Chapter 8
~ Sara's Apartment ~
She didn't realise it was Jessie until she pulled down her hood. "Hi." Jessie greeted with a small smile.
Sara nodded and looked down. "Wanna come in?"
Jessie smiled again and slipped by her. "I probably shouldn't be here, but. I wanted to talk to you."
"Want some coffee?" Sara asked as she headed for the kitchen. She poured two cups and moved to sit on the couch.
"Thanks." Jessie took the cup and sipped at the hot liquid. After a few quiet minutes, Jessie placed her cup down and turned to face Sara. "Did you mean it?"
Looking away and then into her cup, she shrugged, but then shook her head and stood. "No. I was wrong."
"Are you sure about that?" Jessie pressed.
Sara blinked a few times as she looked out the window to look down at the street. "I was tired and jetlagged. Not speaking any sense, so forget I said it." She glanced at Jessie and gave her a tight-lipped smile.
"I don't believe you Sar." Jessie chided as she stood. "You wouldn't say something to me about love without meaning it. I've known you a long time."
"It was nothing Jess, just leave it and everybody's happy. Leave it alone and. get on with life." She added on a whisper, her heart aching and weighing heavy in her chest.
Jessie watched her friend close off. "I came to ask you if you'd mind me and Gil going out again?"
Sara forced a smile to her face and turned around briefly. "Hey, if you think you two have a chance."
Nodding sadly, Jessie gave her friend a quick hug before leaving and taking the air and warmth with her from the small apartment.
It wasn't like she could say anything to stop it. She'd end up hurt either way, just like she was feeling now. It wasn't an uncommon feeling, she'd felt it before, but it felt so much more painfully for some reason. She had told herself she doesn't love him. She can't. It's not worth breaking up friends and damaging a working relationship over something that could never be.
Anyway, she didn't believe in much anymore. Live life day by day and only plan lightly ahead so not to be disappointed if it never happens. It had worked so far, to a degree. She didn't look for someone to share her life with anymore and she tried to avoid it because it hurt a little each time it ended. All she had left was her work.
She turned the lights off in her now cold apartment and crawled into bed. No sleep would come easily for her tonight, just nightmares and bad memories haunting her.
Maybe, one day, she would find someone who was like her. Someone not looking for love but love finding them.
~ One Week Later ~
Catherine sat at the end of the AV table and watched Sara work the computer mechanically. She had been too quiet and it was starting to worry her. Nick and Warrick had insisted on taking her out numerous occasions during the week, but she turned them down over her work. She had put in overtime and was confined to the lab, but it was unusual to see her content on staying behind. Sara wouldn't sit still long enough and would resort to wheedling her way back into the field, but she hadn't done it this time.
Sitting back and crossing her arms over her chest, Sara turned and looked at Catherine. She let her eyes drop to the table briefly before looking back at her. "There's your suspect." She motioned to the monitor and pushed back her chair to stand.
"Thanks Sara." Catherine smiled and took the print out.
"I'll find Greg and help him on your evidence." She offered and headed for the door.
Thinking it wouldn't hurt to try, she caught up with her friend. "You heard anything from Jessie?"
Sara nodded and continued walking. After a few minutes, she glanced at Catherine. Sighing, she answered. "She's been out every night. She rang me the other night to ask me about some restaurant and if I'd make reservations, so I did."
Her mouth fell open, but quickly closed it as they rounded the corner. Although they had past the DNA lab, neither seemed ready to stop. Catherine looked around them before pushing Sara into the break room. She closed the door and stood in front of it to block the only exit. "You booked a date for Grissom and Jessie?" She asked with a shocked gasp.
Shrugging as if it was nothing, she headed for the coffee pot to begin the process of making fresh coffee. "I was asked to."
"Has Jessie told you she loves him?" Catherine asked quietly, checking to see if anyone was within hearing distance.
Sara nodded and then sighed. "She told me she thought it was love and that he felt the same way." Halting in her movements, ready to replace the filter, she looked over her shoulder. "Can you change the subject, please?"
Catherine watched the coffee pot start and waited for Sara to turn. "We all know you love him." She stated sternly, but continued when Sara began to speak. "No, listen to me. We were there when you were ill, we saw the shell you've built for yourself and we've seen how much this is tearing you apart. You can't let it continue."
Looking down at her feet, she shook her head. "I'm fine."
"Don't start with the bull shit. Are you just going to stand there and tell me that you have no feelings what so ever towards him? Are you going to admit that you don't love him or are you going to do something to make this right?"
She took a deep breath to push the tightness away and tried to swallow past the lump in her throat, but with no relenting from either, she looked up at Catherine's awaiting face and shook her head as she stood up straight. "I don't have feelings for him and I sure don't love him either. I've got work to do." She headed towards the door and Catherine, but was stopped as Catherine pulled the door open gently.
