4. Difficult Decisions

The Fellowship left Lothlorien several weeks later. Legolas and Eleriel had spent the last month avoiding each other, and had successfully managed to never spend more than five minutes in each others' company. Legolas got reacquainted with all of his friends that he had left behind when he moved back to Mirkwood and therefore spent little time with the other members of the Fellowship; Eleriel got caught up with Aragorn and got to know the hobbits in his absence. She also got to be quite good friends with Boromir, and was sorry to see him go.

The day before the Fellowship was to leave, two of the hobbits were given the chance to look into the Mirror of Galadriel, a privilege granted to very few. Even Eleriel had only been asked to look into the mirror once, but both Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee looked into the Mirror that day. That evening, Celeborn and Galadriel called the entire Fellowship together for the first time since they arrived.

"Now is the time," said Celeborn, when those who wish to continue the Quest must harden their hearts to leave this land. Those who no longer wish to go forward may remain here, for awhile. But whether they stay or go, none can be sure of peace. For we are come now to the edge of doom. Here those who wish may await the oncoming of the hour till either the ways of the world lie open again, or we summon them to the last need of Lorien. Then they may return to their own lands, or else go to the long home of those that fall in battle" (LotR, Book II, Chapter 8: Farewell to Lorien, page 383).

The Fellowship was silent for a moment. They each looked away from the eyes of the Lady Galadriel for a moment to contemplate their own decision. Eleriel took this moment of quiet to examine the remaining eight without them being aware of it.

Boromir looked pensive. Eleriel knew of his internal conflict, for he had confided in her. She knew the Ring called to him, and didn't condemn him for it because it could only be expected. But she also knew that Boromir was, above all else, a good, true, noble, kind, brave man. She also knew that Boromir thought that the Fellowship should go south to Gondor before going to Mordor. Eleriel knew he said this with the best of intentions, but she also knew that it would be the wrong choice for the Fellowship. Privately, Eleriel was sure that Boromir would follow Aragorn where ever he might lead the Fellowship, be it to Minas Tirith or Minas Morgul.

Aragorn also seemed pensive, but in a different way. Eleriel knew that he thought of Arwen now, and of the decision that he must soon make. In her heart, Eleriel urged him to recognize his birthright, and to accept the kingship. Eleriel truly believed that Aragorn could make a difference in the world of Men, but she would never speak of it. It was Aragorn's choice; Eleriel would not try to influence it.

Gimli was deep in his own thoughts, thoughts that were fathomless to Eleriel. She could not begin to imagine the nature of his thoughts; all she knew was that Gimli had grown strangely attached to her grandmother.

Merry and Pippin were both sad to be leaving, Pippin more so than his cousin. Merry was ready to see a little more of the outside world; Pippin wanted little more than to spend a bit more time resting, regaining strength. Yet both were ready to follow Frodo to whatever fate. Perhaps their faith in him, their devotion to him, was a bit blind, but perhaps not.

Sam was the easiest to decipher. He meant to follow Frodo to the ends of Middle Earth, if need be to the Halls of Mandos, where only the spirits of fallen elves walked.

Frodo was the most reluctant of them all to leave; he already had an inkling of an idea in his head, an idea to leave his friends so as not to lead them into danger. He alone carried the Ring. He alone was bound to the Quest. He alone was doomed to succeed or fail, never in between.

Last of all Eleriel turned her eyes to Legolas and was startled to see his eyes looking into hers. Blue eyes gazed into green and this time neither broke the contact. Neither face showed any emotion but in their eyes.

In Legolas, Eleriel saw a turmoil of emotions. Pity, for the pain Eleriel had endured. Regret and guilt, for the part he had played in it. Anger and resentment, at her rejection of him. Tenderness and love, for the feelings that were never lost, the emotions not dimmed by time. Other emotions worked their way into his eyes as well. Apprehension for the Quest. Doubt. Hope. Dread. Fear. Optimism. Conflicting emotions in the elf standing before her.

In Eleriel, Legolas saw just as many feelings, most of them similar to his. Pain for the rejection she had made. Pain for the heartbreak of all those years before. Pity for him, love for him. Optimistic hope for Aragorn. Hope with a tinge of fear, dread, for Boromir. Pity, respect, awe for the Ringbearer. Love, support, and sadness as well for the fate of her sister.

"They are all continuing." Galadriel's soft voice broke through the thoughts of the two younger elves. They both started slightly and turned to look at her. Eleriel was standing on Galadriel's left, and the Fellowship stood before them. Boromir spoke next, saying that he was continuing home, alone if need be. Eleriel raised her eyebrows but said nothing. She knew that Boromir would follow the Ring.

For their last night in Lothlorien the Fellowship convened in the area given to them for their stay. Eleriel joined them, at the invitation of Aragorn and the bidding of her grandmother. She listened silently as they debated for many hours. Soon it was plain that many wished to go to Gondor for a little while, but the choice was left to Frodo and Aragorn. Aragorn had originally planned to go with Boromir to Gondor, but with the loss of Gandalf everything had changed. Frodo said nothing, but it was plain to Eleriel what he thought. He knew that any delay now might prove to be deadly, to them and their cause, and to Middle Earth. There would be far too many men willing to take the Ring in Gondor, and once they arrived in Minas Tirith they might never be able to leave again in the secrecy they needed.

Finally Eleriel spoke. "It seems to me," she said softly, "that the Ringbearer should speak his mind." Eleriel had inherited some of her grandmother's gift for touching the minds of others; although her gift was considerably less than Galadriel's (Galadriel did have her Ring of Power, after all), Eleriel's power was considerable. Frodo's eyes widened a little when he heard the voice in his mind. Frodo... speak. They will listen. It will not change the decisions of some of them; for others, it will make all the difference.

