A/n: okay... this chapter is what happens when you work at Taco Mayo.. that's all i have to say... it's so pathetic.
Away From It All
Chapter Six - Purple People Eaters
"It was fluffy." Buffy said simply. Giles sighed heavily, took off his glasses, and proceeded to clean them on his shirt. "Very fluffy."
"We've established that." Giles told her. "Let's narrow it down a bit, hmm?"
"Okay, it had a horn and... was... purple-ish with hints of pink." Buffy said slowly, her eyes closed with consentration. "One... eye..."
"You fought the Purple People Eater?" Xander asked warily, looking up from his book. Everyone slightly jumped at his voice, he had been unusually quiet that evening. Giles gasped.
"Of course..." Giles trailed off, before going to grab another book off the shelf. "Everyone start looking up Purple People Eater. This could get dangerous, this demon is very vicsious in it's hunt."
"Well, how much harm can it do? We aren't purple people." Willow commented.
"Hello!" Buffy exclaimed. "Am I the only one noticing that we are trying to fight a creature from a silly 50s song?"
"The 'purple' title doesn't exactly mean purple people, just people with an affiliation with that color." Giles told Willow, ignoring the Slayer.
"So I'm protecting those who like the color?" Buffy raised an eyebrow. Giles sighed and continued his search. "Giles, come on here! Explain!"
"Oh, all right." Giles mumbled. He set the book down on the table, opened to a page featuring the Purple People Eater in a wood carving. He sat down before turning carefully to Willow and Tara. "What would you consider the color.. er... representing your relationship?"
"What do you mean exactly?" Tara asked.
"Er... What would you consider the homosexual color?" Giles said. Willow and Tara shared a look.
"I don't know, we tend to prefer rainbows." Tara said softly.
"Well, back in the 700s, the color for homosexuals was known as blue. Heterosexuals were red." Giles said stiffly, his voice sounding like a lecture. "That leaves... Bisexuals. They were purple. At this time there were demons for each type of sexuality. Thankfully, the Slayers of the age killed off the Blue People Eaters and the Red People Eaters. But they were unable to kill off the Purple People Eaters."
"So... This monster kills bisexuals?" Buffy asked for clarification.
"Basically." Giles said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.
"And how do I kill it?" Buffy questioned. Giles hesitated. "Giles?"
"You can't." Giles told her.
"What?!"
"Er... Is to say..." Giles cleared his throat and stood. They watched as he walked over to the counter, slipped behidn it, and got himself a mug of tea. THey all waiting for him to speak, which is took his sweet time doing. "Only someone who is bisexual can kill it."
"Oh..." Buffy trailed off, then glared at Giles. "How do you know that I'm not bisexual?"
"Becuase then you would of made it explode if you kicked it... in the nether regiens. Did you do that?"
"Er, kind of." Buffy muttered.
"Well, then your not bisexual." Giles said simply, though it was rather obvious he was not comfortable with the conversation.
"Well, that's cleared that up." Buffy said. She looked around the group. "So... Do we know any bi's?"
"Possibly." Willow said. Her and Tara shared a look, then turned as one to look at Xander. He straighted at the steady gaze, eyes a little wide.
"What? What is it? I'm not bisexual. No sir. I'm Straight Man. I'm as straight as-"
"The Rocky Mountains are flat?" Willow interupted. She smiled sweetly at him. "It's okay, Xander. We don't mind."
"What? You people... Crazy!" Xander sputtered. "What about Willow?"
"I'm not bi!" Willow replied.
"What about Oz?" Xander inquired.
"That was before... I'm currently only a lesbian, thank you." Willow said, going a little red. Xander glared. "Come on, Xander, this is your chance to prove yourself."
"Oh, no!" Xander stood, shaking his head. "Do you know what happens when I got prove myself? I end up with some praying mantis lady trying to bite my head off! And let's not even mention the Inca Mummy Girl!"
"I'm quite sure-"
"No!" Xander interupted. "It's not happening!"
***
"I can't believe this is happening." Xander whined, trudging behind Buffy with an axe in his hand. "How do we even know this thing is around here, anyway?"
"It's the demon district." Buffy replied. "Most demons are bi, from what I've come to see. So it only makes sense it would hang out here."
"You've been hanging out with Spike again?" Xander asked, raising an eyebrow. Buffy narrowed her eyes and looked away while Xander fought a snicker.
