Wakeful - Part 4
by Goz
Disclaimer: I own some merchandise. But I don't own any of the characters or anything...
-
Part 4: Black Mareep
-
Brock turned to Fess slowly. "Fess... what was *that* about?"
"Beats me," she said, shrugging, then turned and gestured commandingly at the Quagsire with a Poke Ball. "Return a'fore ya get in more trouble." The Quagsire looked furiously indignant, but obeyed anyway.
"Um, no. You've got some guy thinking that Kwa belonged to him. You did *something*," Brock informed her on no uncertain terms, looking cross.
Golem, deciding that this didn't concern him, started to lumber off. "DON'T STEP ON THE PLANTS!" someone ordered from the kitchen. Golem half-turned to glare at the window, then executed an improbable leap out of the recessed garden and onto the grass, causing a marked lack of ground-shaking.
Fess laid her hand over her heart, looking deeply wounded. "Wha, ya suspect me of somehow provokin' a maniac ta thinkin' he owned Kwa? Whadya think I did, ran inta his Quagsire while I wuz at Cornflower River with Kwa, found out that they were old friends an' that the guy's Quagsire was allergic ta humans, and paid a Mr. Mime wit' a car a copy of "The Interpretation of Dreams" ta take the Quagsire ta Mt. Silver, but the guy wasn't very smart and thought Kwa wuz his 'cuz Kwa snored like the other one when the Wigglytuff herd put him ta sleep -"
"*No.* I don't think *that*," Brock interrupted impatiently. "I -"
"Okay, then," said Fess cheerfully, putting her hands in her pockets and wandering off around the house again. Brock followed her frustratedly. Ash and Pikachu glanced at each other, shrugged, and followed.
"I *do* think that you might have told a story like that about Kwa, and some part of it somehow turned out to be true -"
"Yeah, he's got a pretty generic snore," she agreed cheerfully as she kicked open the door. Ash noticed that the Poke Ball she had put in her pocket was shaking - the Quagsire must have changed his mind about being put away.
Pikachu shook his head and ran off towards Brock's living room, where Daisy could be heard continuing her complaining. Ash briefly wished the maniac had wanted a battle so he could have delayed explaining why *he* was the one who got to catch the mysterious Pokemon in Ecruteak.
"Fess -"
"Hey, Renee," Fess said, walking into the kitchen. The young woman stirring the pot of soup and brushing a dozing Growlithe simultaneously was definitely the one Ash remembered as Renee. "Is Devon 'round? Found that Pokemon 'e's been lookin' for."
"A Vulpix with Faint Attack? He's here, but - you see, he caught one himself, a couple months ago, but it got stolen by Team Rocket last week. So he might not want yours -"
"I saved th' day, then, didn't I? Team Rocket attack'd me fer th' Pokemon I caught, and one've 'em dropped this Vulpix's Poke Ball."
"Really?" Renee spun around, smiling in surprise. "You got it from Team Rocket? What was it you caught, anyway?"
"Mew. He was payin' me ta help him destroy Team Rocket's Master Ball factory - breakin' inta their headquarters for him, see - but I tricked him and used th' Master Ball I got from Ted on him." Renee nodded solemnly. Ash gave Brock an uncertain look - Brock shrugged helplessly. "But I let him go and did it anyway 'cuz I thought it'd be funny. And after he wuz done wit' Team Rocket, he teleported off somewhere, and I taught Pry Teleport wit' a TM he told me where ta steal from the headquarters and followed him, an' I saw an emotionally disturbed psychic guy catch 'im and threaten 'im in the Master Ball, so I stole the ball so I could make fun've him 'bout it."
"I see," said Renee, taking the profferred Poke Ball Fess and running it through her Pokedex. The Growlithe growled at the ball. "This is Devon's Vulpix, all right -"
"No kidding!" said Brock, surprised.
"What, doncha trust me?" asked Fess.
"- that has to be the meanest thing you've ever come up with, by the way," continued Renee absently, patting the ball and putting her Pokedex back in her apron pocket. Brock looked at Ash mildly indignantly when he exhaled in relief.
"Thanks."