"I don't believe you. I know it and you know it. If I can see it, so can the others. You can't hide forever." She told her without any anger.
"I haven't been hiding Cath. You wouldn't know if I were hiding. You know the sad thing? He's the only one that can't see it and if he does, he doesn't want it. I can't force him and I won't. It's always the same, I never get the cute guy, they do, not me." Sara finished with a small sad smile before turning and leaving.
Catherine felt her heart tug at the things she just heard.
~ End of Shift ~
Sara was about to climb into her car when her stomach rumbled. She could have sworn she had eaten today, she sighed, perhaps not. Looking across the street, she decided to grab some sandwiches and a coffee before heading home.
Stepping into the diner, she gave a friendly smile to the young man behind the counter and ordered her two egg salad sandwiches and large coffee. She stood and talked to one of the regular working waitresses as she waited. Hearing a familiar chuckle, Sara turned her head and the smile that was presently taking resident, slipped quickly at the recognition of two people in the corner of the diner.
It was Grissom and Jessie. She didn't know why it hurt so much to see them, she didn't have any claim on him or any feelings, not anymore, she had to convince herself of that and move on. It was too late and it definitely was never going to happen now either way. He moved on, if you call never being involved with anyone in the first place, moving on, then, he was moving on.
She turned her attention back to the waitress as she called her name from the kitchen and tossed her two packs of sandwiches and the young man grinned and handed her the coffee. "Thanks." She smiled and said her goodbyes before turning and as she got to the door, she glanced at the two to find a pair of blue eyes on her. She offered a weak smile and nodded her head at him, but received no real acknowledgement but his eyes returning to the woman he was with.
Feeling her heart sink, she left the diner and as quickly as she could without drawing attention, she walked to her car and slipped in easily. When she had pulled onto the road, she forced herself not to look towards the diner and managed it until she drove past and her body slumped in her seat.
"I'm not stupid." She told herself, reaching for the radio. "It's not like I had a chance anyway." Turning the radio slightly louder than usual to mask her erratic heart beat; she drove home without exceeding the speed limit.
"He obviously likes everything I'm not." She continued to ramble to herself as she let herself into her dank apartment.
Only managing to eat half of one sandwich, she washed it down with the coffee and forced herself to sleep, but didn't make it to her bed, the couch was going to do for a few hours.
~ Sara's Apartment ~
She didn't realise it was Jessie until she pulled down her hood. "Hi." Jessie greeted with a small smile.
Sara nodded and looked down. "Wanna come in?"
Jessie smiled again and slipped by her. "I probably shouldn't be here, but. I wanted to talk to you."
"Want some coffee?" Sara asked as she headed for the kitchen. She poured two cups and moved to sit on the couch.
"Thanks." Jessie took the cup and sipped at the hot liquid. After a few quiet minutes, Jessie placed her cup down and turned to face Sara. "Did you mean it?"
Looking away and then into her cup, she shrugged, but then shook her head and stood. "No. I was wrong."
"Are you sure about that?" Jessie pressed.
Sara blinked a few times as she looked out the window to look down at the street. "I was tired and jetlagged. Not speaking any sense, so forget I said it." She glanced at Jessie and gave her a tight-lipped smile.
"I don't believe you Sar." Jessie chided as she stood. "You wouldn't say something to me about love without meaning it. I've known you a long time."
"It was nothing Jess, just leave it and everybody's happy. Leave it alone and. get on with life." She added on a whisper, her heart aching and weighing heavy in her chest.
Jessie watched her friend close off. "I came to ask you if you'd mind me and Gil going out again?"
Sara forced a smile to her face and turned around briefly. "Hey, if you think you two have a chance."
Nodding sadly, Jessie gave her friend a quick hug before leaving and taking the air and warmth with her from the small apartment.
It wasn't like she could say anything to stop it. She'd end up hurt either way, just like she was feeling now. It wasn't an uncommon feeling, she'd felt it before, but it felt so much more painfully for some reason. She had told herself she doesn't love him. She can't. It's not worth breaking up friends and damaging a working relationship over something that could never be.
Anyway, she didn't believe in much anymore. Live life day by day and only plan lightly ahead so not to be disappointed if it never happens. It had worked so far, to a degree. She didn't look for someone to share her life with anymore and she tried to avoid it because it hurt a little each time it ended. All she had left was her work.
She turned the lights off in her now cold apartment and crawled into bed. No sleep would come easily for her tonight, just nightmares and bad memories haunting her.
Maybe, one day, she would find someone who was like her. Someone not looking for love but love finding them.
