Nobody But You
(set after Sisters, instead of the cute little scene where Robin tells Starfire nobody could replace her, here we have a long angsty scene! YAY! Incidentally, I have Sisters on tape. I knew it was one of those you just have to have ^_~)
nobody knows nobody cares
that i die on the inside
nobody sees the lie that is me
cause i smile on the outside
so nobody knows and nobody cares
when i walk on the wrong side
(tell me who) nobody (tell me who) nobody (tell me who) nobody
but you
-nobody, amy studt
Starfire sat, alone. This was the third time she'd done this. Both of the previous times it had been Robin who had come to her. She scowled. Both times he had been about to tell her something, but something had got in the way.
It was not in her nature to hate, but at that moment she hated her sister. She also missed her, but only because of her familial ties.
Blackfire had certainly never cared about her or loved her. Everything she'd had, Blackfire had stolen, or tried to steal. And most of the time she'd succeeded.
Her own sister.
What had she done to make her own sister hate her so? All she had done was love her.
Starfire refused to cry. She wouldn't cry. She was bright and bubbly. It was what she did.
Why was her sister so awful to her?
=++=++=++=++=++=
She got up, flying into the night sky. A small bag was on her back, containing a little earth food, a little Tamarran food, a picture of all of the Teen Titans together, and a picture of her family. There was one more picture-one of herself and Robin that Bast Boy had taken when they hadn't been aware. This was her most treasured picture-in it, she was deep in discussion with Robin. The viewer could see the light in her face as she talked to him, and his gentle smile indicated that he was enjoying her company. One thing she hadn't noticed yet was that his arms were hovering close to her waist, or that their eyes were completely aline, or that they were emulating each other's behaviour.
As she flew, she could see the lighthouse on the beach. It was fully automated, known for being completely deserted. Raven had once told her that it was there that she felt most at home.
She landed atop the lighthouse, and looked back at the tower. She opened the bag, and ate some non-cotton candy, feeling a pang of sadness as she thought of how they had responded to spending a big night in. She hugged her knees miserably, and looked at the pictures. Within her family, at least, she looked normal and perfect. Within the Titans, she had always thought she fitted, but she obviously didn't. Sighing miserably, she came to the picture of herself and Robin.
Robin.
She sighed. He'd been the one that Blackfire had really gone for, full tilt, completely. From the moment she had seen the masked hero, she had known he was Starfire's....
Starfire's....
Starfire felt warm tears form in her eyes before viciously wiping them away. What was Robin? Companion. Saviour. Friend. Translator. Personal guide. And there was the other thing.
The warm feeling. The getting-lost-when-he-was-near thing. The hearing-love-songs-when-he's-around thing. She began to cry-this time, not denying herself. She didn't even know what he was to her.
But the main thing was that Blackfire had tried to steal him more than any of the others. When he'd come to talk to her on that roof, she had dragged him away. Starfire did, however, allow herself a small smile at the way he'd reacted. He had wanted her, only her...
But he obviously didn't now. He'd met Blackfire. They'd all met Blackfire. And once they'd met Blackfire, Starfire was never enough. She never matched up. She always felt inadequate, because she knew they were comparing her and her sister.
The tears fell thickly now. They left stains across her cheeks. She cried miserably as she recollected seeing the sillohuette of him and Blackfire...The image stayed in her mind, taunting and torturing her.
"It should be her who stayed. She fitted." She whispered out loud.
"Are you kidding? She was evil. And she made you feel bad, which is enough to dislike her in my book."
The voice was masculine.
Starfire sighed. "You cannot tell me you just hate my sister. You enoyed her company as much as everyone else."
"I enjoy your's more."
"That does not mean you should hate her."
"It does when she tried to frame you. And when she just stood by and left you in danger. And when she kept trying to stop me from telling you what you mean to me."
Robin sat next to her, but she moved away. "How did you get here? You cannot fly."
"I used a hang-glider. They're fun."
"A what?"
"It's something you can use to fly short distances."
"Oh. That sounds entertaining." She sniffed.
"Star, I know you're not OK, so you can stop the act."
"No, no, no. I am fine. I am happy. I am bright. And I am bubbly. That is what I am, it is my role."
"You can be more than one-dimensional, Star."
"What do you mean?"
"It's ok for you to act like nothing saddens you with the others if you think it makes them feel better, but that won't work with me. I know you're deeper than that-and Blackfire has cut you deep."
