Disclaimer: I don't own anything that isn't mine.
Fanfic Key: This is how the MiST is set up:
Outside Theatre: Third Person Story Mode
Inside Theatre (insert name here): = The heckler says this. *action*=Indicates a heckler doing something or how their saying something.
Story: The Prime Evils of Hell have been entrapped on a space ship and are being forced to read horrible fanfiction about their own realm. When we last left them, their warden, Deckard Cain, had allowed them to get some rest about halfway through their first Fanfic.
----------A few hours later--------
A guard was walking down the hallway, whistling to himself as he marched across the carpet. The carpet quieted his foot steps, a considerable feat considering his iron-soled boots. They also quieted the footsteps of the man behind him, and because of this the guard was unaware he was being followed until a heavy blow to the head left him unconscious. The dark figure responsible for said blow quickly hefted up the guard and put him in a dark corner where he wouldn't be noticed, than continued on his way.
The dark figure leaned around a bend in the hallway, listening to a couple more guards discuss the Hammarites. With a start, the dark figure realized they were headed towards him, then smiled as he removed his black jack and pressed himself against the wall.
"And so then I said, 'listen you taffer, I don't want a bloody pamphlet!'. And do you know what he said to me, do ya?" asked the first guard to the other, as they turned and started down the hall, leaving the light of the torch.
"No, what did he suuu," replied the second guard, slurring his last word as he slumped to the ground.
"You all right?" asked the first guard, before joining his companion. The dark figure smiled at his handy work, then took off down the hall and flew up a set of stairs. The dark figure quickly leapt on top of a rather decorative dresser and mantled his way up to a large window that surveyed the castle grounds. Taking out a small but powerful bow, he knocked a broadhead arrow into place and took careful aim. He let go of the string and watched as the arrow sailed over the heads of the guards at the front gate, into a window of a different tower, and hit the alarm switch. A loud siren went off, alerting the guards to a disturbance and sent them all chasing after the taffer that had broken in. The dark figure smiled and hopped down from his spot, hiding in a blanketing shadow as he watched two guards run past him.
Normally a good thief would not allow his presence to be known, and would certainly not announce it. But this thief thought it would be perfectly all right to do it just this once, since now all the guards in the castle were frantically running to the opposite end of the building he was in.
The thief continued to his destination and looked over at a panel of switches. He took out a piece of paper, and started to hit the switches in the order dictated by the parchment. He had gotten it off a rather drunk guard that a rare artifact of great value was carefully hidden, and could only be revealed with the appropriate combination switches. Further inquires to some trusted sources had lead him to the list he now held. As he pushed the last lever into place, a small cubbyhole opened across the room.
It is completely unrelated to the above facts that a man sized blue portal opened up in front of the cubby hole as the thief turned around. Briefly surprised, the dark figure managed to overcome his amazement at the security measures and went into the portal to claim his prize. ---------- The dark figure stepped through the blue portal into a brightly lit hallway, made almost entirely of metal. The thief froze, then whirled around to return to the dark castle, only to see the last of the portal collapse into itself. With no choice, the thief raced down the well illuminated corridors, searching for cover. With no map, his compass going haywire, and no form of landmarks, the thief quickly became lost. He pulled out a long sword and used it to pry open a door, after seeing that it provided no other means of opening. He slipped inside the comfortable dark room and closed the door behind him, and only then began to examine his surroundings.
The thief's sharp hearing picked up the sounds of breathing, and slowly he realized he was in some kind of sleeping quarters. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he could vaguely see the form of three beds stacked on top of each other. The top bunk was to high up for him to see, although he did notice some smoke that seemed to drift down from up there. The middle bunk was occupied by what appeared to be the breeding of a man and an insect, his legs dropping out of the bed and obscuring the last occupant. The thief knelt down to see into the last bunk, and saw a great demon like creature, clutching a small stuffed bear tightly to his chest.
The thief shook his head, briefly checked around for anything of value, and began to look around for an exit, preferably not the one he had come in through. Just as he was beginning to give up hope of escape, a loud orchestra of bells and whistles screeched into the apparent night, as bright flashes of color exploded into the room, temporarily blinding the thief as he stumbled back.
A panel on the wall slid away revealing a viewing screen, and the image of an old man suddenly appeared.
"Wakey wakey, my little darlings," the old man drawled, looking malevolently at the demons being spurred to reality.
"Jeez Cain, can't you give it a rest? What time is it?" Baal asked, slapping a tentacle over his eyes.
"Time for you to read more bad fan fiction, now let's ... Who, in the name of Bill Roper, are you?" asked Cain suddenly, directing his comment at the dark figure trying to get the hell out.
The thief froze, his brain working overtime to come up with an explanation. He whirled around and gave Cain a gigantic fake smile. "Hello sir, I'm selling these fine leather jackets, and perhaps you'd like to be the first on your block to..."
"Shut it," Cain replied, looking over at something off screen. "It says a time/space rift has dumped you on our little space ship. How lovely. Since you're here, you can make fun of the story with the rest of these clowns. Now get moving!"
"What the heck is going on here?" demanded the thief, looking shocked and outraged as Diablo and Mephisto grabbed him.
"We'll explain in a moment, right now..." began Diablo.
"We've got FANFIC SIGN!" the Prime Evils chorused together.
7,6,5,4,3,2,1;
*The Prime Evils drag the thief into the theatre and sit him down next to Meph* Diablo: What's your name, human? Thief: Garrett, and what the heck is going on with this thing? Baal: Uh, crappy story appears on screen, we mock it. Get it? Garry: Got it. Baal: Good. Cain *over loudspeaker, doing an impression of Boris from the Bullwinkle Show* Shadup your mouf! The story's starting!
The amazon dropped to her feet and leapt to the side, seeking cover next a stone column. She cast sharp glances to each side and noticed that there was a long row of columns, most of them round or at least roundish, every ten feet or so. Directly infront of her was a stone wall made of mortar. She peered over the side of the column she was hiding behind and saw that the entire vast room was filled with stone columns, in a perfectly symmetrical pattern.
Garry: What the heck is going on? Diablo: Uh, all the character classes are apparently being forced to duel the muppets. Gary: Character classes? Meph: Just watch. Gary: Fine, just tell me what an amazon is then. She must be able to view the room from the ceiling to be able to tell the pattern of the columns.
She knocked an arrow into the bow and pulled back slightly, ready to shoot if necessary.
Meph: Because there's a whole list of other reasons why she would do this.
She ducked back behind the column as a fire arrow sailed by her head and exploded into the column near her.
Gary: Wait, with how the room's built, shouldn't it have kept going or something? Diablo: Let me give you some free advice: Take whatever hopes and dreams you may have for the spelling, grammar, and logic for these stories, and throw them out the window.
"ANIMAL!!" a savage voice called, echoing all around the stone and mortar room.
Baal: Reminds me of a Toga Party I once went to...
The amazon grimaced and ran out into the open,
Gary: What opening? It just said the entire room was... Diablo: What did I JUST tell you?
pulled the shaft of the arrow back, spotted the red haired beast several dozen yards away from her, and let the arrow fly before diving behind the next column.
