L Sharp
L sharp--
There is no such note,
unless you can play it in your own heart.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Asuka picked up her bow, already thick with rosin, and strung a perfect A. The note echoed throughout her room and throughout the empty house.
She grinned fully, the first real grin she'd made that was not out of Shinji's–or anyone's–humiliation. That idiot Shinji had gone out with Kensuke and Touji, probably to walk around Tokyo-3 and recount their woes, which were many. That drunk Misato was at NERV doing....something. Something along the lines of important and Kaji. That stupid penguin was probably sleeping in his equally lame fridge stocked with beer. Beer! And a penguin! Bah.
And Asuka? She was alone, with her only passion, the violin.
She loved the violin. When played correctly, it could give you the most beautiful music ever. High-pitched and you could do a beautiful vibrato on it.
She could, anyway.
How long had it been since she'd practiced? A year, almost. The last time she'd held a bow was when she'd played the cello in Shinji's room, when, even though she was practically a professional on the violin, had trouble holding onto a cello bow...pa-thetic.
Actually, that was probably the last time she'd seen Shinji smile. It had been a week or two ago and after that the boy had just fallen into a sort of sullen trance. She had thought that her being with him and playing his cello had made him a bit happy--after all, he had looked it. He was actually smiling at her. But after that, he'd fallen back into his stupid depression. What was wrong with the boy! He annoyed her so much, and just because she couldn't figure him out at all. What was he? Schizophrenic? Bipolar? Manic depressive? He had some kind of illness, anyway! For such a dud boy to be so stupid and lame!
Or was it just because he was different?
That made her mad. Really mad. Because she couldn't figure some stupid boy out.
Raarrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Deciding not to get too mad or else she wouldn't be able to play, she picked up her bow and played the G scale. Even for not practicing in a year, she still sounded pretty good.
She shut her eyes as the notes vibrated through her body. How peaceful she felt. It was strange.
She never felt at peace, not even when she was in her own room. When she was alone and everything was all silence, she felt insecure, like someone was going to burst into the door with a gun out, yelling at Asuka that she was under arrest, or that a large bomb or spear would come flying in through her window, only to miss her by mere centimeters, or a giant Rei would come and end civilization and take everyone's lives, Asuka first (sounds eerily familiar in a way...)
But here, in her room, with warm orange sun glinting in through the window and the mesmerizing notes of her violin crying joyfully through the house, she felt peaceful.
And relaxed. Relaxation was really rare.
It felt good.
Clouds of dust and rosin were puffing out and settling on the floor. The all-too familiar yellow sundress that Asuka was wearing once again was accumulating rosin too, but she didn't care. She was already bowing out a few bars of Concerto in G.
It surprised her that she still had a few bars of music left in her head, after everything...everything else had taken up space. Her heart ached to hear her mother's voice again. A tear almost slipped out from under her eyelid, but quickly she stopped it. She promised herself she'd never cry again. What kind of person was she, to betray her own self? She wasn't like Shinji. She wasn't like Misato. She was herself! Herself, herself, herself!
She gritted her teeth and scowled, and the bow skidded along the string. She winced.
I'm starting to become so pathetic, she scowled.
As the liquid-like notes floated aimlessly throughout the walls, the front door opened to reveal a cellist, though not one to the naked eye. Just a (quite wimpy) boy. A 15-year-old boy who was holding bag of groceries.
When he stepped in, though, he stopped cold. The notes were filling up his ears, flooding into his head. They were making him fall into a trance.
A different trance than the one he was currently inhabiting himself in.
Asuka's playing her violin, he thought disdainfully. That's nice.
A mental hand reached out and slapped Shinji on the cheek.
Oh, Shinji....stop lying to yourself.
No, it wasn't just nice. Here he was, so busy lying to himself that he couldn't even place the last time she'd played a string instrument–his own cello. It seemed so long ago. But it wasn't.
To Shinji, it was. Ever since then, he had lost himself, in, well–himself. He was lost in a trance of Asuka's playing in his own heart. Why couldn't he place this feeling? Why wouldn't he open up to it? Instead of doing what he should have done he was just trying to close it off. But what did that give him? A sullen trance and Asuka's worries, which were really rare.
He sighed and placed the groceries on the table. First, he plucked out a plastic bowl of miso paste. Next, a soft slab of tofu in a plastic container. Then a bag of wakame, or seaweed, and then a can of orange juice...
If he hadn't been holding that can, he would have slammed his fist down on the table in a pathetic attempt to erase that squirmy feeling in his stomach, that unnatural feeling in his head, and that stupid music moving along with the air in the current of the house. It was annoying him. Everything was annoying him. What the hell was that stupid feeling in his stomach? What the hell was that stupid voice in his head telling him all these things he didn't understand?!?! What did Asuka think she was doing?! Playing the violin. Hah. It was like she was purposely trying to annoy Shinji.
But you played your cello, too.
He sighed again. He remembered when he'd taken Asuka's hand and showed her how to hold a cello bow properly. He...he remembered that moment. Cherished it. Loved it. And hated it. Because that was when he started to fall in love.
And Shinji didn't want to fall in love.
What's the point of falling in love anyway...? You just fall in love and then even sooner than before, you're out of it. I better just forget this ever happened.
But love can't be erased.
In the back of his mind Shinji knew this. He closed his eyes. Asuka had turned to a new song. A familiar song. An eerily familiar song...
