Session 10: Usagi Tsukino
* Usagi continues running, until she sees the doctor office. She runs inside of it.
Usagi: Doctor! I need to look different now!
Doctor: Okay, okay. Don't shout.
* The doctor lays Usagi onto a bed.
Doctor: What would you like?
Usagi: Breast implants like Ami's, ass implants like Makoto's, a penis like Haruka's, a vagina like Michiru's, and highlights like Minako's!
Doctor: Great! Just one thing. Who are those people?
Usagi: They're my friends. The ones you screwed up with on their surgeries.
Doctor: Oh, them. Okay.
* The doctor begins surgery on Usagi. After six hours, he's completed.
Doctor: A masterpiece!
Usagi: You think so? (Looks at herself in the mirror.) All of these adjustments remind me of my deceased friends, thank you.
Doctor: Great. That'll be $100,000,000.45.
Usagi: But no one else had to pay.
Doctor: But I didn't screw up on you.
Usagi: Yes you did! My boobs are supposed to be unequal, my ass is supposed to be gigantic, my highlights are supposed to burn my brain, my penis, I don't have a PENIS! And furthermore, my vagina is supposed to be huge.
Doctor: Fine! Go, you crazy bitch.
* Usagi runs out of the office.
Hotaru: There you are! I've been looking for you for six hours! Where've you been?
Usagi: Getting adjusted!
* Usagi runs home. Hotaru goes after her.
Hotaru: Get out of you house! You can't hide from me.
* Usagi gets out of her house as Sailor Moon.
Hotaru: Aw crap.
Usagi: Who gon' die now?
Hotaru: You are!
* Hotaru raises her hands and transforms into Sailor Saturn. She raises her scythe.
Hotaru: Time to end this! SCILENT GLAIVE SURPR-
Usagi: Hold it! I haven't done my speech yet!
Hotaru: Fine! Go.
Usagi: Who do you think you are? I am the agent of love and justice! I am the sailor suited pretty soldier, Sailor Moon!
Hotaru: Done yet?
Usagi: Yes! And now it's time for me!
* Usagi gets out her magic staff.
Usagi: Silver Crystal Kiss!
* A streak of feathers hit Saturn. A deep evil voice shouts "No!" out of Saturn's body.
Usagi: Oh my God! Who're you?
Bill: Hi, I'm Bill Gates, the source of all evil.
Usagi: What are you doing imitating Sailor Saturn?
Bill: Well, people stopped buying my Windows. I'm loosing my money, so I decided to make a reputation for myself. If I killed the only all-girl team of super heroes, people will see me a 'cool' and buy my computers again.
Usagi: What the fuck was all that talking? The reason no one buys your shitty-ass computers is because the suck monkey balls! Maybe if you made your computers good, people would buy them again.
Bill: I think you have a point.
Usagi: Of course I do. I'm the only one who managed to beat you! So HA!
Bill: Oh. Have you beaten me?
Usagi: Yes.
Bill: Well I think not. Because as long as there are Windows computers out there, there will always be EVIL. Ha, ha, ha!
* A helicopter lands near Bill Gates, and he climbs in.
Bill: So long sucker! HA, HA, H-
* Bill Gates' helicopter crashes into a skyscraper, and blows up.
Usagi: Wow, ouch.
* Usagi goes to Haruka's apartment.
Usagi: Hey Haruka.
Haruka: Hey. We're your friends?
Usagi: They're all dead.
Haruka: Tough. But Michiru died too.
Usagi: Really? That's sad. Guess what, Setsuna died too, and Hotaru's missing.
Haruka: So we're the only ones of the senshi left?
Usagi: Pretty much.
Haruka: Say, have you ever thought about being a lesbian?
Usagi: It's crossed my mind.
* Haruka throws Michiru's body out of the window, and lays Usagi onto her bed.
Haruka: You're gonna love this.
* Haruka and Usagi screw. Meanwhile, back at the doctor's office.
Doctor: You know what?
Nurse: What?
Doctor: I didn't get one fucking dime, and I did eight fucking surgeries! This is bullshit!
Nurse: Oh, silly boots. I stole all of their wallets while you were doing their surgeries.
Doctor: How much?
Nurse: Altogether, we have $780.25, and three credit cards.
Doctor: I love you, you genius!
* The doctor pushes his nurse onto the lab table and starts screwing him.
* And so, all of the sailor senshi, except for Usagi, Haruka, and Hotaru (who's missing) are dead. Usagi and Haruka are now lovers, and Michiru's body blocks the streets of Japan.