Gary: You will notice, gentlemen, that she didn't bother AIMING at the red haired beast, just let the arrow fly. ____________________
The paladin looked around himself, he was standing in a grand dining hall.
Meph *In paladin's voice* This is the best McDonalds ever!
A well decorated table with several candles illuminating several platters of food.
Baal: Not to sounds like Cain, but I think that sentence was...uh... Cain *over loudspeaker*: Pointless and incomplete? Gary: Gaah! What was that? Baal: Right, that's what it was, thank's Cain.
A red carpet beneath his feet, he walked up to the table, the light of dozens of high up torches reflecting off his iron clad body.
Diablo: Ah, someone seems to have gilded the paladin. Gary: Gilding is only done with gold. Diablo: So, bite me. Baal: I thought that was Andarial's job? Diablo: Hey, you shut up about that!
He reached out to touch a plate, it was real.
Meph: As opposed to all those counterfeit plates floating around.
He reached for a bread roll and picked up, squeezing it. It wasn't plastic or wax.
Gary: Because if it was he wouldn't enjoy it as much?
He lifted it to his nostralls, and it smelled wonderfull. He nearly put it in his mouth when he remembered his earlier warnings about the chocolate.
Baal: *in paladin's voice* Johnny, don't eat so many sweets, it'll give you pimples.
He let the roll fall back to the table.
Gary: What did the roll ever do to him?!?
"Hmm. Good choice," a voice behind the paladin said. The paladin whirled around to face his advisory.
Diablo: A non-dumbass religion? Gary: Ah, he's a Hammerite then?
"Originally I was hoping you'd kill yourself with stupidity, but I guess I'll have to do it!"
Meph: Wait, how do you kill someone else with stupidity? Baal: Remember kids, don't drink and drive.
with that, Kermit sprang into the air, and the paladin lifted his sword to block.
Gary:...which made him look silly as Kermit just sat there hopping in place, minding his own business. ____________________
"You know, this was the same dungeon that once held the prince of Persia!" called Gonzo across the huge gap that separated him and the necromancer.
Diablo: What's sad is that our "entertainment system" couldn't even play THAT.
"Explains a lot," the necromancer replied, looking at the labyrinth like maze of plat forms and huge leaps of faith that made up the dungeon.
Baal: Leaps of faith? Maybe it should be the paladin in this room...
Gonzo smirked and flipped a switch and a platform dropped from it's cubby hole in the ceiling, crashing loudly, spanning the length of the gap.
Meph: Isn't a cubby hole a lot smaller than the size of a bridge?
"Let us begin!" Gonzo shouted, waving his bone wand and casting Amplify Damage on the necromancer and his minions.
Gary: Talk about a friendly enemy, he just helped the necro! Diablo: Uh, actually no, Amplify Damage actually increases the damage you RECEIVE, not DELIVER. Gary: Oh, sucky. ____________________
"Hi-ya!" called out Miss. Piggy as she performed a karate chop that sent the assassin reeling.
Baal: She was fishing? Diablo: Now Garrett, do you need to have the assassin explained to you? Gary: Oh, TRUST ME, I already know about assassins...
The assassin rebounded off a stout support column and charged at the lady pig, slashing at her with her claws.
Gary: Jeez, she needs a manicure.
The two martial arts masters squared off in a medium sized dojo, the place they felt most at home in.
Meph: So...what, are they going to settle down and raise chitlins in there or something? ____________________
The barbarian found himself in a large, cozy looking kitchen.
Meph: Doesn't that kind of go against itself? Gary: Not really, when you spend a lot of time in a cold and damp dungeon, even a large kitchen feels cozy.
There was a large hearth built into the side wall, with a plump goose roasting above a crackling fire.
Baal: Of course, it usually works better if you KILL the goose first... Meph: Since when?
The barbarian wandered over to a table, and picked up a bag of marshmallows, a box of graham crackers, and a stack of Hershey bars. He took his smores fixen's to the giant open fire place and was about to start roasting a marshmallow on the tip of his sword when all his new possessions were scattered on the floor by a thrown knife.
Diablo: Should we even ask why Smores exists in this story? Gary: For the same reason we have electricity in my realm?
"Yuoo cun't hefe-a thuse-a!" the Sweedish Chef yelled, brandishing a butchers knife in each hand.
Meph: I think that's called a cleaver, actually... Diablo: Cleaver? But I barely know 'er! Meph: That joke is so old... Baal: Like hell it is.
"You...you...you spill candy food! And you hurt whistly bone!" shouted the barbarian. He hefted up both his weapons and began a whirl wind attack on the Chef, as the Chef did the same towards him.
Gary: So I take it the Chef is a barbarian as well? Diablo: Very good, young grass hopper. Gary: So why is he one fourth the size? Diablo: WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT LOGIC?!? ____________________
"So we meet again, brother," the druid called across the small, damp cave.
Gary: Hey, the perfect conditions for growing mushrooms. Meph *smiling*: 'Shroooms... Gary: Uhh...forget I said anything.
"For the last time, seeing as how I'm going to kill you," growled Fozzie, as he took of his beanie cap and dusted it off before putting it back on. The druid shrugged and turned into a wolf and summoned an oak sage to prolong his life span. "Your little balloon won't save you, Wocka Wocka!" laughed the renegade.
Meph: You know, I really can't picture Fozzie saying that. Baal: I really can't picture you trying to figure out this story. ____________________
The sorceress ducked just as a fire bolt sailed directly through where her head used to be.
Gary: AHH! She's headless!
A high pitched, sinister laugh came from the caster, Elmo.
Gary: For the love of...how many of these little starter fights are we gonna have? Diablo: Until we crack...
"You'll pay for that!" the sorceress stated, her hair swirling behind her as she prepared a few spells of her own.
Baal *in sorceress voice*: Preheat the caldron to a nice boil, then add frog toenails and apple cider... Diablo *sighing retrospectively*: Yea, mom's home cooking was the best, wasn't it?
"Elmo loves to play! Hahaha!" Elmo informed her, before scuttling behind a tree to avoid return fire. The sorceress teleported past the tree so that she wouldn't have to travel there on foot,
Gary: All five feet, lazy witch...
but even as she did so, Elmo teleported to a branch up above her, and cast down a Frozen Orb. The sorceress gasped and jut barely managed to put up a Chilling Armor,
Diablo: And now we find ourselves in the Redundant Department of Redundancy. Gary: And I want to know what a 'jut' is.
sending a powerful Ice Bolt at Elmo for every one of his that touched her.
Baal: As best as I can remember, an Ice Bolt isn't really that powerful...
She teleported out of there behind a small hill and crouched, grinning with grim satisfaction as she heard Elmo scream in surprise and pain.
Meph: Ooo, kinky! Diablo: No more 'shroms before fanfics for you, young demon. Meph: Hey, I'm older than you are! Diablo: Well...than...just shut up. ____________________
"ANIMAL!" Animal shouted once more, sending another volley of arrows at the amazon. She dived behind yet another column,
All: Again, and again, and again...
praising them for protecting her and cursing them for doing the same for him.
Gary: Talk about a love-hate relationship. Baal: Isn't that where you love to hate somebody? Meph: I know I do! Being the Lord of Hatred rocks!