"You're welcome." Renee looked abruptly back at the Growlithe, who was waving his paw anxiously at the bubbling soup and whining. She placed the handle of the spoon in the obedient puppy's teeth and instructed him sternly, "You watch the soup while I bring Aidie to Devon at the gym. I'll just be gone about ten minutes - don't let it burn." The Growlithe nodded solemnly and climbed onto a breadbox of pasta to stir the pot.
Renee nodded and looked up, seeming to notice Ash and Brock for the first time. "Oh - hello, Mr. Ketchum. Misty and her sisters were worried you'd gotten lost - they're in the living room with Vickie. Brock, Ted dropped by with the HP Ups you ordered, but I think Eugene took them to gamble with battling that Chad kid."
"Thanks, I'll strangle him later. Hold still, Fess -" Brock chased her out into the hallway, and Ash followed, unable to think of anything else to do.
"Mind 'f I show Daisy muh new Weedle?"
"*Yes.*"
"I'm the League Champion - go ahead," said Ash magnanimously.
"Well, now I don' wanna do it," complained Fess, turning and crossing her arms. "Ya jus' ruined it. Jerk."
"*What was that about a Weedle?*" someone shrieked. Vickie ran out the door and held out her hands, eyes bright and malevolent.
"Quick, give me the Waddle before they escape - URGLE!" A Starmie had rolled into the doorway and Hydro Pumped her, knocking her to the floor. Ash and Brock jumped backwards to avoid being sprayed, and Fess flattened herself against the wall.
"You meanie. Ya know what happens ta people like you, doncha?"
"We get Water Pumped by Starches," grumbled Vickie, trying to wringing out both her sleeves at once as she stalked ineffectively away.
"*Hydro Pumped* by *Starmies*!" corrected Misty sharply as she picked up her Pokemon and patted it consolingly. "Starches... you know, Brock, I don't think you have a single sane sibling!"
"Yer definitely *not* a black kettle."
"Oh, no, it's, like, *her* again!" wailed Daisy, coming up behind Misty.
"Have - no, you, like, *haven't*, like, done anything about your, like, hair yet," observed Violet poisonously. Misty nervously began to back away - Ash wasn't sure whether it was because of the Caterpie on the wall or her sisters.
Daisy continued, "Or, like, found any clothes that, like, *fit* -"
"Catch," said Fess, tossing her the Caterpie.
"*Eeeeeeek!*" Daisy flinched backwards violently, desperately trying to shake the Caterpie off of her hands. Violet dove behind a chair, looking terrified. "*Get RID of it!*"
Misty glanced at the ceiling, too embarrassed to be afraid. "Uh... Starmie, use Water Gun, please..."
"Yer gonna mess up th' Caterpie's clothes -"
"WAAAAAAAAAAH! MIIIIIIIIIISTY!" Daisy jumped up, staring tearfully down at her soaked clothing - Brock looked away, blushing. Violet seized the moment, pointing furiously at Fess. "You didn't say SHE was going to go with us!"
"Gosh, I didn't?" said Misty, startled. "I could've sworn -"
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! Make her LEEEEEEAVE!"
"I live here."
"I'm not goin' if she's gonna be theeeeere!" shrieked Daisy.
"But I'm th' Pokemon -" Daisy fled past the stammering Brock and Ash. Violet followed, shooting Misty a disgusted look. Ash tactfully contained his snickering until they were gone.
Brock turned to follow them, then gave up. "Fess..." he asked slowly, "Why did you do that?"
"I get real mad when people make fun've my hair. Tha's why they call me "Get's Mad When Peopl' Make Fun've 'er Hair"," Fess explained as she transferred the dazed Caterpie back to the wall. Ash wondered how it had gotten this far into the house without help.
"Who calls you *that*?"
"Dunno. I do."
"Okay, go to your room!" snapped Brock, unable to think of any other response.
"I can't. Some'un turned it inta Eugene's since I left."
"Then go to *Eugene's* room."
"I can't. I'm actually Devon in disguise, and he's not 'llowed in there. 'sides that, I've got more weirdos to upset t'day. Hey -" she asked Ash without a pause, "Isn' Gary Oak the only one qualified ta catch th' thing in Ecruteak now?"
Ash gritted his teeth. "No. The *League Champion* -"
"But th' radio said Oak jus' beat you. Real bad, too."
"According to *someone's* interpretation, that won't go through for three days," said Misty, sitting down cautiously on the damp couch.