She looked at him. "She hates me. And I don't know why. What could I have done to her? What could I have said? What didn't I do? Why does she hate me so?"
"I was asking the same questions."
"She did not hate you." Starfire moved again. "She adored you."
"I wasn't asking them about her. I was asking them about you."
"Whatever makes you think I hated you? I did not try to betray you and steal your friends, or frame you for a robbery, or try to take your place."
"You were leaving."
"You had found a replacement."
"No. Not a replacement. Never a replacement. There is only one Tamarran in this group, and that's you. I didn't want her with us."
"She fitted! I do not!"
"Yes, you do!"
"I do not fit, Robin. I will never fit. I have never fitted."
"You fit with me!"
"No I don't! I cannot teach you martial arts moves because I do not know them and would probably hurt you if I did! I annoy you by forever asking questions that I should know the answers to but do not because I am a failure! I am not beautiful in the way of my sister! I cannot dance like her, I cannot even compliment you like she can! I AM A FAILURE AND I DO NOT FIT IN!" She collapsed in a heap of tears, sat atop the lighthouse, and in rather a state.
Robin was immidiately at her side. He dropped to his knees and put an arm around her, which she shrugged off. "Do you really think I care that you're not teaching me how to kill someone in a new way? And I like the way you ask questions. It helps you to learn and understand, and it helps me to see the world in a new light. I think you can dance-yes, I've seen you when you think no-one is looking, and you dance wonderfully. I don't notice that you don't compliment me, I don't need to be told that. I was flattered, but it was nothing compared to the way I'm flattered when you so much as look at me. And as for you not thinking you're beautiful-take a look in the mirror. You're absoloutely wonderfully gorgeous, the best looking girl on the planet, in the universe, in all of creation."
She sniffed and looked at him. "You are being silly."
"I'm not. I think you're beautiful, I think you're essential, I think you fit in..." He leant towards her. "I never want you to leave. When I thought they were taking you away, I went nuclear. I wanted to kill them."
"Robin..."
"Blackfire kept trying to come between us, and do you know why?"
"Because she wants everything I have,"
"Because she's jealous. She's jealous of the way you make me feel. All the time I talked to her, half of it was about you. I wanted to know everything about you. She got mad at me at least twice. All the time I was with her, I wanted to be with you."
"Robin...how do I make you feel? You say she kept stopping you from telling me...nothing is stopping you now."
He gazed at her, wiped away her tears. "You make me feel like nothing else matters in the world. You make me believe in things like fairies. You help me to discover things I'd forgotton. When I'm with you, you bring me to life. All of this time, I can't believe I couldn't see-kept in the dark, but you were there in front of me. I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems-got to open my eyes to everything." (A/N: He's so in love with her he's started quoting Evanescence ^_~)
She smiled a little, and guided his hands to wipe away the tears. "Robin, I can think of no one with whom I would rather explore this world."
"Good. Because I don't intend to let anyone else anywhere near you."
She sighed at his posessiveness, and met his mask with her eyes. He read her thoughts, and took her wrist in his hand-leading it to his eyes. Her fingers touched the edge, and she gently pulled it from him. His eyes took a while to adjust to the light, but when their eyes finally met she saw them-blue. A startling blue that knocked you off your feet.
"Such wondrous eyes...why do you cover them?"
He sighed a little. "A long and complicated story. In short, I don't want to be reminded of life before Batman, and since he gave me the mask, I've kept it on. My eyes remind me of my father-my birth father-and I prefer to forget him."
Starfire's face fell in sympathy as she gently touched his eyelids, and gave him back his mask. "You should not feel you have to hide anything. You are wonderful, dear Robin, and do not feel you are anything to my but yourself."
"And you should feel the same." He said quietly, replacing his mask for a moment, before looking at her. "You know what? Here and now, we should promise to never be anything to each other but ourselves."
"I cannot make that promise."
"Why not?"
"Because I want to be everything to you, as you are already everything to me."
He pulled her into a passionate kiss, holding her tightly and twirling strands of her hand through his fingers. She clung to him, one of her hands playing with his hair, the other around his waist.
They let go reluctantly. "Thank you Robin." She whispered, leaning against him.
"What for?"
"Caring for me when nobody else did."
"Then I thank you for the same."