She was about to nock another arrow into the bow, but realized one of Animals randomly shot arrows had frayed the string beyond use. Disgusted, she threw the bow down. "AAAGHGHH! ANIMAL!" shouted Animal once more. "ANIMAL WIN!"
Gary: Call me a purist, but doesn't he have to hit her to win?
The amazon was puzzled for a second, then realized the sound of her bow dropping tricked Animal into thinking she had dripped it in death.
Baal: Dripped it in death? Ewwie, that's got to hurt...
Grinning, she pulled a spear out of the hilt in her back
All *looking shocked*: (0_0) Baal: Ohkay, I was wrong...THAT'S got to hurt...
and waited patiently for Animal to come and confirm his theory.
Diablo: I'm not sure you could call that a theory... Gary: I'm not sure you could call this a story...
____________________
The sorceress was teleporting back and forth from cover to cover, blasting spells at her attacker and teleporting again to avoid being hit
Meph: ...on.
. Her opponent was doing the same, making much of their match half
Baal: As exciting as watching a styrofoam cup decompose.
guesswork and half observation. It was also destroying much of the plant life in the sylvan glen they were combating in.
Diablo: Poor Sylvan, he's little garden is getting shredded.
The sorceress teleported up into a high tree that was partially smoking further down,
Baal: Doesn't the tree know that smoking is bad for it? Diablo: I'm pretty sure Mephisto doesn't... Meph: What's that supposed to mean? Baal: Dude, you smell like a tail pipe. Meph: Whoa, I bet that would be a great buzz...
and paused to let her mana regenerate.
Baal *As mana*: I...AM...ALIVE!
She breathed deeply, and looked out from the leaves and saw the faint glimmering of
Meph: More leaves!
continued teleporting, and saw various spells reek havoc
Diablo: Havoc, a new fragrance by Gillette. Baal: I want that one!
below her. She gradually became aware that Elmo had no idea where she was,
Gary: And neither did she.
and was working in a rage as his high pitched voice screamed "Die die die!" into the distance.
Meph *as the distance*: I can hear you dammit, shut up!
She would only have to wait until he stopped to regenerate his mana as well, and then she would have him.
Diablo: ...over for a nice lunch.
____________________
Gary: Remind me, why did the author think it would be good idea to have seven battles going on at the same time? Diablo: Probably to avoid boring the audience. Meph *waking up*: Uhhh...is it time to go yet? *snoring is heard from his seat* GAH! Cain*over loudspeaker*: Stay awake, or you'll get another electrical shock!
The barbarian was bleeding heavily,
Gary: For it was his first time shaving.
for while his heavy handed strokes could kill full grown oxen,
Baal: Assuming the oxen were on the brink of death before he came along, of course.
the Swedish Chef was much faster, and his blows were beginning to take effect.
Meph: Fast acting, long lasting pain! Diablo: Doesn't Andarial have the trademark to that?
One such slash landed directly unto the barbarian's fore arm,
Gary: As opposed to his hind arm, mind you.
causing the hand to jerk
Meph: Hehehe... *Both Diablo and Baal raise their hands to slap Mephisto*
and drop the weapon it was grasping. Howling in pain, the barbarian pimp slapped the Chef with his bare hand
Diablo: Whoz' yer' stupid big guy?!? Meph *sniveling*: You are... Diablo: Wha? Not you! I was talking to the fic!
, sending the Chef reeling
Meph: More fishing!
and stumbling, almost falling into the blazing hearth.
Gary: When did the fire start spreading? Diablo: It didn't say. Maybe the author doesn't know the difference between the hearth and the fireplace?
That gave the barbarian (against all odds) an
Meph: Idea.
idea.
Meph: Um....wow.
The huge muscle bound figure bellowed as loud as he could, the Howl causing the Chef to stumble back further, into the flames.
Diablo: But Howl doesn't knock you back, it causes the victim to be consumed by fear and makes them run away, but that doesn't explain why in his fear the chief decided to accidentally stumble backwards into the... Gary: Hey! What did you tell me about logic in these things?!?
____________________
The sorceress watched carefully from her nest, noting how much the fire below was beginning to crawl up the trunk of her tree.
All *singing*: The itsy bitty spider crawled up the water spout...
After several minutes, she
Gary: Started to get leg cramps. All Others: Wha? Gary: Hey, it get's difficult to stay crouched for so long.
finally saw that the constant teleporting had stopped, and that the last one she saw was at the entrance of a small cave.
Baal: How did she know how big the cave was if she's outside of it?
She Enchanted her crystal globe to cause burning damage
Diablo *as Ralph from The Simpsons*: It tasts like burning!
, then teleported down to the mouth of the cave, here mana still practically full even after the two spells.
Gary: That doesn't quite work...
She materialized in the cave, and saw Elmo bent over, hands on knees, panting.
All: Ew! Meph: Yech, I don't want to know what he was doing in the cave, nasty little muppet.
Before he could react, beyond saying, "What the @#$%..."
Diablo: Here, in a frank example of the author's maturity, is a bunch of random symbols. Baal: I think the fact we're dealing with Muppets proved the author's maturity long ago.
she ran forward and kicked him, causing him to fly upwards, strike the ceiling with his head, and fall back down to the ground with a loud "Ow!".
Gary: And he was expected to say...what?
She teleported over to where he landed, flicked his globe
Meph *flipping off the screen*: Right back at ya! Diablo: Mephisto, read that line again, please.
beyond his reached,
Gary: That was kind of an absurd tense shift.
grabbed him by the neck with her free hand, and pressed the globe into his stomach with the other.
Baal: Oh no, she's going to start tickling him.
"Ow! Get off me, you fat heifer!" screamed Elmo,
Gary: Um...If the sorceress is fat, what does that make someone who weighs over 110 pounds? Diablo: Healthy?
before the sorceress tightened her grip. The enchanted globe began to singe the hair on Elmo's body.
Meph: Ew, burnt hair.
"Where are my friends?" demanded the sorceress, loosening her grip to allow the small creature to
Baal: Simmer in a nice stew with skunk stench and fresh entrails. Diablo: Stop, you're making me Hungary!
speak.
"They are in the arena's...the winner is taken back to the place we started at..."
Meph: Woa, doesn't take much to get him to talk, eh?
Elmo screeched, kicking frantically and trying to push the globe away.
Baal: Um, this is kinda disturbing...
"Take me there!" the sorceress shouted, shaking Elmo like a
Diablo: Dirty hanky
rag doll. Without realizing it, she had regained her firmest grip
Gary *as firmest grip*: No! I was free! Free I tell you!
on Elmo's neck, and the lack of air caused the creature to slip into unconscious. The air melted
Meph: Oh that's not good, air is very hard to get out of the carpet, douncha' know?
around her and resolved into the shape of mason room they had left earlier.
Gary: Ok, that kinda sounded like the barbarian said it.
The amazon and barbarian were already there
Meph: ...In a passionate embrace! Cain *over loudspeaker*: This isn't that kind of story!
. She dropped Elmo's limp body and turned
Diablo: Him over to roast for another half hour.
to her companions, asking if they were alright.
