Title: Bring me to life
Disclaimer: I do not own BTVS Or Angel, all belong to and reserved Joss Weddon
Rating R to NC-17
Beta: Maribel, and BrownEye Helped me along the line!!! And SpikeAngel1 helped me a million times
Also Note Songs that are in this story are from Evanescence, Kasey Chamber's, and Vitimam C. And The Graudtion, Speach half from NBK! And Some Part's from BTVS!! You'll see.,
Author Note: NC-17 part's can be found at my site! http://www.geocities.com/strangegirl53/
Also Note Chapter 16- 20 are mostly smut!!
Chapter 25
*********Pre Graduation
"Sometimes I wished they picked gowns in a different color, this purple shade does nothing for me," Cordelia laughed. Buffy and Willow laughed along, true, purple wasn't the best color for a graduation gown.
"You look good," a voice from behind complimented. Buffy turned around and found Spike standing there and wearing his cap and gown.
"Thanks, you don't look bad yourself."
"We have about 30 minutes before this actually starts do you maybe want to go for a walk."
"Sure," she nodded and Spike and her walked into the empty courtyard, she saw a bench and they sat in silence.
"Wow Graduation! this is big," he said breaking the silence, she turned to face him.
"Funny, didn't think I'd make it, thought I would fall behind with everything that's been going on, you know but I made it, thanks to Willow for the extra studying and you too played a big part thanks," she replied.
"So college, we never actually had time to discuss where you're going or what are you doing this summer," she asked.
"Actually I got into a few colleges over in England that were pretty good although I'm not sure if I want to go to college, maybe I'll take a break, and as for the summer, I'm leaving."
She frowned. "What do you mean leaving?"
"Come on Buffy, I have no reason for staying here. I mean things aren't very good between us and maybe I need to put some space," he answered.
"So taking off is your choice, leaving doesn't make the problem go away Spike," she snapped.
"I know Buffy, I'm sorry, I can't stand to be in the same town without being able to touch you, to kiss you or to love you, Buffy. I can't undo what happened with Anya, there is nothing I can do, if I could take back time I'd do it but I can't so I'm leaving."
"You can't leave."
"I am going to unless you give me a reason not to," he softly replied.
"Spike," she whispered, he got up and started walking away, suddenly he stopped and turned around one more time.
"I love you Buffy and to me that's all that matters but I guess you haven't realized that we belong together and I'm have to live with that fact you may never realize it," with that he walked back to the front yard where the graduation was about to take place.
*********Graduation
Principal Snyder walked up to the pulpit. "I'm honored to present our school's valedictorian, Willow Rosenberg." Everyone clapped as Willow walked to the stage.
"Hello graduating class of 2003. I've been waiting for this day since I was a freshmen and now that it's here I must say I'm a little scared. When they asked me to give the senior class' speech I was afraid, I had no idea what to say. But as I stand before all of you on our big day, before we are let out to go into the world, something came to me and that is that high school's over and we're going to look back on this day and think about that one teacher, who marches to his or her own pace and that tried their best to make us learn something that will be helpful to us in our future. And also about those girls, the ones that, even as you grow up, will still be the most beautiful girls that you've ever seen close up. The athletes - and the immense sense of fraternity and loyalty that they share. The smart kids, who everyone else always knew as the brains. All of these things that maybe made us miserable. And I finally see that this - all of this - is just the way it should be. It is all part of this thing - high school. A time in our lives that we can never truly repeat. A time that shapes us. A time that makes us who we are, for years to come. So in closing I just want to say cherish these times because like I said before you can't repeat them, thank you." Everyone clapped, Willow smiled and walked back to her seat.
Parker Abrahams
Annabel Arnolds
Amber Benson
Darla Conners
Larry Charles
Cordelia Chase
And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're going to be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Shawn Dillon
Faith Evans
Riley Finn
Angel Giles
William Giles
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and you
And we got so blue
Stay at home talking on the telephone
We'd get so excited, we'd get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels
Xander Harris
Drusilla Haynes
Gina Isis
Nina Jackson
Michel Jacobs
As we go on
we remember
all the times we
had together
and as our lives change
Come whatever
we will still be
Friends Forever
Robin Jefferson
Manny Jefferson
Anya Jerkins
Harmony Kendall
Amanda Kinds
So if we get the big jobs
and we make the big money
when we look back now
will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Lance Lawson
Jonathan Leeks
Michelle Michaels
Graham Miller
Forrest Raisin
Can Heather find a job that won't
interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels
Lucy Norman
Rona Olsen
Daniel Osborne
Kevin Peterson
Amber Peterson
La, la, la, la:
Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la:
We will still be friends forever
Link Queens
Willow Rosenberg
Diane Rivers
Shawn Rivers
Kennedy Sanders
Will we think about tomorrow
like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
and suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
Buffy Summers
Serena Timberlake
Christina Valdez
Matt Walton
Warren Wilson
"This is the Graduation Class of 2003 let's give it up for them."