She snuggled into his arms. "When do you want to go back?"
"I don't know. So long as we're together, I don't care."
"They will worry."
"Let them."
"Our reputations will be in tatters." She giggled.
"Like I care. I have you now, and you're everything I need."
She sighed contentedly, settling her head into his shoulder and closing her eyes. "Do you think you will ever replace your mask?"
He looked at her. Maybe it was time to let the world see his eyes as well as his feelings. "No, I don't need to hide anymore."
They stood together, and he flung the mask into the sea. They watched it sink under the water, a relic of a past time when emotions had to be kept under glass.
Waves would come and go, and it would drift, become lost even. But when two things are meant to be united then they end up united. The heart wants what it wants-and the heart gets what it wants.
open your eyes to the love around you
you can feel you're alone
but i'm here still with you
you can do what you dream
just remember to listen to the rain
-listen to the rain, evanescence
La la la, don't own, don't sue, la la la. Ack, I saw Final Exam today. HOW MUCH SHIPPERNESS IS IN THERE? Bloomin' heck! I've seen it before but had to leave halfway through and only saw the beginning and the end. I never saw that sweet (ish) bit with Starfire worrying about Robin...sho shweet! Though I do think she should've ran up and hugged Robin at the end...That would've topped it off for me. ^_^
I'm going a bit Cyborg/Raven. I'm not sure now. It's fun to be confused. Woo! (please forgive me for rambling, I've had mocks this week and I'm avoiding revising for my science test)
You know who rocks? Tori Amos. I love Silent All These Years and Winter. She's fab. I also love Ani DiFranco. She's groovy. So very groovy. (Not A Pretty Girl is my theme, I tells ya!)
[start shameless plug] Incidentally, if you enjoyed this, please read Winterblue. I'm everso proud of it. It's not finished yet, but it is loosely based on Grease. C'mon, ya knows ya loves Grease ^_~. It will include singing!! [end shameless plug]
I'm going to stop now. I need to sleep. Please review-I am skint and cannot afford to purchase support services so I need to know how many people read this by reviews alone. See, logical?
Incidentally, have a proper bo Crimbo! : skips away singing Proper Crimbo [which she doesn't own] :
(set after Sisters, instead of the cute little scene where Robin tells Starfire nobody could replace her, here we have a long angsty scene! YAY! Incidentally, I have Sisters on tape. I knew it was one of those you just have to have ^_~)
nobody knows nobody cares
that i die on the inside
nobody sees the lie that is me
cause i smile on the outside
so nobody knows and nobody cares
when i walk on the wrong side
(tell me who) nobody (tell me who) nobody (tell me who) nobody
but you
-nobody, amy studt
Starfire sat, alone. This was the third time she'd done this. Both of the previous times it had been Robin who had come to her. She scowled. Both times he had been about to tell her something, but something had got in the way.
It was not in her nature to hate, but at that moment she hated her sister. She also missed her, but only because of her familial ties.
Blackfire had certainly never cared about her or loved her. Everything she'd had, Blackfire had stolen, or tried to steal. And most of the time she'd succeeded.
Her own sister.
What had she done to make her own sister hate her so? All she had done was love her.
Starfire refused to cry. She wouldn't cry. She was bright and bubbly. It was what she did.
Why was her sister so awful to her?
=++=++=++=++=++=
She got up, flying into the night sky. A small bag was on her back, containing a little earth food, a little Tamarran food, a picture of all of the Teen Titans together, and a picture of her family. There was one more picture-one of herself and Robin that Bast Boy had taken when they hadn't been aware. This was her most treasured picture-in it, she was deep in discussion with Robin. The viewer could see the light in her face as she talked to him, and his gentle smile indicated that he was enjoying her company. One thing she hadn't noticed yet was that his arms were hovering close to her waist, or that their eyes were completely aline, or that they were emulating each other's behaviour.
As she flew, she could see the lighthouse on the beach. It was fully automated, known for being completely deserted. Raven had once told her that it was there that she felt most at home.
She landed atop the lighthouse, and looked back at the tower. She opened the bag, and ate some non-cotton candy, feeling a pang of sadness as she thought of how they had responded to spending a big night in. She hugged her knees miserably, and looked at the pictures. Within her family, at least, she looked normal and perfect. Within the Titans, she had always thought she fitted, but she obviously didn't. Sighing miserably, she came to the picture of herself and Robin.
