Chapter 11
~ Sara's Apartment ~
He must have something pressing to tell her, but what?
"Are you sure this isn't about work?" She asked.
He nodded and made his way over to the couch. When he noticed she wasn't going to sit, but rather stand by the door, he sighed and spat it out. "I'm your friend Sara. I like you and I want to talk to you about moving us forward."
Sara's expression didn't change for a minute after he spoke. Her lips twitched and her eyes furrowed into a frown.
"Is that so hard to believe?" He asked.
She looked down at her hands that were fiddling with her door keys. Well, that was more than gloating, that was more like a torturer's red-hot poker stick in the heart. Funny, at least he found it amusing to play on her emotions.
No, no emotions, don't feel them anymore. She didn't feel anything anymore. No more longing, no more pain, no more love.no, this was a sick game and she didn't like it.
Maybe if she played along, he'd get to the highly amusing brush off and leave. She couldn't do that, it hurt. She can't play along, not anymore, not with him, never with him.
Without realising it, a tear escaped. She suddenly didn't feel too good.
~ A Split Second ~
He watched in slow motion as she collapsed. His fear kicked up so fast; it almost made him sick to the stomach. He rushed to her and tried to wake her, but it didn't work.
~ Late Afternoon ~
Grissom perched on the edge of her bed and gently damped her forehead with a cool rag. His other hand brushed her hair back to touch her cheek as she began to wake.
"Hey." He whispered.
She slowly opened her eyes to see him hovering high above her with a smile. She closed them again and turned her head away.
"Sara?" He asked quietly.
"What happened?" She interrupted.
He rinsed out the rag and placed it beside the bowl. "You collapsed. The EMT said your blood pressure hit the roof and everything shut down." He smiled softly and pulled the blanket up to her chin. "I know how much you hate hospitals, so I convinced them to check you out and let you stay here, as long as someone's with you."
After explaining, he watched her briefly.
"Thanks." She said on the verge of sleep.
"Rest, I'll be here when you wake up." He promised.
~ Near 5 Hours Later ~
When Sara woke in the afternoon, she was alone in her room. Although it brought some relief, it soon turned into an emotional tug at her heart as she selfishly thought he'd be there with her. No matter what she did, she couldn't stop the dreams of him being with her, wanting to be with her.
She wasn't going to push anymore, she wasn't going to run after him professionally or personally, she just wanted the pain to go away so she could get on with her solitude lifestyle. It's all she had to look forward to now.
It's said that when you are a little girl, that you dream of a perfect white wedding and a handsome man, but she knew she didn't think that when she was little, it was numbers, time, relativity and anything more she could absorb. The white wedding, picket fence and a family were never really something she thought about. She knew she chose her studies over parties and boys, but it didn't stop her falling in love with an extraordinary man that had everything she wanted, locked up in his brain, amongst other things.
The years she knew Professor Gil Grissom was a time where she could pick his brain on absolutely anything and enjoy his company and wit at the same time. As the years progressed, she knew Dr Grissom and how dedicated he was to his lab and his work. His experiments were always old style, but they got the answers and same results a computer would have spat out, but his way was more accurate and he liked that.
When she became closer and got to know Grissom and his little quirks, she knew something was different and thought he had sensed it too, but after a while, she knew he didn't. It was never Gil, it never was and now it never would be. It was his name for someone who knew him a lot longer and knew him more personally; she didn't know that Grissom and never would.
The love she felt for him over the years never faded, but her patience and time with him was slowly dissipating. She didn't work with him anymore. Something happened and she could only think that it was her fault. She must have done something to push him so far away.
It felt he was the one pushing, but as she stopped and thought about it, it was her. She had pushed him too far and she'd pushed him away so he was now running.
Maybe she wasn't right for him anyway. It could be the other way round, but she would have seen it for sure. He needed someone who would like his work, his habits, his lifestyle, and his attitude towards his work, his dedication and his rugged handsome features.
Thinking she knew someone who would fit perfectly, she knew she couldn't fill the void she just described. Another could, not her.
Turning away from the door and the rest of the world, she buried her face into her pillow and slowly cried herself back to sleep. It was too painful and wished someone would take it away. She didn't want to love anymore. She couldn't afford the heartache. Her heart couldn't take much more rejection.
