Chapter 12
~ End of Shift ~
Sara stood by her car as she looked at her cell phone. She had received a message from Nick to meet her at the Baseball Park for a chat, but she didn't feel like going. She did text him back, be he never returned a message. Feeling like she had to go and make sure he was alright, she had talked herself into meeting him and then leaving.
As she walked past two groups of children with baseball bats and gloves, she could clearly see that they had just finished practise. The morning sun was still low and the time was nearing 11 o'clock. She hadn't had much sleep after she told Grissom to leave and wasn't sure about going to see Nick. Why would he want to talk to her?
Walking through the gate, she looked around and saw a figure at the far end of the bleachers. They were sat on the first seats with their head in their hands. Obviously tired from a long night.
"Nick!" She called as she got closer, but the image suddenly changed as the figure uncurled itself and stood. What the hell is he doing here? "Grissom?"
He nodded and walked towards her as she stopped in her tracks. "Sara."
"What are you doing here? Where's Nick?" She was confused and felt strangely set up.
"It was the only way."
"Huh?" She stared at him, her anger building.
Turning to look around them, he held out his arms briefly. "You talk to me, here, now without any phones, people, work, nothing, no interruptions. I want to know what's going on."
Sara closed her eyes and brought her hand up to cover her eyes.
"What's wrong? How you feeling?" He asked with concern as he approached her and pulled her hand away. "Please, talk to me." He whispered, seeing her eyes snapped open at the contact.
"I don't want to hear anything you say." She tried to pull her hand from his grasp, but it only tightened, but not painfully. "Grissom-"
He shook his head sternly. "No, listen to me Sara. I don't care that you don't want to see me, speak to me or listen, but let me speak without you passing out on me, ok?" He stressed out of breath.
She nodded and finally pulled her hand away. "What is it you want to talk about?" Great! She's actually going to listen to him, what happened to her iron will and wall she had built to forget him?
Grissom stepped away and walked around a little as he spoke, it was obviously a nervous habit as he pushed his hands into his pockets to complete the picture. "You have to believe me Sara, at first, yes, Jess and I were dating, but not any more. It wasn't anything serious."
"For you maybe, but she fell hard for you. You should have been there the times she talked my ear off about the things you both did. I wanted to stuff cotton wool in my ears to stop her." She admitted and instantly cringed and turned away when he looked surprised. "I know you have no idea about most the things that happen around you, but you should have seen that she liked you."
"Yes." He interrupted as he took a step towards her. "But it's over now. It has been since before Colorado-"
Sara turned to him abruptly with a glare that could have sent him up in flames. "Liar." Grissom's mouth opened as he heard her words, but she continued before he could speak. "You said that you liked her. She said she liked you. She told me it was received. She- told me-" Her voice cracked as she tried to push the words out. "She said she was in love with you. How can someone compete against that?"
Grissom inhaled deeply and shook his head. "There was nothing to compete with Sara. I didn't love her, I don't. She doesn't love me. I know, she told me so herself." Sara stared at him as she tried to absorb what she was hearing. "She knows Sara. She said you talked to her and that you let something slip, but she didn't tell me what. She said I had to ask you. What did you say that made her step back?"
"Nothing." She muttered, turning to walk towards the bleachers.
He watched her sit down and slump forward. "Sara, I know I've been an idiot and I've come off as cold towards you for a long time, but it wasn't intentional, believe me."
"Doesn't matter what I believe or think Grissom. It never matters." She said sadly.
"What!? Who told you that?" He growled, moving to kneel in front of her. "Did someone tell you that?" She shook her head and lowered it further. Grissom reached out to take her hands, but she pulled them closer to her body. "What's wrong? Is it me?"
He wouldn't understand. He'd only laugh. She could see that he didn't know what he was doing. She could tell he didn't want to talk to her. He obviously had places to be and people to see. She couldn't just come out and say this was all her fault and that she dug her own hole. She couldn't trust him to understand that she was the one that couldn't get over being in love with him. It wasn't his fault, it was her own. She had to deal and find a way to get rid of that love.
Him? Everything, her whole life was him and he didn't know it. She had to tell him everything, but not this time. Maybe she picked the wrong time to forget and take a vow of silence, but she knew she'd never feel the same for another and she knew that her heart would be forever broken.
