's so fucking funny, Faith?" I scream at you. From the corner of my eyes I can see the others flinch.

"You are, B! I can't believe you still don't get it!"

"Get what?" I scream at her.

"Stop this, Buffy," Angel says, coming closer. "Please, just stop this!"

"Wicked," you whisper. "If he comes just a little closer you can jump him despite the chains and fuck his brains out."

Angel's eyes are glued to mine and the pain I see inside them is almost too much to bare. I can see he doesn't want to do this, so why is he doing it? I don't understand this. You are laughing beside me, laughing so loud I want to cover my ears, yet no one seems to hear it.

"Buffy, you have to come to terms with what you did," Willow whispers from behind Angel. What *I* did? What is she talking about?

"I didn't do anything," I scream at them. "Okay, I lied to you about Faith, but..."

"I'm afraid it's hopeless, Mr. Giles," Wesley says. "She needs professional help. We have to call the Council."

"You know what they will probably do to her if we do that," Giles whispers.

I need help? What has the Council got to do with anything? What the fuck are they talking about? I can see my friends stare at me with horror in their eyes and I don't understand it. Do they think I did it? Do they think I killed that guy? Why don't they look at you, Faith?

I look at Angel again. He loves me. He knows me. He has to understand.

"Angel, please! It's Faith, she ..."

Suddenly his hands shoot forward, digging into my shoulders hard enough to bruise, pulling me closer until we are nearly nose to nose.

"Stop this, Buffy," he screams. "Stop telling me that Faith did this and Faith did that. There is no Faith! Do you understand me? THERE IS NO FAITH!"

"But...," I begin, his words not registering. How can he not see you? You're sitting right here. Then I see you moving beside me. There are no more chains holding you. Where did the chains go? You just rise, kneeling down beside me, looking into my eyes. One of your hands is resting on Angel's shoulder, yet he doesn't react. What is...?

"What's the matter, B?" you ask me, your lips curving into a smile. "See someone you know?"

I look at you, but no one else sees you. No one else even knows you're here. I try to remember a single instance in which someone has talked to you, in which anyone has acknowledged your presence beside me.

I can't think of any. Not one.

"Amazing," you whisper. "It actually looks like something is moving inside that brain of yours for a change."

You're not real. You're not here.

"Something beside me, that is," you laugh.

I'm looking at you. And all I see is myself.


TO BE CONTINUED