~*~
She took the paper from Draco and read from the list:
"Hear Ye, Hear Ye, All friends of Barbie! No, wait, I lied, all members of the Titanic club, if you are reading this one of you is currently unworthy, he or she must now face "THE TITANIC CLUB LOSE-YOUR-MOVIE-AND-YOU-EITHER- DIE-OR-DO-THESE-THINGS-TORTURE" Naturally you know this, since you are reading the paper. Now, any member of the titanic club that becomes undeserving wants to redeem himself, naturally you do too because as the title says, if you don't, you will die. Now beware young traitor, for these tasks are extremely dangerous and you will not stand a pickle of likelihood if you are not pure of heart. Wait, I take that back, if you do not have undying love for titanic. There are 15 tasks in all, though number 14 is the coolest, and with each task accomplished you will win a little token of redemption (check blue bag that came with "THE TITANIC CLUB LOSE-YOUR-MOVIE- AND-YOU-EITHER-DIE-OR-DO-THESE-THINGS-TORTURE" kit, if they are missing call 1800-333-3333) and once you have all the tokens of redemption, you will make a necklace out of them using only your bare hands and a toothbrush, and award it to your true love. Good Luck, no not really, I actually want you to lose since you lost your movie in the first place"
"Wow, does it really say that?" Kate asked
"No, I just made that up on the spot, its actually just titled 'THE TITANIC CLUB LOSE-YOUR-MOVIE-AND-YOU-EITHER-DIE-OR-DO-THESE-THINGS-TORTURE' but I decided to add a little to it, you know me, I'm one 'person who likes to add to 'THE TITANIC CLUB LOSE-YOUR-MOVIE-AND-YOU-EITHER-DIE-OR-DO-THESE- THINGS-TORTURE' list' person!" Everyone was silent, and then they all heard a cricket chirp. Draco screamed and jumped in Kate's lap.
"Draco, its just a cricket" Kate said
"A wutet? I'm so afraid, god I don't even have my father to protect me!"
"Right-o, task number one please" Ron said, trying to sound calm but to no avail. "Right, here goes Ron: 'As your first task, o un-worthy one, you shall watch the terrible dog- movie from the early 90's 'Fluke' and be forced to write a descriptive analysis of how the characters in it relate to the corruption of the Argentinean elderly society, and their growing obsession with sheep.' Ron, I don't mean to be pessimistic, but wow you're in trouble!" "Are you sure you read that right?" asked Ron, hoping for a negative answer.
Helena looked at the paper, then, laughing, turned it upside down. "Oops, my bad. OK. The REAL thing you have to do is...."
"Yes?" asked Ron.
"O, wait, no, sorry, it's the same thing either way. Off you go!"
Ron gulped. The situation seemed hopeless. On one hand, he didn't want to be dead. On the other hand, the color purple always scared him. What to do, what to do...
Finally, he just went to Sparknotes.com, and clicked on the "how the characters in it relate to the corruption of the Argentinean elderly society, and their growing obsession with sheep" button, and copied it. "There, done!" he exclaimed. Ron waited for an answer, but he got none. When he looked around, he noticed no one was in the room with him. Just then the door opened.
"Where were you guys?"
"Oh, we thought you wouldn't mind if we went to the fair without you." Emma answered.
"The fair! But...but, that's my favorite place!"
"O well, sucks for you"
"We got to go on the merry-go-round! We got to go on the merry- go-round!" Ron, Emma, Helena and Harry turned to see Kate and Draco singing and do-si-doing in the corner.
"Anyway..." Helena said, breaking the silence. "We also got moo- v's to watch." She dug into the bag she was carrying. "Emma got The Little Rascals, Draco and Kate got "Quigley Down Under"...she gave them a confuzzed look but continued on "and I got... O, just a moo-v," she said quickly, trying to hide it.
"Hey, the guy on the front looks just like me! Who's Daniel Radcliffe, and why are you renting "101 Ways To Stalk Daniel Radcliffe"? Harry asked.
"O, no one, no one at all" answered Helena, grabbing the moo-v back and blushing.
"So Ron, did you finish the task?" Emma asked
"Yeah, good ol' sparknotes! I never thought I would have to use the 'how the characters in it relate to the corruption of the Argentinean elderly society, and their growing obsession with sheep' button though."
"Ron" Helena said, "You don't take an English class, what could you need sparknotes for?" Ron blushed crimson and quickly changed the subject,
"Who's this Radcliffe bloke you were talking about?" Just then the crocodile hunter walked into the room in his khaki uniform, hat included:
" 'Elo mates!" Helena gasped and ran over to Harry, hugging him tightly
"If we all die know I want you to know that I loved you!"
"Sometimes I think you're bad for my sanity, Helena, then the voices in my head start to argue and that somehow makes Ron horny, so when it happens I just shrug and say, 'Nah, she's only dangerous when she's calm.'" Was Harry's response.
"And 'ere friends," Steve said turning to an imaginary camera, "We have a couple of human teenagers of the random and scary pedigree. I, being Steve the crocodile hunter, am brilliant and have come up with a fault-proof theory about contact with the ones who are of this rare breed. I reckon we can make contact if we sing 'the great big book of everything' song, it always seems to work for that Stanley bloke!" And at that, Steve began to sing:
"Its..the...GREAT BIG BOOK OF EVERYTHING, With everything inside! See the world around us, This book's a perfect guide!"
The teens calmly left the room and Steve was alone. The infamous Australian discovery channel guy reached into his pockets he pulled out Draco's cough drops, he cackled evilly for a steady 5 minutes then declared, in a thick Russian accent:
"Now I have the power, I will kill all the crocodile, and the snakes too, ALL OF THEM, ALL OF THEM!"