THE END
* Usagi continues running, until she sees the doctor office. She runs inside of it.
Usagi: Doctor! I need to look different now!
Doctor: Okay, okay. Don't shout.
* The doctor lays Usagi onto a bed.
Doctor: What would you like?
Usagi: Breast implants like Ami's, ass implants like Makoto's, a penis like Haruka's, a vagina like Michiru's, and highlights like Minako's!
Doctor: Great! Just one thing. Who are those people?
Usagi: They're my friends. The ones you screwed up with on their surgeries.
Doctor: Oh, them. Okay.
* The doctor begins surgery on Usagi. After six hours, he's completed.
Doctor: A masterpiece!
Usagi: You think so? (Looks at herself in the mirror.) All of these adjustments remind me of my deceased friends, thank you.
Doctor: Great. That'll be $100,000,000.45.
Usagi: But no one else had to pay.
Doctor: But I didn't screw up on you.
Usagi: Yes you did! My boobs are supposed to be unequal, my ass is supposed to be gigantic, my highlights are supposed to burn my brain, my penis, I don't have a PENIS! And furthermore, my vagina is supposed to be huge.
Doctor: Fine! Go, you crazy bitch.
* Usagi runs out of the office.
Hotaru: There you are! I've been looking for you for six hours! Where've you been?
Usagi: Getting adjusted!
* Usagi runs home. Hotaru goes after her.
Hotaru: Get out of you house! You can't hide from me.
* Usagi gets out of her house as Sailor Moon.
Hotaru: Aw crap.
Usagi: Who gon' die now?
Hotaru: You are!
* Hotaru raises her hands and transforms into Sailor Saturn. She raises her scythe.
Hotaru: Time to end this! SCILENT GLAIVE SURPR-
Usagi: Hold it! I haven't done my speech yet!
Hotaru: Fine! Go.
Usagi: Who do you think you are? I am the agent of love and justice! I am the sailor suited pretty soldier, Sailor Moon!
Hotaru: Done yet?
Usagi: Yes! And now it's time for me!
* Usagi gets out her magic staff.
Usagi: Silver Crystal Kiss!
* A streak of feathers hit Saturn. A deep evil voice shouts "No!" out of Saturn's body.
Usagi: Oh my God! Who're you?
Bill: Hi, I'm Bill Gates, the source of all evil.
Usagi: What are you doing imitating Sailor Saturn?
Bill: Well, people stopped buying my Windows. I'm loosing my money, so I decided to make a reputation for myself. If I killed the only all-girl team of super heroes, people will see me a 'cool' and buy my computers again.
Usagi: What the fuck was all that talking? The reason no one buys your shitty-ass computers is because the suck monkey balls! Maybe if you made your computers good, people would buy them again.
Bill: I think you have a point.
Usagi: Of course I do. I'm the only one who managed to beat you! So HA!
Bill: Oh. Have you beaten me?
Usagi: Yes.
Bill: Well I think not. Because as long as there are Windows computers out there, there will always be EVIL. Ha, ha, ha!
* A helicopter lands near Bill Gates, and he climbs in.
Bill: So long sucker! HA, HA, H-
* Bill Gates' helicopter crashes into a skyscraper, and blows up.
Usagi: Wow, ouch.
* Usagi goes to Haruka's apartment.
Usagi: Hey Haruka.
Haruka: Hey. We're your friends?
Usagi: They're all dead.
Haruka: Tough. But Michiru died too.
Usagi: Really? That's sad. Guess what, Setsuna died too, and Hotaru's missing.
Haruka: So we're the only ones of the senshi left?
Usagi: Pretty much.
Haruka: Say, have you ever thought about being a lesbian?
Usagi: It's crossed my mind.
* Haruka throws Michiru's body out of the window, and lays Usagi onto her bed.
Haruka: You're gonna love this.
* Haruka and Usagi screw. Meanwhile, back at the doctor's office.
Doctor: You know what?
Nurse: What?
Doctor: I didn't get one fucking dime, and I did eight fucking surgeries! This is bullshit!
Nurse: Oh, silly boots. I stole all of their wallets while you were doing their surgeries.
Doctor: How much?
Nurse: Altogether, we have $780.25, and three credit cards.
Doctor: I love you, you genius!
* The doctor pushes his nurse onto the lab table and starts screwing him.
* And so, all of the sailor senshi, except for Usagi, Haruka, and Hotaru (who's missing) are dead. Usagi and Haruka are now lovers, and Michiru's body blocks the streets of Japan.
THE END