DISCLAIMER: I don't own Charmed or the night before Christmas
REPOSTED. My old account got removed, and this story went with it. Since it's still seasonally appropriate, I wanted to put it back up with my new account.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, it's prob been done a million times, but I couldn't help myself with the making of the Christmas funnies. If you can't take a few subtle insults to your favorite Charmed character, you probably shouldn't read this. Most importantly, remember, there's a reason my name is Fruitcake (or at least it was until I was put on restriction and came up with a better name). Review or flame, the choice is up to you, but please respond somehow!
Also, it was written a year ago, so you need to get in the mindset of early last season before you read…
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'Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the manor
not a sound could be heard
'cept for Phoebe's self tanner
it fizzled and popped
and turned orange with age
she should have stopped using it
to give it to Paige
Piper was snuggled
with her husband in bed
pushed into a corner
by Leo's fat head
Phoebe gave herself
another haircut
and sleepy Paige dreamed
that she was a slut
Downstairs the cat
forgotten by most
was hissing and clawing
at a bad Christmas ghost
the ghost wanted a husband
to give her a son
so she took Piper's body
(like that's never been done!)
Leo the peaceful
awoke with a start
to see Piper dancing
like a Christmas she-tart
Leo, astute
sensing something amiss
gave his new ghost-wife
a passionate kiss
The ghost, hearing something
that gave her a pause
whirled around to face who
but one Mr. Clause
"Get out of her body!"
he ordered at once
making white lighter Leo
feel like a dunce
So then the ghost left
and soon Santa too
after leaving some presents
for each something new
For Phoebe he left
(ARG!) a pink wooly hat
and a sparkly new collar
for Kit, astute cat
For Piper he left
some neat voodoo dolls
but her real gift went to Leo:
a pair of real balls
He gave Cole directions
to an evil new lair
and gave back to Paige
her old color hair
"Merry Christmas!" he cried
and rode into the night
"And thank you, dear Halliwells
for fighting the fight!"
Paige, Piper, and Phoebe
Kit, Leo, and Cole
awoke the next morning
in the midmorning lull
And, as always
it came to pass
that somebody threatened
to vanquish Cole's ass
so the tale ends
in so many ways
thank you for reading
and Happy Holidays.
Merry Christmas. Love, Fruitcake(esque)