Thought Unforgivable
By: Nikumu Chan
Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin or their characters…
A/n: I'm back!! Thankies for the reviews!! Makes me feel special…
Chapter 7: Awake
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Kaoru awoke the next day in her own bed. She yawned and stretched, feeling so much better than she had for the last week. Well, she did, until the memories flooded her. She lost her color, jumping from the futon. She needed to find Kenshin and make sure he was alright!
Sprinting out of the room, Kaoru didn't bother changing from her overly grimy clothes, though she noted with relief that Kenshin hadn't tried to change her. She would have been catastrophic and oh, so embarrassing. She blushed deeply at the thought.
She slid to a stop at Kenshin's door, socks nearly letting her pass it completely. "Kenshin!" She exclaimed urgently.
Kenshin sat hunched in a corner on his futon. He'd killed a man… Enemy, he was… but he'd still killed him… That was the only thing that'd run through his mind all the way home. That, and, was Kaoru going to be alright? Broken from his thoughts as Kaoru called his name, he looked up grimly, waiting to be severely scolded when she remember what he'd done.
Kaoru sucked in a deep breath as got a look at Kenshin. He looked like he hadn't slept a wink, weary from travel. Miserable, violet eyes gazed back at her worried sapphires. She felt her lip tremble. "Kenshin," she murmured, stepping forward. "Kenshin…"
Kenshin looked away, wincing slightly as he waited for her shouting and yelling. He waited for her to demand him out of her home. It was her only option, right? That's why she was ready to cry… because she was disappointed, right? And, why she looked so reluctant to speak… she didn't want to speak to low scum like him… correct? He swallowed hard and looked, again, at Kaoru; this time, his gaze was brave and with-standing of any reprimand coming his way...
Kaoru dropped to her knees at his bedside, eyes closed and head bowed respectably. "Kenshin… Thank you so much, Kenshin…" she mumbled, gulping back tears. "I don't know how I would have gotten out of there, if you hadn't come… Thank you… so much. I'm eternally grateful but…" she paused dramatically. "But, I don't suppose I can make up for your losses or my mistakes. I doubt you find it smart that I was out so late, without a weapon and my guard down. And… I don't think you'll forgive me for endangering your life… as well as mine with my back talk… And… And your sword; It's lost… You never got it back, did you? Kenshin…" Without thinking, she jumped into his arms, breaking down with tears. "I'm sorry, Kenshin! I'm so sorry!"
Kenshin was shocked to silence by, not only her actions, but also her words. She didn't blame him! But… but, he'd killed! Didn't she have a problem with it? Any at all? He blinked and slowly wrapped his arms around the sobbing girl, holding her tightly. His gaze focused blankly on the floor behind her.
Kaoru's tears soon dried but she didn't plan on pulling away. She was waiting for Kenshin to say something. Anything! Even a "No, I don't forgive you," would work for her at the moment. Sniffling again when nothing came, she pulled herself from his embrace, head low, and turned to walk out of his room. As she reached the doorway, she heard a soft murmur from Kenshin.
"How can you forgive me?" he'd asked.
Kaoru blinked and halted. Forgive him? What had he done? He'd only protected and saved her. "Why wouldn't I?" she asked back, not looking his way for fear of more tears.
Kenshin didn't answer; he ducked his head low.
Kaoru closed her eyes, trying to unveil all the events of the night before. She was missing something, she knew it. What was it, though? Kenshin'd barged in and he'd told Shishio to put down the dagger that was held against her. Shishio didn't do it. Blah, blah, blah; there was an argument. Kenshin finally agreed to fight for Kaoru, against her protests. Shishio threw her against the wall and everything went fuzzy. What had happened??
She remembered fast movement and loud noises. That was the two fighting, she knew. That wouldn't have given him this effect, surely. What was it?! She thought back.
She couldn't keep up anymore. Her eyesight swam and everything seemed blurry. Swords collided loudly but she didn't bother looking. She heard, minutes later, a sharp intake of breath and looked to Yumi then forced her head to look at Kenshin and Shishio. Kenshin's blade had met burnt flesh, Shishio's stomach, more exactly. Her eyes widened. Oh no! She took in Kenshin's terror. She knew he was afraid from there.
The weapon dropped from Kenshin's grasp, as did Shishio. The ex-swordsman stood there, staring in utter horror and disbelief as the bandaged man struggled to breath.
Kaoru saw Yumi immediately run over to her Lord. The world spun around her and she felt, suddenly, extremely dizzy and unstable. She struggled to her feet and staggered towards Kenshin. Blackness took over and she fainted in mid-step. "Kenshin," she breathed in awe before falling unconscious.