~ One Week Later ~
Catherine sat at the end of the AV table and watched Sara work the computer mechanically. She had been too quiet and it was starting to worry her. Nick and Warrick had insisted on taking her out numerous occasions during the week, but she turned them down over her work. She had put in overtime and was confined to the lab, but it was unusual to see her content on staying behind. Sara wouldn't sit still long enough and would resort to wheedling her way back into the field, but she hadn't done it this time.
Sitting back and crossing her arms over her chest, Sara turned and looked at Catherine. She let her eyes drop to the table briefly before looking back at her. "There's your suspect." She motioned to the monitor and pushed back her chair to stand.
"Thanks Sara." Catherine smiled and took the print out.
"I'll find Greg and help him on your evidence." She offered and headed for the door.
Thinking it wouldn't hurt to try, she caught up with her friend. "You heard anything from Jessie?"
Sara nodded and continued walking. After a few minutes, she glanced at Catherine. Sighing, she answered. "She's been out every night. She rang me the other night to ask me about some restaurant and if I'd make reservations, so I did."
Her mouth fell open, but quickly closed it as they rounded the corner. Although they had past the DNA lab, neither seemed ready to stop. Catherine looked around them before pushing Sara into the break room. She closed the door and stood in front of it to block the only exit. "You booked a date for Grissom and Jessie?" She asked with a shocked gasp.
Shrugging as if it was nothing, she headed for the coffee pot to begin the process of making fresh coffee. "I was asked to."
"Has Jessie told you she loves him?" Catherine asked quietly, checking to see if anyone was within hearing distance.
Sara nodded and then sighed. "She told me she thought it was love and that he felt the same way." Halting in her movements, ready to replace the filter, she looked over her shoulder. "Can you change the subject, please?"
Catherine watched the coffee pot start and waited for Sara to turn. "We all know you love him." She stated sternly, but continued when Sara began to speak. "No, listen to me. We were there when you were ill, we saw the shell you've built for yourself and we've seen how much this is tearing you apart. You can't let it continue."
Looking down at her feet, she shook her head. "I'm fine."
"Don't start with the bull shit. Are you just going to stand there and tell me that you have no feelings what so ever towards him? Are you going to admit that you don't love him or are you going to do something to make this right?"
She took a deep breath to push the tightness away and tried to swallow past the lump in her throat, but with no relenting from either, she looked up at Catherine's awaiting face and shook her head as she stood up straight. "I don't have feelings for him and I sure don't love him either. I've got work to do." She headed towards the door and Catherine, but was stopped as Catherine pulled the door open gently.
"I don't believe you. I know it and you know it. If I can see it, so can the others. You can't hide forever." She told her without any anger.
"I haven't been hiding Cath. You wouldn't know if I were hiding. You know the sad thing? He's the only one that can't see it and if he does, he doesn't want it. I can't force him and I won't. It's always the same, I never get the cute guy, they do, not me." Sara finished with a small sad smile before turning and leaving.
Catherine felt her heart tug at the things she just heard.
~ End of Shift ~
Sara was about to climb into her car when her stomach rumbled. She could have sworn she had eaten today, she sighed, perhaps not. Looking across the street, she decided to grab some sandwiches and a coffee before heading home.
Stepping into the diner, she gave a friendly smile to the young man behind the counter and ordered her two egg salad sandwiches and large coffee. She stood and talked to one of the regular working waitresses as she waited. Hearing a familiar chuckle, Sara turned her head and the smile that was presently taking resident, slipped quickly at the recognition of two people in the corner of the diner.
It was Grissom and Jessie. She didn't know why it hurt so much to see them, she didn't have any claim on him or any feelings, not anymore, she had to convince herself of that and move on. It was too late and it definitely was never going to happen now either way. He moved on, if you call never being involved with anyone in the first place, moving on, then, he was moving on.
She turned her attention back to the waitress as she called her name from the kitchen and tossed her two packs of sandwiches and the young man grinned and handed her the coffee. "Thanks." She smiled and said her goodbyes before turning and as she got to the door, she glanced at the two to find a pair of blue eyes on her. She offered a weak smile and nodded her head at him, but received no real acknowledgement but his eyes returning to the woman he was with.
Feeling her heart sink, she left the diner and as quickly as she could without drawing attention, she walked to her car and slipped in easily. When she had pulled onto the road, she forced herself not to look towards the diner and managed it until she drove past and her body slumped in her seat.
"I'm not stupid." She told herself, reaching for the radio. "It's not like I had a chance anyway." Turning the radio slightly louder than usual to mask her erratic heart beat; she drove home without exceeding the speed limit.
"He obviously likes everything I'm not." She continued to ramble to herself as she let herself into her dank apartment.
Only managing to eat half of one sandwich, she washed it down with the coffee and forced herself to sleep, but didn't make it to her bed, the couch was going to do for a few hours.