She took the paper from Draco and read from the list:
"Hear Ye, Hear Ye, All friends of Barbie! No, wait, I lied, all members of the Titanic club, if you are reading this one of you is currently unworthy, he or she must now face "THE TITANIC CLUB LOSE-YOUR-MOVIE-AND-YOU-EITHER- DIE-OR-DO-THESE-THINGS-TORTURE" Naturally you know this, since you are reading the paper. Now, any member of the titanic club that becomes undeserving wants to redeem himself, naturally you do too because as the title says, if you don't, you will die. Now beware young traitor, for these tasks are extremely dangerous and you will not stand a pickle of likelihood if you are not pure of heart. Wait, I take that back, if you do not have undying love for titanic. There are 15 tasks in all, though number 14 is the coolest, and with each task accomplished you will win a little token of redemption (check blue bag that came with "THE TITANIC CLUB LOSE-YOUR-MOVIE- AND-YOU-EITHER-DIE-OR-DO-THESE-THINGS-TORTURE" kit, if they are missing call 1800-333-3333) and once you have all the tokens of redemption, you will make a necklace out of them using only your bare hands and a toothbrush, and award it to your true love. Good Luck, no not really, I actually want you to lose since you lost your movie in the first place"
"Wow, does it really say that?" Kate asked
"No, I just made that up on the spot, its actually just titled 'THE TITANIC CLUB LOSE-YOUR-MOVIE-AND-YOU-EITHER-DIE-OR-DO-THESE-THINGS-TORTURE' but I decided to add a little to it, you know me, I'm one 'person who likes to add to 'THE TITANIC CLUB LOSE-YOUR-MOVIE-AND-YOU-EITHER-DIE-OR-DO-THESE- THINGS-TORTURE' list' person!" Everyone was silent, and then they all heard a cricket chirp. Draco screamed and jumped in Kate's lap.
"Draco, its just a cricket" Kate said
"A wutet? I'm so afraid, god I don't even have my father to protect me!"
"Right-o, task number one please" Ron said, trying to sound calm but to no avail. "Right, here goes Ron: 'As your first task, o un-worthy one, you shall watch the terrible dog- movie from the early 90's 'Fluke' and be forced to write a descriptive analysis of how the characters in it relate to the corruption of the Argentinean elderly society, and their growing obsession with sheep.' Ron, I don't mean to be pessimistic, but wow you're in trouble!" "Are you sure you read that right?" asked Ron, hoping for a negative answer.
Helena looked at the paper, then, laughing, turned it upside down. "Oops, my bad. OK. The REAL thing you have to do is...."
"Yes?" asked Ron.
"O, wait, no, sorry, it's the same thing either way. Off you go!"
Ron gulped. The situation seemed hopeless. On one hand, he didn't want to be dead. On the other hand, the color purple always scared him. What to do, what to do...
Finally, he just went to Sparknotes.com, and clicked on the "how the characters in it relate to the corruption of the Argentinean elderly society, and their growing obsession with sheep" button, and copied it. "There, done!" he exclaimed. Ron waited for an answer, but he got none. When he looked around, he noticed no one was in the room with him. Just then the door opened.
"Where were you guys?"
"Oh, we thought you wouldn't mind if we went to the fair without you." Emma answered.
"The fair! But...but, that's my favorite place!"
"O well, sucks for you"
"We got to go on the merry-go-round! We got to go on the merry- go-round!" Ron, Emma, Helena and Harry turned to see Kate and Draco singing and do-si-doing in the corner.
"Anyway..." Helena said, breaking the silence. "We also got moo- v's to watch." She dug into the bag she was carrying. "Emma got The Little Rascals, Draco and Kate got "Quigley Down Under"...she gave them a confuzzed look but continued on "and I got... O, just a moo-v," she said quickly, trying to hide it.
"Hey, the guy on the front looks just like me! Who's Daniel Radcliffe, and why are you renting "101 Ways To Stalk Daniel Radcliffe"? Harry asked.
"O, no one, no one at all" answered Helena, grabbing the moo-v back and blushing.
"So Ron, did you finish the task?" Emma asked
"Yeah, good ol' sparknotes! I never thought I would have to use the 'how the characters in it relate to the corruption of the Argentinean elderly society, and their growing obsession with sheep' button though."
"Ron" Helena said, "You don't take an English class, what could you need sparknotes for?" Ron blushed crimson and quickly changed the subject,
"Who's this Radcliffe bloke you were talking about?" Just then the crocodile hunter walked into the room in his khaki uniform, hat included:
" 'Elo mates!" Helena gasped and ran over to Harry, hugging him tightly
"If we all die know I want you to know that I loved you!"
"Sometimes I think you're bad for my sanity, Helena, then the voices in my head start to argue and that somehow makes Ron horny, so when it happens I just shrug and say, 'Nah, she's only dangerous when she's calm.'" Was Harry's response.
"And 'ere friends," Steve said turning to an imaginary camera, "We have a couple of human teenagers of the random and scary pedigree. I, being Steve the crocodile hunter, am brilliant and have come up with a fault-proof theory about contact with the ones who are of this rare breed. I reckon we can make contact if we sing 'the great big book of everything' song, it always seems to work for that Stanley bloke!" And at that, Steve began to sing:
"Its..the...GREAT BIG BOOK OF EVERYTHING, With everything inside! See the world around us, This book's a perfect guide!"
The teens calmly left the room and Steve was alone. The infamous Australian discovery channel guy reached into his pockets he pulled out Draco's cough drops, he cackled evilly for a steady 5 minutes then declared, in a thick Russian accent:
"Now I have the power, I will kill all the crocodile, and the snakes too, ALL OF THEM, ALL OF THEM!"