Robin.
She sighed. He'd been the one that Blackfire had really gone for, full tilt, completely. From the moment she had seen the masked hero, she had known he was Starfire's....
Starfire's....
Starfire felt warm tears form in her eyes before viciously wiping them away. What was Robin? Companion. Saviour. Friend. Translator. Personal guide. And there was the other thing.
The warm feeling. The getting-lost-when-he-was-near thing. The hearing-love-songs-when-he's-around thing. She began to cry-this time, not denying herself. She didn't even know what he was to her.
But the main thing was that Blackfire had tried to steal him more than any of the others. When he'd come to talk to her on that roof, she had dragged him away. Starfire did, however, allow herself a small smile at the way he'd reacted. He had wanted her, only her...
But he obviously didn't now. He'd met Blackfire. They'd all met Blackfire. And once they'd met Blackfire, Starfire was never enough. She never matched up. She always felt inadequate, because she knew they were comparing her and her sister.
The tears fell thickly now. They left stains across her cheeks. She cried miserably as she recollected seeing the sillohuette of him and Blackfire...The image stayed in her mind, taunting and torturing her.
"It should be her who stayed. She fitted." She whispered out loud.
"Are you kidding? She was evil. And she made you feel bad, which is enough to dislike her in my book."
The voice was masculine.
Starfire sighed. "You cannot tell me you just hate my sister. You enoyed her company as much as everyone else."
"I enjoy your's more."
"That does not mean you should hate her."
"It does when she tried to frame you. And when she just stood by and left you in danger. And when she kept trying to stop me from telling you what you mean to me."
Robin sat next to her, but she moved away. "How did you get here? You cannot fly."
"I used a hang-glider. They're fun."
"A what?"
"It's something you can use to fly short distances."
"Oh. That sounds entertaining." She sniffed.
"Star, I know you're not OK, so you can stop the act."
"No, no, no. I am fine. I am happy. I am bright. And I am bubbly. That is what I am, it is my role."
"You can be more than one-dimensional, Star."
"What do you mean?"
"It's ok for you to act like nothing saddens you with the others if you think it makes them feel better, but that won't work with me. I know you're deeper than that-and Blackfire has cut you deep."
She looked at him. "She hates me. And I don't know why. What could I have done to her? What could I have said? What didn't I do? Why does she hate me so?"
"I was asking the same questions."
"She did not hate you." Starfire moved again. "She adored you."
"I wasn't asking them about her. I was asking them about you."
"Whatever makes you think I hated you? I did not try to betray you and steal your friends, or frame you for a robbery, or try to take your place."
"You were leaving."
"You had found a replacement."
"No. Not a replacement. Never a replacement. There is only one Tamarran in this group, and that's you. I didn't want her with us."
"She fitted! I do not!"
"Yes, you do!"
"I do not fit, Robin. I will never fit. I have never fitted."
"You fit with me!"
"No I don't! I cannot teach you martial arts moves because I do not know them and would probably hurt you if I did! I annoy you by forever asking questions that I should know the answers to but do not because I am a failure! I am not beautiful in the way of my sister! I cannot dance like her, I cannot even compliment you like she can! I AM A FAILURE AND I DO NOT FIT IN!" She collapsed in a heap of tears, sat atop the lighthouse, and in rather a state.
Robin was immidiately at her side. He dropped to his knees and put an arm around her, which she shrugged off. "Do you really think I care that you're not teaching me how to kill someone in a new way? And I like the way you ask questions. It helps you to learn and understand, and it helps me to see the world in a new light. I think you can dance-yes, I've seen you when you think no-one is looking, and you dance wonderfully. I don't notice that you don't compliment me, I don't need to be told that. I was flattered, but it was nothing compared to the way I'm flattered when you so much as look at me. And as for you not thinking you're beautiful-take a look in the mirror. You're absoloutely wonderfully gorgeous, the best looking girl on the planet, in the universe, in all of creation."
She sniffed and looked at him. "You are being silly."
"I'm not. I think you're beautiful, I think you're essential, I think you fit in..." He leant towards her. "I never want you to leave. When I thought they were taking you away, I went nuclear. I wanted to kill them."
"Robin..."
"Blackfire kept trying to come between us, and do you know why?"
