A/N:  Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter.  I hope you enjoy this chapter.  I'm always open to suggestions and comments.  Feel free to email me if need be.  As always, PLEASE R/R!!!!!!!!!!

Disclaimer:  I don't own Harry Potter.  The song is owned by KoRn.

Haunting Memories

Chapter 3: Alone I Break

Another week had gone by.

The alcohol was starting to affect his brain. The memories he had of her were starting to spill into each other. Memories of her laughing, of her concentrating while biting her full bottom lip, of her just being with him. The sensation was bittersweet. Remembering their happy times together brought an ache to his heart that couldn't be soothed. He would never feel the same way again. He would never BE the same again. The sudden realization hit him like a freight train.

Now I see the times they changed
Leaving doesn't seem so strange
I am hoping I can find
Where to leave my hurt behind

He dipped his head back and let the remnants of his fifth drink burn a trail down the back of his throat. He hoped it would burn the pain away, but it never did. He reached up and pushed the silver blonde strands out of his eyes. His hair was badly in need of a haircut, but he couldn't find the strength. He didn't have the strength fo anything anymore except coming to this bar to drink everything away. Afterwards, he would stumble home and pass out for a Hermione-free, dreamless sleep. If he could barely stand to think of and remember her, it would kill him to dream of her.

All the shit I seem to take
All alone I seem to break
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?

He was staring at the bottom of his empty glass when the waitress came by. She looked at the young man with sadness filling her warm, olive eyes. She took the glass from its spot on the table and placed it on her tray before addressing him.

"I think that's enough for you tonight. Maybe you should head on home. It's starting to get late."

He snapped his attention to her with an arrogant scowl firmly in place. His voice came out in a tone that could cut glass.

"Don't order me around as if I were a child. NOBODY talks down to ME. Now, do your job like a good little waitress and bring me another drink."

His last words were dripping with sarcasm as threw a handful of gold coins on the table. She retrieved them and left to get what he asked for after giving him one last sympathetic glance. She wondered who could have so deeply hurt this willful young man.

Am I going to leave this place?
What is it I'm running from?
Is there nothing more to come?

After ridding himself of the waitress, he returned to his favorite activity upon these bar visits. Remembering his memories of her. There she was again, engraved on the center of his mind. All cinnamon warmth and self-achieved glory. She was an angel to him and his savior, a Joan-of-Arc in a Hogwarts uniform, saving him from a fate worse than he could behold. His Hermione.

She was more beautiful than a summer's day with bright blue, cloudless skies and a warm breeze. She had absorbed more knowledge in nearly twenty years than most people would in a lifetime. The prettiest and smartest girl he would ever know, the girl he intended to marry, had slipped through his fingers like sand through a sift. And he was too scared to go after her. Scared of more rejection.

He had had his chance. When she left, he had been too stunned to speak, so he didn't. It was something he would regret for the rest of his life. To not stop her from going through that door an making her see reason. To not tell her he loved her one more time. He would never see her again to say it. He would never hear her voice or see her face ever again. Never see her beaming smile or comfort her tears. It was more than he could bear.

Shut me off
I'm ready
Heart stops
I stand alone
Can't be on my own

He was right in thinking he would not be the same. If this was what his life was to become, maybe he should end it. Do himself mercy by ending all his pain and suffering, and overriding the guilt and memories that threatened to consume him. Say goodbye to the world that gave him one spark in a life of hardship only to have that spark taken away.

I will make it go away
Can't be here no more
Seems this is the only way
I will soon be gone

The waitress returned with his sixth drink. He grabbed it up and downed it in one gulp. The blackness started to settle around the edges of his mind and he knew he had just enough time to get home. He left the bar and made his way to the flat as a grim satisfaction began to spread through him. Tomorrow, she will know how much I love her.

A/N:  The next installment will be posted within the next couple of days.  I hope you enjoyed this chapter.  PLEASE R/R!!!!!!!!!!!!