"We're fine, but what of the others?" asked the amazon, hoping that
Gary: They were dead.
the sorceress had learned something that they hadn't.
Diablo: Like how to avoid getting a thong wedge while running.
"Elmo said that we were all sent to arena's, and that the winners would be returned here.
Meph: Oh, like we can trust everything that the red ball of pocket lint says.
Since there's only us, I guess that means the others are still fighting," the sorceress informed, casting heal spells on the other two.
Gary: Despite the fact that their both perfectly healthy.
"Pictures," the barbarian said suddenly.
Baal: Yes dear, anything else to add to that thought?
The other two looked at him
Gary: In disgust.
. It was the longest word he knew.
Diablo: No, the longest is, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Gary: Um, that was loud...ow...
"There. Rocks. With pictures," the barbarian clarified, waving his hand at the
Baal: Set of dominoes.
counter. The sorceress and amazon, with confused looks, wandered over and leaned over the counter,
Meph: Giving the barbarian quite a view...
and saw a set of runes embedded into side.
Gary: So then, the barbarian was just able to magically see a bunch of rocks on the other side of the counter, right? All others: Right.
"It's the command panel to the magic they've been using!" the sorceress exclaimed excitedly.
Diablo: God what a nerd.
She jumped the counter and frowned at the runes. "Drat, this really isn't my specialty. This is more of the necromancers deal..."
Baal: Just hit the "Off" button! Diablo: Oh, these things are never that simple. I bet in a few centuries, you'll have to hit a button labeled "Start" to turn something off. Meph: Get serious Diablo, who'd be that stupid? Diablo: Meh, maybe you're right. ____________________
At that moment, the two masters of the undead were dueling in the maze-like dungeon.
Gary: We missed the part where they slap each other with gloves.
Golems wrestled against skeletons, skeletons wrestled with more skeletons or fired spells, and even more skeletons
All: We get the idea!
climbed the walls from above and bellow to answer the calls of the men who
Diablo: Loved them.
summoned them. The necromancer and Gonzo themselves had hardly moved from their positions, focusing all their strength in
Gary: Holding their bladder.
curses, spells, and undead creatures. The battle continued to be waged
Baal: And taxed.
, and it was clear that the necromancer was on the bad end of things.
Gary *as the bad end of things*: Get off me! Get off me! Baal: Is that joke starting to get old? Diablo: Starting?
He didn't know how Gonzo was doing it, but he seemed to be
Gary: Cheating.
able to call forth almost twice as many skeletons, though they were quite a bit weaker.
Diablo: Well it's no wonder how he's doing it, dumbass. He hit the button labeled "Raise Skeleton" a lot and you hit the button labeled "Skeleton Mastery" a lot.
Finally, the necromancer had an idea.
All *singing*: Suicide is painless...
He charged forward,
Gary: Fell flat on his face... Diablo: ...Tripping up his fire golem... Meph: ...Which landed on him... Baal: ...And Gonzo went back to the main room! These things are so predictable.
twisting underneath the thrashings of his opponents fire golem,
Gary: Woa, were we right? Diablo: Doubtful. How many opponents does he have, exactly? Meph: Just a typo demon, relax. Diablo: Type Demon? I didn't know we had something like tha... Meph: Just a figure of speech, relax.
ducked under a swing from an enemy skeleton,
Baal: All he wanted was a hug!
and advanced on Gozmo.
Diablo: Who the hell? Gary: Might be another typo demon.
Gozmo, seeing his advanced,
Diablo: No it isn't, it's right there again. Gary: Maybe there's another weirdo in there... Baal: Seeing his advanced what, exactly? Meph: Something tells me you don't want to know...
drew his ceremonial dagger,
Gary: Why is he doing pictures at a time like this?
raised it above his head, and charged into the fray.
Meph: My, the fray must find that uncomfortable.
The necromancer ran at full speed, then leaped over Gonzo's head,
Diablo: And here's Gonzo again. I wonder what happened to the other guy.
tripped as he landed, fell, rolled, scrambled, and hit the switch that controlled the platform while still tumbling off of it.
Baal: Good reflexes...
The platform surged up immediately behind him, as Gonzo looked upwards in horror at the ceiling coming quickly to meet him.
Gary *gushing, ditzy ceiling*: Like, oh my gosh! It's really you! You are like, my total hero! ____________________
The necromancer appeared in the room they had sought to discover,
Diablo: But doesn't he still have to defeat Gozmo? Baal: Don't worry about it.
without his usual entourage of skeletons.
Baal: I hear on the set of the video game the Necromancer insisted on a trailer for all his skeletons and makeup artists. Diablo: Wouldn't be surprised. Gary: Makeup artists? Baal: Well, flour rangler, more like it.
He climbed to his feet unsteadily,
Meph: But finally made it to the top!
as he saw the sorceress stick her head up from behind the counter and say,
Gary *as sorceress*: I'm not feeling to well...
"Hey Necro, I need your help over here.
Meph *as sorceress*: Yes, I need you and your, uh, Bone Wand over here to help me... Cain *over loud speaker* That's enough, you dirty little boy. Come along, I've got a warp gate opened up between our world and Garrett's, you can say goodbye to him. *All exit, Garrett smiling in relief* 1;2;3;4;5;6;7
"So then, will this drop me off exactly where I was before?" Gary asked, peering into the shimmering blue light.
"No, I wasn't able to get an exact match," replied Cain, looking thoughtfully into the computer screen by his chair. "But I promise you won't get stuck in the middle of a wall or anything like that." Garrett nodded, turned, shook the hands...well, upper appendages of the Prime Evils, each in turn, a strange glint in his eye as he shook Diablo's hand.
"See you guy's , it's been fun!" the thief called, stepping into the portal to try again at stealing the artifact he had been searching for. ----------In a different realm--------
Garrett, a mere shadow in gloom, found himself in the middle a large, brightly lit foyer, nearly as surprised as the numerous guards standing near him. The thief quickly turned around, but the portal had already collapsed. "Son of a..." Garrett yelled, as eleven swords and four arrows were instantly trained on him. ----------Meanwhile--------
"Don't worry, I'm sure he's fine," replied Cain. "Tell you what, you can play Atari for a few hours before wrapping up the rest of the fic. The Prime Evils grinnend, turned on the system, and began taking turns manovering tiny little dots that were ment to represent something or other. Diablo looked down into his gigantic claw, smiling at the set of lock picks, with a note saying, "I thought you might need these more than I. - Garrett." ********************** I will shortly have the last (and rather brief) segment up, I just thought that this was dragging on rather long. But you know, Garrett isn't the only one who may step into an alternate realm, their may be others. If you have any request guest MiSTers, please email me at instant_feedback@yahoo.com , title the subject "MiSTery Guest", and tell me who you'd like! Well, you can title the subject anything you like, I imagine, but I ask you use that one so I know what you're talking about. Any other ideas, questions, requests, or flames can be sent to that address as well.
If you haven't a flaming clue who the Prime Evils are, well, sucks to be you. You can get a brief character description by going to www.elitegames.8m.com, and clicking on the appropriate link. Yes, I realize that's all my site really has on it at this time, don't remind me. I had server issues. Now go play.