They continued their way down the dark, smelly alleyway. The only sound was that of their shoes clicking on the gravel. A cat meowed in the background, causing Xander to jump and almost topple into Buffy. She shot him a glare, but said nothing of his nervousness. They took a few more steps into the alley, stopping when a loud creak echoed through the air.
"Why do demons always choose the scary places?" Xander whispered, eyes darting around. "Why can't they chose a nice suburban home with a white picket fence to live in?"
Buffy didn't answer, just stared forward, crossbow raised. A heavy footstep sounded from the darkness in front of them. It was followed by another. Then a large figure stepped into the dim light. A large, fuzzy, purple, one horned and one eyed, beast. Xander felt his heart catch in his throat at the sight. It looked a bit like the snow beast from the Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer show he used to watch as a kid. Slightly sharp teeth and a rather stupid expression.
"That's it?" Xander asked in a low voice. Buffy nodded. Xander took a deep breath. "Okay, let's get this over with."
It didn't take long. Buffy merely caught it off guard by shooting it a couple of times with her crossbow. Xander jumped forward, and kicked him between the legs. And, much to both Buffy and Xander's suprise, the purple beast really exploded. Purple gunk went everywhere. Xander carefully swiped it off his face and turned to Buffy.
"Well... I guess I am bi." Xander commented. Buffy smiled, a glimmer of Cupid-frenzy (as this is what Xander decided to call it) in her eyes.
"Yup, now you can go seduce Ron!" She said happily.
"I dont' think that's gonna work." Xander replied solemnly as they left the alleyway. "I think I pushed him away."
"What did you do?" Buffy asked in an accusing sort of voice.
"He kissed me and then ran off. I didn't even try to stop him from leaving. We've been avoiding each other ever since." Xander explained. He sighed heavily and draped his axe, which turned out to be useless in battle, onto his shoulder.
"Well, we'll just ahve to fix that now won't we?" Buffy said. Xander eyed her out fo the corner of his eye. She had that look again. Sighing once more, Xander decided that it was best to not saying anything. Encouraging the Slayer wasn't the best idea in the world.
***
a/n: umm... yea... o.O;; i dont' even know what i was thinking during this...
Away From It All
Chapter Six - Purple People Eaters
"It was fluffy." Buffy said simply. Giles sighed heavily, took off his glasses, and proceeded to clean them on his shirt. "Very fluffy."
"We've established that." Giles told her. "Let's narrow it down a bit, hmm?"
"Okay, it had a horn and... was... purple-ish with hints of pink." Buffy said slowly, her eyes closed with consentration. "One... eye..."
"You fought the Purple People Eater?" Xander asked warily, looking up from his book. Everyone slightly jumped at his voice, he had been unusually quiet that evening. Giles gasped.
"Of course..." Giles trailed off, before going to grab another book off the shelf. "Everyone start looking up Purple People Eater. This could get dangerous, this demon is very vicsious in it's hunt."
"Well, how much harm can it do? We aren't purple people." Willow commented.
"Hello!" Buffy exclaimed. "Am I the only one noticing that we are trying to fight a creature from a silly 50s song?"
"The 'purple' title doesn't exactly mean purple people, just people with an affiliation with that color." Giles told Willow, ignoring the Slayer.
"So I'm protecting those who like the color?" Buffy raised an eyebrow. Giles sighed and continued his search. "Giles, come on here! Explain!"
"Oh, all right." Giles mumbled. He set the book down on the table, opened to a page featuring the Purple People Eater in a wood carving. He sat down before turning carefully to Willow and Tara. "What would you consider the color.. er... representing your relationship?"
"What do you mean exactly?" Tara asked.
"Er... What would you consider the homosexual color?" Giles said. Willow and Tara shared a look.
"I don't know, we tend to prefer rainbows." Tara said softly.
"Well, back in the 700s, the color for homosexuals was known as blue. Heterosexuals were red." Giles said stiffly, his voice sounding like a lecture. "That leaves... Bisexuals. They were purple. At this time there were demons for each type of sexuality. Thankfully, the Slayers of the age killed off the Blue People Eaters and the Red People Eaters. But they were unable to kill off the Purple People Eaters."
"So... This monster kills bisexuals?" Buffy asked for clarification.
"Basically." Giles said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.