***********
Graduation was over. Willow and Oz went off to have some alone time, no one was really up for partying, too much drama for high school. Buffy decided to spend her time at the park and see the kids play. She didn't wanna go to an empty house, sadly her mom was not home yet. Buffy was sitting in the swing remembering the good times she spend there when she was little. Buffy had a stick and was using it to poke at the bushes and weeds.
"Time for the Summer Poking already?" Xander's voice came from behind and he sat on the swing next to her. She smiled then turned back to poking the leaves.
"Just taking out any anger I have on the leaves knowing they wont say anything back to me," she said turning to face him again.
"Went by you house, no one was there and on my way home I thought you may be here. Do you want to talk? We haven't talk in a while and I was just wondering how the hell did our senior year turned into a soap opera. I mean, I came into my senior year thinking 'wow Buffy's back, one of my best friends' and then Spike and Anya and everything happened so fast, it feels like I just blink and wham all this happens, care to explain how it got here?"
"Scenic route. Long drive," she teased a little then Xander looked at her "The past few weeks..."
"I know," Xander said. "I thought I had hit bottom...it hurt that you didn't trust me enough to tell me about Spike. I mean…I know you two have been good friends and all but I never imagined you two together after everything that happened. He almost got you killed that night Buffy, I was so scared and ever since that, I made myself believe all he did was hurt you and then he did."
"I'm sorry. I should have told you, it's just hard to explain. I mean, all my life I never really imagined him as the guy I'd end up with sometimes I didn't want to believe it but I love him Xander, I really do and that's why it still hurts so much," she said pushing away some tears.
"Maybe you would have if I hadn't given you so many reasons to think I'd be an ass about it."
"Guess we've all done a lot of things lately we're not proud of," she sighed.
"I think I'll top you on that."
"What, what happen"? Buffy asked softly.
"After I saw Anya and Spike together and after I left the house, the only thing I was feeling was hate and pain and I didn't like that feeling, so I thought that there's only person I know who could make me feel better and I went to Cordelia's house when her parents were gone and I told her everything. I told her I made myself believe that I loved Anya and that she meant more to me and I slept with her and we didn't really think about it and she just found out she is pregnant and I feel so bad. I mean, I used her and I feel like a idiot, I made her believe I loved her, I care for her but I love Anya but now we can't be together. I told Cordelia I'll be right by her side all the steps of the way and I will be, I even offered to marry her, she said yes but she's not ready yet," Xander whispered Buffy could see the tears slipping down his face.
"Are you going to tell Anya?"
"I can't Buffy, I can't. I know I have to, it's just so hard. I mean, I'm still in love with her but I can't tell her about Cordelia being pregnant, not yet."
"I don't know what to say Xander," she cried. "Come here," she brought him into a hug. "If I've learned anything is that with every rainstorm there's a rainbow and well, you'll be fine, you have me and Willow."
"I know and I'm glad. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you or Willow."
"Let's never find out," Buffy whispered into his ear.
"Xander," Buffy said.
"What?" She pointed to Anya who was standing there watching them.
"Anya."
"Please Xander please, can we talk?" She pleaded, he walked over to her and they both walked out.
****
"How are you?" Anya asked kicking some rocks.
"I'm fine, you?"
"Dealing. I've been thinking a lot about us, if there's still a chance that we could maybe get through this and be with each other," she whispered, looking at her hands. She knew he was still hurting but she missed him and wanted him in her life.
"Anya I still see him with you, that's something I'm sorry for, I can't help it, it hurts, okay? And I'm sorry doesn't cut it. I think it's best if we just stay friends, I have someone who loves me," he sadly said, even though he wasn't in love with Cordelia like she was with him, he'll learn to for his child. Anya started crying and Xander closed his eyes tightly, trying to hold back his tears, it didn't work.
"Xander please," she cried holding his arm. "I love you please don't do this to me, please. I love you, why can't we forget about this and be like before?" she begged, she would have gotten on her knees and begged, he was the first man she'd ever loved.
"Because before you hadn't slept with Spike and I can't touch you or kiss you without remembering what I saw, because I saw it happen and so did Buffy and Willow and nothing can ever be the same Anya, I'm sorry but we're over for good," he whispered, he knew she was hurt because he was hurting too.
"But I love you."
"I know," he whispered sadly and left her standing in the park alone, not sure what to do anymore never feeling more lost.
"Good bye Xander." she whispered and went home.