--Gdog4evr
Fanfic Key: This is how the MiST is set up:
Outside Theatre: Third Person Story Mode
Inside Theatre (insert name here): = The heckler says this. *action*=Indicates a heckler doing something or how their saying something.
Story: The Prime Evils of Hell have been entrapped on a space ship and are being forced to read horrible fanfiction about their own realm. When we last left them, their warden, Deckard Cain, had allowed them to get some rest about halfway through their first Fanfic.
----------A few hours later--------
A guard was walking down the hallway, whistling to himself as he marched across the carpet. The carpet quieted his foot steps, a considerable feat considering his iron-soled boots. They also quieted the footsteps of the man behind him, and because of this the guard was unaware he was being followed until a heavy blow to the head left him unconscious. The dark figure responsible for said blow quickly hefted up the guard and put him in a dark corner where he wouldn't be noticed, than continued on his way.
The dark figure leaned around a bend in the hallway, listening to a couple more guards discuss the Hammarites. With a start, the dark figure realized they were headed towards him, then smiled as he removed his black jack and pressed himself against the wall.
"And so then I said, 'listen you taffer, I don't want a bloody pamphlet!'. And do you know what he said to me, do ya?" asked the first guard to the other, as they turned and started down the hall, leaving the light of the torch.
"No, what did he suuu," replied the second guard, slurring his last word as he slumped to the ground.
"You all right?" asked the first guard, before joining his companion. The dark figure smiled at his handy work, then took off down the hall and flew up a set of stairs. The dark figure quickly leapt on top of a rather decorative dresser and mantled his way up to a large window that surveyed the castle grounds. Taking out a small but powerful bow, he knocked a broadhead arrow into place and took careful aim. He let go of the string and watched as the arrow sailed over the heads of the guards at the front gate, into a window of a different tower, and hit the alarm switch. A loud siren went off, alerting the guards to a disturbance and sent them all chasing after the taffer that had broken in. The dark figure smiled and hopped down from his spot, hiding in a blanketing shadow as he watched two guards run past him.
Normally a good thief would not allow his presence to be known, and would certainly not announce it. But this thief thought it would be perfectly all right to do it just this once, since now all the guards in the castle were frantically running to the opposite end of the building he was in.
The thief continued to his destination and looked over at a panel of switches. He took out a piece of paper, and started to hit the switches in the order dictated by the parchment. He had gotten it off a rather drunk guard that a rare artifact of great value was carefully hidden, and could only be revealed with the appropriate combination switches. Further inquires to some trusted sources had lead him to the list he now held. As he pushed the last lever into place, a small cubbyhole opened across the room.
It is completely unrelated to the above facts that a man sized blue portal opened up in front of the cubby hole as the thief turned around. Briefly surprised, the dark figure managed to overcome his amazement at the security measures and went into the portal to claim his prize. ---------- The dark figure stepped through the blue portal into a brightly lit hallway, made almost entirely of metal. The thief froze, then whirled around to return to the dark castle, only to see the last of the portal collapse into itself. With no choice, the thief raced down the well illuminated corridors, searching for cover. With no map, his compass going haywire, and no form of landmarks, the thief quickly became lost. He pulled out a long sword and used it to pry open a door, after seeing that it provided no other means of opening. He slipped inside the comfortable dark room and closed the door behind him, and only then began to examine his surroundings.
The thief's sharp hearing picked up the sounds of breathing, and slowly he realized he was in some kind of sleeping quarters. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he could vaguely see the form of three beds stacked on top of each other. The top bunk was to high up for him to see, although he did notice some smoke that seemed to drift down from up there. The middle bunk was occupied by what appeared to be the breeding of a man and an insect, his legs dropping out of the bed and obscuring the last occupant. The thief knelt down to see into the last bunk, and saw a great demon like creature, clutching a small stuffed bear tightly to his chest.
The thief shook his head, briefly checked around for anything of value, and began to look around for an exit, preferably not the one he had come in through. Just as he was beginning to give up hope of escape, a loud orchestra of bells and whistles screeched into the apparent night, as bright flashes of color exploded into the room, temporarily blinding the thief as he stumbled back.
A panel on the wall slid away revealing a viewing screen, and the image of an old man suddenly appeared.
"Wakey wakey, my little darlings," the old man drawled, looking malevolently at the demons being spurred to reality.
"Jeez Cain, can't you give it a rest? What time is it?" Baal asked, slapping a tentacle over his eyes.
"Time for you to read more bad fan fiction, now let's ... Who, in the name of Bill Roper, are you?" asked Cain suddenly, directing his comment at the dark figure trying to get the hell out.
The thief froze, his brain working overtime to come up with an explanation. He whirled around and gave Cain a gigantic fake smile. "Hello sir, I'm selling these fine leather jackets, and perhaps you'd like to be the first on your block to..."
"Shut it," Cain replied, looking over at something off screen. "It says a time/space rift has dumped you on our little space ship. How lovely. Since you're here, you can make fun of the story with the rest of these clowns. Now get moving!"
"What the heck is going on here?" demanded the thief, looking shocked and outraged as Diablo and Mephisto grabbed him.
"We'll explain in a moment, right now..." began Diablo.
"We've got FANFIC SIGN!" the Prime Evils chorused together.
7,6,5,4,3,2,1;
*The Prime Evils drag the thief into the theatre and sit him down next to Meph* Diablo: What's your name, human? Thief: Garrett, and what the heck is going on with this thing? Baal: Uh, crappy story appears on screen, we mock it. Get it? Garry: Got it. Baal: Good. Cain *over loudspeaker, doing an impression of Boris from the Bullwinkle Show* Shadup your mouf! The story's starting!
The amazon dropped to her feet and leapt to the side, seeking cover next a stone column. She cast sharp glances to each side and noticed that there was a long row of columns, most of them round or at least roundish, every ten feet or so. Directly infront of her was a stone wall made of mortar. She peered over the side of the column she was hiding behind and saw that the entire vast room was filled with stone columns, in a perfectly symmetrical pattern.
Garry: What the heck is going on? Diablo: Uh, all the character classes are apparently being forced to duel the muppets. Gary: Character classes? Meph: Just watch. Gary: Fine, just tell me what an amazon is then. She must be able to view the room from the ceiling to be able to tell the pattern of the columns.
She knocked an arrow into the bow and pulled back slightly, ready to shoot if necessary.
Meph: Because there's a whole list of other reasons why she would do this.
She ducked back behind the column as a fire arrow sailed by her head and exploded into the column near her.
Gary: Wait, with how the room's built, shouldn't it have kept going or something? Diablo: Let me give you some free advice: Take whatever hopes and dreams you may have for the spelling, grammar, and logic for these stories, and throw them out the window.
"ANIMAL!!" a savage voice called, echoing all around the stone and mortar room.
Baal: Reminds me of a Toga Party I once went to...
The amazon grimaced and ran out into the open,
Gary: What opening? It just said the entire room was... Diablo: What did I JUST tell you?
pulled the shaft of the arrow back, spotted the red haired beast several dozen yards away from her, and let the arrow fly before diving behind the next column.