~ ½ Hour Later ~
He was sat on her bed, watching over her as she shifted in her sleep and murmured unspeakable words. Her whimpers had brought him to her, but the sight before him had crushed his heart. His fingers had gently wiped the tears from her face that had lingered during sleep.
"What would make you cry?" He whispered to her sleeping form.
Drawing in a deep breath, she whimpered again and turned away from him. She whispered his name with such sadness and quietness, he felt his own tears building.
"What have I done to you?" He sighed softly as his hand brushed her hair back.
~ Evening, Around 10pm ~
"It's time you left anyway." Sara announced as she entered her living room to find him eyeing his watch.
Grissom's head snapped up at the sound of her voice. "You should be resting."
Ignoring him, she went to get a glass of juice. "You've got an hour before shift starts."
"I'll call in-"
"-You need to go home before work." She finished her sentence over his as she walked back to her room.
Grissom closed his eyes and sighed. Rubbing his eyes, he pushed himself up from her couch and decided to hash this out before anything happened to break the already fragile relationship they had.
"We still need to talk, Sara." He reminded her.
She looked up briefly to see him standing in her doorway. She had tucked herself back into bed and pulled a forensic journal to her lap. They didn't have anything to talk about. She had thought about this too long now and he had truly left everything too late. She didn't know what to do with the love she felt, she only knew that he would never return it let alone acknowledge it.
"We don't need to talk. We just need to leave each other alone and get back to the way things were."
"I'm trying." He sighed.
"Then leave." She stressed, closing her book and absently running her hands over the cover.
He dropped his head and leaned against the doorframe. "Damnit Sara, what's happened to us?"
It wasn't difficult, she found herself thinking. She could avoid him, hide her feelings. It would be kind of easy. She had succeeded so far.
"There is no us." Rubbing her eyes, she slid down to lay on her back. "Can you go now?"
Grissom nodded and turned away. Maybe later, he'll talk to her, he'll make her understand. "You will have to talk to me sooner or later Sara."
"I did try." She whispered to herself. It used to be her trying to get him to talk, but she knew it wouldn't help or change matters.
~ Sara's Apartment ~
He must have something pressing to tell her, but what?
"Are you sure this isn't about work?" She asked.
He nodded and made his way over to the couch. When he noticed she wasn't going to sit, but rather stand by the door, he sighed and spat it out. "I'm your friend Sara. I like you and I want to talk to you about moving us forward."
Sara's expression didn't change for a minute after he spoke. Her lips twitched and her eyes furrowed into a frown.
"Is that so hard to believe?" He asked.
She looked down at her hands that were fiddling with her door keys. Well, that was more than gloating, that was more like a torturer's red-hot poker stick in the heart. Funny, at least he found it amusing to play on her emotions.
No, no emotions, don't feel them anymore. She didn't feel anything anymore. No more longing, no more pain, no more love.no, this was a sick game and she didn't like it.
Maybe if she played along, he'd get to the highly amusing brush off and leave. She couldn't do that, it hurt. She can't play along, not anymore, not with him, never with him.
Without realising it, a tear escaped. She suddenly didn't feel too good.
~ A Split Second ~
He watched in slow motion as she collapsed. His fear kicked up so fast; it almost made him sick to the stomach. He rushed to her and tried to wake her, but it didn't work.
~ Late Afternoon ~
Grissom perched on the edge of her bed and gently damped her forehead with a cool rag. His other hand brushed her hair back to touch her cheek as she began to wake.
"Hey." He whispered.
She slowly opened her eyes to see him hovering high above her with a smile. She closed them again and turned her head away.
"Sara?" He asked quietly.
"What happened?" She interrupted.
He rinsed out the rag and placed it beside the bowl. "You collapsed. The EMT said your blood pressure hit the roof and everything shut down." He smiled softly and pulled the blanket up to her chin. "I know how much you hate hospitals, so I convinced them to check you out and let you stay here, as long as someone's with you."
After explaining, he watched her briefly.
"Thanks." She said on the verge of sleep.
"Rest, I'll be here when you wake up." He promised.
