Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter(duh) If I did I obviously wouldn't be writing under FAN fiction.
The chameleon, that's me. Always invisible. But not anymore.
Except for the even breathing of the others in the dorm everything was perfectly still. A heavy sort of quiet lay over everything, the sort of quiet that came for knowing that all around you was asleep. Knowing that everything you were doing would forever remain unknown if you so wished it.
I sat cross-legged on my bed, almost absent mindedly flipping my knife up into the air. Sometimes I would catch the blade and slices my fingers. Sometimes I would even miss it entirely and it would hit the bed with a thunk, making deep gashes in the sheets and mattress. I would be in major trouble tomorrow; only, I would no longer be alive tomorrow.
This had seemed like a dream for so long. It had always been something I had contemplated doing, maybe even fantasized about in some of my darker moments. It hadn't been hard to imagine. The numb, briefly shattered by pain, blood draining, and then the endless black. Death and pain had always seem like second nature to me. I had always looked to pain as an escape, and to death as peace. Death was no longer really the right term I supposed. Death was for the living, and I hadn't been alive for a long time. I had lived as a robot, simply existing as I dragged myself through the days. Now even that was too much of a burden. Oblivion seemed like such a nice place right now.
I lifted my knife, studying my blurry reflection in its surface. Distorted as it was, the image was much clearer to me than any true mirror. Every time I looked in a mirror I realized yet again that I didn't know the girl staring back at me. She was as much a stranger to me as she was to anyone else. Even to her own family.
My family…what would they say? I smiled bitterly. They probably wouldn't even notice that I was gone until one of them needed something from me. It was like that with everybody. At home I was buried under six older brothers, all seeming to possess the constant need to protect and pick on me at the same time. I was 15 now, and yet I was still 'little sis' to all of them. Still more of a nuisance than anything else. I didn't think I could really blame my parents though. I was the youngest, so naturally they would be more protective of me. Yet somehow they managed to forget about me and suffocate me at the same time.
What would my friends say? Well, most of them I didn't really consider friends anyway, and I was equally unknown to the rest. I didn't relate well to the people in my year. Actually I didn't relate well to anyone as a matter of fact. Somehow I felt uneasy around everyone, and I faked everything even if I didn't want to. In the beginning it had simply been a defense mechanism, but by now it was instinct. So I was living a lie and no one knew me. I was disconnected and I didn't trust anyone. I used to be the most sweet, trusting, naïve little girl in the entire world, but that was before Tom. It had shattered me. I felt violated in every way possible, and that trust was replaced by fear. I tried to salvage my faith, but it didn't help that I got burned so often in the process. It didn't take me long to realized that I had no real friends. Nobody really cared, and it was much more fun to talk about me behind my back about how I was a deranged mental case who despised all muggles and therefore opened the Chamber of Secrets to slaughter them all.
Of course there was always "Wonder Boy" and his two sidekicks. More often than not I found myself with them. They were actually able to see out of the protective bubble of their worlds. Unlike the rest of the school they didn't believe that everything revolved around them and that nothing bad would ever happen to them. Sometimes I was almost alive again.
After Sirius's death things changed. Harry became moody and unstable. One minute he'd be terribly introverted and snap at anyone who came near. The next he'd play the part of the hero to perfection, basking in his fame and everyone's admiration. I tried to listen, for unlike the rest, I knew he was grieving. In the end though, he decided that being immensely popular was a better solution. He became someone else, someone without the grief and the pain, and he did his best to forget the old Harry. We no longer even said hi to each other, and I knew I had lost him.
As for Ron and Hermione, the found solace with each other. They now walked through the halls hand in hand, making out in broom closets between classes. With eyes only for each other they didn't need me. They tried to make an effort for my sake, but every time I was with them I just felt like an intruder. So once again I smiled, pretending it was all right and I that I didn't care.
As for the rest that would call themselves my friends, it was mainly for their benefit only. Being my friends meant that I had to let them copy my homework, that I had to go along with what they wanted, and that I had to listen to them whine for hours on end when they wanted someone to be sympathetic. Even if they had been true friends they probably wouldn't have noticed. I was just sweet, dependable Ginny Weasely to everyone. I was the nice, quiet girl who was simply there. The girl who appeared to have no problems and really, no personality. The girl everyone could walk all over.
I pressed the blade down lightly on my wrist. It broke the skin easily, and I thin red line appeared. Blood filled the crevice to blossom up and spill over. A trickle ran down my arm, and little red spots began to appear on the otherwise crisp and pristine sheets. A sudden thrill ran through me. For the longest time I had sat there numbly in a haze while others went about their life around me. For the longest time I had always been on the outside, no matter how involved I was. For the longest time I had been practically invisible to the world. For the longest time I been lying with everything I did from the time I awoke until the time I went to sleep. For the longest time I had been the scenery. Not any longer. This was all ending tonight. Tonight it was all over.
I brought the knife down hard, and felt it bite into me. For a spilt second I felt the knife inside my flesh, and then nothing as I pulled it out. Blood spurted out from my wounds. I looked at it curiously, somehow feeling so far away. I wondered why I hadn't felt anything. Blood, our life fluid. It was blood that sustained us and kept us alive. It was blood that would end my life. I slumped forward; my slashed wrists thrown out in front of me like an offering. The blood was everywhere now, staining my bed a deep crimson. For a split second I saw myself sprawled there, seeing myself as if through a veil. I wondered if I maybe I should have left a letter, but there was no time now. It would remain yet another unsolved mystery in the life of Virginia Weasely. All was black.
She lay there, so very young and innocent, for all the world like a sleeping child. She was finally at peace. By some trick of the light, the deep crimson of the stained sheets appeared exactly the same hue as her hair. Both contrasted to her terribly pale skin. Some would consider what happened a tragedy, and question why such a pretty, intelligent young girl would take her life when she clearly had every possibility ahead of her. Some would feel guilty and blame themselves. Some would care about her no more in death than they had in life. No matter what their feelings, the same question would remain on everyone's mind. Why?
I'm dying tonightNot like it matters
It's not like my absence
Will make anyone sadder
Slumped there so numb
Contemplating my hopeless existence
And nothing around me
Would give me resistance
I'm sinking so slowly
So silent and still
My thoughts circle slowly
Moving in for the kill
Life blurs around me
As people go by
Too wrapped up in themselves
They don't care if I cry
I'm simply there
I'm not living I exist
To the others I'm the background
How did it come to this?
Why don't they notice the change?
But everyone has someone more important than me
They call themselves my friends
But still they never see
I wish I could return
To when I could still talk, laugh, and play
I've tried so hard to bring it back
But I'm giving up today
I'm on this highway through hell
Too many demons where I sit
But it all ends today
And I'm taking the next exit
If I had a thousand dollars
For every life I've touched
I'd still die a beggar
My life hasn't amounted to much
I'm of no consequence
And I'm sick of this lie
They won't notice that I'm gone
And tonight's the night I die.