Tainted Innocence
Chapter 6
My muscles ached by the time I finally dragged my ass out of bed. I stood to stretch and glanced over at the window, it seemed kind of dark for what was supposed to be the afternoon so I stumbled over and pulled the curtains aside. Dark thunderclouds filled the sky putting a gray haze over the land. It looked like it was going to be a big storm; you could feel the electricity in the air, the thick smell of ozone and the soon to be coming rain filled my nose.
I wandered down the hall and peeked into the living room to see where Riddick was and to my surprise, well actually no surprise there, he was still by the window. What the hell time was it anyway? Sometime after four. Man, that guy had patience. Without disturbing him, even though I knew I already did, I headed back down the hall to the bathroom and started the water in the tub adding some lavender bubble bath.
I stripped out of my clothes and caught my naked reflection in the mirror and stopped to take a closer look. There was something different about me, something physical, my eyes maybe but I just couldn't tell. My neck was slightly red on one side and my mind went back to my dream but I quickly dismissed it for maybe scratching it in my sleep. It was kind of scary to look at myself and see someone completely different, but still feel the same. I looked to the door and sighed.
What the hell was he doing to me?
When the tub was full I turned off the water and climbed in, slipping beneath the scented bubbles and into the almost too hot water. I groaned in relief as my muscles contracted painfully before relaxing. I closed my eyes and breathed in the wonderful smell of lavender, sinking deeper into the water. This was the first time I've felt relaxed since Riddick and I ran through that door this morning. And he hadn't moved from the window since. I wished he could tell me what it was he had seen but I wasn't too sure I wanted to know.
I pushed back the glass of the shower to let the steam out and draped my arm over the edge, watching how the water gathered at my fingertips in glittering droplets before falling silently to the tile below.
My eyes fell closed again and the only sound was my breathing, slow and steady, and the occasional drip as the water from my fingers created a pool on the floor. I don't know how long it had been but a soft creak brought me back out of whatever daze I had slipped into, drawing my attention to the door. It opened slowly, revealing this beautifully dark dream man of mine, eyes of steel, penetrating through my sanity, so graceful in movement as he entered and made his way to me.
My heart started kicking furiously again as he got closer, the scent of him overpowering the lavender and I so wanted to soak in him instead of this bubble bath. He leaned back against the wall and slid down to the floor, knees bent, and reached out for my hand. I must have been out for a while because it had dried and was cold but Riddick's warm hand massaged the blood back into it and now I was warm all over. I watched his long strong fingers weave through mine, running over the back of my hand to my wrist, down my arm and back up. I couldn't take my eyes off our hands. He was watching them too; I could see him out of the corner of my eye. After a few minutes of light wonderfully perfect caresses, he held my hand with both of his, holding tightly as he leaned his head back against the wall and released a long deep sigh. Something happened in that moment that I'm not sure I can put words to. I felt completely and totally connected to him and I think he felt the same way.
A strange bond had suddenly formed between us in the few moments he held my hand, a bond that had unknowingly been forming since the very beginning. One that, under any other circumstance, probably wouldn't have. I trusted him, he trusted me and it was more trust than either of us have ever felt.
I curled my fingers around his hand and squeezed in acknowledgment of these new feelings. He didn't look at me but he squeezed back. An answering call to my physical need of him, the need to be assured that he felt the same way. There was no doubt that he did.
He pulled my hand to his lips, dragging them across my knuckles, over the sensitive part of the back of my hand, stirring up those damn butterflies in my stomach. His skin was warm and the stubble on his cheek was surprisingly sensual. He reached his own hand to his cheek, feeling the growth of facial hair that was there before running it over his head. His hand left my sight for a second and when it returned he was holding a wickedly sharp knife, steel-gray in color, sharply curved at the tip, and a handle of the same material that fit in his large hand perfectly.