"And until then, I *am* the League Champion!" cried Ash, brandishing a Poke Ball. Pikachu shocked his foot.
Brock frowned as he used a cushion to mop up the puddle Starmie had left on an end table. "That's not the way I read it -"
"Three falcons, towering in their pride of place, were by a mousing owl hawked at and killed!"
"That's nice," said Brock politely. Ted nodded seriously.
"Three?" asked Fess.
"Well, they're all in the same *place*," said Ted, surprised.
"Uh-huh. Think yuh read it wrong. Anythin' else?" Ted shook his head and walked out the way he had come.
Ash and Misty blinked, mildly stunned. "Is *he* related to you, too?" asked Misty, glancing at the door nervously as though expecting another lunatic to follow.
"You have quite a supply of insane people around here," Ash observed at the same time.
"Mad," corrected Fess, who never stopped smiling.
"No, no. He runs the Poke Mart," said Brock, waving a hand in annoyance. "But *someone* gave him permission to wander in whenever he wants - due to something relating to an ancient curse and evil green Clefairies with bells around their necks and nickel in the walls - Fess, you are not going to Ecruteak."
"Really? Ya sure 'bout that? I don' think I gotta be anywhere - lemme check muh schedule. Hey, Pry, am I s'posed to be anywhere?" Fess asked her Pokedex. An image of flames and bobbing pitchforks appeared in the air. "But I'm Presbyterian -"
"Fess. No. Go pull bricks out of old buildings by yourself -" Ash and Misty stared at Brock. "Or whatever it is you do now," he finished, unsure what he'd said wrong.
"Sure. I gotta feed th' mock turtle first, though - see ya in Ecruteak -"
"Okay with me," said Misty, smiling sweetly at Brock.
"FESS!" Brock ran after her, shooting Misty a bewildered look.
"Uh, Misty -" said Ash, gritting his teeth.
"Hey, Daisy, I changed muh plans -"
"*You did?*"
"*She's decided to bring her Porygon after all!*" Misty yelled.
"*Wagh!*" That could have been either Daisy or Brock. The second theory gained more merit when Brock stormed back in, blushing furiously. "Misty, have you got *any* idea what you've just done?"
"It's either her or *those* two," said Misty, unapologetic.
"Look, you do *not* know Fess," Brock began frustratedly. "She once convinced the police that all of us were on Team Rocket and Vickie was Giovanni's second-in-command -"
"What'd she say? Did you have to break out of jail?" Ash demanded.
Misty snickered, "Was your dad home? Doesn't he already have a record?"
"'This is senior executive Vickie - I want you to steal all the Slow Folks from the Saffron Gym -'"
"You must've done *something* -"
"You wouldn't think it was funny if *you'd* been arrested for fourteen thousand counts of grand theft!" Brock exploded. "And been put in the same cell as *Eugene*!"
"What was *your* supposed rank? Did you have a version of the motto?"
"Did it involve protecting the world from anyone who dates -"
"Has it sunk in yet?" snapped Brock. "She does that kind of stuff *all the time*. She'd be *thrilled* to get on the news for being the one to uncover Ash Ketchum's plot to paint Indigo Plateau green, or something!"
"Daisy spends an hour every night doing arcane things to her hair. Violet spends *two*," Misty informed him.
"Your Pokedex will be re-registered so that one of the Cerulean Gym Leaders is named Reginald."
"They both think they should get to catch the rare Pokemon because they painted their Lure Balls colors it would like," said Ash.
"Pikachu will awake to find Totodile makeup glued on." Pikachu was sensibly ignoring them and poking at an electrical outlet.
"Lily just won a beauty pageant. Neither of them placed," said Misty. Brock blinked.
"...okay, but *you're* gonna pay for anything she breaks."
-
Mew had been making little strangled sounds and clawing his ears for about five minutes, so Fess decided leave until he was finished. *Stop right there!* he wailed. She turned around, smiling patiently.
"What'sa problem?"
He stared at her disbelievingly. *Okay. Talbot *saw* you - he knows where you *are* - and, and you just agreed to go to Ecruteak with - with *those* three - and *what about Corsica*?!*
"'s south've France -"
**Shut up.* Okay, where's the Poke Mart? I want those Master Balls. Why did I agree to this, why am I still here, *why* didn't I sneak onto the space shuttle when I had the chance - if Clefairies can live on the moon - well, *where*!?*
"Clefairies kin really live on th' moon?"