Disclaimer: I do not own BTVS Or Angel, all belong to and reserved Joss Weddon
Rating R to NC-17
Beta: Maribel, and BrownEye Helped me along the line!!! And SpikeAngel1 helped me a million times
Also Note Songs that are in this story are from Evanescence, Kasey Chamber's, and Vitimam C. And The Graudtion, Speach half from NBK! And Some Part's from BTVS!! You'll see.,
Author Note: NC-17 part's can be found at my site! http://www.geocities.com/strangegirl53/
Also Note Chapter 16- 20 are mostly smut!!
Chapter 25
*********Pre Graduation
"Sometimes I wished they picked gowns in a different color, this purple shade does nothing for me," Cordelia laughed. Buffy and Willow laughed along, true, purple wasn't the best color for a graduation gown.
"You look good," a voice from behind complimented. Buffy turned around and found Spike standing there and wearing his cap and gown.
"Thanks, you don't look bad yourself."
"We have about 30 minutes before this actually starts do you maybe want to go for a walk."
"Sure," she nodded and Spike and her walked into the empty courtyard, she saw a bench and they sat in silence.
"Wow Graduation! this is big," he said breaking the silence, she turned to face him.
"Funny, didn't think I'd make it, thought I would fall behind with everything that's been going on, you know but I made it, thanks to Willow for the extra studying and you too played a big part thanks," she replied.
"So college, we never actually had time to discuss where you're going or what are you doing this summer," she asked.
"Actually I got into a few colleges over in England that were pretty good although I'm not sure if I want to go to college, maybe I'll take a break, and as for the summer, I'm leaving."
She frowned. "What do you mean leaving?"
"Come on Buffy, I have no reason for staying here. I mean things aren't very good between us and maybe I need to put some space," he answered.
"So taking off is your choice, leaving doesn't make the problem go away Spike," she snapped.
"I know Buffy, I'm sorry, I can't stand to be in the same town without being able to touch you, to kiss you or to love you, Buffy. I can't undo what happened with Anya, there is nothing I can do, if I could take back time I'd do it but I can't so I'm leaving."
"You can't leave."
"I am going to unless you give me a reason not to," he softly replied.
"Spike," she whispered, he got up and started walking away, suddenly he stopped and turned around one more time.
"I love you Buffy and to me that's all that matters but I guess you haven't realized that we belong together and I'm have to live with that fact you may never realize it," with that he walked back to the front yard where the graduation was about to take place.
*********Graduation
Principal Snyder walked up to the pulpit. "I'm honored to present our school's valedictorian, Willow Rosenberg." Everyone clapped as Willow walked to the stage.
"Hello graduating class of 2003. I've been waiting for this day since I was a freshmen and now that it's here I must say I'm a little scared. When they asked me to give the senior class' speech I was afraid, I had no idea what to say. But as I stand before all of you on our big day, before we are let out to go into the world, something came to me and that is that high school's over and we're going to look back on this day and think about that one teacher, who marches to his or her own pace and that tried their best to make us learn something that will be helpful to us in our future. And also about those girls, the ones that, even as you grow up, will still be the most beautiful girls that you've ever seen close up. The athletes - and the immense sense of fraternity and loyalty that they share. The smart kids, who everyone else always knew as the brains. All of these things that maybe made us miserable. And I finally see that this - all of this - is just the way it should be. It is all part of this thing - high school. A time in our lives that we can never truly repeat. A time that shapes us. A time that makes us who we are, for years to come. So in closing I just want to say cherish these times because like I said before you can't repeat them, thank you." Everyone clapped, Willow smiled and walked back to her seat.
Parker Abrahams
Annabel Arnolds
Amber Benson
Darla Conners
Larry Charles
Cordelia Chase
And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're going to be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Shawn Dillon
Faith Evans
Riley Finn
Angel Giles
William Giles
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and you
And we got so blue
Stay at home talking on the telephone
We'd get so excited, we'd get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels
Xander Harris
Drusilla Haynes
Gina Isis
Nina Jackson
Michel Jacobs
As we go on
we remember
all the times we
had together
and as our lives change
Come whatever
we will still be
Friends Forever
Robin Jefferson
Manny Jefferson
Anya Jerkins
Harmony Kendall
Amanda Kinds
So if we get the big jobs
and we make the big money
when we look back now
will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Lance Lawson
Jonathan Leeks
Michelle Michaels
Graham Miller
Forrest Raisin
Can Heather find a job that won't
interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels
Lucy Norman
Rona Olsen
Daniel Osborne
Kevin Peterson
Amber Peterson
La, la, la, la:
Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la:
We will still be friends forever
Link Queens
Willow Rosenberg
Diane Rivers
Shawn Rivers
Kennedy Sanders
Will we think about tomorrow
like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
and suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
Buffy Summers
Serena Timberlake
Christina Valdez
Matt Walton
Warren Wilson
"This is the Graduation Class of 2003 let's give it up for them."