I tensed at the sight, wondering what he was going to do with it, and started to pull my hand away. He looked over at me with one of his eyebrows hitched up…amused. My hand dropped away from his as he stood up and walked over to the sink. He wasn't going to hurt me but it still took a little longer to get my erratic breathing under control. Riddick was still a dangerous man and he was going off instinct right now. His instinct was to fight, to kill, to survive and that would take precedence over any feelings we have for each other.
Riddick had pulled his shirt off and tossed it in the corner and now had a handful of liquid soap and was smoothing it over his head when I finally felt calmer. Now I was curious, I watched in amazement as he drew his shiv over his head in one smooth motion after another. Cleanly and perfectly shaving his head like I've never seen before. He didn't miss a spot and he didn't cut himself. I remember hearing something a long time ago, on the news, someone listing his weapons of choice, only one…his shiv. And explaining that he had perfected the art of knife play, his skill was beyond anyone ever seen. He wasn't just dangerous with his bare hands but put a knife in one of them and he became deadly.
Just by watching him shave his head and face, I knew they were right. He held the blade like it was another part of his body, he never fumbled with it, never missed his target. It was fascinating to see this in real life. I had to wonder how many of these news hounds or psychiatrists got to see him in action. Probably none of them, Riddick didn't seem like the type to leave witnesses. Their guess was as good as anyone's but it was nothing compared to the real thing.
When he was finished, he put the shiv on the counter and put his hands together underneath the running water. As soon as they were full he splashed the water onto his face and head, repeating the process a few more times. I watched the water run down his back, following the curve of his spine, some moving fast others moving slow and lazy like. He put his hands on the edge of the counter and leaned in close to the mirror to inspect himself, the muscles in his shoulders and back flexing, shifting beneath his glistening skin.
His reflected self caught my eyes and he stared at me as I looked at his reflection, watched the water drip off his chin, excited by the way it rolled down his chest, between the valley of his large pecs, over his nipples; grew hotter as it zigzagged a path over the deep ridges of muscle in his stomach, leaving the sparse hair glittering with diamond like droplets of water.
I couldn't stop myself. My hand moved between my legs and I touched the sensitive, swollen flesh, seeking out the source of my pleasure. Riddick's eyes were on me, not my face but lower as if he could see through the wall of bubbles, could see that I was touching myself. But I didn't move my fingers, didn't relieve myself of this heated intensity that was burning at my fingertips. I squeezed my legs shut tight and rolled to my side, sighing in frustration. I pressed my cheek on the cold porcelain of the edge of tub and broke eye contact with Riddick. This wasn't how I wanted it and I was actually able to stop myself.
Riddick didn't stop looking at me as he backed out of the bathroom, but I couldn't keep his gaze long enough. Every time I looked at his face, mine would become hot, my cheeks would start to burn, and my body would start to ache for him. When he was out of sight I breathed out noisily and reached up for my towel.
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Rain was pounding on the rooftop by the time I was through in the bathroom. It was even darker outside than earlier until the occasional bolt of blue-white lightening flashed in the sky. I squinted my eyes at the level of brightness it contained, temporarily blinded by it as I stumbled into the living room. When my eyes adjusted to the flash I saw Riddick sitting on the couch
I joined him, sitting in the corner with my right leg tucked under me and my right arm draped casually over the back of the couch. We looked at each other in the fading light; the steady thrum of the rain on the roof and glass of the balcony window was the only sound to be heard. I wanted to talk but what could I say? He probably didn't understand me now but, as Darren had told me, he'll remember it later so I had to choose my words very carefully, but what's careful when you're dealing with Riddick? I had no clue and the more I thought about it the more frustrated I became.
Screw it. I decided to just sit there…there really wasn't much to say any way. We weren't still for very long and it was Riddick that moved first. He slid his hand along the back of the couch until it rested over mine. Funny how his simple touch could send explosive shivers though my body, sending my heart into a frenzy and my breathing out of whack. He ran his fingertips over the back of my hand from my wrist to my fingers and then slipped underneath. I did the same to him, watching as his eyes shut and he took a deep breath. I felt crazed with satisfaction at the sound of it.