*None of your business!*
"That way."
*Wha - oh, the Poke Mart.* For a moment Mew stared blindly in the direction of the skyscrapers visible over the trees. *Umm... do you have any less clumsy Pokemon I could transform into?*
"Pry ain't good enough for yuh?"
*I'd have to be rude to everyone I saw. Some people find that *difficult*, did you know that?*
"Yeah. I hate those people. Yer gonna hafta get back in th' Poke Ball 'less you wanna 'ttract attention."
*No. Does Kwa have any attitude problems?*
"He don't like Mystery Science Theater."
*You are not taking this seriously! Fine, I'll just teleport into the Poke Mart basement and wait - and I'm warning you, if you try to *use* those Master Balls -*
"Ya know, ya still ain't made an offer fer *mine*."
*Maybe I'll break it and brainwash you.* Fess was not quite stupid enough to get on a legendary Pokemon's last nerve. "Whatever. You got anything real valuable I oughtta know about 'fore I ask 'im what he wants? Or d'ya care if he knows you exist?"
*...* Fess tried to imagine the sort of things an ancient legendary Pokemon might be willing to bargain to reach a goal it was so obsessed with. There would probably be more of knowledge and people - Pokemon - who'd gotten on his nerves than of things. What *would* he sacrifice to destroy all the world's Master Balls? Her mind produced a fantastic image of an insubstantial greenish-blue creature flitting through a thick forest, and another of a dawn over an ocean where a huge bird - or maybe two, or more - slipped in and out of the water without a splash. Would he tell anyone about them, knowing there were other Master Balls out there and that some would sell their souls for a moment when everyone knew their names? *...tell him I can get all the evolution stones he wants. And TM's.* No, the rest of the world deserved some sense of mystery, even though he had lost all of his.
He vanished, his expression pensive, and Fess stared at the spot where he'd been for a few seconds, expecting him to come back and blow her up when he realized what he'd been doing. She started back towards town with the uncomfortable knowledge that she had been inside the mind of a far better person than she was, and that still she was already wondering how much the tabloids would give her for a video of him.
by Goz
Disclaimer: I own some merchandise. But I don't own any of the characters or anything...
-
Part 4: Black Mareep
-
Brock turned to Fess slowly. "Fess... what was *that* about?"
"Beats me," she said, shrugging, then turned and gestured commandingly at the Quagsire with a Poke Ball. "Return a'fore ya get in more trouble." The Quagsire looked furiously indignant, but obeyed anyway.
"Um, no. You've got some guy thinking that Kwa belonged to him. You did *something*," Brock informed her on no uncertain terms, looking cross.
Golem, deciding that this didn't concern him, started to lumber off. "DON'T STEP ON THE PLANTS!" someone ordered from the kitchen. Golem half-turned to glare at the window, then executed an improbable leap out of the recessed garden and onto the grass, causing a marked lack of ground-shaking.
Fess laid her hand over her heart, looking deeply wounded. "Wha, ya suspect me of somehow provokin' a maniac ta thinkin' he owned Kwa? Whadya think I did, ran inta his Quagsire while I wuz at Cornflower River with Kwa, found out that they were old friends an' that the guy's Quagsire was allergic ta humans, and paid a Mr. Mime wit' a car a copy of "The Interpretation of Dreams" ta take the Quagsire ta Mt. Silver, but the guy wasn't very smart and thought Kwa wuz his 'cuz Kwa snored like the other one when the Wigglytuff herd put him ta sleep -"
"*No.* I don't think *that*," Brock interrupted impatiently. "I -"
"Okay, then," said Fess cheerfully, putting her hands in her pockets and wandering off around the house again. Brock followed her frustratedly. Ash and Pikachu glanced at each other, shrugged, and followed.
"I *do* think that you might have told a story like that about Kwa, and some part of it somehow turned out to be true -"
"Yeah, he's got a pretty generic snore," she agreed cheerfully as she kicked open the door. Ash noticed that the Poke Ball she had put in her pocket was shaking - the Quagsire must have changed his mind about being put away.
Pikachu shook his head and ran off towards Brock's living room, where Daisy could be heard continuing her complaining. Ash briefly wished the maniac had wanted a battle so he could have delayed explaining why *he* was the one who got to catch the mysterious Pokemon in Ecruteak.