Gary: You will notice, gentlemen, that she didn't bother AIMING at the red haired beast, just let the arrow fly. ____________________
The paladin looked around himself, he was standing in a grand dining hall.
Meph *In paladin's voice* This is the best McDonalds ever!
A well decorated table with several candles illuminating several platters of food.
Baal: Not to sounds like Cain, but I think that sentence was...uh... Cain *over loudspeaker*: Pointless and incomplete? Gary: Gaah! What was that? Baal: Right, that's what it was, thank's Cain.
A red carpet beneath his feet, he walked up to the table, the light of dozens of high up torches reflecting off his iron clad body.
Diablo: Ah, someone seems to have gilded the paladin. Gary: Gilding is only done with gold. Diablo: So, bite me. Baal: I thought that was Andarial's job? Diablo: Hey, you shut up about that!
He reached out to touch a plate, it was real.
Meph: As opposed to all those counterfeit plates floating around.
He reached for a bread roll and picked up, squeezing it. It wasn't plastic or wax.
Gary: Because if it was he wouldn't enjoy it as much?
He lifted it to his nostralls, and it smelled wonderfull. He nearly put it in his mouth when he remembered his earlier warnings about the chocolate.
Baal: *in paladin's voice* Johnny, don't eat so many sweets, it'll give you pimples.
He let the roll fall back to the table.
Gary: What did the roll ever do to him?!?
"Hmm. Good choice," a voice behind the paladin said. The paladin whirled around to face his advisory.
Diablo: A non-dumbass religion? Gary: Ah, he's a Hammerite then?
"Originally I was hoping you'd kill yourself with stupidity, but I guess I'll have to do it!"
Meph: Wait, how do you kill someone else with stupidity? Baal: Remember kids, don't drink and drive.
with that, Kermit sprang into the air, and the paladin lifted his sword to block.
Gary:...which made him look silly as Kermit just sat there hopping in place, minding his own business. ____________________
"You know, this was the same dungeon that once held the prince of Persia!" called Gonzo across the huge gap that separated him and the necromancer.
Diablo: What's sad is that our "entertainment system" couldn't even play THAT.
"Explains a lot," the necromancer replied, looking at the labyrinth like maze of plat forms and huge leaps of faith that made up the dungeon.
Baal: Leaps of faith? Maybe it should be the paladin in this room...
Gonzo smirked and flipped a switch and a platform dropped from it's cubby hole in the ceiling, crashing loudly, spanning the length of the gap.
Meph: Isn't a cubby hole a lot smaller than the size of a bridge?
"Let us begin!" Gonzo shouted, waving his bone wand and casting Amplify Damage on the necromancer and his minions.
Gary: Talk about a friendly enemy, he just helped the necro! Diablo: Uh, actually no, Amplify Damage actually increases the damage you RECEIVE, not DELIVER. Gary: Oh, sucky. ____________________
"Hi-ya!" called out Miss. Piggy as she performed a karate chop that sent the assassin reeling.
Baal: She was fishing? Diablo: Now Garrett, do you need to have the assassin explained to you? Gary: Oh, TRUST ME, I already know about assassins...
The assassin rebounded off a stout support column and charged at the lady pig, slashing at her with her claws.
Gary: Jeez, she needs a manicure.
The two martial arts masters squared off in a medium sized dojo, the place they felt most at home in.
Meph: So...what, are they going to settle down and raise chitlins in there or something? ____________________
The barbarian found himself in a large, cozy looking kitchen.
Meph: Doesn't that kind of go against itself? Gary: Not really, when you spend a lot of time in a cold and damp dungeon, even a large kitchen feels cozy.
There was a large hearth built into the side wall, with a plump goose roasting above a crackling fire.
Baal: Of course, it usually works better if you KILL the goose first... Meph: Since when?
The barbarian wandered over to a table, and picked up a bag of marshmallows, a box of graham crackers, and a stack of Hershey bars. He took his smores fixen's to the giant open fire place and was about to start roasting a marshmallow on the tip of his sword when all his new possessions were scattered on the floor by a thrown knife.
Diablo: Should we even ask why Smores exists in this story? Gary: For the same reason we have electricity in my realm?
"Yuoo cun't hefe-a thuse-a!" the Sweedish Chef yelled, brandishing a butchers knife in each hand.
Meph: I think that's called a cleaver, actually... Diablo: Cleaver? But I barely know 'er! Meph: That joke is so old... Baal: Like hell it is.
"You...you...you spill candy food! And you hurt whistly bone!" shouted the barbarian. He hefted up both his weapons and began a whirl wind attack on the Chef, as the Chef did the same towards him.
Gary: So I take it the Chef is a barbarian as well? Diablo: Very good, young grass hopper. Gary: So why is he one fourth the size? Diablo: WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT LOGIC?!? ____________________
"So we meet again, brother," the druid called across the small, damp cave.
Gary: Hey, the perfect conditions for growing mushrooms. Meph *smiling*: 'Shroooms... Gary: Uhh...forget I said anything.
"For the last time, seeing as how I'm going to kill you," growled Fozzie, as he took of his beanie cap and dusted it off before putting it back on. The druid shrugged and turned into a wolf and summoned an oak sage to prolong his life span. "Your little balloon won't save you, Wocka Wocka!" laughed the renegade.
Meph: You know, I really can't picture Fozzie saying that. Baal: I really can't picture you trying to figure out this story. ____________________
The sorceress ducked just as a fire bolt sailed directly through where her head used to be.
Gary: AHH! She's headless!
A high pitched, sinister laugh came from the caster, Elmo.
Gary: For the love of...how many of these little starter fights are we gonna have? Diablo: Until we crack...
"You'll pay for that!" the sorceress stated, her hair swirling behind her as she prepared a few spells of her own.
Baal *in sorceress voice*: Preheat the caldron to a nice boil, then add frog toenails and apple cider... Diablo *sighing retrospectively*: Yea, mom's home cooking was the best, wasn't it?
"Elmo loves to play! Hahaha!" Elmo informed her, before scuttling behind a tree to avoid return fire. The sorceress teleported past the tree so that she wouldn't have to travel there on foot,
Gary: All five feet, lazy witch...
but even as she did so, Elmo teleported to a branch up above her, and cast down a Frozen Orb. The sorceress gasped and jut barely managed to put up a Chilling Armor,
Diablo: And now we find ourselves in the Redundant Department of Redundancy. Gary: And I want to know what a 'jut' is.
sending a powerful Ice Bolt at Elmo for every one of his that touched her.
Baal: As best as I can remember, an Ice Bolt isn't really that powerful...
She teleported out of there behind a small hill and crouched, grinning with grim satisfaction as she heard Elmo scream in surprise and pain.
Meph: Ooo, kinky! Diablo: No more 'shroms before fanfics for you, young demon. Meph: Hey, I'm older than you are! Diablo: Well...than...just shut up. ____________________
"ANIMAL!" Animal shouted once more, sending another volley of arrows at the amazon. She dived behind yet another column,
All: Again, and again, and again...
praising them for protecting her and cursing them for doing the same for him.
Gary: Talk about a love-hate relationship. Baal: Isn't that where you love to hate somebody? Meph: I know I do! Being the Lord of Hatred rocks!