Kaoru gasped. "Oh, Kenshin…" she breathed. She turned back towards Kenshin, stepped forward, and kneeled at his side again. "Kenshin…" she started, waiting for his gaze to fall upon her. When he didn't look her way, she crawled up onto his futon and guided his head her way with a single finger.
Kenshin was still unresponsive.
"Kenshin…" she sang softly, hoping to get his notice. "Hello?? You there? Kenshin! Look at me, dangit!" Maybe he'd pay attention now…
Slowly, Kenshin turned his gaze on her, eyes still clouded guiltily, causing Kaoru to loose her hopeful grin. "Kenshin. Don't worry."
Kenshin forced a smile, not caring, really, how fallacious it seemed. "What's there to worry about? I didn't say I was worrying, that I didn't." he responded, loosing his grin instantly. Well, it worked for a while…
Kaoru scoffed. "That's not what I meant, and you know it! I meant that you shouldn't worry because I don't…" she paused, lowering her voice. "I don't… think badly of you, Kenshin. You saved me; I'm nearly proud of that! …Of course, I would be more triumphant If I had saved myself…" she murmured jokingly, beaming at Kenshin.
"So, you don't… you don't care?" Kenshin asked, bemused.
"Of course, I care—" Kaoru retorted loudly but paused, gasping at her volume; she quieted her voice again. "Of course, I care!' she hissed, irritated somewhat, "But, I'm not going to hate you for it…" Kaoru promised, "I won't…"
Kenshin stared up at her, his unblinking gaze focused on her face; he looked almost lost. Kaoru, soon becoming uncomfortable under his discomforting stare, hopped from one foot to the other. She coughed lightly. "Uh, well, I—I should go… uh… help make breakfast. Yeah! That's it! I have to help with breakfast! See ya, Kenshin!"
Kaoru stumbled from his bedside, tripping over her own feet. She dashed from the room and slid the door closed behind her, soundlessly. Sinking low on the wall beside the door, she rocked herself back and forth unnervingly. He'd—he'd done it for her… She realized now. Kaoru closed her eyes and, biting her lip, felt tears form behind her eyes. She couldn't believe it! It was bad… but she felt so happy! Was it wrong to feel that way? She suddenly wondered, eyes snapping open.
Pushing those thoughts to the back of her mind, she stood. Whew! She had made it out of there without another round of tears…! Except for the first, of course… She just felt maudlin, that was all…
Well, since she'd told Kenshin that she planned to go help prepare the first meal, she might as well go. She headed off towards the kitchen but stopped short. What was that horrid smell?! She sniffed the air. It was… her… Ew! Maybe, she'd bathe and change first, for every one's advantage. And to think she'd hugged Kenshin while smelling so dire! She sighed and hurried off to her room.
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Kaoru strode from the bathhouse, feeling and smelling extremely better. She went to the kitchen to find Sanosuke and Yahiko struggling with a heated pot as Megumi watched, laughing her head off, at the humorous sight. Kaoru, herself, bit her lip to stop the laughter that threatened to spill from her lips. She hurried towards them, swatting them away and ignoring their astonished looks; she fixed their awful mistake for them.
Okay, so she didn't know much of cooking, but she knew more than what the others (Sanosuke and Yahiko) gave her credit of. She laughed as they stared at her with dumbfounded stares, even Megumi. She'd have a lot of explaining to do, it seemed…
Suddenly, she was bombarded with questions as they broke from their stupor and Kaoru sweat-dropped. They certainly were curious…
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The better part of the day had passed and Kenshin hadn't been seen. He hadn't even eaten! Then again, knowing Kenshin and how he's acted earlier, he was probably too sick with himself to eat. Kaoru sighed as she set out the dishes for supper. All the hurt and sadness that seemed to spread from Kenshin was getting heavier by the moment, she felt. Or, maybe it was just her… She was just plain depressed.
The others gathered around for dinner, chatting spiritedly, as Kaoru passed around the food. She really wished Kenshin was with them and was the only one not talking.
As everything quieted down, they began eating enthusiastically.
The door suddenly slid open and revealed a red-headed rurouni. He wore a cheery smile as every one looked to him. Kaoru beamed, immediately standing and ushering Kenshin to a vacant seat at the table. She set the food in front of him with a humongous grin; all the depression she felt seemed to melt away with Kenshin there, smiling at every one. "Glad to have ya here, Kenshin…" she murmured as she placed the dishes, filled to the brim with food, before him.
Every one, hearing Kaoru's words, joined, cheering with her.
Kenshin replied with a simple, "Thank you," but, to be honest, he was probably the happiest to be with everyone. He was reassured noiselessly that, no matter what he did, he'd still be accepted by them. That was all he needed…
To think he wouldn't forgive himself for his unforgivable, when they did…
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Done, finally!!!! I hope you like it, really… Review plz!!
Remember me,
Nikumu