Chapter 9
~ 6 Hours Later ~
Shifting awake because of the loud knocking, she groaned sleepily and rolled off the couch to stand unsteadily. "Who is it?" She shouted groggily.
"It's Grissom."
Stopping short of the lock, her hand froze. "Erm." Thinking not as quickly as she hoped, she cringed. "I'm busy, I'll see you at work tonight."
"You're off tonight."
Pursing her lips in thought, she rubbed her eyes sleepily. "I'll see you tomorrow night, then."
"Sara,"
She could hear his sigh and dammed herself for the pang of regret in her heart. "What is it Grissom?"
"I will not talk to a door Sara, open it now."
Pulling the chain and twisting the lock, she tugged on the handle and slid the door open a few inches. "What?"
He looked confused and hurt. "Can I come in?"
Sighing, her shoulders slumped and her head dropped as she stepped back to let him by. After she closed the door, she turned. "Is it important, cause I need another hours sleep at least."
She watched as he stared at her. She used to like it, but with the current emotional tug of war, she didn't want to be anywhere near him. With that thought, she stepped around him, giving him a wide berth to not make him uncomfortable and walked towards her kitchen.
"I.I've been meaning to talk to you." He stammered, moving to stand by the entrance to the kitchen, watching her flick the coffee pot on.
"There's always work. I'm there all the time. Can't miss me." She opened a cupboard by her head and pulled out a cup. Holding it up to him in silent offering, she closed the cupboard at his decline.
"This isn't work related." He said softly.
Sara glanced at him. "Something wrong then?"
Nodding hesitantly, he looked down at his hands that were resting on the counter he was leaning on. "I thought." He cleared his throat and continued. "I guess, I thought that we were back on track after the conference."
"Sure, friends." She shrugged and poured coffee to the middle of the cup.
"No." He sighed. "Not friends."
Sara stopped from picking up her cup.
Obviously friendship was something he didn't want either. She nodded stiffly and placed her right hand on her cup handle and the left on the counter. He didn't want a relationship, which she could understand, now he didn't want a friendship?
Feeling his eyes on her, she tried to hide everything she felt. "If that's what you want." She said in a voice that wasn't her own.
Grissom closed his eyes briefly as the words reached his ears. She really has given up. She's not listening, not feeling. He looked at her with sudden realisation. She's pushing everything away, her friends, her feelings, her thoughts, was she trying to suppress everything?
"You don't understand." He told her gently.
Sara smiled sadly and shook her head. "Give me time. I will." She turned away. "You know, I'm really tired, can we talk some other time?" She asked, picking up her cup and placing it into the sink. She couldn't drink or eat at the moment.
"I haven't finished." He jumped in a little more harshly than he intended.
"Well, I really don't want to talk, so. I'd like it if you'd please leave."
She wouldn't look at him. How could she not look at him? "Sara?"
"I'm sorry Grissom. I've got lots to do and."
"Stop lying to me, Sara." He demanded.
Pushing a breath from her lungs, she turned to him, but kept her head down. "If I told you why I'm lying, will you leave?"
"No." He snapped. "Stop this. Stop putting yourself down and look at me dammit." He moved towards her when she disobeyed him. "Please." He pleaded, about to reach out, but stopped when she shook her head and stepped back.
"I'm lying so you will leave. I don't want you here. Please go Grissom."
He couldn't believe what he was seeing. "What's happened Sara? Why are you suddenly shutting me out? I thought we were getting on better. Where's our level ground gone?"
She pushed past him slowly as she tried to mask her tears and wipe them away stealthily. She wasn't going to cry, not over him. It wasn't right to cry over someone who doesn't want a friendship or a relationship.
"Please leave."
"Talk to me." He begged, walking towards her. "Why are you doing this to yourself?"
"I'm not doing anything. I don't know why you're here. I don't know what you want. I don't want you here." She rattled off as she finally looked up at him with puffy eyes.
His eyes softened when he saw her tears. "Why-" He stopped himself and stepped towards her instead. "Don't cry over this. What ever it is, it's not worth it." He soothed, reaching to wipe away a single tear.
Sara stared into his eyes as his words struck her heart. 'What ever it is, it's not worth it.' Was it really not worth it? Of course, he had no clue, like always, what was wrong. He probably thinks a case is getting to her or she's just tired from overtime. Maybe she would feel differently about him if he told her himself it wasn't worth it and he just did. Confirmation was hard and it hurt like a knife to the chest.
He dropped his hand and watched her eyes staring back at him. What was she thinking? It can't be that good if she's looking like she just found the final puzzle piece and it didn't make the nice colourful picture, but the dark and ugly one.
Friends? Not any more. He's just her boss. Nothing more. Does she love him? It was never returned. Would she wait forever? More, if he'd ever see it, but she knew he wouldn't. He maybe the best forensic scientist in Las Vegas, but he couldn't read her, not like a suspect. She was a mystery to him and she didn't blame him.
It was nothing anymore. She was nothing more than a co-worker. Everything was how it should be. She had successfully beaten her fears. No more people to care for. No more disappointments. No more personal emotional blackmail, she was alone, just how she had once dreamed.
Grissom's eyes grew wide when he saw hers drop from his and she stepped away from his hand that was about to touch her hand. "Hey, you ok?"
She nodded mutely and kept her eyes on the floor. A message must have been sent to the gods, for her house phone started ringing, breaking the emotional connection she had with the man who stood before her. She had everything she had feared and it seemed too painful to even feel, but she grabbed her phone with numb hands as she opened the front door.
"I'll be in tomorrow Grissom." She informed him as she answered the phone.