She was about to nock another arrow into the bow, but realized one of Animals randomly shot arrows had frayed the string beyond use. Disgusted, she threw the bow down. "AAAGHGHH! ANIMAL!" shouted Animal once more. "ANIMAL WIN!"
Gary: Call me a purist, but doesn't he have to hit her to win?
The amazon was puzzled for a second, then realized the sound of her bow dropping tricked Animal into thinking she had dripped it in death.
Baal: Dripped it in death? Ewwie, that's got to hurt...
Grinning, she pulled a spear out of the hilt in her back
All *looking shocked*: (0_0) Baal: Ohkay, I was wrong...THAT'S got to hurt...
and waited patiently for Animal to come and confirm his theory.
Diablo: I'm not sure you could call that a theory... Gary: I'm not sure you could call this a story...
____________________
The sorceress was teleporting back and forth from cover to cover, blasting spells at her attacker and teleporting again to avoid being hit
Meph: ...on.
. Her opponent was doing the same, making much of their match half
Baal: As exciting as watching a styrofoam cup decompose.
guesswork and half observation. It was also destroying much of the plant life in the sylvan glen they were combating in.
Diablo: Poor Sylvan, he's little garden is getting shredded.
The sorceress teleported up into a high tree that was partially smoking further down,
Baal: Doesn't the tree know that smoking is bad for it? Diablo: I'm pretty sure Mephisto doesn't... Meph: What's that supposed to mean? Baal: Dude, you smell like a tail pipe. Meph: Whoa, I bet that would be a great buzz...
and paused to let her mana regenerate.
Baal *As mana*: I...AM...ALIVE!
She breathed deeply, and looked out from the leaves and saw the faint glimmering of
Meph: More leaves!
continued teleporting, and saw various spells reek havoc
Diablo: Havoc, a new fragrance by Gillette. Baal: I want that one!
below her. She gradually became aware that Elmo had no idea where she was,
Gary: And neither did she.
and was working in a rage as his high pitched voice screamed "Die die die!" into the distance.
Meph *as the distance*: I can hear you dammit, shut up!
She would only have to wait until he stopped to regenerate his mana as well, and then she would have him.
Diablo: ...over for a nice lunch.
____________________
Gary: Remind me, why did the author think it would be good idea to have seven battles going on at the same time? Diablo: Probably to avoid boring the audience. Meph *waking up*: Uhhh...is it time to go yet? *snoring is heard from his seat* GAH! Cain*over loudspeaker*: Stay awake, or you'll get another electrical shock!
The barbarian was bleeding heavily,
Gary: For it was his first time shaving.
for while his heavy handed strokes could kill full grown oxen,
Baal: Assuming the oxen were on the brink of death before he came along, of course.
the Swedish Chef was much faster, and his blows were beginning to take effect.
Meph: Fast acting, long lasting pain! Diablo: Doesn't Andarial have the trademark to that?
One such slash landed directly unto the barbarian's fore arm,
Gary: As opposed to his hind arm, mind you.
causing the hand to jerk
Meph: Hehehe... *Both Diablo and Baal raise their hands to slap Mephisto*
and drop the weapon it was grasping. Howling in pain, the barbarian pimp slapped the Chef with his bare hand
Diablo: Whoz' yer' stupid big guy?!? Meph *sniveling*: You are... Diablo: Wha? Not you! I was talking to the fic!
, sending the Chef reeling
Meph: More fishing!
and stumbling, almost falling into the blazing hearth.
Gary: When did the fire start spreading? Diablo: It didn't say. Maybe the author doesn't know the difference between the hearth and the fireplace?
That gave the barbarian (against all odds) an
Meph: Idea.
idea.
Meph: Um....wow.
The huge muscle bound figure bellowed as loud as he could, the Howl causing the Chef to stumble back further, into the flames.
Diablo: But Howl doesn't knock you back, it causes the victim to be consumed by fear and makes them run away, but that doesn't explain why in his fear the chief decided to accidentally stumble backwards into the... Gary: Hey! What did you tell me about logic in these things?!?
____________________
The sorceress watched carefully from her nest, noting how much the fire below was beginning to crawl up the trunk of her tree.
All *singing*: The itsy bitty spider crawled up the water spout...
After several minutes, she
Gary: Started to get leg cramps. All Others: Wha? Gary: Hey, it get's difficult to stay crouched for so long.
finally saw that the constant teleporting had stopped, and that the last one she saw was at the entrance of a small cave.
Baal: How did she know how big the cave was if she's outside of it?
She Enchanted her crystal globe to cause burning damage
Diablo *as Ralph from The Simpsons*: It tasts like burning!
, then teleported down to the mouth of the cave, here mana still practically full even after the two spells.
Gary: That doesn't quite work...
She materialized in the cave, and saw Elmo bent over, hands on knees, panting.
All: Ew! Meph: Yech, I don't want to know what he was doing in the cave, nasty little muppet.
Before he could react, beyond saying, "What the @#$%..."
Diablo: Here, in a frank example of the author's maturity, is a bunch of random symbols. Baal: I think the fact we're dealing with Muppets proved the author's maturity long ago.
she ran forward and kicked him, causing him to fly upwards, strike the ceiling with his head, and fall back down to the ground with a loud "Ow!".
Gary: And he was expected to say...what?
She teleported over to where he landed, flicked his globe
Meph *flipping off the screen*: Right back at ya! Diablo: Mephisto, read that line again, please.
beyond his reached,
Gary: That was kind of an absurd tense shift.
grabbed him by the neck with her free hand, and pressed the globe into his stomach with the other.
Baal: Oh no, she's going to start tickling him.
"Ow! Get off me, you fat heifer!" screamed Elmo,
Gary: Um...If the sorceress is fat, what does that make someone who weighs over 110 pounds? Diablo: Healthy?
before the sorceress tightened her grip. The enchanted globe began to singe the hair on Elmo's body.
Meph: Ew, burnt hair.
"Where are my friends?" demanded the sorceress, loosening her grip to allow the small creature to
Baal: Simmer in a nice stew with skunk stench and fresh entrails. Diablo: Stop, you're making me Hungary!
speak.
"They are in the arena's...the winner is taken back to the place we started at..."
Meph: Woa, doesn't take much to get him to talk, eh?
Elmo screeched, kicking frantically and trying to push the globe away.
Baal: Um, this is kinda disturbing...
"Take me there!" the sorceress shouted, shaking Elmo like a
Diablo: Dirty hanky
rag doll. Without realizing it, she had regained her firmest grip
Gary *as firmest grip*: No! I was free! Free I tell you!
on Elmo's neck, and the lack of air caused the creature to slip into unconscious. The air melted
Meph: Oh that's not good, air is very hard to get out of the carpet, douncha' know?
around her and resolved into the shape of mason room they had left earlier.
Gary: Ok, that kinda sounded like the barbarian said it.
The amazon and barbarian were already there
Meph: ...In a passionate embrace! Cain *over loudspeaker*: This isn't that kind of story!
. She dropped Elmo's limp body and turned
Diablo: Him over to roast for another half hour.
to her companions, asking if they were alright.