...In other words, please be true...in other words...I love you...
Fly Me To The Moon.
His stomach ached. His head ached. Everything on him ached. And he knew he wouldn't stop aching if he didn't do something about this.
This song was too powerful. Too powerful, he thought, as he remembered a moment...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Hey, baka Shinji! Listen to me!"
"Why should I?"
She huffed, and her red bangs flew up a few centimeters. "Come on! Just hear me sing. I need an audience. I haven't done this in a million years. I wanna know if I still sound good. Come on! I really need someone to hear me!"
"...Get Pen-Pen then."
She screamed in frustration. "Can't you ever cooperate properly??!"
Shinji finally turned to Asuka. "Alright. But just for a little."
"Good. Now LISTEN."
She pushed a button on the tape player and the song started to sing. She took a deep breath and started to sing...
"Fly me to the moon, and let me play among the stars! Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars. In other words, hold my hand...in other words, darling, kiss me..."
Shinji had to admit, she was good. Her voice was like the strings of her violin being played by her. It sounded beautiful...she sounded beautiful...she was beautiful.
But love got pushed to the back of his mind...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Every time Shinji heard that song again, he remembered how beautiful Asuka had sounded...and looked. How peaceful. How lonely. How...
Perfect.
Slowly, he shuffled himself towards the center of the music, then softly knocked on the door. Immediately the playing stopped and a slightly annoyed Asuka opened the door.
"What is it, baka!? I was trying to practice."
"I...I'm sorry. I just...wanted to see you play."
How blunt...
She raised an eyebrow. "You wanted to see me play? Seriously?"
He nodded. "Um...yeah. Is that okay...?"
Sighing, she nodded and shrugged as best she could with a violin on her shoulder. "Okay, I guess so."
Wow.
Acceptance, by Asuka. Now that was rare.
Shinji sat against the doorframe by the sliding doors and Asuka rested her chin on the instrument and proceeded to play, humming the words of the song in her own head...
Fill my heart with song, and let me sing forevermore...
Fill my heart with song. Asuka sighed inwardly. Her heart was singing. All too much, maybe. Ever since THAT DAY. Ever since the cello day. Why did he make her feel so damn special!? She was just a spineless little girl with an abnormally large ego, she thought. She hated it. Hated him for making her feel this way!
Or not...
You are all I long for, all I worship and adore...
You. In the Japanese language, it is impolite to say "anata", or you. But this "you" person. Asuka hated "you". And yet she loved "you".
Painfully.
In other words, please be true, in other words....I love you!
I love you...
As she reached the last note, she carried out a strong vibrato, then set her violin down. She looked over at Shinji, who was...smiling! Smiling again.
Asuka could have sung, if she had the chance to. Then she gritted her teeth forcefully.
Ugh, I'm drooling over Third...
But this time, it wasn't shameful.
Drooling over Third felt right.
Ugh...
She looked at him smile, trying to make the choruses of (real) angels in her head shut up for a second and finally noticed something.
"You're not even holding your SDAT player, Third," She said. "What's wrong, it won't give you any loving anymore?"
He grimaced slightly. "Well, your playing is almost the same."
She gasped. "Almost!? What are you saying?"
And this is where Shinji made his fatal mistake. A fatal mistake to the naked eye, anyway...
"You're much better, is what I'm saying..."
He smiled again.
And Asuka smiled back.
She was not playing at the moment, but in her mind, and in the back of Shinji's, if he had happened to notice, a seraphim was clutching a violin in one hand and a cello in the other. And she was playing L sharp.
...
L sharp--
There is no such note,
unless you can play it in your own heart.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
End Note: Didja guess what L sharp is? C'mon, you guys're smart. I gave you like a squillion hints, anyways...come on! I know you know. Stop lyin'....*nudge nudge*
*EXTRA* OMAKE! *EXTRA*
Just a little fun play on a scene in To Asuka... don't read this unless you've read both chapters, because you won't get it otherwise!
.....
Asuka walked into the locker room with a haughty and not-so-discreet aura around her and kicked her shoe locker open.
"So, Hikari," She said. "You swear that you don't remember anything about this morning?"
"N-no..."
"Oh, alright then. Nothing about this?" Asuka held up an envelope with Hikari's name on it.
Hikari took the letter and examined it. "Oh...oh!" She raised her head. "I know! I think I know!"
"So you remember!"
"No."
Asuka sighed and took out a little device shaped like a lighter out of her pocket.
"I'm sorry I have to do this, Hikari..."
Hikari looked scared. "What!?! What are you talking about!?"
Asuka sighed. "After I push this, you will remember nothing. You will go back in time to the moment you found the letter–"
"What letter?"
"STOP INTERRUPTING ME! Uh, anyway–you will go back to the moment you received the letter. Then you can relieve the moment over."
Slowly, she pushed down on the button...
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"
Asuka screamed and sucked on her thumb. "OW!"
Hikari opened her eyes, which until then had been shut tight. "Um...did you push it yet?!?"
"NO! THIS IS A STUPID LIGHTER! OW! WHO SWITCHED MY DEVICE WITH THIS STUPID LIGHTER?!?"
Meanwhile, in another part of Tokyo-3...
Rei: Second Child has gotten what she deserves, for getting love letters from my Ikari Shinji. She will pay again.
Rei: *evil laugh* MWA HAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!