"And how do I kill it?" Buffy questioned. Giles hesitated. "Giles?"
"You can't." Giles told her.
"What?!"
"Er... Is to say..." Giles cleared his throat and stood. They watched as he walked over to the counter, slipped behidn it, and got himself a mug of tea. THey all waiting for him to speak, which is took his sweet time doing. "Only someone who is bisexual can kill it."
"Oh..." Buffy trailed off, then glared at Giles. "How do you know that I'm not bisexual?"
"Becuase then you would of made it explode if you kicked it... in the nether regiens. Did you do that?"
"Er, kind of." Buffy muttered.
"Well, then your not bisexual." Giles said simply, though it was rather obvious he was not comfortable with the conversation.
"Well, that's cleared that up." Buffy said. She looked around the group. "So... Do we know any bi's?"
"Possibly." Willow said. Her and Tara shared a look, then turned as one to look at Xander. He straighted at the steady gaze, eyes a little wide.
"What? What is it? I'm not bisexual. No sir. I'm Straight Man. I'm as straight as-"
"The Rocky Mountains are flat?" Willow interupted. She smiled sweetly at him. "It's okay, Xander. We don't mind."
"What? You people... Crazy!" Xander sputtered. "What about Willow?"
"I'm not bi!" Willow replied.
"What about Oz?" Xander inquired.
"That was before... I'm currently only a lesbian, thank you." Willow said, going a little red. Xander glared. "Come on, Xander, this is your chance to prove yourself."
"Oh, no!" Xander stood, shaking his head. "Do you know what happens when I got prove myself? I end up with some praying mantis lady trying to bite my head off! And let's not even mention the Inca Mummy Girl!"
"I'm quite sure-"
"No!" Xander interupted. "It's not happening!"
***
"I can't believe this is happening." Xander whined, trudging behind Buffy with an axe in his hand. "How do we even know this thing is around here, anyway?"
"It's the demon district." Buffy replied. "Most demons are bi, from what I've come to see. So it only makes sense it would hang out here."
"You've been hanging out with Spike again?" Xander asked, raising an eyebrow. Buffy narrowed her eyes and looked away while Xander fought a snicker.
They continued their way down the dark, smelly alleyway. The only sound was that of their shoes clicking on the gravel. A cat meowed in the background, causing Xander to jump and almost topple into Buffy. She shot him a glare, but said nothing of his nervousness. They took a few more steps into the alley, stopping when a loud creak echoed through the air.
"Why do demons always choose the scary places?" Xander whispered, eyes darting around. "Why can't they chose a nice suburban home with a white picket fence to live in?"
Buffy didn't answer, just stared forward, crossbow raised. A heavy footstep sounded from the darkness in front of them. It was followed by another. Then a large figure stepped into the dim light. A large, fuzzy, purple, one horned and one eyed, beast. Xander felt his heart catch in his throat at the sight. It looked a bit like the snow beast from the Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer show he used to watch as a kid. Slightly sharp teeth and a rather stupid expression.
"That's it?" Xander asked in a low voice. Buffy nodded. Xander took a deep breath. "Okay, let's get this over with."
It didn't take long. Buffy merely caught it off guard by shooting it a couple of times with her crossbow. Xander jumped forward, and kicked him between the legs. And, much to both Buffy and Xander's suprise, the purple beast really exploded. Purple gunk went everywhere. Xander carefully swiped it off his face and turned to Buffy.
"Well... I guess I am bi." Xander commented. Buffy smiled, a glimmer of Cupid-frenzy (as this is what Xander decided to call it) in her eyes.
"Yup, now you can go seduce Ron!" She said happily.
"I dont' think that's gonna work." Xander replied solemnly as they left the alleyway. "I think I pushed him away."
"What did you do?" Buffy asked in an accusing sort of voice.
"He kissed me and then ran off. I didn't even try to stop him from leaving. We've been avoiding each other ever since." Xander explained. He sighed heavily and draped his axe, which turned out to be useless in battle, onto his shoulder.
"Well, we'll just ahve to fix that now won't we?" Buffy said. Xander eyed her out fo the corner of his eye. She had that look again. Sighing once more, Xander decided that it was best to not saying anything. Encouraging the Slayer wasn't the best idea in the world.
***
a/n: umm... yea... o.O;; i dont' even know what i was thinking during this...