"We're fine, but what of the others?" asked the amazon, hoping that
Gary: They were dead.
the sorceress had learned something that they hadn't.
Diablo: Like how to avoid getting a thong wedge while running.
"Elmo said that we were all sent to arena's, and that the winners would be returned here.
Meph: Oh, like we can trust everything that the red ball of pocket lint says.
Since there's only us, I guess that means the others are still fighting," the sorceress informed, casting heal spells on the other two.
Gary: Despite the fact that their both perfectly healthy.
"Pictures," the barbarian said suddenly.
Baal: Yes dear, anything else to add to that thought?
The other two looked at him
Gary: In disgust.
. It was the longest word he knew.
Diablo: No, the longest is, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Gary: Um, that was loud...ow...
"There. Rocks. With pictures," the barbarian clarified, waving his hand at the
Baal: Set of dominoes.
counter. The sorceress and amazon, with confused looks, wandered over and leaned over the counter,
Meph: Giving the barbarian quite a view...
and saw a set of runes embedded into side.
Gary: So then, the barbarian was just able to magically see a bunch of rocks on the other side of the counter, right? All others: Right.
"It's the command panel to the magic they've been using!" the sorceress exclaimed excitedly.
Diablo: God what a nerd.
She jumped the counter and frowned at the runes. "Drat, this really isn't my specialty. This is more of the necromancers deal..."
Baal: Just hit the "Off" button! Diablo: Oh, these things are never that simple. I bet in a few centuries, you'll have to hit a button labeled "Start" to turn something off. Meph: Get serious Diablo, who'd be that stupid? Diablo: Meh, maybe you're right. ____________________
At that moment, the two masters of the undead were dueling in the maze-like dungeon.
Gary: We missed the part where they slap each other with gloves.
Golems wrestled against skeletons, skeletons wrestled with more skeletons or fired spells, and even more skeletons
All: We get the idea!
climbed the walls from above and bellow to answer the calls of the men who
Diablo: Loved them.
summoned them. The necromancer and Gonzo themselves had hardly moved from their positions, focusing all their strength in
Gary: Holding their bladder.
curses, spells, and undead creatures. The battle continued to be waged
Baal: And taxed.
, and it was clear that the necromancer was on the bad end of things.
Gary *as the bad end of things*: Get off me! Get off me! Baal: Is that joke starting to get old? Diablo: Starting?
He didn't know how Gonzo was doing it, but he seemed to be
Gary: Cheating.
able to call forth almost twice as many skeletons, though they were quite a bit weaker.
Diablo: Well it's no wonder how he's doing it, dumbass. He hit the button labeled "Raise Skeleton" a lot and you hit the button labeled "Skeleton Mastery" a lot.
Finally, the necromancer had an idea.
All *singing*: Suicide is painless...
He charged forward,
Gary: Fell flat on his face... Diablo: ...Tripping up his fire golem... Meph: ...Which landed on him... Baal: ...And Gonzo went back to the main room! These things are so predictable.
twisting underneath the thrashings of his opponents fire golem,
Gary: Woa, were we right? Diablo: Doubtful. How many opponents does he have, exactly? Meph: Just a typo demon, relax. Diablo: Type Demon? I didn't know we had something like tha... Meph: Just a figure of speech, relax.
ducked under a swing from an enemy skeleton,
Baal: All he wanted was a hug!
and advanced on Gozmo.
Diablo: Who the hell? Gary: Might be another typo demon.
Gozmo, seeing his advanced,
Diablo: No it isn't, it's right there again. Gary: Maybe there's another weirdo in there... Baal: Seeing his advanced what, exactly? Meph: Something tells me you don't want to know...
drew his ceremonial dagger,
Gary: Why is he doing pictures at a time like this?
raised it above his head, and charged into the fray.
Meph: My, the fray must find that uncomfortable.
The necromancer ran at full speed, then leaped over Gonzo's head,
Diablo: And here's Gonzo again. I wonder what happened to the other guy.
tripped as he landed, fell, rolled, scrambled, and hit the switch that controlled the platform while still tumbling off of it.
Baal: Good reflexes...
The platform surged up immediately behind him, as Gonzo looked upwards in horror at the ceiling coming quickly to meet him.
Gary *gushing, ditzy ceiling*: Like, oh my gosh! It's really you! You are like, my total hero! ____________________
The necromancer appeared in the room they had sought to discover,
Diablo: But doesn't he still have to defeat Gozmo? Baal: Don't worry about it.
without his usual entourage of skeletons.
Baal: I hear on the set of the video game the Necromancer insisted on a trailer for all his skeletons and makeup artists. Diablo: Wouldn't be surprised. Gary: Makeup artists? Baal: Well, flour rangler, more like it.
He climbed to his feet unsteadily,
Meph: But finally made it to the top!
as he saw the sorceress stick her head up from behind the counter and say,
Gary *as sorceress*: I'm not feeling to well...
"Hey Necro, I need your help over here.
Meph *as sorceress*: Yes, I need you and your, uh, Bone Wand over here to help me... Cain *over loud speaker* That's enough, you dirty little boy. Come along, I've got a warp gate opened up between our world and Garrett's, you can say goodbye to him. *All exit, Garrett smiling in relief* 1;2;3;4;5;6;7
"So then, will this drop me off exactly where I was before?" Gary asked, peering into the shimmering blue light.
"No, I wasn't able to get an exact match," replied Cain, looking thoughtfully into the computer screen by his chair. "But I promise you won't get stuck in the middle of a wall or anything like that." Garrett nodded, turned, shook the hands...well, upper appendages of the Prime Evils, each in turn, a strange glint in his eye as he shook Diablo's hand.
"See you guy's , it's been fun!" the thief called, stepping into the portal to try again at stealing the artifact he had been searching for. ----------In a different realm--------
Garrett, a mere shadow in gloom, found himself in the middle a large, brightly lit foyer, nearly as surprised as the numerous guards standing near him. The thief quickly turned around, but the portal had already collapsed. "Son of a..." Garrett yelled, as eleven swords and four arrows were instantly trained on him. ----------Meanwhile--------
"Don't worry, I'm sure he's fine," replied Cain. "Tell you what, you can play Atari for a few hours before wrapping up the rest of the fic. The Prime Evils grinnend, turned on the system, and began taking turns manovering tiny little dots that were ment to represent something or other. Diablo looked down into his gigantic claw, smiling at the set of lock picks, with a note saying, "I thought you might need these more than I. - Garrett." ********************** I will shortly have the last (and rather brief) segment up, I just thought that this was dragging on rather long. But you know, Garrett isn't the only one who may step into an alternate realm, their may be others. If you have any request guest MiSTers, please email me at instant_feedback@yahoo.com , title the subject "MiSTery Guest", and tell me who you'd like! Well, you can title the subject anything you like, I imagine, but I ask you use that one so I know what you're talking about. Any other ideas, questions, requests, or flames can be sent to that address as well.
If you haven't a flaming clue who the Prime Evils are, well, sucks to be you. You can get a brief character description by going to www.elitegames.8m.com, and clicking on the appropriate link. Yes, I realize that's all my site really has on it at this time, don't remind me. I had server issues. Now go play.
--Gdog4evr