The Smirking Legolas. Chapter One.
Once upon a time in Mirkwood an elven Prince called Legolas lived for a long time before anything interesting happened to him and he became famous throughout the world of tales and songs and dodgy fanfiction.
Because one day he got a message from an elf named Elrond. It was a singing message and the person sent to deliver it was female. She had hair that glowed in the light of the sun and shone with highlights of gold and russest red. Her eyes glistened as she sang...
The message told him to travel to the nice place of Rivendell and meet some other people. So he packed up his bags, his skin and hair care products, got on his large and noble stallion and rode all the way to Rivendell leaving the singing messenger girl in the dust.
The girl started crying beautiful crystal tears because her one true love had abandoned her. She moped about, wallowing in angst for many days until she realised that he wasn't coming back anytime soon. So she wandered off into the world to find a true love who wouldn't go off on quests. Thus, Legolas defeated his first Mary Sue.
Legolas smirked. He could hear the girl crying behind him and hearing the message in her tears "come back and comfort me, you big beautiful hunk of elf, and we can have lots of elf babies or I can come with you on your quest, whilst all the other males in the quest -except Frodo and Sam who are obviously smitten with each other- can fall hopelessly in love with me" so he rode faster. Because Legolas was not stupid.
Legolas was welcomed at the gates of Rivendell by a pair of female elves. They had hair that swept the very earth they walked upon, one had hair as black as pitch ebony that seemed to drink in the light that shone upon it. The other had hair so vibrantly blonde that it shone in the sunlight with a glare almost to blind any who looked upon her.
"We welcome you, fair Prince of Mirkwood" the two said in complete unison. The dark haired elf's voice was as low and lovely as golden bells and the blonde's voice rang through the air like the songs of the birds in the trees. It caused quite a racket.
Legolas dismounted his horse, and a third female ran up to him to take the reins. She had very round ears for an elf. In fact, she introduced herself as a human, who had been raised with the elves with her twin brother whom the elves called Elessar. Legolas nodded to this and handed over the reins to the girl who's name had already slipped his mind. She bobbed her rich, chocolate brown haired head and lead his stallion away. When she reached the stables she looked back with huge emerald green eyes shimmering with near-elven beauty. But she couldn't see Legolas, whom she had waited for so long to find; and the sight of the world without him tore at her heart. But that was okay, because any minute now he would come racing after her to declare how beautiful and mysterious he found her...
Yup, any moment now...
Ah, perhaps he would wait for the dead of night, when all the elves slept, and he would creep out and find her wandering alone in the moonlight, long pale gown flowing out behind her like water. Yes, that was when they would next meet. The human girl ran off to find a gown of said properties.
The pair of elf maidens, who had been glaring daggers at the human girl as she talked to their Legolas, took an arm of Legolas' each and led him up to their chambers.
Legolas, being a sensible elf, knew what was happening and, having no sex drive, could think his way out of if with ease. Seriously, there were beautiful elves in Mirkwood too, and it wasn't as if he'd never seen a gorgeous face of perfect proportions and lovely hair before, I mean, he looked in the mirror every day.
The raven haired beauty on his left arm introduced herself as the cousin of the fair Arwen, and the blond as a warrior elf who had been called to the council as well as he because her skill with a bow, sword, throwing dagger and magic wand was reknown throughout the world of the elves. Legolas inquired as to wether she'd received a singing messenger girl too, but she merely gave him a confused look through eyes that rivalled the beauty of the stars, and blinked.
The pair of them suggested that they slip into something more comfortable, each giving Legolas a kiss on his flawless cheeks, with their full and pouty lips. They swung their hips in unison as they walked into one of the huge elven walk-in-wardrobes that were a common feature in Rivendell, flicking their shimmering hair over their shoulders. They blew him a kiss to leave him wanted more, and closed the wardrobe door.
Legolas waited a moment as the sounds of zippers being un-done, dresses sliding to the floor and murmurs of "oh! this silk feels so cool against my porcelain skin!" came from through the wardrobe doors. Then, he got off the bed and made for the door. Closing it silently behind him and shoving up a chair against the door, making it impossible to open.
Legolas smirked. He had escaped the clutches of his second and third Mary sues! Legolas felt very proud of himself, and made his way down to the Council.
The Council was rather dull, but he got to shout at a dwarf and wear a shimmery robe, so it wasn't the worst he'd ever been to. Oh wait, he'd also agreed to go with eight rather unwashed looking mortals on a quest that would probably end in death or broken nails, so it wasn't the best council he'd ever been to either.
Elrond declared that the 'Fellowship' would leave on the morrow and they all better get a good sleep for the promotion pictures he wanted to take in the morning. So the nine retired to their beds.
Moonlight filtered through the trees that swayed their branches as if in time to the harmonious melody coming from the human maiden waiting by the river. The starlight shone down on her hair and her eyes and her skin and the ells and ells of silk that she wore around her body, as 'dress' was no word to describe such a vision of beautious fashion. She sang a song of temptation in perfect elvish, calling to her blond royal elvish love. "Manoooooo Maaaaardeennaaaaa, liiiiissss?" she sang. "Maaanooooo maaaanooo mardeeeeennaaaa lisss?" her voice wove it's way up through the soft night air to Legolas's window...
Legolas smirked in his sleep and rolled over. Two large yellow earplugs could be seen through his hair. As if he was going to have bags under his eyes for the promo portraits! As if! Thus Legolas defeated his third Mary sue.