~ 6 Hours Later ~
Shifting awake because of the loud knocking, she groaned sleepily and rolled off the couch to stand unsteadily. "Who is it?" She shouted groggily.
"It's Grissom."
Stopping short of the lock, her hand froze. "Erm." Thinking not as quickly as she hoped, she cringed. "I'm busy, I'll see you at work tonight."
"You're off tonight."
Pursing her lips in thought, she rubbed her eyes sleepily. "I'll see you tomorrow night, then."
"Sara,"
She could hear his sigh and dammed herself for the pang of regret in her heart. "What is it Grissom?"
"I will not talk to a door Sara, open it now."
Pulling the chain and twisting the lock, she tugged on the handle and slid the door open a few inches. "What?"
He looked confused and hurt. "Can I come in?"
Sighing, her shoulders slumped and her head dropped as she stepped back to let him by. After she closed the door, she turned. "Is it important, cause I need another hours sleep at least."
She watched as he stared at her. She used to like it, but with the current emotional tug of war, she didn't want to be anywhere near him. With that thought, she stepped around him, giving him a wide berth to not make him uncomfortable and walked towards her kitchen.
"I.I've been meaning to talk to you." He stammered, moving to stand by the entrance to the kitchen, watching her flick the coffee pot on.
"There's always work. I'm there all the time. Can't miss me." She opened a cupboard by her head and pulled out a cup. Holding it up to him in silent offering, she closed the cupboard at his decline.
"This isn't work related." He said softly.
Sara glanced at him. "Something wrong then?"
Nodding hesitantly, he looked down at his hands that were resting on the counter he was leaning on. "I thought." He cleared his throat and continued. "I guess, I thought that we were back on track after the conference."
"Sure, friends." She shrugged and poured coffee to the middle of the cup.
"No." He sighed. "Not friends."
Sara stopped from picking up her cup.
Obviously friendship was something he didn't want either. She nodded stiffly and placed her right hand on her cup handle and the left on the counter. He didn't want a relationship, which she could understand, now he didn't want a friendship?
Feeling his eyes on her, she tried to hide everything she felt. "If that's what you want." She said in a voice that wasn't her own.
Grissom closed his eyes briefly as the words reached his ears. She really has given up. She's not listening, not feeling. He looked at her with sudden realisation. She's pushing everything away, her friends, her feelings, her thoughts, was she trying to suppress everything?
"You don't understand." He told her gently.
Sara smiled sadly and shook her head. "Give me time. I will." She turned away. "You know, I'm really tired, can we talk some other time?" She asked, picking up her cup and placing it into the sink. She couldn't drink or eat at the moment.
"I haven't finished." He jumped in a little more harshly than he intended.
"Well, I really don't want to talk, so. I'd like it if you'd please leave."
She wouldn't look at him. How could she not look at him? "Sara?"
"I'm sorry Grissom. I've got lots to do and."
"Stop lying to me, Sara." He demanded.
Pushing a breath from her lungs, she turned to him, but kept her head down. "If I told you why I'm lying, will you leave?"
"No." He snapped. "Stop this. Stop putting yourself down and look at me dammit." He moved towards her when she disobeyed him. "Please." He pleaded, about to reach out, but stopped when she shook her head and stepped back.
"I'm lying so you will leave. I don't want you here. Please go Grissom."
He couldn't believe what he was seeing. "What's happened Sara? Why are you suddenly shutting me out? I thought we were getting on better. Where's our level ground gone?"
She pushed past him slowly as she tried to mask her tears and wipe them away stealthily. She wasn't going to cry, not over him. It wasn't right to cry over someone who doesn't want a friendship or a relationship.
"Please leave."
"Talk to me." He begged, walking towards her. "Why are you doing this to yourself?"
"I'm not doing anything. I don't know why you're here. I don't know what you want. I don't want you here." She rattled off as she finally looked up at him with puffy eyes.
His eyes softened when he saw her tears. "Why-" He stopped himself and stepped towards her instead. "Don't cry over this. What ever it is, it's not worth it." He soothed, reaching to wipe away a single tear.
Sara stared into his eyes as his words struck her heart. 'What ever it is, it's not worth it.' Was it really not worth it? Of course, he had no clue, like always, what was wrong. He probably thinks a case is getting to her or she's just tired from overtime. Maybe she would feel differently about him if he told her himself it wasn't worth it and he just did. Confirmation was hard and it hurt like a knife to the chest.
He dropped his hand and watched her eyes staring back at him. What was she thinking? It can't be that good if she's looking like she just found the final puzzle piece and it didn't make the nice colourful picture, but the dark and ugly one.
Friends? Not any more. He's just her boss. Nothing more. Does she love him? It was never returned. Would she wait forever? More, if he'd ever see it, but she knew he wouldn't. He maybe the best forensic scientist in Las Vegas, but he couldn't read her, not like a suspect. She was a mystery to him and she didn't blame him.
It was nothing anymore. She was nothing more than a co-worker. Everything was how it should be. She had successfully beaten her fears. No more people to care for. No more disappointments. No more personal emotional blackmail, she was alone, just how she had once dreamed.
Grissom's eyes grew wide when he saw hers drop from his and she stepped away from his hand that was about to touch her hand. "Hey, you ok?"
She nodded mutely and kept her eyes on the floor. A message must have been sent to the gods, for her house phone started ringing, breaking the emotional connection she had with the man who stood before her. She had everything she had feared and it seemed too painful to even feel, but she grabbed her phone with numb hands as she opened the front door.
"I'll be in tomorrow Grissom." She informed him as she answered the phone.