"Because she wants everything I have,"
"Because she's jealous. She's jealous of the way you make me feel. All the time I talked to her, half of it was about you. I wanted to know everything about you. She got mad at me at least twice. All the time I was with her, I wanted to be with you."
"Robin...how do I make you feel? You say she kept stopping you from telling me...nothing is stopping you now."
He gazed at her, wiped away her tears. "You make me feel like nothing else matters in the world. You make me believe in things like fairies. You help me to discover things I'd forgotton. When I'm with you, you bring me to life. All of this time, I can't believe I couldn't see-kept in the dark, but you were there in front of me. I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems-got to open my eyes to everything." (A/N: He's so in love with her he's started quoting Evanescence ^_~)
She smiled a little, and guided his hands to wipe away the tears. "Robin, I can think of no one with whom I would rather explore this world."
"Good. Because I don't intend to let anyone else anywhere near you."
She sighed at his posessiveness, and met his mask with her eyes. He read her thoughts, and took her wrist in his hand-leading it to his eyes. Her fingers touched the edge, and she gently pulled it from him. His eyes took a while to adjust to the light, but when their eyes finally met she saw them-blue. A startling blue that knocked you off your feet.
"Such wondrous eyes...why do you cover them?"
He sighed a little. "A long and complicated story. In short, I don't want to be reminded of life before Batman, and since he gave me the mask, I've kept it on. My eyes remind me of my father-my birth father-and I prefer to forget him."
Starfire's face fell in sympathy as she gently touched his eyelids, and gave him back his mask. "You should not feel you have to hide anything. You are wonderful, dear Robin, and do not feel you are anything to my but yourself."
"And you should feel the same." He said quietly, replacing his mask for a moment, before looking at her. "You know what? Here and now, we should promise to never be anything to each other but ourselves."
"I cannot make that promise."
"Why not?"
"Because I want to be everything to you, as you are already everything to me."
He pulled her into a passionate kiss, holding her tightly and twirling strands of her hand through his fingers. She clung to him, one of her hands playing with his hair, the other around his waist.
They let go reluctantly. "Thank you Robin." She whispered, leaning against him.
"What for?"
"Caring for me when nobody else did."
"Then I thank you for the same."
She snuggled into his arms. "When do you want to go back?"
"I don't know. So long as we're together, I don't care."
"They will worry."
"Let them."
"Our reputations will be in tatters." She giggled.
"Like I care. I have you now, and you're everything I need."
She sighed contentedly, settling her head into his shoulder and closing her eyes. "Do you think you will ever replace your mask?"
He looked at her. Maybe it was time to let the world see his eyes as well as his feelings. "No, I don't need to hide anymore."
They stood together, and he flung the mask into the sea. They watched it sink under the water, a relic of a past time when emotions had to be kept under glass.
Waves would come and go, and it would drift, become lost even. But when two things are meant to be united then they end up united. The heart wants what it wants-and the heart gets what it wants.
open your eyes to the love around you
you can feel you're alone
but i'm here still with you
you can do what you dream
just remember to listen to the rain
-listen to the rain, evanescence
La la la, don't own, don't sue, la la la. Ack, I saw Final Exam today. HOW MUCH SHIPPERNESS IS IN THERE? Bloomin' heck! I've seen it before but had to leave halfway through and only saw the beginning and the end. I never saw that sweet (ish) bit with Starfire worrying about Robin...sho shweet! Though I do think she should've ran up and hugged Robin at the end...That would've topped it off for me. ^_^
I'm going a bit Cyborg/Raven. I'm not sure now. It's fun to be confused. Woo! (please forgive me for rambling, I've had mocks this week and I'm avoiding revising for my science test)
You know who rocks? Tori Amos. I love Silent All These Years and Winter. She's fab. I also love Ani DiFranco. She's groovy. So very groovy. (Not A Pretty Girl is my theme, I tells ya!)
[start shameless plug] Incidentally, if you enjoyed this, please read Winterblue. I'm everso proud of it. It's not finished yet, but it is loosely based on Grease. C'mon, ya knows ya loves Grease ^_~. It will include singing!! [end shameless plug]
I'm going to stop now. I need to sleep. Please review-I am skint and cannot afford to purchase support services so I need to know how many people read this by reviews alone. See, logical?
Incidentally, have a proper bo Crimbo! : skips away singing Proper Crimbo [which she doesn't own] :