"Fess -"
"Hey, Renee," Fess said, walking into the kitchen. The young woman stirring the pot of soup and brushing a dozing Growlithe simultaneously was definitely the one Ash remembered as Renee. "Is Devon 'round? Found that Pokemon 'e's been lookin' for."
"A Vulpix with Faint Attack? He's here, but - you see, he caught one himself, a couple months ago, but it got stolen by Team Rocket last week. So he might not want yours -"
"I saved th' day, then, didn't I? Team Rocket attack'd me fer th' Pokemon I caught, and one've 'em dropped this Vulpix's Poke Ball."
"Really?" Renee spun around, smiling in surprise. "You got it from Team Rocket? What was it you caught, anyway?"
"Mew. He was payin' me ta help him destroy Team Rocket's Master Ball factory - breakin' inta their headquarters for him, see - but I tricked him and used th' Master Ball I got from Ted on him." Renee nodded solemnly. Ash gave Brock an uncertain look - Brock shrugged helplessly. "But I let him go and did it anyway 'cuz I thought it'd be funny. And after he wuz done wit' Team Rocket, he teleported off somewhere, and I taught Pry Teleport wit' a TM he told me where ta steal from the headquarters and followed him, an' I saw an emotionally disturbed psychic guy catch 'im and threaten 'im in the Master Ball, so I stole the ball so I could make fun've him 'bout it."
"I see," said Renee, taking the profferred Poke Ball Fess and running it through her Pokedex. The Growlithe growled at the ball. "This is Devon's Vulpix, all right -"
"No kidding!" said Brock, surprised.
"What, doncha trust me?" asked Fess.
"- that has to be the meanest thing you've ever come up with, by the way," continued Renee absently, patting the ball and putting her Pokedex back in her apron pocket. Brock looked at Ash mildly indignantly when he exhaled in relief.
"Thanks."
"You're welcome." Renee looked abruptly back at the Growlithe, who was waving his paw anxiously at the bubbling soup and whining. She placed the handle of the spoon in the obedient puppy's teeth and instructed him sternly, "You watch the soup while I bring Aidie to Devon at the gym. I'll just be gone about ten minutes - don't let it burn." The Growlithe nodded solemnly and climbed onto a breadbox of pasta to stir the pot.
Renee nodded and looked up, seeming to notice Ash and Brock for the first time. "Oh - hello, Mr. Ketchum. Misty and her sisters were worried you'd gotten lost - they're in the living room with Vickie. Brock, Ted dropped by with the HP Ups you ordered, but I think Eugene took them to gamble with battling that Chad kid."
"Thanks, I'll strangle him later. Hold still, Fess -" Brock chased her out into the hallway, and Ash followed, unable to think of anything else to do.
"Mind 'f I show Daisy muh new Weedle?"
"*Yes.*"
"I'm the League Champion - go ahead," said Ash magnanimously.
"Well, now I don' wanna do it," complained Fess, turning and crossing her arms. "Ya jus' ruined it. Jerk."
"*What was that about a Weedle?*" someone shrieked. Vickie ran out the door and held out her hands, eyes bright and malevolent.
"Quick, give me the Waddle before they escape - URGLE!" A Starmie had rolled into the doorway and Hydro Pumped her, knocking her to the floor. Ash and Brock jumped backwards to avoid being sprayed, and Fess flattened herself against the wall.
"You meanie. Ya know what happens ta people like you, doncha?"
"We get Water Pumped by Starches," grumbled Vickie, trying to wringing out both her sleeves at once as she stalked ineffectively away.
"*Hydro Pumped* by *Starmies*!" corrected Misty sharply as she picked up her Pokemon and patted it consolingly. "Starches... you know, Brock, I don't think you have a single sane sibling!"
"Yer definitely *not* a black kettle."
"Oh, no, it's, like, *her* again!" wailed Daisy, coming up behind Misty.
"Have - no, you, like, *haven't*, like, done anything about your, like, hair yet," observed Violet poisonously. Misty nervously began to back away - Ash wasn't sure whether it was because of the Caterpie on the wall or her sisters.
Daisy continued, "Or, like, found any clothes that, like, *fit* -"
"Catch," said Fess, tossing her the Caterpie.