Without opening his eyes, he moved closer to me until his left knee was touching my right. He took my hand and put it against his cheek, holding it there and leaning into it. My mouth went dry and a vague tingle started between my legs. Satisfied with the touch, Riddick moved my hand to his chest, right over his heart, which was thumping hard against my hand. Was he nervous of excited? No clue but I knew I was suffering from both.
I dug my fingers into his chest and I heard his exhale catch but it resumed quickly, slightly shakier than before. He leaned closer, breathing heavily which only turned me on even more, and I felt myself gravitating towards him, totally against my will…sort of.
"Riddick," I said so quietly I almost couldn't hear it. Riddick opened his eyes and drew back a bit to look at me as if I had called him by the wrong name. There was something different in his eyes than before, a dull look, not the glimmer I had seen more often lately. He leaned back and sighed, looking defeated. It took me a second to realize that he was battling with himself. He knew who Riddick was, it was him, and I was getting the impression that he didn't like that. My saying his name only reminded him of who he really was. Someone he obviously didn't want to be.
"No," I said moving up to him and taking his face in my hands. "It's okay to be Riddick," I said with a hint of distress in my voice. He tried to turn away from me but I pulled him back. "Look at me."
Riddick stopped struggling and met my eyes, trying desperately to hide what he was feeling but I could see it and it ripped my heart to pieces. There was a distinct sadness in his eyes that I remember seeing in myself a few times when I was with Ned. Complete helplessness. I was the reason he looked this way.
He grabbed my wrists and attempted to pull my hands off his face and he was successful; he pushed me away from him as he stood up and left the room. I sat there by myself, staring at the wall. Was I kidding myself when I thought I could help him, that I would be good for him? That he could fill some of the hollow in my heart, or was it hopeless. Did he really want anyone's help?
My tears were silent; they fell from my eyes without me knowing. I did want to help him and I did want it to be him that filled the emptiness in my life. Relationships were not my specialty but I did know what love felt like, and this was frighteningly close to it. I had to try something. I was drawn to him in a way that shouldn't be possible.
After a few minutes, I gathered my thoughts and feelings and got up off the couch, heading for the bedroom. Riddick was on his side clutching my pillow to his chest. He didn't look up when I came in or when I changed my clothes. I did it quickly before slowly climbing into bed. I was determined to show him that his name didn't make him; it was who he was that made him. There has been nothing but good in him since Darren dragged him through my door almost three days ago.
I moved up behind Riddick and put my hand on his shoulder, moving it down his arm to his fisted hand, he wouldn't take it. With my body pressed up against his back I could feel him shaking, could feel his breathing, his anger. I leaned down close to his ear, still holding onto his clenched hand, and caressed the outer edge with my lips.
"Riddick," I whispered and felt him stiffen. "You're a good man. You've rescued me from a hell that my life had become." Whether he understood or not, I finally found something that needed to be said. "You gave me hope." His body began to relax. "You brought me back to life." His hand opened and he grabbed mine. "There's nothing you can say or do that would make me run from you."
He rolled onto his back and I moved out of the way, catching his eyes and holding them with my determined gaze. Before I could even think, or feel, Riddick pulled me into his arms and held me tight against him. I wrapped my arms around him, running my hands over his smooth head, down his neck and over his back. Again, my crying was silent as my veins flooded with emotion I've longed to feel. Sensations that have been absent in my life came to life as his strong hands moved over my body, as his breath caressed my neck, the heaviness of his legs as they tangled with mine. It was so incredibly wonderful that I was afraid it might not be real.
It was real all right but it wasn't going to last. Only a handful of days left before this amazing man stepped back out of my life, leaving me to fend for myself, leaving me with the demons that were just waiting in the background, waiting to come back and feast on me. Not something I wanted to dwell on so I put it in the back of my mind but it was stuck in my head like a little annoyance that would never leave.
What I had right now is what I needed to focus on. The Riddick I had with me now is where my attention should be. I couldn't waste these days dwelling on something I couldn't control, I needed to pursue what was within my reach and enjoy the time I had to hold it in my hands…in my heart.