***********
Graduation was over. Willow and Oz went off to have some alone time, no one was really up for partying, too much drama for high school. Buffy decided to spend her time at the park and see the kids play. She didn't wanna go to an empty house, sadly her mom was not home yet. Buffy was sitting in the swing remembering the good times she spend there when she was little. Buffy had a stick and was using it to poke at the bushes and weeds.
"Time for the Summer Poking already?" Xander's voice came from behind and he sat on the swing next to her. She smiled then turned back to poking the leaves.
"Just taking out any anger I have on the leaves knowing they wont say anything back to me," she said turning to face him again.
"Went by you house, no one was there and on my way home I thought you may be here. Do you want to talk? We haven't talk in a while and I was just wondering how the hell did our senior year turned into a soap opera. I mean, I came into my senior year thinking 'wow Buffy's back, one of my best friends' and then Spike and Anya and everything happened so fast, it feels like I just blink and wham all this happens, care to explain how it got here?"
"Scenic route. Long drive," she teased a little then Xander looked at her "The past few weeks..."
"I know," Xander said. "I thought I had hit bottom...it hurt that you didn't trust me enough to tell me about Spike. I mean…I know you two have been good friends and all but I never imagined you two together after everything that happened. He almost got you killed that night Buffy, I was so scared and ever since that, I made myself believe all he did was hurt you and then he did."
"I'm sorry. I should have told you, it's just hard to explain. I mean, all my life I never really imagined him as the guy I'd end up with sometimes I didn't want to believe it but I love him Xander, I really do and that's why it still hurts so much," she said pushing away some tears.
"Maybe you would have if I hadn't given you so many reasons to think I'd be an ass about it."
"Guess we've all done a lot of things lately we're not proud of," she sighed.
"I think I'll top you on that."
"What, what happen"? Buffy asked softly.
"After I saw Anya and Spike together and after I left the house, the only thing I was feeling was hate and pain and I didn't like that feeling, so I thought that there's only person I know who could make me feel better and I went to Cordelia's house when her parents were gone and I told her everything. I told her I made myself believe that I loved Anya and that she meant more to me and I slept with her and we didn't really think about it and she just found out she is pregnant and I feel so bad. I mean, I used her and I feel like a idiot, I made her believe I loved her, I care for her but I love Anya but now we can't be together. I told Cordelia I'll be right by her side all the steps of the way and I will be, I even offered to marry her, she said yes but she's not ready yet," Xander whispered Buffy could see the tears slipping down his face.
"Are you going to tell Anya?"
"I can't Buffy, I can't. I know I have to, it's just so hard. I mean, I'm still in love with her but I can't tell her about Cordelia being pregnant, not yet."
"I don't know what to say Xander," she cried. "Come here," she brought him into a hug. "If I've learned anything is that with every rainstorm there's a rainbow and well, you'll be fine, you have me and Willow."
"I know and I'm glad. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you or Willow."
"Let's never find out," Buffy whispered into his ear.
"Xander," Buffy said.
"What?" She pointed to Anya who was standing there watching them.
"Anya."
"Please Xander please, can we talk?" She pleaded, he walked over to her and they both walked out.
****
"How are you?" Anya asked kicking some rocks.
"I'm fine, you?"
"Dealing. I've been thinking a lot about us, if there's still a chance that we could maybe get through this and be with each other," she whispered, looking at her hands. She knew he was still hurting but she missed him and wanted him in her life.
"Anya I still see him with you, that's something I'm sorry for, I can't help it, it hurts, okay? And I'm sorry doesn't cut it. I think it's best if we just stay friends, I have someone who loves me," he sadly said, even though he wasn't in love with Cordelia like she was with him, he'll learn to for his child. Anya started crying and Xander closed his eyes tightly, trying to hold back his tears, it didn't work.
"Xander please," she cried holding his arm. "I love you please don't do this to me, please. I love you, why can't we forget about this and be like before?" she begged, she would have gotten on her knees and begged, he was the first man she'd ever loved.
"Because before you hadn't slept with Spike and I can't touch you or kiss you without remembering what I saw, because I saw it happen and so did Buffy and Willow and nothing can ever be the same Anya, I'm sorry but we're over for good," he whispered, he knew she was hurt because he was hurting too.
"But I love you."
"I know," he whispered sadly and left her standing in the park alone, not sure what to do anymore never feeling more lost.
"Good bye Xander." she whispered and went home.