"*Eeeeeeek!*" Daisy flinched backwards violently, desperately trying to shake the Caterpie off of her hands. Violet dove behind a chair, looking terrified. "*Get RID of it!*"
Misty glanced at the ceiling, too embarrassed to be afraid. "Uh... Starmie, use Water Gun, please..."
"Yer gonna mess up th' Caterpie's clothes -"
"WAAAAAAAAAAH! MIIIIIIIIIISTY!" Daisy jumped up, staring tearfully down at her soaked clothing - Brock looked away, blushing. Violet seized the moment, pointing furiously at Fess. "You didn't say SHE was going to go with us!"
"Gosh, I didn't?" said Misty, startled. "I could've sworn -"
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! Make her LEEEEEEAVE!"
"I live here."
"I'm not goin' if she's gonna be theeeeere!" shrieked Daisy.
"But I'm th' Pokemon -" Daisy fled past the stammering Brock and Ash. Violet followed, shooting Misty a disgusted look. Ash tactfully contained his snickering until they were gone.
Brock turned to follow them, then gave up. "Fess..." he asked slowly, "Why did you do that?"
"I get real mad when people make fun've my hair. Tha's why they call me "Get's Mad When Peopl' Make Fun've 'er Hair"," Fess explained as she transferred the dazed Caterpie back to the wall. Ash wondered how it had gotten this far into the house without help.
"Who calls you *that*?"
"Dunno. I do."
"Okay, go to your room!" snapped Brock, unable to think of any other response.
"I can't. Some'un turned it inta Eugene's since I left."
"Then go to *Eugene's* room."
"I can't. I'm actually Devon in disguise, and he's not 'llowed in there. 'sides that, I've got more weirdos to upset t'day. Hey -" she asked Ash without a pause, "Isn' Gary Oak the only one qualified ta catch th' thing in Ecruteak now?"
Ash gritted his teeth. "No. The *League Champion* -"
"But th' radio said Oak jus' beat you. Real bad, too."
"According to *someone's* interpretation, that won't go through for three days," said Misty, sitting down cautiously on the damp couch.
"And until then, I *am* the League Champion!" cried Ash, brandishing a Poke Ball. Pikachu shocked his foot.
Brock frowned as he used a cushion to mop up the puddle Starmie had left on an end table. "That's not the way I read it -"
"Three falcons, towering in their pride of place, were by a mousing owl hawked at and killed!"
"That's nice," said Brock politely. Ted nodded seriously.
"Three?" asked Fess.
"Well, they're all in the same *place*," said Ted, surprised.
"Uh-huh. Think yuh read it wrong. Anythin' else?" Ted shook his head and walked out the way he had come.
Ash and Misty blinked, mildly stunned. "Is *he* related to you, too?" asked Misty, glancing at the door nervously as though expecting another lunatic to follow.
"You have quite a supply of insane people around here," Ash observed at the same time.
"Mad," corrected Fess, who never stopped smiling.
"No, no. He runs the Poke Mart," said Brock, waving a hand in annoyance. "But *someone* gave him permission to wander in whenever he wants - due to something relating to an ancient curse and evil green Clefairies with bells around their necks and nickel in the walls - Fess, you are not going to Ecruteak."
"Really? Ya sure 'bout that? I don' think I gotta be anywhere - lemme check muh schedule. Hey, Pry, am I s'posed to be anywhere?" Fess asked her Pokedex. An image of flames and bobbing pitchforks appeared in the air. "But I'm Presbyterian -"
"Fess. No. Go pull bricks out of old buildings by yourself -" Ash and Misty stared at Brock. "Or whatever it is you do now," he finished, unsure what he'd said wrong.
"Sure. I gotta feed th' mock turtle first, though - see ya in Ecruteak -"
"Okay with me," said Misty, smiling sweetly at Brock.
"FESS!" Brock ran after her, shooting Misty a bewildered look.
"Uh, Misty -" said Ash, gritting his teeth.
"Hey, Daisy, I changed muh plans -"
"*You did?*"
"*She's decided to bring her Porygon after all!*" Misty yelled.
"*Wagh!*" That could have been either Daisy or Brock. The second theory gained more merit when Brock stormed back in, blushing furiously. "Misty, have you got *any* idea what you've just done?"