Once upon a time in Mirkwood an elven Prince called Legolas lived for a long time before anything interesting happened to him and he became famous throughout the world of tales and songs and dodgy fanfiction.
Because one day he got a message from an elf named Elrond. It was a singing message and the person sent to deliver it was female. She had hair that glowed in the light of the sun and shone with highlights of gold and russest red. Her eyes glistened as she sang...
The message told him to travel to the nice place of Rivendell and meet some other people. So he packed up his bags, his skin and hair care products, got on his large and noble stallion and rode all the way to Rivendell leaving the singing messenger girl in the dust.
The girl started crying beautiful crystal tears because her one true love had abandoned her. She moped about, wallowing in angst for many days until she realised that he wasn't coming back anytime soon. So she wandered off into the world to find a true love who wouldn't go off on quests. Thus, Legolas defeated his first Mary Sue.
Legolas smirked. He could hear the girl crying behind him and hearing the message in her tears "come back and comfort me, you big beautiful hunk of elf, and we can have lots of elf babies or I can come with you on your quest, whilst all the other males in the quest -except Frodo and Sam who are obviously smitten with each other- can fall hopelessly in love with me" so he rode faster. Because Legolas was not stupid.
Legolas was welcomed at the gates of Rivendell by a pair of female elves. They had hair that swept the very earth they walked upon, one had hair as black as pitch ebony that seemed to drink in the light that shone upon it. The other had hair so vibrantly blonde that it shone in the sunlight with a glare almost to blind any who looked upon her.
"We welcome you, fair Prince of Mirkwood" the two said in complete unison. The dark haired elf's voice was as low and lovely as golden bells and the blonde's voice rang through the air like the songs of the birds in the trees. It caused quite a racket.
Legolas dismounted his horse, and a third female ran up to him to take the reins. She had very round ears for an elf. In fact, she introduced herself as a human, who had been raised with the elves with her twin brother whom the elves called Elessar. Legolas nodded to this and handed over the reins to the girl who's name had already slipped his mind. She bobbed her rich, chocolate brown haired head and lead his stallion away. When she reached the stables she looked back with huge emerald green eyes shimmering with near-elven beauty. But she couldn't see Legolas, whom she had waited for so long to find; and the sight of the world without him tore at her heart. But that was okay, because any minute now he would come racing after her to declare how beautiful and mysterious he found her...
Yup, any moment now...
Ah, perhaps he would wait for the dead of night, when all the elves slept, and he would creep out and find her wandering alone in the moonlight, long pale gown flowing out behind her like water. Yes, that was when they would next meet. The human girl ran off to find a gown of said properties.
The pair of elf maidens, who had been glaring daggers at the human girl as she talked to their Legolas, took an arm of Legolas' each and led him up to their chambers.
Legolas, being a sensible elf, knew what was happening and, having no sex drive, could think his way out of if with ease. Seriously, there were beautiful elves in Mirkwood too, and it wasn't as if he'd never seen a gorgeous face of perfect proportions and lovely hair before, I mean, he looked in the mirror every day.
The raven haired beauty on his left arm introduced herself as the cousin of the fair Arwen, and the blond as a warrior elf who had been called to the council as well as he because her skill with a bow, sword, throwing dagger and magic wand was reknown throughout the world of the elves. Legolas inquired as to wether she'd received a singing messenger girl too, but she merely gave him a confused look through eyes that rivalled the beauty of the stars, and blinked.
The pair of them suggested that they slip into something more comfortable, each giving Legolas a kiss on his flawless cheeks, with their full and pouty lips. They swung their hips in unison as they walked into one of the huge elven walk-in-wardrobes that were a common feature in Rivendell, flicking their shimmering hair over their shoulders. They blew him a kiss to leave him wanted more, and closed the wardrobe door.
Legolas waited a moment as the sounds of zippers being un-done, dresses sliding to the floor and murmurs of "oh! this silk feels so cool against my porcelain skin!" came from through the wardrobe doors. Then, he got off the bed and made for the door. Closing it silently behind him and shoving up a chair against the door, making it impossible to open.
Legolas smirked. He had escaped the clutches of his second and third Mary sues! Legolas felt very proud of himself, and made his way down to the Council.
The Council was rather dull, but he got to shout at a dwarf and wear a shimmery robe, so it wasn't the worst he'd ever been to. Oh wait, he'd also agreed to go with eight rather unwashed looking mortals on a quest that would probably end in death or broken nails, so it wasn't the best council he'd ever been to either.
Elrond declared that the 'Fellowship' would leave on the morrow and they all better get a good sleep for the promotion pictures he wanted to take in the morning. So the nine retired to their beds.
Moonlight filtered through the trees that swayed their branches as if in time to the harmonious melody coming from the human maiden waiting by the river. The starlight shone down on her hair and her eyes and her skin and the ells and ells of silk that she wore around her body, as 'dress' was no word to describe such a vision of beautious fashion. She sang a song of temptation in perfect elvish, calling to her blond royal elvish love. "Manoooooo Maaaaardeennaaaaa, liiiiissss?" she sang. "Maaanooooo maaaanooo mardeeeeennaaaa lisss?" her voice wove it's way up through the soft night air to Legolas's window...
Legolas smirked in his sleep and rolled over. Two large yellow earplugs could be seen through his hair. As if he was going to have bags under his eyes for the promo portraits! As if! Thus Legolas defeated his third Mary sue.