He could see her eyes filling with tears and his chest squeezed the air from his lungs as his own emotions wrecked havoc. "Please Sara, tell me, I'm begging you. Tell me what I did wrong to hurt you so much."
She knew she was crying and as tear after tear fell, she looked down at him with sad eyes and a small shake of the head. "It's not you." She sighed. "It's always been me." She breathed.
Feeling ten times worse and Catherine's words hitting him square in the head about taking things slow; he shook them away and leaned forward to press his lips to her forehead. "You're perfect, there's nothing wrong with you." He whispered, moved to kiss her check. "Tell me what I did."
Trying so hard to hide the warm she was feeling from his closeness and his lips, she felt herself crying harder as she opened her mouth to let the words finally be heard. "You don't love me." She hiccuped and pulled away quickly as he stopped his assault and sat back. She got up and ran away from him.
"No! Sara! Wait!" He shouted and ran after her. They were halfway across the field when he grabbed her arm and put himself in her way to block her escape. "Don't." He pleaded.
"Let me go Grissom. I've said so much I shouldn't. I've made such a fool of myself, I'm sorry." She broke down.
Grissom pulled her to him and held her tightly. "You spoke with your heart, Sara. I should have done that a long time ago." He confessed. "I shouldn't have hurt you the way I did and I am so terribly sorry."
"Please forget it. I didn't say anything-"
"You did." He stressed, tightening his hold. "Don't take it back, please don't take it back."
"I have to." She whispered.
Sliding his hand up her back to her hair, he pressed his cheek to hers. "I'm sorry I didn't love you the way I should have. I'm sorry I've avoided you and I'm sorry I never told you sooner." He pulled back to see her eyes as he continued. "I love you, Sara. I should have told you that."
Dropping her eyes from his, she sighed. "You don't have to say that. I understand. I really do. You don't even want to be my friend Grissom. I know that. I shouldn't have come here. I should have left long ago-"
"I wouldn't-I won't let you." He said thickly.
"I can't do this anymore." She closed her eyes when he touched her hair and gently kissed her cheek. "I have to leave."
Grissom moaned against her skin. "No."
"Yes. I have to leave Vegas. It's the only way to get past this."
"No." He repeated as his other hand scrunched up her jacket to hold her to him, preventing her from leaving him.
Sara couldn't stop him, he held her too tightly. She wanted to hide, run from what was happening. What was happening? Surely he was just confused and didn't know what he was doing. He couldn't want to do this. He never did before.
"I love you so much." He whispered into her ear. "I will gain your trust Sara. I will, I swear on it, if it's that last thing I do. I don't care anymore about what people think. You're the only one left in my life and I'll fight you all the way if you try to leave."
"Don't do this Grissom. Please forget this. You don't know what you're saying." She pleaded, trying to ignore his hot breath on her ear as he breathed.
Running his hand back down her back to meet his other, he pulled away to look into her teary eyes. "I'm not listen." He told her. "I am not taking no for anything, anymore." Scanning her face, he released her slightly to run his fingers down her cheek. "I will make it up to you, I promise and this is the honest to god truth. I don't care if you don't think I mean it, I do and I'll make you see it."
~ 6pm in the Evening ~
Sara stared at her phone as it rang.
He's doing this to prove he loves her. How could he love her? She didn't think that far ahead. She didn't think he'd spill everything she had only dreamed. What had she done to suddenly get his attention?
He was so sincere and honest, yet she still felt afraid. She didn't know what to do. After the confession of all confessions this morning, he had driven her home and left her at her front door with a promise that he'd ring and also arrange that Nick pick her car up.
She didn't know what he was going to do, but the phone still kept ringing and she knew it was him by his name blinking at her from the caller ID.
"Hey." He said softly when she didn't say anything. "Told you I'd ring."
"Yeah."
He could hear something in her voice and sighed. "You're still doubting my intentions, aren't you?"
"I don't know."
"Ok. You can say no, but I'd like to take you out tonight."
She could hear hesitation, but it was surely to be nervousness. "We have work tonight." She reminded him.
"I know, wear work stuff and I'll pick you up in an hour."
"Ok."
"Bye." He said quietly.
"Bye." She whispered.