Eleriel smiled a bit when Frodo was able to form thoughts coherent enough to project back to her. I do not want them to follow me into the darkness of Mordor.

Speaking your mind means you convince them of what you think needs to happen. It doesn't mean you must tell them all that goes through your mind, Eleriel suggested gently.

Lie to them? Frodo's thought was surprised, aghast at the thought.

Withhold information, for their own safety and protection. Lead them to believe that you are undecided, let them think that, even if you plan on going to Mordor on your own. They won't be expecting you to sneak away.

How did you know that? Frodo demanded isistently in her mind.

I've been in situations where I had to do something unpleasantin which I did not want my friends involved. Yes, it was less perilous than your decision but the premise is the same.

Frodo nodded. He spoke aloud next, for the benefit of the Fellowship. "I have not yet made a decision on this matter," he said. "On one side, I would greatly appreciate a respite in Gondor. On the other hand, Gondor has a lot of people..." he paused when Eleriel's thought entered his mind.

Careful here. Avoid accusations, if you can. Boromir's temper is swift.

"...Gondor has a lot of people and it would be hard to remain unnoticed," he continued, and if we stopped we might never leave again for laziness. I for one would like to end this Quest as soon as possible, but then, Minas Tirith would offer us much that we need."

The Fellowship looked slightly appeased. "We will decided which way to go when the time comes," Aragorn announced, and only Sam looked slightly doubtful of Frodo's words.

Eleriel left the Fellowship to get some rest and retreated to her own chambers. Wearily she collapsed in a chair after entering the sitting room. Eleriel had barely just closed her eyes when she heard a knock on her door. Cursing on her breath, she walked over to the door and muttered, "this had better be important!"

Although she had not intended for anyone to hear her, Aragorn's voice answered her angry comments. "It is, Eleriel. Don't worry! I wouldn't risk your wrath for nothing, you know."

"Aragorn!" Eleriel snapped as she yanked open the door. "What do you want? I am not in the mood for conversation right now."

"I have to talk to you," he said, ignoring her and sitting down in the chair vacated by Eleriel.

"So I gathered," she said drily, seating herself in another chair.

"It's about Legolas," he said, not bothering to beat around the bush. Eleriel sighed audibly and put her head in her hands. "I don't understand why you two continue this... this charade," Aragorn continued sternly.

"Aragorn, this has nothing to do with you," Eleriel snapped.

"It might not have years ago, but now it does," he said calmly. "Legolas is a member of the Fellowship, Eleriel. I can't have him languishing about when he needs to be concentrating on the matters at hand. I insist that you resolve this... issue that you have."

"And what, exactly, did you have in mind?" Eleriel asked, too tired to argue any more. "I know you too well, Estel." She used his childhood name on purpose. "I am sure you have exactly the solution."

"He loves you still, Eleriel. I know he does. I can see it his eyes. And you love him still too, in your own way, even if it's buried deep down inside your heart."

"You don't understand," she said shortly.

"No," he agreed. "I don't. I don't understand why you've kept yourself in pain like this for all these years. I don't understand why you refuse a chance at happiness when it stands right in front of you."

"What you don't understand is the pain I went through to rebuild my life. That is not something I intend to go through again."

"You wouldn't have to," Aragorn said quietly.

"You're right, Aragorn," Eleriel said suddenly. "I probably wouldn't. But I am still tired of taking chances. I do love him still." She said it without emotion, as a simple statement of fact. "But I am tired, Aragorn."

He nodded and smiled wanly at her. "I will let you rest and ponder then, my sister." Aragorn looked Eleriel in the eyes before he left, and for the briefest of moments he saw something new in her eyes: a resignation to fate, an exhaustion of life in the mortal world. He knew that it was the pain that Arwen would one day bear, but he pushed the thought from his mind, bowed his head to Eleriel, and left.

From the shadows, a silent elf watched Aragorn walk away as if a weight was on his weary shoulders. Legolas didn't know of what they spoke, but he thought he might hazard a guess as to what it might be. Silently he stole up the staircase down which Aragorn had just walked. He hesitated at the door at the top of the stairs before tapping lightly on the door.

"Go away." The voice inside was weary and resigned.

"Eleriel..." Legolas began, and the door was yanked open.

"What are you doing here, Legolas?" Eleriel asked. She said it with no malice in her voice, much the same way a distant acquaintance might say it.

Legolas gently pushed past Eleriel into the room and closed the door behind him. Taking her chin in his hand, he tilted her head back a little so that she was looking into his eyes.

"Eleriel," he said simply. "Do you love me?"

Eleriel's breath caught in her breast. She hesitated to answer, and she finally sighed. "No."

"You're lying, I think." And without waiting for a response from her, Legolas kissed her gently on the mouth.

Eleriel was surprised enough that she didn't react immediatly. After a few seconds, she pulled back. "No!" she said fiercely. "No!" He looked at her, hurt. "Legolas, this isn't good for either of us. Yes, I love you still, but no, I will not take you back, not now at least."

He smiled sadly at her. "Can I hope for the future?"

Eleriel sighed. She hesitated to answer again and let her mind drift. It took her to a memory that was precious to her, a memory within a garden, when they had taken themselves through the first stage of marriage. But immediatly after that, her mind took her to a memory in the same garden, when Legolas had opened a letter from Thranduil, with news of a wedding that was not Eleriel's.

"No."

Legolas froze. Eleriel's face was already emotionless; even her eyes were totally devoid of any feeling. She watched in pain as he struggled with his own emotions, and watched as his face too became completely neutral.

"I will disturb your rest no further, milady," he said. He bowed a little, and turned away.