"It's either her or *those* two," said Misty, unapologetic.
"Look, you do *not* know Fess," Brock began frustratedly. "She once convinced the police that all of us were on Team Rocket and Vickie was Giovanni's second-in-command -"
"What'd she say? Did you have to break out of jail?" Ash demanded.
Misty snickered, "Was your dad home? Doesn't he already have a record?"
"'This is senior executive Vickie - I want you to steal all the Slow Folks from the Saffron Gym -'"
"You must've done *something* -"
"You wouldn't think it was funny if *you'd* been arrested for fourteen thousand counts of grand theft!" Brock exploded. "And been put in the same cell as *Eugene*!"
"What was *your* supposed rank? Did you have a version of the motto?"
"Did it involve protecting the world from anyone who dates -"
"Has it sunk in yet?" snapped Brock. "She does that kind of stuff *all the time*. She'd be *thrilled* to get on the news for being the one to uncover Ash Ketchum's plot to paint Indigo Plateau green, or something!"
"Daisy spends an hour every night doing arcane things to her hair. Violet spends *two*," Misty informed him.
"Your Pokedex will be re-registered so that one of the Cerulean Gym Leaders is named Reginald."
"They both think they should get to catch the rare Pokemon because they painted their Lure Balls colors it would like," said Ash.
"Pikachu will awake to find Totodile makeup glued on." Pikachu was sensibly ignoring them and poking at an electrical outlet.
"Lily just won a beauty pageant. Neither of them placed," said Misty. Brock blinked.
"...okay, but *you're* gonna pay for anything she breaks."
-
Mew had been making little strangled sounds and clawing his ears for about five minutes, so Fess decided leave until he was finished. *Stop right there!* he wailed. She turned around, smiling patiently.
"What'sa problem?"
He stared at her disbelievingly. *Okay. Talbot *saw* you - he knows where you *are* - and, and you just agreed to go to Ecruteak with - with *those* three - and *what about Corsica*?!*
"'s south've France -"
**Shut up.* Okay, where's the Poke Mart? I want those Master Balls. Why did I agree to this, why am I still here, *why* didn't I sneak onto the space shuttle when I had the chance - if Clefairies can live on the moon - well, *where*!?*
"Clefairies kin really live on th' moon?"
*None of your business!*
"That way."
*Wha - oh, the Poke Mart.* For a moment Mew stared blindly in the direction of the skyscrapers visible over the trees. *Umm... do you have any less clumsy Pokemon I could transform into?*
"Pry ain't good enough for yuh?"
*I'd have to be rude to everyone I saw. Some people find that *difficult*, did you know that?*
"Yeah. I hate those people. Yer gonna hafta get back in th' Poke Ball 'less you wanna 'ttract attention."
*No. Does Kwa have any attitude problems?*
"He don't like Mystery Science Theater."
*You are not taking this seriously! Fine, I'll just teleport into the Poke Mart basement and wait - and I'm warning you, if you try to *use* those Master Balls -*
"Ya know, ya still ain't made an offer fer *mine*."
*Maybe I'll break it and brainwash you.* Fess was not quite stupid enough to get on a legendary Pokemon's last nerve. "Whatever. You got anything real valuable I oughtta know about 'fore I ask 'im what he wants? Or d'ya care if he knows you exist?"
*...* Fess tried to imagine the sort of things an ancient legendary Pokemon might be willing to bargain to reach a goal it was so obsessed with. There would probably be more of knowledge and people - Pokemon - who'd gotten on his nerves than of things. What *would* he sacrifice to destroy all the world's Master Balls? Her mind produced a fantastic image of an insubstantial greenish-blue creature flitting through a thick forest, and another of a dawn over an ocean where a huge bird - or maybe two, or more - slipped in and out of the water without a splash. Would he tell anyone about them, knowing there were other Master Balls out there and that some would sell their souls for a moment when everyone knew their names? *...tell him I can get all the evolution stones he wants. And TM's.* No, the rest of the world deserved some sense of mystery, even though he had lost all of his.
He vanished, his expression pensive, and Fess stared at the spot where he'd been for a few seconds, expecting him to come back and blow her up when he realized what he'd been doing. She started back towards town with the uncomfortable knowledge that she had been inside the mind of a far better person than she was, and that still she was already wondering how much the tabloids would give her for a video of him.