~ End of Shift ~
Sara stood by her car as she looked at her cell phone. She had received a message from Nick to meet her at the Baseball Park for a chat, but she didn't feel like going. She did text him back, be he never returned a message. Feeling like she had to go and make sure he was alright, she had talked herself into meeting him and then leaving.
As she walked past two groups of children with baseball bats and gloves, she could clearly see that they had just finished practise. The morning sun was still low and the time was nearing 11 o'clock. She hadn't had much sleep after she told Grissom to leave and wasn't sure about going to see Nick. Why would he want to talk to her?
Walking through the gate, she looked around and saw a figure at the far end of the bleachers. They were sat on the first seats with their head in their hands. Obviously tired from a long night.
"Nick!" She called as she got closer, but the image suddenly changed as the figure uncurled itself and stood. What the hell is he doing here? "Grissom?"
He nodded and walked towards her as she stopped in her tracks. "Sara."
"What are you doing here? Where's Nick?" She was confused and felt strangely set up.
"It was the only way."
"Huh?" She stared at him, her anger building.
Turning to look around them, he held out his arms briefly. "You talk to me, here, now without any phones, people, work, nothing, no interruptions. I want to know what's going on."
Sara closed her eyes and brought her hand up to cover her eyes.
"What's wrong? How you feeling?" He asked with concern as he approached her and pulled her hand away. "Please, talk to me." He whispered, seeing her eyes snapped open at the contact.
"I don't want to hear anything you say." She tried to pull her hand from his grasp, but it only tightened, but not painfully. "Grissom-"
He shook his head sternly. "No, listen to me Sara. I don't care that you don't want to see me, speak to me or listen, but let me speak without you passing out on me, ok?" He stressed out of breath.
She nodded and finally pulled her hand away. "What is it you want to talk about?" Great! She's actually going to listen to him, what happened to her iron will and wall she had built to forget him?
Grissom stepped away and walked around a little as he spoke, it was obviously a nervous habit as he pushed his hands into his pockets to complete the picture. "You have to believe me Sara, at first, yes, Jess and I were dating, but not any more. It wasn't anything serious."
"For you maybe, but she fell hard for you. You should have been there the times she talked my ear off about the things you both did. I wanted to stuff cotton wool in my ears to stop her." She admitted and instantly cringed and turned away when he looked surprised. "I know you have no idea about most the things that happen around you, but you should have seen that she liked you."
"Yes." He interrupted as he took a step towards her. "But it's over now. It has been since before Colorado-"
Sara turned to him abruptly with a glare that could have sent him up in flames. "Liar." Grissom's mouth opened as he heard her words, but she continued before he could speak. "You said that you liked her. She said she liked you. She told me it was received. She- told me-" Her voice cracked as she tried to push the words out. "She said she was in love with you. How can someone compete against that?"
Grissom inhaled deeply and shook his head. "There was nothing to compete with Sara. I didn't love her, I don't. She doesn't love me. I know, she told me so herself." Sara stared at him as she tried to absorb what she was hearing. "She knows Sara. She said you talked to her and that you let something slip, but she didn't tell me what. She said I had to ask you. What did you say that made her step back?"
"Nothing." She muttered, turning to walk towards the bleachers.
He watched her sit down and slump forward. "Sara, I know I've been an idiot and I've come off as cold towards you for a long time, but it wasn't intentional, believe me."
"Doesn't matter what I believe or think Grissom. It never matters." She said sadly.
"What!? Who told you that?" He growled, moving to kneel in front of her. "Did someone tell you that?" She shook her head and lowered it further. Grissom reached out to take her hands, but she pulled them closer to her body. "What's wrong? Is it me?"
He wouldn't understand. He'd only laugh. She could see that he didn't know what he was doing. She could tell he didn't want to talk to her. He obviously had places to be and people to see. She couldn't just come out and say this was all her fault and that she dug her own hole. She couldn't trust him to understand that she was the one that couldn't get over being in love with him. It wasn't his fault, it was her own. She had to deal and find a way to get rid of that love.
Him? Everything, her whole life was him and he didn't know it. She had to tell him everything, but not this time. Maybe she picked the wrong time to forget and take a vow of silence, but she knew she'd never feel the same for another and she knew that her heart would be forever broken.