~ Near 5 Hours Later ~
When Sara woke in the afternoon, she was alone in her room. Although it brought some relief, it soon turned into an emotional tug at her heart as she selfishly thought he'd be there with her. No matter what she did, she couldn't stop the dreams of him being with her, wanting to be with her.
She wasn't going to push anymore, she wasn't going to run after him professionally or personally, she just wanted the pain to go away so she could get on with her solitude lifestyle. It's all she had to look forward to now.
It's said that when you are a little girl, that you dream of a perfect white wedding and a handsome man, but she knew she didn't think that when she was little, it was numbers, time, relativity and anything more she could absorb. The white wedding, picket fence and a family were never really something she thought about. She knew she chose her studies over parties and boys, but it didn't stop her falling in love with an extraordinary man that had everything she wanted, locked up in his brain, amongst other things.
The years she knew Professor Gil Grissom was a time where she could pick his brain on absolutely anything and enjoy his company and wit at the same time. As the years progressed, she knew Dr Grissom and how dedicated he was to his lab and his work. His experiments were always old style, but they got the answers and same results a computer would have spat out, but his way was more accurate and he liked that.
When she became closer and got to know Grissom and his little quirks, she knew something was different and thought he had sensed it too, but after a while, she knew he didn't. It was never Gil, it never was and now it never would be. It was his name for someone who knew him a lot longer and knew him more personally; she didn't know that Grissom and never would.
The love she felt for him over the years never faded, but her patience and time with him was slowly dissipating. She didn't work with him anymore. Something happened and she could only think that it was her fault. She must have done something to push him so far away.
It felt he was the one pushing, but as she stopped and thought about it, it was her. She had pushed him too far and she'd pushed him away so he was now running.
Maybe she wasn't right for him anyway. It could be the other way round, but she would have seen it for sure. He needed someone who would like his work, his habits, his lifestyle, and his attitude towards his work, his dedication and his rugged handsome features.
Thinking she knew someone who would fit perfectly, she knew she couldn't fill the void she just described. Another could, not her.
Turning away from the door and the rest of the world, she buried her face into her pillow and slowly cried herself back to sleep. It was too painful and wished someone would take it away. She didn't want to love anymore. She couldn't afford the heartache. Her heart couldn't take much more rejection.
~ ½ Hour Later ~
He was sat on her bed, watching over her as she shifted in her sleep and murmured unspeakable words. Her whimpers had brought him to her, but the sight before him had crushed his heart. His fingers had gently wiped the tears from her face that had lingered during sleep.
"What would make you cry?" He whispered to her sleeping form.
Drawing in a deep breath, she whimpered again and turned away from him. She whispered his name with such sadness and quietness, he felt his own tears building.
"What have I done to you?" He sighed softly as his hand brushed her hair back.
~ Evening, Around 10pm ~
"It's time you left anyway." Sara announced as she entered her living room to find him eyeing his watch.
Grissom's head snapped up at the sound of her voice. "You should be resting."
Ignoring him, she went to get a glass of juice. "You've got an hour before shift starts."
"I'll call in-"
"-You need to go home before work." She finished her sentence over his as she walked back to her room.
Grissom closed his eyes and sighed. Rubbing his eyes, he pushed himself up from her couch and decided to hash this out before anything happened to break the already fragile relationship they had.
"We still need to talk, Sara." He reminded her.
She looked up briefly to see him standing in her doorway. She had tucked herself back into bed and pulled a forensic journal to her lap. They didn't have anything to talk about. She had thought about this too long now and he had truly left everything too late. She didn't know what to do with the love she felt, she only knew that he would never return it let alone acknowledge it.
"We don't need to talk. We just need to leave each other alone and get back to the way things were."
"I'm trying." He sighed.
"Then leave." She stressed, closing her book and absently running her hands over the cover.
He dropped his head and leaned against the doorframe. "Damnit Sara, what's happened to us?"
It wasn't difficult, she found herself thinking. She could avoid him, hide her feelings. It would be kind of easy. She had succeeded so far.
"There is no us." Rubbing her eyes, she slid down to lay on her back. "Can you go now?"
Grissom nodded and turned away. Maybe later, he'll talk to her, he'll make her understand. "You will have to talk to me sooner or later Sara."
"I did try." She whispered to herself. It used to be her trying to get him to talk, but she knew it wouldn't help or change matters.