He could see her eyes filling with tears and his chest squeezed the air from his lungs as his own emotions wrecked havoc. "Please Sara, tell me, I'm begging you. Tell me what I did wrong to hurt you so much."
She knew she was crying and as tear after tear fell, she looked down at him with sad eyes and a small shake of the head. "It's not you." She sighed. "It's always been me." She breathed.
Feeling ten times worse and Catherine's words hitting him square in the head about taking things slow; he shook them away and leaned forward to press his lips to her forehead. "You're perfect, there's nothing wrong with you." He whispered, moved to kiss her check. "Tell me what I did."
Trying so hard to hide the warm she was feeling from his closeness and his lips, she felt herself crying harder as she opened her mouth to let the words finally be heard. "You don't love me." She hiccuped and pulled away quickly as he stopped his assault and sat back. She got up and ran away from him.
"No! Sara! Wait!" He shouted and ran after her. They were halfway across the field when he grabbed her arm and put himself in her way to block her escape. "Don't." He pleaded.
"Let me go Grissom. I've said so much I shouldn't. I've made such a fool of myself, I'm sorry." She broke down.
Grissom pulled her to him and held her tightly. "You spoke with your heart, Sara. I should have done that a long time ago." He confessed. "I shouldn't have hurt you the way I did and I am so terribly sorry."
"Please forget it. I didn't say anything-"
"You did." He stressed, tightening his hold. "Don't take it back, please don't take it back."
"I have to." She whispered.
Sliding his hand up her back to her hair, he pressed his cheek to hers. "I'm sorry I didn't love you the way I should have. I'm sorry I've avoided you and I'm sorry I never told you sooner." He pulled back to see her eyes as he continued. "I love you, Sara. I should have told you that."
Dropping her eyes from his, she sighed. "You don't have to say that. I understand. I really do. You don't even want to be my friend Grissom. I know that. I shouldn't have come here. I should have left long ago-"
"I wouldn't-I won't let you." He said thickly.
"I can't do this anymore." She closed her eyes when he touched her hair and gently kissed her cheek. "I have to leave."
Grissom moaned against her skin. "No."
"Yes. I have to leave Vegas. It's the only way to get past this."
"No." He repeated as his other hand scrunched up her jacket to hold her to him, preventing her from leaving him.
Sara couldn't stop him, he held her too tightly. She wanted to hide, run from what was happening. What was happening? Surely he was just confused and didn't know what he was doing. He couldn't want to do this. He never did before.
"I love you so much." He whispered into her ear. "I will gain your trust Sara. I will, I swear on it, if it's that last thing I do. I don't care anymore about what people think. You're the only one left in my life and I'll fight you all the way if you try to leave."
"Don't do this Grissom. Please forget this. You don't know what you're saying." She pleaded, trying to ignore his hot breath on her ear as he breathed.
Running his hand back down her back to meet his other, he pulled away to look into her teary eyes. "I'm not listen." He told her. "I am not taking no for anything, anymore." Scanning her face, he released her slightly to run his fingers down her cheek. "I will make it up to you, I promise and this is the honest to god truth. I don't care if you don't think I mean it, I do and I'll make you see it."
~ 6pm in the Evening ~
Sara stared at her phone as it rang.
He's doing this to prove he loves her. How could he love her? She didn't think that far ahead. She didn't think he'd spill everything she had only dreamed. What had she done to suddenly get his attention?
He was so sincere and honest, yet she still felt afraid. She didn't know what to do. After the confession of all confessions this morning, he had driven her home and left her at her front door with a promise that he'd ring and also arrange that Nick pick her car up.
She didn't know what he was going to do, but the phone still kept ringing and she knew it was him by his name blinking at her from the caller ID.
"Hey." He said softly when she didn't say anything. "Told you I'd ring."
"Yeah."
He could hear something in her voice and sighed. "You're still doubting my intentions, aren't you?"
"I don't know."
"Ok. You can say no, but I'd like to take you out tonight."
She could hear hesitation, but it was surely to be nervousness. "We have work tonight." She reminded him.
"I know, wear work stuff and I'll pick you up in an hour."
"Ok."
"Bye." He said quietly.
"Bye." She whispered.